


Mistakes Like This

by MaryLikesRoses



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bisexual Kylo Ren, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn, F/M, Finn is supportive, Finn is very gay, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Hux might not be that bad afterall, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren/Armitage Hux (past), Loss of Virginity, M/M, Obsession, Past Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn (background) - Freeform, Rey has anxiety, Sexual Tension, Side of Fluff, Snoke Being a Dick, Teacher-Student Relationship, This cannot possibly end well, hidden romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2019-10-01 18:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 102,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17249054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLikesRoses/pseuds/MaryLikesRoses
Summary: "Everywhere I looked reminded me of you." He took in a deep breath, making longing eye contact with her. "It felt like you were a ghost, but now you've resurrected.""A ghost haunting the corners of my mind," Rey added, drawing closer to him._Transitioning from Arizona to Massachusetts is difficult for Rey, especially when she's beginning college as an engineering major. Though her grandfather, Ben Kenobi, is supportive like a father, her anxiety gets the better of her.Experiencing the new college life, wishing to be someone else, Rey makes new friends and becomes more daring.Though, her ideal college experience quickly changes once she catches the attention of Professor Ren.





	1. Foreign

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bastilas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastilas/gifts).



> I spent a long time writing this story, and it killed my soul. It started off with me projecting my own college fears and dreams into Rey, and quickly turned into much more! (and no, it's not a self-insert. I swear lol) . Also, I started this story before college, so if any detail about college seems off, that's why. I'll try my best to fix inconsistencies though.
> 
> Also!!!! There is a ton of anxiety mentioned in this fic, and I used my own personal experiences to write it. So I apologize if it seems inaccurate, but everyone's is different! I'll also be sure to put up warnings before chapters that need them!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Blue skies, blue ocean, and an endless horizon filled with the unknown.

Looking out the plane window made Rey's chest tighten, almost resulting her forgetting how to breathe. That was until she took in a deep breath and observed more of her surroundings.

Next to her was her grandfather, Ben Kenobi, who she only calls Grandpa Kenobi. He could've been just Grandpa Ben, but rarely any of their family or friends called him by his first name.

He was reading some news article on his iPad, his glasses sat near the tip of his nose. His face was calm, almost stern, as he deciphered whatever text was in front of him. Raising his hand, we went to itch his slight stubble until he caught her observant eye.

He responded with a slight laugh. "Don't worry, Sunshine," he spoke with his light British accent. "The flights almost over."

Rey could only smile and nod in an assurance that she'd be alright. Once he resumed reading, she sat and looked onward.

Kenobi called her Sunshine as a horrible pun since her name was Rey. Though, she didn't mind at all since it was a nice personal touch. She'd  _never_ let anyone but him to call her that.

After killing time on the crowded, slightly smelly plane, it eventually began to descend.

Kenobi turned to Rey with an excited smile on his face. "We're not in Arizona anymore."

And that they weren't.

Looking out the window, now closer to the ground, she could see endless trees and buildings. Her stomach began to flutter at the new green sight, a smile creeping on her face.

Before she could even think about the foreign land, she flung forward, catching herself by grasping onto the seat in front of her. The plane had roughly touched down at the airport, the only noise being heard was the wheels screaming on the runway and Grandpa Kenobi laughing at her inattentiveness.

The plane soon slowed down, everyone chattered eagerly and waiting for the seatbelt sign to ding.

The announcement dinged twice, following with the smooth voice of the flight attendant saying: "Welcome to Boston, Massachusetts! It is currently seventy-eight degrees with clear skies."

After she was done chatting about other flight-related things, the seatbelt sign dinged. Clicks of the seatbelt being undone echoed around the plane as everyone rushed to stand and grab their luggage.

Grandpa Kenobi calmly took off his reading glasses and handed them to Rey, who had all of their plane items in her old scuffed dark green backpack, including his iPad.

Once there was an opening, he stood up and grabbed their luggage and made room for Rey to slip out. Upon pulling up their suitcase handles, they were on their way.

Grandpa Kenobi walked briskly, causing Rey to struggle to keep up as she looked around the airport. It was her first time out of state, which meant that everything was much more expensive and there were new stores she wanted to window-shop.

As she was caught off guard, her shoulder clashed with another man.

"Oh! I'm so-"

"Watch where ya goin' next time, huh? Some people got places to be!" The what seemed to be a businessman scolded her in his thick Boston accent.

Dumbfounded at the rudeness, Rey just stood there for a moment as she watched him stride away. Grandpa Kenobi quickly noticed her absence and walked back a few feet to pat her arm.

"Just forget him, Rey. He's just one bad apple in the bunch," he assured. "Now come, on. We got a ride to catch."

After navigating their way through the bustling airport, they found the outdoors. The air was cool, but the sun tingled their skin too.

"Ah. Here we are," Kenobi nodded over to a man who held up a whiteboard saying "Kenobi" in red marker.

Rey followed, and the two threw their suitcase in the back of the car. The drive was a bit long, but it was worth it upon seeing their new home.

The exterior was wooden, with stairs that led up to a nice porch. The house had character, with an old cottage vibe to it. Though she couldn't peer through the windows, she already fell in love with the coziness it emitted.

Rey hurriedly got out of the car as soon as it came to a stop. As Kenobi thanked the driver and gave him a proper tip, Rey managed to grab her bag and both suitcases, lugging it to the steps and the doorway.

She reached for the doorknob until she realized that wouldn't have been left unlocked. Once the car drove away, Kenobi looked around to find Rey at the mahogany door, eager to enter.

"My my! Aren't you ready to break down that door," he teased, taking his time to make it down the short cement pathway.

"I'm just waiting to pick dibs on my room," she laughed, her excitement getting the better of her.

Kenobi got up the four steps and pulled out his keys. Rey moved aside as he inserted the key into the lock, twisting it, and then opening the door.

Rey nearly ran in, about to race him for a room until he held his arm in front of her.

"Calm down, Sunshine. We have to bring our bags in before I-" he broke into a sprint. "BEAT YOU TO A ROOM!"

Rey quickly responded and as Kenobi went downstairs while she rushed upstairs. She thought he was an absolute fool for going downstairs since rooms are  _always_  the second floor of the home, but little did she know that Kenobi knew the layout of the home like the back of his hand. He ran into the kitchen, already out of breath as he let her choose her room. Hearing her eager heavy footsteps run above him made him smile.

Rey scrambled into each room until she found  _the one_. It was at the corner of the house with a large window showing the view of the street. A perfect amount of lighting came in, which was perfect conditions for reading a good book. The white walls made it feel more open, and the dark oak outlining added to the elderly feeling. She turned on the light to find it a calming yellow, but it was bright enough to light up the entire room.

She rushed to her doorway and hollered: "GOT IT!"

She could only hear a muffled "Damn it!" from downstairs, making her laugh a little as she caught her breath.

She could hear as he climbed the stairs, a creak in each wooden floorboard, until he could see her down the hallway eagerly awaiting him. She moved aside for him to lean on the dark wooden door frame as he observed the room.

"Pretty good room," he nodded in approval, before looking at her and smiling. "I'll take whatever room is left then."

He pushed himself off the door frame and walked down the hall. "Now come on! We have to unpack and wait for the moving men to arrive."

-

Hours had passed until the movers finally showed up with all of their furniture. The only thing either of them could do to pass the time was explore the old home and play on their devices. They were relieved once they heard the truck pull up; their ears perked as they exchanged sudden glances.

It quickly went from a lazy morning to a busy afternoon as the moving men and the duo hauled their heavy furniture into select rooms. It was especially difficult with having a two-story home. Though, as the afternoon quickly turned to night, the house began to finally look like a home.

The movers left, promising to return the next day. They left Rey and Kenobi with a skeleton of a living room and two comfortable bedrooms.

Rey climbed the squeaky wooden steps, tired and sore, slugged to her room and finally slipped into comfortable pajamas before laying in bed. Her bedroom was still a bit bare since it was much larger than her old one, and the fact that she donated most of her childhood mementos and toys.

She had a desire to be reinvented. As a teen, she had dreamt of being the wild college girl with many friends and going to party after party. Though a bit unrealistic, she still wanted to be something other than the quiet smart girl in the back of the class.

After thinking, daydreaming, and trying her best to fall asleep, she eventually got back up. Letting out a deep sigh, she stood up and walked over to the big window that she loved. She watched as cars drove down her street, the night sky shining above, and the moon slowly move around the earth.

She felt comfort.

-

The next day was more of the same. The movers stopped by again with more items and their car. Rey couldn't drive since she never felt the need to get her license, which she slightly regretted. So badly, she wanted to have a nice drive and explore the surrounding area, but she didn't doubt Grandpa Kenobi would be willing to take her out on a drive.

After spending the better part of their day moving the last bit of furniture and decor into the home, the movers left. It was about four in the afternoon and the two were already starving, ready to have dinner.

"I don't feel like cooking tonight," Kenobi admitted tiredly. "Do you mind if we order take out?"

"Sure, but can we go to pick it up? I feel like I need to get out of the house," Rey begged, desperate to venture.

He sighed. "I perhaps. As long as we eat," he headed for the door.

Rey happily followed and got into the passenger's seat. Kenobi started the car and drove them to a slightly busy store area where there was a Chinese buffet; the exact one Rey had put in the GPS on her phone.

They quickly pulled up and decided to dine-in, unable to wait. The two piled their plates to the brim and began to eat. Though Kenobi was hungry, he ate fairly patiently. Rey, on the other hand, was practically scarfing down her plate.

"So, are you excited about starting your classes tomorrow?" Kenobi questioned, both out of curiosity and an attempt for Rey to slow down before she choked.

Rey quickly chewed her food and swallowed. "I won't lie," she began, her mouth still holding some food. "I'm a little nervous, but at the same time I'm excited."

"Well, at least you aren't terrified," he shrugged a little. "Do you want me to take you to the city bus the first day?"

"Grandpa, I'm not six anymore," she laughed lightheartedly. "I'll be fine. Really. As long as I have my phone with me, I'm good."

Kenobi nodded, looking at her feeling slightly anxious. After her parents abandoned and dumped her on him, she felt almost like his own daughter. Feeling like he failed his own child, he considered Rey as a second chance. So far he felt as though he was doing pretty okay. Seeing her go off to college made him both feel old and sad, even though she was still living with him. She was his little sunshine, and that would never change.

After eating their fill, they left the restaurant and came back home. Rey walked up to her room, feeling stuffed, and laid on her bed with her laptop on lap.

Curious of her classes, she decided to look at her professors on RateMyProfessor, and the results were interesting.

Rey was majoring in engineering, which meant it was a lot of math, science, and computers. When it came to STEM, it was inevitable that she was going to have at least one tough teacher.

She started with her first class, Computer Science.

Her professor's name was Armitage Hux, who is 34 and rated as a 3.5/5.0 for overall quality and 2.1/5.0 for difficulty.

Some reviews claimed he yelled a lot but didn't really follow his word when it came to threats. Many said that the class is a breeze and it was easy to slide by.

Her second class was Calculus, which was taught by Kylo Ren. She was surprised that he was so young, at the age of 25. Usually, the youngest were in their early thirties and so on.

His overall rating was a 4.5/5.0 and his difficulty rating was 4.9/5.0.

Many claimed that he was very stern and could come off as mean. At times of need, he was considered a patient tutor and wanted to see his students succeed, but also to earn their success. Rey nodded a little and thought it was fair enough.

Next was Luke Skywalker who taught Physics. His ratings were stellar, with his overall rating being a 5.0 along with his difficulty rating being 3.0.

Students gushed about how chill of a teacher he was while still being respectable.

Finally, her last class was Biology, which was taught by Phasma. Rey found it weird that she didn't have a first name but shrugged it off.

Her overall rating was a 2.0, her difficult rating being a 5.0, which scared Rey.

Many people said she was mean, tough, and that it was impossible to get an A in her class.

With all of that knowledge, Rey shut down her laptop and set it on her night table. She went to sleep that night feeling comfortable and confident that tomorrow was going to go smoothly.


	2. Syllabus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward, I'd like to declare that I have zero idea what classes are required for Aerospace engineers, but I'm assuming they're basic core classes since Rey is a freshman, but if I'm wrong please let me know and I'll fix it somehow :)
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy! :)

Standing in front of the bus sign, Rey shifted a little, nerves going haywire. Moving her backpack strap, she looked back to the bus bench, where Grandpa Kenobi watched her with a slight smile.

"You'll do great today. I just know it," he assured her.

She gave him a slight, a little too rough, nod. Once she turned her head toward the street, she could see the city bus making a slow entrance. It felt like elementary school all over again.

She had a moment to remember Grandpa Kenobi giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek back in grade school. Once the bus doors opened, he patted her back as she hesitantly stepped up.

That scene unfolded once again, but this time Grandpa Kenobi got up from his bench and hugged her.

"Be safe, and call me when you leave school so I can start cooking. I'm making a special meal tonight," he smiled at her, proud.

The bus doors unfolded, awaiting her arrival.

"See you later!" Rey cheerfully told him, as she stepped into the bus.

She paid with her crisp new MetroCard and hurried to her seat—accidentally brushing her thighs against a few strangers as she squeezed by—and pulled out her phone to listen to music. Once she hit shuffle, the band The Resistance came on, and she let it play, tapping her fingers on the window pane to the melody.

After staring out the window for about a half an hour, the bus finally stopped in front of the college, where a handful of students stepped out. She followed suit, hastily pulling up a map of her school on her phone.

Her first class of the day was Professor Hux, which was Computer Science. Rey followed the map and found his room quickly. Thankfully there were already some people seated. She chose a seat where fewer people were, and closer to the aisle so she could use the bathroom without annoying other students. The last thing she wanted to do was vocalize in the middle of the class that she had to use the restroom, and needed half of the aisle to shift over. It would be inconvenient, and Rey felt that she isn't worth the trouble or the attention.

Eventually, the class was almost completely full with a few seats missing here and there. One of them happened to be beside her, which was nice since she was scared of starting up a conversation. Though, she did want a friend, badly.

The professor strutted in, touching up his ginger hair ever so slightly before setting down his leather laptop case. The class murmured quietly about him, what they've heard, rumors, and judgments on his appearance.

"Hello, class," he spoke, his voice stern and bold. "Welcome to Computer Science. I am Professor Hux, and will remain as such."

As he droned on and on over the syllabus, she couldn't help but observe him. He was freakishly pale, cold piercing eyes, a chiseled face, and a long lean body. He wore a black sweater vest with a grey tie and a black button up shirt underneath, his sleeves cuffed up to his elbows. When she narrowed her eyes a little more, she could see the dozens of freckles all over his arm, yet none on his face. It could also be from a severe lack of sunlight, which wasn't too surprising as a Computer Science Professor. She could only imagine him sitting at home on his computer doing god knows what with his degree.

The class was long and grueling, as he spoke only about the syllabus and how if anyone had any questions, do not ask him, as it was on the syllabus. Typical.

Suddenly, the door burst open to a man, panicked and messy. His brown eyes mirrored a deer in headlights as he scanned the classroom, sweating like a pig. Everyone looked over, and Hux glared in annoyance.

The man quickly regained his composure, then let out a large breath in relief.

"I'm sorry sir! I overslept and-"

"Go find a seat, promptly," Hux bit back. He was annoyed that the young man had the audacity to barge into his class in such a fashion. He would've humiliated him more, but took into consideration that it was the first day and that he looked like a freshman.

The student glossed over the seats until he locked eyes with Rey, and the pristine empty seat beside her. Climbing the steps, he finally made it to her aisle.

"Is this seat taken? He asked, his voice more subdued.

"Not at all!" Rey quickly replied, grabbing her items hastily. He slid past her and plopped down. His breathing was heavy, and Rey could practically feel the sweat steaming off of him like a humidifier. From the corner of her eye, she looked at her new class partner. He was dressed fashionably, with a checkered button-up shirt and neat black jeans with converse.

He glanced over to her, shocking her, to which she looked forward and acted as though she was paying attention to the professor.

"Hey?" He lightly nudged her. She looked over and was finally able to take in what he looked like. He had a high top haircut with dark coarse curly hair, smooth dark skin with little to no imperfections, and a kind smile. "My name is Finn," he held out his hand. She took it, quickly finding that it was much larger than hers. He gently shook it, like a kind giant.

"Rey," She replied, also returning the smile.

Looking onward, they waited for Hux to dismiss them. The clock went by a little too slowly as Hux droned on and on about the syllabus and the grading system. Eventually, after what felt like a year, he released them.

Rey began to pack up alongside Finn. They kept accidentally exchanging glances, both trying to get a good look at each other. Finally, Finn pulled out his phone.

"You want to give me your number?" He held it out to her.

"Really?" She scoffed, annoyed. "I'm not a booty call!"

He gasped, shock over swept his face. "NO! No! God!" He laughed a little. "No. I uh... let's start over." He straightened his posture and took her hand to shake it. "Hi, I'm Finn, and I'm really gay."

Eyes also widening from shock, Rey began to laugh a little in relief, pulling her hand back to cover her face. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" Her cheeks twinged pink. "Just- everything about college has me on edge. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I know the campus pretty well. I don't mind walking you to your next class," he spoke with a chill voice, almost as if he was trying to come off as cool and suave. Rey assumed that he felt the need to redeem himself after the show he put on for the class, so she cracked a smile.

"That would be amazing, if you don't mind."

They both left the classroom, walking side by side in the courtyard after exchanging their numbers and social media's. "So if you know this place so well, why were you late?"

"Slept in," he confessed. "I promise I'm more... together."

Rey just smiled a bit. "Hux was a sight, huh?"

"Ah... I wasn't too worried. I heard he's gay too. Us gay boys gotta stick together," he joked around.

Rey couldn't help but laugh out loud. She really liked Finn, as he seemed laid back, kind, and funny. Normally, Rey would stay reserved and probably leave Finn at this point due to her defensive nature, but she was desperate. She'd be utterly lost, and honestly lonely if she didn't have a friend. Finn seemed like a good candidate thus far.

They arrived to her second class of the day, which was Calculus with Professor Ren.

Her class wasn't until the next forty-five minutes. It was currently 9:45 A.M. since Hux finished his class five minutes earlier.

"Looks pretty empty to me..." Finn trailed off as he peeked through the little window to Professor Aden's class.

"Yeah, it's not for a while," she sighed. "Do you want to walk me around since you know the place so well?"

"Uh, hell yeah! I love being a tour guide!" He excitedly beamed.

She followed him as he'd pointed to architecture around them as he would put on a funny voice, explaining them and giving fake facts about them.

Time got away from them, and it was already five minutes until class started. Rey checked her phone and quickly gasped.

"Shit! Class is about to start! I'll text you later!" Rey gasped, before running away.

"RUN SIS RUN! DON'T BE LIKE ME!" He hollered at her.

She couldn't help but laugh, which slowed her down a bit.

Thankfully, she wasn't too far from class so she had three minutes to spare. Though, once she opened the door, Professor Ren was already inside the classroom, at his desk, reading some book.

He looked intimidating, more than Hux. He had dark shoulder length hair that looked freakishly soft. A rather large nose, dark brown eyes, a few moles on his smooth porcelain skin—not as pale as Hux's— and a  _very_  tall build. And she thought  _Finn_  was tall.

As she desperately looked around, she couldn't find any seats in the back or the middle. The only seats left for her were the front ones, where all of the eager smart kids were, dying to impress the professor. She could tell by their vibrantly color-coded binders and MacBook Pro's ready to go.

She sat between a girl and a guy—who was already talking to another guy next to him. The girl, however, was focused on her laptop, her black rectangular glasses on the bridge of her nose.

She broke out of her trance and looked over to Rey. "Hi! I'm Rose," she smiled, her nose scrunching and her eyes slightly crinkling. She could tell by how she was sitting that she was shorter than her.

"Rey." She examined her classmate, and could already tell she owned one of those Studyblr accounts she sees in her explore feed every now and then.

"So, what's your major?" Rose questioned.

"Aerospace engineering."

"No way! I'm also getting my engineering major!" She burst with excitement. "Do you have Phasma and Skywalker too?"

"Yeah, actually!" Rey perked up, relieved to have a new friend in her other classes.

"Cool! Maybe I'll see you in there!"

Rey knew for a fact that Rose was going to seek her out and sit next to her, which she didn't mind at all.

There was a deep "ahem" a few feet in front of her, and the classroom fell to a hush.

Rey looked forward to find that Professor Ren was now standing in front of his desk, his arms behind his back, as he awaited the classes attention.

He scanned over the class, until his eyes fell on her. By second nature, her eyes darted away to the whiteboard behind him. He seemed to stare at her a moment longer than the others, before looking at the rest of the students.

"I am Professor Ren, and I will be teaching you all Calculus, as I'm sure you all know." He let out a heavy sigh, as if he didn't want to be there. "So a few things to know. Calculus is boring and tough, yes. As long as you put in work and study, you will pass. The way I grade ensures that effort gives you an A. But if you slack off, don't be surprised when you receive an F. Now onto the syllabus..." he turned around, picked up his black briefcase, and pulled out a stack of papers.

He hummed a little as he looked over the first row, where his eyes landed on Rey again.

"You. Divide these and hand them out to the end of each row."

Hurriedly, she stood up and took the paper from his hand. Noticing their height difference made him even more intimidating. She climbed the stairs, stopping every few seconds to hand out a smaller stack of papers. She tried her best to divide the papers evenly, and returned to her seat promptly.

After briefly talking about the syllabus, he jumped straight into the lecture. He refreshed the class on algebra and some trigonometry, but Rey found herself immensely confused.

Being in Arizona meant that she didn't receive the  _best_  education, as Boston, and New England in general, was much more ahead when it came to that. So this "refresher" was completely brand new.

Once the class was coming to an end, Professor Ren even assigned homework. Rey was panicking inside, which made it difficult to even absorb what he was saying. Before she could ask any questions, class was over and Rose sped out to her next class. Kylo also vanished in the crowd, causing Rey to panic even more.

She left the room and made her way to her last class of the day, Physics, with Professor Skywalker.

Thankfully this class was much closer time-wise. Once she made it, many were already in the class. Rose was already seated, prepared with all of her items laid out like the previous class. She quickly noticed Rey and waved her down. Rey sat in the front, once again, with Rose.

Within ten minutes, Professor Luke walked in with tasteful shades on. He was a bit old, much older than Professor Ren and Hux, but he already seemed more energized. He flung his bag under his desk and took off his shades to reveal his kind blue eyes. His hair was grey and fairly short, but combed back into waves. His nose was slightly crooked, and he also had a salt and pepper beard. His kind eyes quickly narrowed as he observed the class.

"Before we start, I know. Physics is boring. You're all lucky that I'm here, because I'm going to make it a little easier for you."

Rey was intrigued, listening to his charismatic voice.

"Now, let's blow through the syllabus because I'm going to read all of it, you'll all forget, ask me questions that are already on there, and I'll get annoyed. So lets at least save some time now."

He breezed through the syllabus and told the class to shoot him an email if they had any questions or to catch him after class.

He was chatty, going on about old stories from his college days. Rey listened and began to love the class. When people say time flies by when they're having fun, they weren't lying. Skywalker accidentally went over his time limit by two minutes, and quickly dismissed the class.

Rey left the class and excitedly walked towards the exit of the school. As she followed the sidewalk, she caught Professor Ren walking by the waterfall in the center of the campus.

"PROFESSOR REN!" Rey cried out, still desperate to ask him about the homework.

He froze and turned on his heel to see her running up to him. Once she caught up, before she could even ask her questions, she was cut off.

"What is wrong with you?!" He barked at her.

Her excitement of finding him quickly faded to confusion and fear. "Excuse me?"

"You're new, correct?" He asked, his breath labored with rage. She nodded, to which he sighed, calming himself. "Don't ever ask me questions in person. I require students to send me a professional e-mail before 11 at night."

She took a frightened gulp, nodding. "Yes, sir. I'm truly sorry. It won't happen again."

"Next time I'll be less accommodating, as I have much to do," he glared at her, before storming off.

Embarrassed, Rey walked away and avoided the eye contact of all the other students who gawked at the embarrassing scene.

With each step she took to her bus stop, it felt as though heavy cement bricks were tied to her ankles. Her throat was tight as tears engulfed her vision, but she had to hold it in. She can't be remembered as the girl who cried after being yelled at her professor.

Upon getting on the bus, she walked to the far back corner where she eventually ended up quietly crying and sniffling. She had always been sensitive to being yelled at, and she had her parents to blame for that. She only saw them on rare occasions, and each time was more upsetting than the last. Grandpa Kenobi knew this and tried to keep the visits to a minimum.

Quickly, she cleaned herself up so that Kenobi wouldn't coddle her.

She knew she needed to grow up, or she would never make it here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, Finn feels slightly OOC but I felt the overwhelming need to have him be the embodiment of twitter. Just the thought of him saying "sis" and "spill the tea" makes me laugh. I want him to be his happiest self in this fic, at least until things inevitably go downhill. But that's all I'll say on the matter.


	3. Email

Rey sat at her new desk, completely and utterly stumped. Her fingers lightly tapped the keys, enough for them to make a sound, but not enough for a character to appear on the email draft.

Over and over she read the subject.

"Homework Help"

She overthought the two words. It sounded as though a child was about to write it, pleading for homework help. She knew she should've named it "Assistance" or something more professional. Though, it was too vague.

Unknowing of how to begin the email, she slammed her head on her desk hoping that it would make her gears turn. She was almost tempted to slam her head on the keyboard so that the email may magically write itself.

There was a light knock on the door, which Rey promptly sat up to find Grandpa Kenobi with a friendly smile and a cup of tea.

"You seem frustrated," he observed.

"How do you write an email to a professor asking for help?" Rey asked, almost pleading.

"Just state what you want," he spoke, as if it were obvious. "Say who you are—first and last name—and that you need assistance on...?"

"Homework."

"Homework! Maybe explain your circumstances, such as being from another state and not being accustomed to how things work here. But don't let it sound like an excuse," Kenobi warned. He had probably done it a million times, working at a high-up job before he retired a mere few years ago

Rey nodded, absorbing everything he had just said. "Right..." she nodded a little. "Thank you."

Kenobi just squeezed her shoulder and left the room, leaving the door open a crack. She hated when he would do that, but decided to leave it open since she had nothing to hide.

She looked back at her screen, then her tea, then the steam that rose from the tea, then wondered where tea comes from, and who made tea, until she finally snapped back to reality.

Beginning to get angry with her procrastinating self, she began to type.

_Hello Professor Ren,_

_This is Rey Kenobi from earlier today. I apologize for the lack of manners I presented and assure that it won't happen again._

_However, I am in need of assistance on the assigned homework as I am from out of state and not accustomed to what many have learned here in Boston._

_You don't have to worry since I'm a quick learner and don't intend to waste your time. All I need is some guidance and I'll be on my way._

_Thank you for your consideration and hope to hear from you soon!_

_-_ _Rey Kenobi_

She lingered over the e-mail too many times to count, her eyes becoming sore from the bright light radiating off of the screen. Seeing that it was nearly eight at night, she knew she  _had_  to hit send or else she wouldn't get a response.

Reluctantly, her hand found its way to the mouse pad, her fingers gently sliding on it, the cursor hovering over the Send button. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and clicked.

She hurriedly got up from her seat, beginning to hyperventilate, and sipped her now lukewarm tea.

Without much time passing, she heard a ding from her phone.

Horrified. That was the only word to describe how she felt, as that was no ordinary ding.

It was her email tone.

She controlled her breathing and returned to her computer, confirming that Ren did reply.

She clicked it open, expecting the entire email to scold her on proper grammar or something along those lines. Instead, she was met with slight disappointment.

 _Sure. Come by thirty minutes before class begins_ _on Wednesday_ _._

_\- Professor Kylo Ren_

"That's it?" Rey exhaled, somewhat upset that her worrying was for  _that._

She looked down at her teacup, realizing she guzzled the whole thing. Picking it up, she moved to the door and exited her room. As she stepped downstairs, she couldn't help but wonder how he could help her. She doubted he had any office hours, as she didn't recall hearing about office hours on his syllabus.

Worrying, again, she imagined him belittling her for not understanding.

No matter what he did, she knew that she had to pass the class as it was mandatory.

She'd have to endure whatever he had to throw at her.

-

The morning was an absolute pain for Rey. Waking up earlier than usual was never in her plans, and yet there she was at the bus stop. Kenobi was sitting on the bench yet again, robe still on as he bobbed his head tiredly.

"You really don't have to do this, Grandpa," Rey laughed a little, feeling sorry for her old man.

"Don't bother," he wavered his hand dismissively. "I'm alright knowing that you're safe."

She gave him a small smile before turning to the bus, now pulling up.

After getting on and enduring the quick ride, she went to her first class period, which was Hux once again.

Surprisingly, Finn was already in his seat. He glanced up to find Rey at the entrance and waved her over with a bright smile.

Rey returned the gesture and climbed the steps to be beside him.

"Hey. Wanna help me find a man?" He showed her some dating app for gay men.

She couldn't help but laugh a little. "Sure, I guess. Hopefully, it'll keep my mind off of things."

"Off of what? Spill the tea, sis!" He encouraged, eager for any drop of drama. Finn was literally a walking tweet.

Rey laughed even harder. "No tea. I just have a meeting with Professor Ren about the math homework he assigned us."

"Oh, that sucks. I hate one-on-one things because I'm pretty awkward when I'm alone," he admitted. "But I don't doubt you'll come out alive."

Rey gave him a small smile, as his joking words assured her in a strange way. The worst that could possibly happen was that Ren wouldn't help her and she'd have to rely on Rose which isn't so bad.

Before they could converse more, Hux strut into the room and slammed his briefcase on his desk.

"Someone isn't too happy today," Finn muttered to Rey.

Hux quickly turned and glared at Finn with his piercing blue eyes, which turned them both cold. He then let it go and scrimmaged through his briefcase, to which Rey and Finn exchanged slightly scared, but then relieved glances.

The rest of class they didn't talk much more besides simple questions relating to the lecture.

Class ended, and Rey hurried to Ren's room and waited around with Finn for fifteen minutes until it was officially "thirty minutes before class started" and Professor Ren was in his room.

"Wish me luck," Rey waved Finn goodbye.

"You'll do great!" He encouraged as he walked away.

Rey turned to the door and opened it to find the Professor slightly hunched over his desk, looking over some papers. His dark waves were a little scattered as his fingers were intertwined in them, his glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose.

Once the door closed behind Rey, his head popped up to find her standing there.

"I didn't mean to startle you," she sheepishly apologized, cringing to herself. She didn't dare to upset him again after last time.

"You didn't. I expected you. Please, sit," he gestured to the chair across his desk. He must've prepared it for her as it wasn't there Monday. Then again, neither was he.

She dropped her tattered backpack from her shoulder to her elbow, then onto the floor beside the chair. Once she sat down, she crossed her legs over each other and swung them side-to-side slightly.

He exhaled loudly as he packed up some of his papers into his desk.

Then he moved to his laptop bag and set down a chocolate chip cookie with a Starbucks wrapper around it, sliding it towards her.

Rey stared at him, confused.

"An apology," he introduced. He quickly realized that she was still confused. "For yelling at you in public yesterday?"

"Oh!" It clicked. "Thank you, but it was wrong of me to approach you like that."

"I mean, yes. But you didn't deserve to be yelled at in such a fashion. You see, I was in a bit of a rush to get a new cup of coffee and I also needed to return for my other class so you can understand the predicament I was placed in. Nonetheless, it was unprofessional of me and I'm sorry."

Rey took the cookie and slid it towards herself. "Apology accepted..."

She took it and stuffed it in her bag. Kylo observed as she then dug in her bag for the homework. He was relieved that she wasn't completely terrified of him.

Rey yanked out the paper and set it down on the table.

"Unfortunately, my high school didn't teach me any of this. I was hoping you could at least guide me?" Rey asked.

Kylo took the paper and slowly pulled it toward himself. "Well, the bad news is that most of the assignments that will be introduced in the next three weeks reflects off of this topic."

Rey's posture stiffened as she looked at him, and then the paper with wide eyes. Quickly she tried to compose herself to not anger him in some way. Despite her attempt, he noticed the change in body language as he glanced at her.

He didn't want her to struggle, for some odd reason. Reminiscing over the email, explaining her rough transition between states, he felt compelled to help her. This went against his own personal code of giving his students an equal and fair opportunity, but it was his class no matter what. He had the final word.

"However, there is good news," he quickly spoke, causing Rey to perk up.

He let out a sigh, hoping he wouldn't regret what he was about to say.

"I won't mind tutoring you before school. That is if you're willing to pass my class," Kylo looked at her for a reaction.

"Yes!" She blurted a little too loudly. She quickly retracted. "I mean- yes. That sounds...perfect. What time would you say?"

"About eight in the morning? Your morning class begins at...?"

"Eight-thirty," Rey corrected. "But I don't expect to take too much of your time."

"Still, I feel like eight fifteen is optimal. That gives you fifteen minutes to transition or study if needed," Kylo pressed. Rey wasn't planning on arguing with him as she was lucky he was even tutoring her.

"That sounds good. So what about the homework right now?" She asked, worried about her grade.

"I'll excuse you from it, but we are going over the answers and how to do it in class. I expect you to take good notes," he narrowed his eyes at her, his voice seemingly deeper and more stern, as if that were even possible.

"Yes. Of course, Professor," she nodded. "I guess I should leave you to your work then."

She went to grab her paper until Ren quickly placed his hand on it, looking at her dead in the eyes.

"Class is starting soon anyway. If you want to stay at your seat, I won't mind," he assured, before releasing the paper.

She didn't really have anywhere else to be, so she returned to her desk and looked over the homework paper, trying to sort at least  _some_  of it.

Kylo was silently relieved that she stayed. It had always been difficult for him to focus whenever he was alone. Having a presence in the room gave him some sort of pressure to work.

Rey would occasionally glance up and watch as Professor Ren's eyes scanned over numbers scribbled on a page, using his blood red pen to dash and circle incorrect questions. She noticed how he grazed his thumb over his lower lip many times, then occasionally pushing his dark waves back, a poor attempt at keeping it out of his face. Within seconds it would fall back over in his peripheral vision.

Over time, students entered the room and Kylo packed away his grading and moved onto his laptop. He stood, took his coffee, moved the chair Rey sat in and placed it in the corner of the room. He sipped his coffee on the way back, set it down, leaned over his desk to type something on his laptop, started the projector, and then leaned on the front of his desk.

His eyes lingered over the room, but like yesterday, they continuously found their way to Rey. He tried his best to not be obvious, but it was difficult to not stare when she was right  _there_  in the front seats.

Thankfully, Rey only noticed once out of the many times.

Class began, and Kylo lectured and ran over the homework. As he paced back and forth, explaining a question rapidly, Rey scrambled to write down her notes with her number two pencil. As she pressed down too hard subconsciously, the led snapped. Her eyes widened in shock and fear.

Before she could react, as Kylo talked, he pulled a fresh pencil from his front shirt pocket and placed it on her desk.

She let out a hushed "Thank you" before continuing her note taking.

The class was coming to an end when Kylo handed Rey a stack of papers.

"Hand these out, will you?"

Rey quickly nodded and ran up to each aisle, handing out an equal amount of papers to each row before returning to her seat.

After briefly explaining that the homework was the same exact content as yesterday's, and a mere practice sheet, he dismissed the class.

Rey stood up and gathered her belongings. As she was focused, she felt a large hand grab her shoulder. She flinched and turned to find Professor Ren once again.

"Oh! Right! Your pencil!" She went into her bag once more to try and find it.

"Keep it. I just wanted to tell you to not worry about the homework. We'll go over it Friday," he assured her, before returning to his desk.

She could just nod, not knowing what else to say.

On her way out, she turned back to Kylo.

"Enjoy your coffee today, sir," she halfheartedly teased.

Kylo just scoffed slightly. "Thank you."

With that, she left and ran into Finn.

"Well?" He raised his brows excitedly.

She took his arm and dragged him further away from the classroom not wanting to risk Professor hearing her talk about him.

"It went amazing! He gave me a cookie and he's going to tutor me! And I don't even have to do homework tonight!" Rey beamed.

"That's weirdly nice of him," Finn said, unconvinced. "Almost too nice. But hey! Take advantage!"

"I will, and I'll enjoy my cookie too!" Rey laughed a little, pulling it out of her bag.

The two walked around the campus, chatting once again.

"Hey. There's a party Friday night for freshman. There's gonna be booze. Wanna come?" Finn proposed.

Rey was a bit hesitant, but she so badly wanted to be different. She hated being so self-reserved and quiet, and a party—especially one where she'd be drunk—sounded like the perfect opportunity for her to spread her wings.

"Sure! I'm down," she smiled. "Who else is going?"

"Rose," he answered, which Rey replied with a confused stare. "Oh! Rose and I have always been tight. She told me that she met you and I was super excited!"

"Wow. Small campus I guess," Rey laughed a little.

Things were finally starting to come together for Rey. A friend group, well-rounded teachers, and so far, good grades.

All Rey had to do was keep up appearances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another flaw, I know now that basically every professor ever has office hours, but in this case, let's just assume that Kylo is the biggest asshole in the world for not having one :)


	4. Tutor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter, but next chapter will be a bit more lengthy, I promise! In the meantime, enjoy Kylo Ren being... not the worst??

Rey was shocked that it was light outside by the time she got to the bus stop. She could practically feel her eyes drooping and her legs dragging behind her. No amount of makeup that she had put on today was able to hide how tired she was. 

Even Grandpa Kenobi couldn't show up since it was much too early, even for him.

To be fair, the two of them stayed up late at night watching movies, which was a regrettable decision.

Rey was even more frustrated that she couldn't sleep on the practically empty bus since she had to call for her stop.

Thankfully, she didn't accidentally sleep and made it off of the bus. The air was beginning to become nippy as autumn was slowly creeping around the corner. Rey was tired of summer anyway, having been in Arizona for the better part of her life. The last thing she missed was how sweat pooled off her forehead as fans whirred around her.

She appeared at Kylo's door and entered, only to find that he wasn't even there. Despite his absence, she pulled the chair in front of his desk and sat down. Once she looked at her phone, she found that she was ten minutes early. Even so, it was criminal that she was there at this ungodly hour.

As she waited and waited, her head slowly... slipped down her arm... her eyes closing... mind wandering...... phone slipping from her grasp.........

_Slam!_

Rey's head shot up to find Professor Ren walking into the room with two cups of coffee.

"Sorry for the wait. The line at Starbucks was unusually long today," he apologized, setting a cup down for her.

Her eyes stared at the coffee in shock, before looking up at him. "Y-you got me coffee?!"

"I hope you like mocha," he told her with a slight smile, his voice still oddly monotone and deep.

"But why?" She asked, bringing it towards her.

"I know it's hard for _any_ student to come to early tutoring, especially if it has to do with homework. I'm not as mean as everyone thinks I am," he explained. "My goal is to help other students succeed. Not to set them up for failure."

"So what about giving heaps of homework?" She questioned. Ren raised his brow, to which Rey quickly clarified: "I didn't say that. I just saw it on your reviews on RateMyProfessor."

He took in a deep breath, trying to not laugh. "It's simple. You do my work, study for tests, you pass. All of the material on the tests are from the homework. The way you're going now, you'll pass."

Rey smiled behind the hot coffee cup, sipping it lightly. She then pulled out her work and spread it on the table. He put on his glasses and stared at the paper, blinking a few times.

"Sorry," he shifted to stand up. "I can't read upside down no matter how hard I try."

With that, he walked over beside her. Not bothering to bring his chair, he towered over her, planting his hand on the desk for stability.

As he looked over the problems, Rey couldn't help but look at his arm. From far away he doesn't look that buff, but up close she could see the muscle and the very few veins that popped out. She looked back at her work before he could notice.

Oh, but he did.

He seemed to keep a close eye on everything she did. It could've been because being around her, he became self-aware. More so than usual. When she stared at his button up shirt, he wondered if he had buttoned it incorrectly. Just now, his arm, he wondered if it was too intrusive. He brushed it off since she didn't seem too bewildered by the bold move.

As Kylo towered over Rey, now beginning to read off the problem, she could feel his hot coffee breath on her head and slightly on her cheek. It smelled incredible, like vanilla cake and chocolate. Her mind wandered to that thought.

She wondered...

_What does his mouth taste like?_

She stopped herself right there, her eyes widening in shock.

"Now, what do you know so far about this section, based off of previous knowledge?" Kylo questioned.

She stammered at first. "I- uh... um..." Her cheeks grew red.

"That's alright. Take your time. I know it was probably a while ago since you've learned math."

His assuring words allowed her to relax and actually think. Also, the fact that he was so considerate shocked her.

She was able to explain what she could recall.

"Okay. We can work with that," he nodded, brushing his dark waves back.

As he explained, Rey listened this time. It became hard when he pointed at the numbers on the paper, dragging his finger, connecting it to another number. She then noticed his sleeves cuffed up to his elbow. Kylo noticed how distracted she became and grew silently frustrated. Instead of bringing it up, he squatted down to her level so it was more personal. His face was at her level now, so she couldn't get away with cheap glances.

Kylo wrote out the example, which Rey found even more interesting. His handwriting was beautiful, almost like scripture. It was rare for a man to have such nice handwriting.

Rey was understanding the material but enjoyed hearing him explain and write.

He set down the pen.

"Now I want to see you try after I've done two questions for you," he challenged. He stood up again to get a better view of her work.

As she worked, he himself became distracted. He watched as her brows furrowed slightly when her writing would stop on paper. Then her eyes widen once again when she realized the solution. Kylo found it cute, but had to keep that buried deep inside himself.

He knew he needed to restrain himself from feeling such a way for a student, as it was against the university's policy. Though it was against policy, he didn't see any harm in having free thought. As long as he didn't act on impulse, as far as he was concerned, he was okay.

Rey set her pen down, and Kylo quickly reviewed her work. "Correct," he nodded. "There's another one that's a little more challenging if you want to progress."

"I am," she accepted. "I told you,  _professor_. I'm a fast learner." Kylo took a hard swallow upon hearing 'professor' which wasn't unusual, as many students called him that. Yet it gave him a knot in his throat. Why was she any different?

Ren grinned for a brief second before returning to explaining. He handed her the pen once more and watched her work. He took a sip of coffee and absorbed her features.

He adored her perfect smooth skin, how her cheeks twinged red at any moment where she was embarrassed or upset. How her eyes were doe-like, especially when she listened to his lectures. The way she talked with such confidence at times, until she hid it away, made him want to talk to her for hours.

Kylo stopped himself.

_Okay. Maybe free thought WAS too much._

It was too soon for him to like her so much anyway, right? It had been only three days.

Kylo then quickly jumped to the fact that he could just be feeling lonely. He was almost thirty with no love in his life currently. Either way, he was looking for love in the wrong place.

Rey gently placed the pen down.

"Done."

Kylo looked it over and picked up the pen, circling an area. "This is incorrect."

He handed Rey the pen, which she took too hastily. She accidentally grabbed the tip of his finger with it.

"Oh! Sorry!"

And there her cheeks went, turning into apples.

Kylo just smiled, exhaling a brief laugh.

Rey fixed the issue, and Kylo approved.

"Onto the next homework page," he told her, setting the first page aside.

The session allowed Rey to finish all of her homework and understand what she was doing. Both of them were nearly done with their coffee.

Kylo opened his mouth, about to say something. He then hesitated, opening his mouth again, and then closing it. He took his pen back and peeled a yellow post-it note from a stack on top of his wooden desk.

He scribbled something down and handed it to Rey.

She looked at it, her eyes widening slightly.

"It's my cellphone number," he told her. "I don't normally just give it out, but you're the only student that actually asked for help. The ones that aren't understanding the material aren't even bothering to turn in the work. So I'm going to be cutting back on my email a little bit but if you need help with anything, and I mean  _anything_ , don't be afraid to contact me. Okay?"

Rey just nodded, folding the piece of paper and putting it in her bag for later.

"Thanks. That's really nice since math isn't one of my strongest subjects," she sheepishly laughed.

"It isn't mosts, but that doesn't mean it's impossible."

She nodded, sipping her last bit of coffee. Finally, she felt somewhat comfortable with Professor Ren. Comfortable enough to start idle conversation.

"I bet that Starbucks was so crowded because it's almost a full moon. People tend to be more sleepy before the full moon," Rey said, staring at her cup.

"You believe in that?" Ren raised a brow, amused.

"Well, the moon changes the tides in the ocean. Why wouldn't it change us? After all, we  _are_  mostly water," Rey explained. "Besides. People do some crazy things under a full moon."

"When is the next full moon?" Ren questioned, out of pure curiosity.

Rey pulled out her phone and typed it in. The result was easy to find.

"This Friday. It's coming up soon," she told him. "Watch out! The crazies come out under a full moon," she teased.

Kylo couldn't help but laugh a little.

"I guess we'll see then, won't we?"

The two had lots of small talk in the span of ten minutes. However, Kylo did have another class to teach besides Rey's. She tossed out her empty coffee cup and turned back to Ren.

"Thank you so much for tutoring me," she smiled at him. "Have a good class period!"

Kylo almost replied with "You too" but caught himself. "Thank you."

After all of her classes were said and done, she found herself sitting at her desk with her homework in front of her. After digging in her bag she found the number Ren gave to her.

Once she entered it into her phone, she kept the paper and put it in her journal.

She stared at it, thinking about Professor Ren.

She liked him, as he was kind, considerate, patient, and smart. Though, her mind kept wandering...

Where would her innocent thoughts of him take her?


	5. Frat Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! A bit of an early upload for yall since it's my birthday this weekend and I have to hustle and catch up on work, so uh, enjoy!

As Rey's first week at college progressed, it somehow got easier. She understood her professors more and found out how to work in their classes. Hux, she just had to listen and take notes. Ren, she needed to do her homework, study, and practice. Skywalker, she had to calm down and listen. Phasma, she needed to do everything in her power to pass that class. She was ruthless.

Friday approached quickly, which meant that it was time for Rey's first college party. Finn had been hyping it up all week, so it was impossible for Rey to back out. She didn't want to flake though, despite her hesitance. Rey's goal for the college year was to be different than her high school self, and this party was the key to doing so.

She imagined herself on a dance floor, drunk, on drugs, laughing and having a good time. She also imagined herself finding a cute guy who'd become her boyfriend. She laughed to herself as she sat in front of the mirror, adding mascara as a final touch to her makeup. She was self-aware that all of her thoughts were ambitious, and quite frankly naïve.

She popped open the cap to her red lipstick and coated her lips with it. Observing herself in a white puffy shirt tucked into light blue high-waisted jeans, accompanied by black converse, Rey felt cute. Her makeup was fairly neutral with some brown eyeshadow and slight powder contour she had done.

Rey's self-confidence soared as she repeatedly looked herself in the mirror, which was rare since she was never content with how she looked. There was always  _something_  off.

Despite her small success, she knew she had to get going. Finn was about to pick her up any second.

She hurried downstairs where Grandpa Kenobi was laying on the couch, watching TV.

He had to do a double take at her.

"And where do you think you're going?" He abruptly sat up, pausing his show on Netflix.

"A college party," she grinned. "I'll be safe. I promise!"

He walked up to her, looked her up and down, and then sighed.

"Well, I guess I can't stop you. I can only tell you to not drink too much, or drive under the influence," he told her.

"I know, I know," she rolled her eyes, laughing a little. She didn't have her license anyways, as she was always too afraid to drive.

A car horn blared outside, making Rey jump and dart to the front door.

"And don't take a drink from another man!" Kenobi hollered in worry.

"I won't!" She hollered back. "Love you!"

"Love you too!"

With that, the door slammed behind her as she rushed up to Finn's car and took the back seat since Rose was in the front seat.

"Damn, Rey! You have a nice house!" Finn exclaimed, leaning over toward Rose to get a better look.

"Thanks," she laughed a little. "My grandpa did some government work. Top secret stuff."

"Oooo! Did he kill anyone?" Rose turned back to Rey, eager to hear.

"Not that I know of. All I know is that he did some sort of training with the FBI or something like that," Rey shrugged.

Rose nodded, slowly turning back forward. As Finn drove, he turned the radio to Frank Ocean, Thinkin Bout You. Rey wasn't too familiar with the artist, but Rose was singing loudly with Finn.

Rey felt euphoric, happy listening to her friends in the front two seats. She looked out the window, watching the street lights fly by. Eventually, they turned into a large house, which was borderline a mansion. It had a long driveway with several cars already in place. They could see people dancing from the windows, and even more people outside on the lawn throwing beer around. There were signs hung up with omega and other frat symbols.

"Oh no," Rey said to herself.

"What?" Finn turned, his arm on the back of his seat.

"You didn't tell me this was a  _frat_  party!" Rey complained. She had heard quite enough about frat parties, and all of them were bad.

"Relax, Rey. You wanted out of your bubble, right? This is your chance. Oh!" Finn quickly reached in front of Rose, inside the glove compartment, and handed Rey two condoms. "Just in case," he winked, clicking his tongue. "You never know how these things go."

Rey reluctantly took them, placing them in her pocket.

All of them got out of the car and hiked up the driveway. Finn shouted with the other guys, jumping up and down spraying beer all over each other.

"Finn gets a little crazy with these things," Rose smiled at Rey. "I'll help you out though."

Rey was relieved to at least have Rose, another girl in the same position.

Rose guided her to the kitchen, where the snacks and the beer were promptly placed.

"Here," Rose offered, taking a bottle and popping off the metal bottle-cap her back teeth.

Rey's eyes widened in shock, surprised that a girl like Rose knew such a party trick. Rose laughed a little at her reaction, handing her the bottle.

"Listen. It isn't easy being straight A. Sometimes even  _I_  need to cut loose," Rose said, before taking a red solo cup and pouring vodka into it, before mixing some other things with it like orange juice and lemon.

Rey just anxiously laughed, knowing that Rose was going to be hammered.

"Oh! I bet they have a pool," Rose took Rey's arm, dragging her to the back. There was, in fact, a pool.

Many people were already in it, splashing around and drinking. The pool was a bright blue, purple, and pink, as it had special lights in it.

"Rose! You came!" One girl appeared, taking her away before Rey could even comprehend what was happening.

She was silently freaking out, but took a sip of the gross beer anyway. She hoped that the alcohol would at least make her happy or pumped up. Sat at the poolside, she took off her shoes and socks, rolled up her denim pants, and dipped her feet in the lukewarm water.

Quietly, she sat there, sipping away at her drink. It was easy to become bored watching everyone else have fun, even when she finished the entire bottle. She got out of the pool, put her socks and shoes back on after walking around a little, and returned to the kitchen for another drink. Rose was back there with some of her other friends.

"Oh! Rey! I made this...  _really_  good drink," she snorted, laughing. All of her friends giggled too.

"What's in it?" Rey asked, a little hesitant.

"Vodka? Fruits? Some jack? Just have some!" Rose shoved the red cup to Rey, who grabbed it and took a drink. Her face twisted, but the after taste was really good.

"Wow. This is good," Rey approved, smiling a little as she continued to drink it.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Rose began, along with all of the other girls.

Other strangers picked up on the chant, egging Rey on. Rey felt as though she couldn't stop, as much as it burned her throat. She slammed the cup down on the counter and raised her hands, and everyone cheered for her.

Immediately, Rey began to feel tipsy.

 _Finally_ , she thought.

She was on the edge of being drunk, but still had a right mindset.

As she was on her way back outside to the pool, some tall muscular guy, most likely a jock, halted her.

"Woah! Wait. You're new to Boston, aren't you?" He questioned.

"Yeah, actually. How did you know that?" 

"Some friends," he shrugged as he held out his hand. "The name's Chad."

Rey cringed at the name but remained friendly.

"Chad is such a frat name, isn't it?"

Her eyes widened in a panic, before she broke out into a laugh. "I didn't mean it that mean!" She doubled over. "I'm sorry! I just- I can't stop laughing!"

Chad also began to laugh a little, looking around them. "It's alright. So how do you Arizona girls get down?"

Rey stood up straight, calming herself down from laughing. "What?"

The drunken frat boy grabbed Rey and pulled her into an aggressive kiss, smearing her lipstick on her face. Before she could pull away, he placed his hand on her backside, pulling her in violently. He groped her ass, which made Rey enter a panic mode.

Rey hit him until she finally pushed him off of her.

"Ew! What's your problem?" She stared at him, bewildered.

He just laughed, looking around at his guy friends before tossing his drink onto her white shirt.

"You'd be a cheap fuck anyway," he scoffed at her, slamming his shoulder into hers before vanishing into the crowd.

She was suddenly on the verge of tears, completely embarrassed, not to mention violated. Trying desperately to wipe his spit off of her lips, smearing her lipstick around, she noticed the attention the event drew. People stared at her, shocked, giggling, and pitiful. One of his guy friends even said: "Yo! Bruh! He did the bet! He's gonna eat good tonight with that twenty dollar bill."

She rushed back into the house, discombobulated, and tried to go into the bathroom. Upon opening the door she found two people making out like wild rabbits.

"Sorry!" She apologized, her voice on the edge of breaking. Swiftly, she returned to the kitchen and tried to put water on her shirt to rid of the beer stain. It was the only sensible thing to do in her drunken mind, and non-surprisingly, it didn't work.

Rey wanted to go home,  _bad_ _ly._

She scoured around the house, first checking the second floor and knocking on each door shouting Finn's name. Then she went downstairs to find him on the couch, making out with some guy with curly dark hair. He seemed slightly older for Finn, but Finn didn't care.

Rey ran up to Finn and poked his shoulder.

"Finn!" Rey desperately said, relieved that she had finally found him.

He turned to her, completely black-out drunk.

"Oh hey, Rey! Meet my new boyfriend... Poe!" Finn turned the man's face towards her. Poe just smiled at her, also wildly drunk. She could tell he was one of the frat boys just by the shirt and muscles. Poe returned to sucking on Finn's neck. "It's like Poe from the Teletubbies! Isn't that great, Rey?"

"Finn, I want to leave. I want to get out of here," Rey pleaded, desperately.

"No, Rey! I scored!" He slurred, running his fingers through Poe's hair, bringing him up to his face to make out with him. The sound of their lips smacking and pulling from each other grossed Rey out, but it let her know that Finn was a lost cause.

She walked outside and got on her phone to call Grandpa Kenobi. She began to cry, tears welling up in her eyes. Each ring, she sniffled, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. Her lips wobbled as she swallowed her sobs that tried to break through her throat.

He didn't answer, due to falling asleep in front of the TV like he normally does on a Friday night.

Rey was desperate. Unable to stand another minute there, she had one last resort.

Professor Ren.

If she was sober, she would've easily passed the contact and endured the pain of staying. Though, since she was drunk, her delirious state combined with her anxiety made it feel like the end of the world.

She hit the number and put it up to her ear, her phone shaking in her palm.

There was an answer.

"Hello...?" Kylo grumbled.

"O-oh. Were you sleeping, Professor?" Rey spoke in her broken voice.

On the other line, Ren sat up from his empty bed, alarmed by her fragile tone.

"It's alright. What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, questions flooding from his mouth.

She sniffled, trying to hold back from bothering the poor man. Instead, she let out a sob.

"I came to this party not knowing it was a frat party a-and..." she let out another sob. "I have no one to take me home..."

Kylo quickly jumped on his two feet and hurried across his room to his closet to grab some pants. "I'll be there. Send me the address. I drive a black Ford Mustang with blue headlights," he told her hurriedly.

"O-okay," she nodded, placing her arm over her abdomen. They both hung up, and Rey sent him the location.

She tucked her phone away and sat on the front steps of the home, arms crossed as she became cold from the brittle nighttime breeze. Some people hitting her on accident on the way out of the front door, not seeing her in her small curled up form.

Much like a knight in shining armor, she stood abruptly once she saw the blue headlights emit from the dark car.

At this point, she was freezing. She crossed her arms, rubbing them from elbow to shoulder as she sniffled. It felt as though she did a walk of shame from the house to the car.

Upon seeing her in the distance, Kylo noticed her shivering and trying to keep warm. He took his spare jacket from the back seat and got out of the car, walking to the passenger's side.

Once she approached him, she couldn't bear to look him in the eye. He just stared at her, noticing her smeared lipstick and the painfully obvious beer stain on her white shirt. Her mascara stains running down her cheeks nearly broke his heart.

"You're freezing. Here," he held out the jacket.

She sniffled, taking it slowly and wrapping herself with it. Rey couldn't help but smell his cologne on it, which made her feel safe and warm. He opened the door for her.

"Watch your head," he cautioned.

She got in the car safely, and Kylo closed the door behind her. Rey watched as he walked around the car back to the driver's side. Once he opened the door, she looked back down at her lap, embarrassed at the whole ordeal.

Kylo got in his seat, closing the door behind him. He simply exhaled before turning to her.

"Okay. So what happened?" He questioned, looking at her with some pity.

Rey snuck a glance at him, which he caught, before she looked back down. She wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I told you I didn't know it was a frat party, right?" She told him. He nodded, observing her fiddle with her fingers. "So we walked in and my first friend, the one that drove us here, vanished. My other friend briefly showed me around and vanished for a little while. I started off with a bottle of beer, but then she had me chug a whole cup of vodka-"

"That was stupid," he interrupted.

Rey let out a light sob before stabilizing herself. "Yeah," she agreed.

"But something else happened," he observed her shirt. His voice was much softer than usual, which was a strange change of pace for Rey. It coerced her to open up to him.

"Some guy..." she began. "He made me kiss him, and I tried pushing him away but he was so much taller and muscular than I am! A-and he g-groped me," she began to cry again.

Kylo watched, sadness sweeping across his face. He could only take her shoulder and listen.

"Then he threw the drink on me and said I would've been a cheap fuck." Rey tried her best to stop crying, but it was nearly impossible. She was shaking, despite being warmer in the jacket along with the heat in the car.

Ren grew angry. So angry that he shifted to open the door. "Show me who he is, Rey."

"Professor, you don't have to-" Rey assured.

"Rey." He said firmly. "He can't just get away with that. Not with you."

"It's the full moon," Rey couldn't help but to laugh through her tears. She pointed up at the sky. "It's making you irrational."

Kylo looked out the windshield to find that it was, in fact, a full moon.

He visibly relaxed, returning to his seat.

"You're right. It wouldn't help much if I beat the shit out of him, unfortunately," he shook his head. He just looked over to Rey, whose tear covered cheeks glistened from the light of the headlights reflecting off of the parked car in front of them in the driveway. "I just hate seeing you treated that way."

Rey smiled a little, looking back down at her lap. Her finger fiddling died down, but it was still there to some extent. "It's fine. I'm used to it, even though it was scary."

Kylo's stomach twisted into knots hearing that. She shouldn't be used to being treated like shit? She's a nice girl who deserves to be treated with kindness. He couldn't see her hurting a fly.

"Do you like ice cream?" He put his car in reverse, looking back, grabbing the back of Rey's seat to back out of the driveway.

"I don't think there's anybody in the world who doesn't," she smiled a little.

"Good, because I know just the place."

It felt weird to Rey, having her Professor have such a deep and condescending voice with others in her class, but with her he was much more understanding and comforting. Hearing him talk about how he hated seeing her mistreated warmed her heart in more ways than one. His voice throughout this week, first terrifying, became solace.

She could fall asleep to his voice if he kept talking and talking, but not in the boring lecturing sense. More-so in the interesting late-night-chat sense.

Snuggling herself in his jacket, she took a deep whiff of the cologne, smiling to herself. She couldn't help but glance over to see his concentrated face as he drove. At one street, just as he was driving a little too fast, the light changed to yellow.

"Woah..." he calmly said, outstretching his arm in front of Rey protectively. Slightly on purpose, she allowed herself to fall forward to hit his arm.

Again, if she were sober, she wouldn't be so daring. Hell, she wouldn't even be in his car. Yet, it was happening, and there was no turning back.

Once they came to a complete stop, he retracted his arm and laid back, yawning.

"Do you have anything important to do tomorrow?" Rey asked out of curiosity.

Kylo shook his head, stretching his arms out in front of him before resting his forearms on the steering wheel. "No. Why do you ask?"

"It just seemed early to be sleeping on a Friday night is all," Rey shrugged, glancing at the clock in his car. It read 11:15 A.M.

"I'd blame it on being old, but I'm not even that old," he scoffed at himself.

"Well, I'm sorry I woke you up," Rey apologized, still feeling guilty over the whole ordeal.

Kylo just smiled a little. "I mean, I  _did_  tell you to call me if you needed  _any_  help," he teased.

Rey laughed a little. "I doubt you meant it that way, but thank you nonetheless."

They pulled into the ice cream shop. "It's no trouble. Besides, I don't mind the midnight snack."

With that, he turned off the car and popped open the door. Rey did the same, getting out into the brisk air.

"Autumn is coming around quickly, isn't it?" She looked over to him, trying to make small talk.

"Not really. It might feel like that for you, being from Arizona and all," he speculated.

They were about to step in and Rey gasped a little, seeing her reflection in the glass. Kylo stopped and glanced over.

"I look like an absolute mess!" She looked over to him, slightly horrified.

"The only people in here is an old couple. You're fine," Ren reassured, opening the door a little wider for her. "If it makes you feel better, I can order and you can find a booth."

Rey nodded, as it would make her feel much better. "I'll have cookies and cream if available. If not, then I'll stick to vanilla."

"Got it," he nodded, walking away.

She found a nice booth beside a large window that showed a little more of the lit buildings while showing the trees under the street lights.

Once she situated herself, she stared at Professor Ren buying her ice cream. She shook her head, wondering how the hell she got in this position.

She got on her phone and sifted through Snapchat. Thanks to Finn, she got many peoples snaps from her college. She tapped through, seeing basically everyone at that party. Some people even caught a video of what happened to her. The commentary was even worse. The guys called her a slut and other remarks, making Rey frown.

Before she knew it, Kylo returned with two cups, one with cookies and cream and the other with coffee flavored ice cream.

"Wanna see what happened?" Rey turned her phone to him with a painful smile, as it replayed itself. "There's three other versions on three other Snapchat stories!"

"Don't show that to me," he muttered. "It's disgusting."

Rey laughed as she continued to click through snaps. Finally, after being too overwhelmed, she set it down on the table.

The two ate their ice cream, but it was obvious that something was bothering Kylo.

"What is it," Rey hummed, resting her chin on her palm. "You're a little too concentrated on eating ice cream."

Kylo set down his spoon. "It's one thing hearing about what happened from you, but it's another seeing it. I'm just upset, is all..." he led a mini rant.

"Well, it happened. And it's over. I'm just glad I'm here eating ice cream with you instead of being stuck at that party," Rey oddly tried to assure him. In a way, she assured herself in the process.

Kylo visibly relaxed, finally able to eat ice cream like a normal man.

"So, what's your life like besides partying?" Kylo questioned.

"Oh, I never party. I have a good reason now," she laughed a little before shoveling a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. "But I live with my grandfather who's basically my father."

Kylo nodded.

"What about you, Professor?"

"Please. At this point, it's Kylo," he put his hand up with a gentle smile.

Rey grinned. "Okay. What's the life of Kylo like?"

"Quiet," he flat out said. "I live alone, but in my free time I like to read and watch Netflix like any other normal person in their 20's."

Rey nodded, intrigued. "What do you watch on Netflix?"

The two of them went back and forth about their favorite shows, and shared some favorites. The conversation was cut short when Rey's phone rang.

"Oh shit. It's my grandpa. I kinda called him before you and he didn't answer," Rey admitted. Kylo just nodded towards her phone, allowing her to answer.

She did, easily.

"Rey? Are you okay?!" Kenobi asked, voice filled with concern.

"Yeah. I just called to tell you that I was coming home soon," Rey lied, glancing at Kylo who stared at her.

"Jesus! Don't scare me like that," he let out a deep breath. "Where are you now?"

"We're just getting ice cream. Finn was hungry," Rey lied again, making Kylo smirk and roll his eyes as he leaned backward. He placed his hands behind his head and stretched, which showed off his biceps. It may or may not have been intentional.

Rey couldn't help but stare, which resulted in her not hearing what Kenobi had just said. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I'm going to bed. You have the keys, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. I do," Rey affirmed. "Good night."

"Good night, sunshine."

Rey hung up, setting her phone down.

"Are you going to tell him what happened?" Kylo asked out of curiosity.

She shook her head, beginning to laugh. "God no! He'd have them castrated!"

Kylo laughed a little, before taking the last spoonful of ice cream. Rey had hers already finished.

Strangely, both of them didn't want to leave. Kylo enjoyed the midnight adventure, while Rey liked feeling safe in the ice cream shop.

"I'm surprised you're not that tired," Kylo told her.

"Oh, I am. I'm just good at hiding it. I'm good at hiding a lot of things," Rey explained herself, before realizing that revealed more than she wanted it to. Looking at Kylo for a reaction, there wasn't much of one, as he seemed to look away from her and out the window.

Seeing the lack of cars on the road, and the fact that it was night time made him realize it was almost midnight, and didn't want to keep her. Kylo shifted out of the booth and stood up. "I guess we should get going then," he tiredly sighed.

Rey nodded in agreement, as Kylo walked over to take his and her ice cream cup. Rey stood up, but still felt a little tipsy, so she stumbled slightly. Kylo was quick to grab her by the shoulders.

"Woah!" Rey giggled. "I guess it's not quite out of my system yet."

"I have to say, you sobered up pretty fast," Kylo said, almost impressed as he let her go. Once he threw out their paper cups, they left the shop and got back into his car.

Kylo started it up and backed out again, like earlier. Once he was on the road, he glanced over to Rey.

"Can you tell me where you live?" Kylo questioned.

"I don't even know the address yet. I'll put it in the GPS," Rey told him.

She looked out the window, observing cracked out people walking down the sidewalk at these late hours of the night. Randomly, she wondered what sequence of events happened in their life for them to walk the streets of Boston at almost midnight.

Eventually, after thinking too much, they arrived at Rey's house.

"Nice house," Kylo commented.

Rey smiled a little, making eye contact with him. "Thank you... for tonight."

There was dead silence in the air as the two gazed at each other. Quickly, their gazes turned to desperation.

Without rhyme or reason, Kylo abruptly leaned forward and kissed Rey, who didn't quite retract. He tried to get as much as he could, gently placing his hand on the side of her face to pull her in. That lip-smacking Rey had hated earlier sounded like a symphony to her ears.

As if their sensibility slapped them both at the same time, they both quickly retracted, panicked.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't-" Kylo stammered, astonished at himself. Those once so innocent thoughts turned into a reality.

"Me neither!" Rey panicked, before calming down.

"I'm really sorry," Kylo apologized. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable, especially after what happened tonight."

"No, no. It's alright," she assured, laughing a little. She took his arm in assurance. "This was nothing like tonight, I assure you."

Kylo exhaled slightly under her touch. So badly, he wanted to kiss her again. It had only been a few seconds and he missed the softness of her lips.

Rey felt the same about him, craving the warmth of his tongue pressing against hers.

Though, they both knew it was completely wrong and forbidden.

"I guess I'll go in now," Rey retracted her hand. "But tonight was fun, right?"

"Yeah," Kylo agreed. "It was. Maybe I can tutor you at some other locations?"

"Sure," she agreed, popping open the door. "Thank you for everything."

Kylo could just nod, still slightly shocked at his risky actions. "Have a good night."

"You too!"

Rey was out of the car and closed it behind her.

Kylo waited in the car for her to reach her doorstep.

As she stared up at the night sky, and he threw his head back, touching the remnants of Rey's lipstick on his lips, they both uttered:

"Damn you, full moon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a little fast paced ;) see yall next chapter!


	6. Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Finn being a supportive friend is my favorite :')

The weekend passed by for Rey too quick for her liking. Saturday morning, she woke up in a complete panic remembering what had happened the night before.

_How could she have kissed her Professor!_

Then she nearly fainted when she realized that she had to sit in his class for a  _whole_  hour and a half!

The entire weekend was spent thinking about a million different scenarios that could transpire, all of them turning out horribly.

Before she had a chance to stop and think rationally, it was already Monday morning and she was at the bus stop. Kenobi didn't come once again, since he was sure that Rey was safe there at this point.

As she waited, instead of the bus, a car pulled up.

Finn's car.

He parked it and immediately got out.

"Rey! I'm so sorry!" He pleaded.

"About what? The party?" She asked, knowing that was the least of her problems. It seemed insignificant at this point, and she needed a friend more than anything.

"Get in!" Finn waved her toward him. "Before this damn bus rear-ends me!"

Rey hurriedly got into the passenger's seat. He then sped down the road before slowing down slightly.

"I'll be upfront. I wasn't a good friend that night, from what I heard. I saw everything that happened on Snapchat and I was completely blacked out! I'm just-... I'm really sorry," he rambled, speaking a lot faster than normal.

"You're forgiven," Rey assured with a slight smile, trying to suppress the screaming inside her head.

After a few moments of silence, Finn finally asked the elephant in the room. "So... did you walk home or something?"

Rey sighed and threw her head back. "God, I wish I did."

"Why? Spill the tea, sis," he grinned, excited.

"No, seriously Finn. You can't tell  _anyone_! This is  _real_  tea," she grabbed his shoulder.

"Ooooo. So this is some coffee? I got you," he nodded.

Rey hesitated, not knowing if Finn was the right person to tell. However, she knew that she'd go  _mad_  if she kept it to herself.

"So I called my grandpa and he didn't answer..."  _Come on Rey. This is your chance to shut your trap before-_ "The only person I had left was Professor Ren!"

Finn's eyes widened in shock, before he turned into a random parking lot and parked.

"WHAT?!" He shouted.

"I KNOW! BUT I WAS DRUNK!" She whined, regretting the entire thing.

"Then what happened?"

Rey took in a deep breath, now shaking.

"Well, he answered-"

Finn interrupted by freaking out in his seat, nearly breaking the springs underneath him, which Rey slapped his shoulder for.

"I told him what happened and he came to pick me up. Then he took me out for ice cream so I'd feel better-"

"A DATE?!" Finn screamed, clutching onto his steering wheel.

"NO!! SHUT UP!" Rey cried out. "After that he dropped me off and... Finn. Seriously. Not a PEEP to anyone!" She stared at him in his oak colored eyes.

"I promise," he held out his pinky finger as he revealed his other free hand. They pinky swore.

"We kissed."

Finn's eyes nearly bulged out of his head, until he turned off his car completely and got out of it.

"Finn  _please_!" Rey begged, as Finn walked around the car before stopping occasionally, posing, and making another round until he calmed down.

Rey covered her face as it was beet red with embarrassment and regret.

"I have to see him today. What do I do?" She implored. "Be serious!"

Finn sighed, beginning to feel bad for Rey as she was on the verge of tears. "Look, Rey. Did he force you to kiss him?"

"No..."

"Did you enjoy the kiss?"

Rey paused. "I don't know. Would it be wrong if I said yes?"

Finn just smiled. "No, girl. You're nineteen! You can do what you want or who you want! Plus, he isn't  _that_  old either. It could be worse, like Hux."

"Oh no.  _Never_!" She shivered.

"That guy I was all over last night at the party? He was only three years younger than Ren! We aren't in high school anymore, Rey!" Finn told her, as he started his car once again.

"Promise you won't tell anyone? No matter what?" She pleaded, taking ahold of his bicep tightly to emphasize her desperation.

"I may run my mouth, but I know this is important to you. No word of it will come out of this mouth, I promise," Finn assured her, patting her shoulder before shifting his car into gear.

They pulled up to the school together. As it was Monday, per usual, they had Hux's class together. It went by slowly, both because Hux was boring, and because Rey was anxious about the next class.

Once it was over and Finn was able to see how strained Rey really was. It was like she had one pint of blood in her body, and a permanent frown was placed on her face. It didn't help that she was constantly gnawing at her lower lip, thanks to her nerves getting the best of her. She was worn. There was no hiding that.

After class, Finn thought Rey should take a stroll around campus to get some fresh air, as she was suffocating in her own thoughts running a mile per second.

"Look. It's not like he can declare his love for you in front of the class," Finn assured her. "The most he can do is catch you before or after class."

"Yeah, I know," Rey nodded, fiddling with her thumbs as she normally does. "But my brain is just... I can't help but think of the worst. You know?"

"I understand," Finn agreed, wishing he could help her. "On the bright side, you won't have to worry in two hours since it'll be over!"

Rey smiled a little at the thought of being worry-free.

Even though she didn't want to, Rey  _had_  to attend her class. Finn dropped her off by the door, per usual.

"You got this, girl!" he pat her back, sending her off.

Rey reluctantly opened the door, basically trembling. It made her even more nervous, as she didn't want him to see how badly she was shaking. In a way, she didn't want to scare him off. She wanted to prove that she was a capable adult who could handle adult things, such as kissing your professor.

Thankfully, so far, he didn't notice her shaking, since he was reading his book as he normally does before class. She saw him in his natural state, his hair in dark waves, his glasses on the bridge of his nose. His lips moved slightly as he read the words on the page to himself.

In a weird way, seeing him in his calm in-the-zone state made her relax a little more. If he had immediately looked at her, she would've probably ran out of the room.

She made it to her seat, where Rose babbled to her about the party Friday night. Rey couldn't bother to listen, as she kept glancing over to the professor. It almost bugged her that he paid no mind to her, as if she was nothing to him suddenly.

Once it was time for class to start, he finally set down his book and stood up, making is way to the front of his desk before leaning on it.

"Alright, class," he sighed, tiredly as he took off his glasses. He was finally in his natural state. "As you may know, there was a typo on question five. I won't count that against you, so let's all go over it on the projector."

Professor Ren taught the class as he normally would. Though, she could tell that he sounded more tired than usual, which was unsettling. At first, she thought it may have been from lack of coffee, which he seems to get cranky from. However, there was a fresh cup on his desk that he occasionally sipped throughout the lecture.

Eventually, as the class came to an end, Kylo told the class that there'd be no homework for that night, but to study nonetheless. He dismissed the class early, which everyone marveled about.

Rey got up from her seat and packed her items away as she normally would, while the class flooded out of the room. She was about to join the group.

"Rey."

She froze at his heavy voice.

Turning around, she saw him with his head in his hands. "Close the door after everyone is out."

She set down her bag, and once the last person was out, she approached the door to find Finn waiting there.

"I'll see you later," Rey said quietly, before closing the door in her friends face. Finn knew what was happening, and caught up with Rose instead.

Kylo raised his head, letting out a loud sigh as he looked over to her.

"I was barely able to sleep this whole weekend," he admitted. "Last night was probably the worst sleep of my life. No amount of coffee can cover this one."

"Me too," Rey related, also incredibly tired from using all of her energy to worry. She pulled up the chair from the corner of the room and set it in front of his desk.

"I know I've already said it, but I really am sorry. I hope I didn't scare you off or anything," he spoke, his tone full of regret.

"No! Well, I mean my anxiety has been taking over. Otherwise, I'm... alright," Rey assured. "I mean, it wasn't  _that_  bad."

"It wasn't bad at all," Kylo agreed. "It's just... I'm very professional about my work and it's hard for me to see myself being with a student."

"And it's hard seeing myself being with a professor. A male professor, who is much older and taller than me. And yet..."

Kylo glanced at her, waiting for her sentence to finish.

"My point is, I'm of legal age and you aren't that much older than I."  _There she went with the thumb fiddling again._  "We're making it seem like I'm eighteen and you're forty," she joked around a little.

"Perhaps," he smiled a little. "So where do we go from here?"

"Well, what about you, professor?" Rey asked, using the term on purpose. She could tell that Kylo secretly liked it by how the edge of his mouth twitched upwards.

He leaned forward slightly, resting his chin on this hand as he stared at Rey. "As interesting as our relationship is, I'm afraid that we should discontinue it. For the sake of my job and your education."

Rey visibly sank in her seat. The painful part was that she knew he was right. She could only nod as she looked down at her lap. Her fingers clashed with each other, trying to contain her demon known as anxiety.

"You're right," her voice softened. "I understand. I hope that we can continue our tutoring sessions?"

Kylo nodded. "Of course. It'd be wrong of me to take away something I promised you."

Rey smiled at him before holding out her hand. "Let's shake on it. Ignoring that this ever happened."

"And nothing more will happen," Kylo added, reaching over to shake her hand. It was much smaller than his, resulting in him being more gentle. Her skin was soft, her touch surging electricity throughout him.

Rey hadn't expected his hands to be so rough and coarse. Badly, she wanted to spend time examining them. She imagined her dainty fingers trailing the lines of his palm, maybe even dragging down to his veins.

The handshake lasted a mere few seconds, but it affected their minds for longer.

They retracted their hands. Rey stood from her seat, grabbing her bag. "I'll see you Wednesday morning, then."

"Of course," Kylo nodded, still sounding worn out.

After Rey threw her bag over her shoulder and exited the room, Kylo sighed, dropping his head on his desk before letting out a deep groan.

It pained him to let her go like that, but knew that once their relationship would've began, he wouldn't be able to stop.

He knew it was dangerous, both for his career and for his own well being. Thinking on the past weekend, he remembered many times when he had grabbed his keys about to grab liquor, but refrained due to his history of alcoholism. It had been resolved for a while now, but he'd be lying if the addiction vanished into thin air. There were many times he'd go past the alcohol section in the store and have to refrain from buying vodka.

It was torturous for him, as he could only think about her. He knew that nothing else would erase her from his mind other than alcohol, which he couldn't have.

As he sat there, he came to the conclusion that maybe thinking about her wasn't so bad.

* * *

 

After Rey finished her classes, Finn caught up with her.

"So?" He asked, eager.

"We broke up," Rey sighed. "Even though we weren't dating."

"What! Why?" Finn interrogated, disappointed. "The thought of you guys together started to grow on me."

Rey just shook her head. "He isn't wrong, but you're not supposed to date the professors. Or at least they shouldn't date you. And he said that it would affect my education-"

"That's stupid," Finn huffed, seeming to be more upset than Rey. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in his head. "Should we get ice cream and cry?"

Rey smiled a little, huffing some air out of her nose. "Thanks, but ice cream reminds me of him now."

She reminisced on how he licked the ice cream off of the spoon, the coffee color melting on his tongue. Again, she wondered what his mouth had tasted like after tasting that ice cream. What would've it been like mixed with her cookies and cream on her tongue?

"Rey?" Finn nudged her, snapping her out of it.

"I'm sorry," she quickly apologized. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted Taco Bell at least? They have really good Cinnabon's," Finn nearly salivated at the thought.

"Sure," she agreed. "Can you talk to me about your day? I need something to occupy my mind."

"Of course. So Poe was in my second class, right? And he looked at me before-"

Rey listened to his day until they got into his car. He talked and talked and talked, gushing over Poe. She thought he was so lucky to be able to have those moments with him. Whether it was a kinky gaze or a brush of shoulders on the way out of the class.

Rey couldn't stop thinking about Professor Ren and what could've been.

At least she had the freedom to daydream about him, or even see him again.

It wasn't enough.


	7. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasted NO time with these two! Enjoy! ;)

An entire month had passed by without any incidents between Rey and Kylo. Nothing obvious at least. They'd share an occasional glance or a simple short conversation, but other than that, radio silence. Their feelings for each other watered down due to time and acceptance.

The air outdoors became nippy, as it was the beginning of November. Rey suffered from the cold each day, as she wasn't used to it at all due to living in Arizona. Unfortunately, she knew that it was only the tip of the freezing cold iceberg.

Meanwhile, Finn and Poe were official, now boyfriends. Finn gushed about him all the time, and eventually, Poe joined Finn and Rey's morning and afternoon car rides since it was easy to pick him up on the way to school.

Rey quickly became friends with Poe. He was much cooler in person compared to the party where he drunkenly ignored her existence.

Poe also studied in aerospace engineering, but was now minoring in aviation. Technically, he should've been out of college by now as he was twenty-three, but he loved it so much that he stayed for just a little while longer. He couldn't let go of his party days quite yet. He was a fratboy with a heart.

Occasionally, Rey and Finn would stop by his apartment where he had an orange tabby cat named BB, who was friendly and inviting. Any chance Rey could get, she'd try and go to Poe's apartment.

Though, being around the two lovers made Rey feel lonely. The cold isolating weather didn't improve her mood. In a strange way, she missed the heat of the Arizona sun scolding her skin, burning it red before fading into something like a tan. Though, at this time of year, the weather would be like spring weather in Boston, except all of the trees would be dead.

She walked through the doorway of Professor Ren's room, where he had been waiting for her arrival—as she needed tutoring once again. They were past the beginning lessons that she struggled with, and she hadn't been in tutoring for a while until she was tripped up on a lesson that involved older math.

He glanced over to see that she was wrapped in a heavy jacket.

"You're cold?" Kylo questioned, his brows raised with a slight scoffing smile.

"I didn't ask to be from Arizona, Professor," Rey retorted sourly, as she closed the door behind herself.

As she walked over, he reached under his desk and lifted up two Starbucks coffee cups.

"I'm kinda glad you are, since I got us these. They're still hot," he cautioned, setting them on the table.

Rey stared in almost disbelief. "It's like you read my mind. Thank you!"

She quickly took the coffee, closed her eyes, held it to her chest, and exhaled. Kylo watched her rest for a moment, smiling at her appearance. She looked comfortable, bundled up in the forest green jacket and her white scarf. His eyes wandered down to her small hands clasping the cup.

Her eyes opened to catch him observing her, which she brushed off and assumed that he was waiting.

"Right. Sorry. It's just really cold," she laughed a little, before setting down the coffee. Then, she leaned over to her backpack and pulled out the homework sheet before placing it in front of her.

"Weeks have passed, and I still can't read upside down," Kylo sighed, standing up from his seat. Rey watched as he moved over beside her, taking a pencil out of his front pocket.

As he stared at the sheet, looking at the first problem, he slapped his pencil on the desk before uttering: " _Fuck!_ "

Rey crossed her legs before looking at him. "What?" She asked, panicked.

"Don't worry," he assured her, placing his hand on her shoulder. The sensation sent shivers down her spine. She almost felt touch-starved by him, after all these weeks. "I just made a typo in the first question. We'll skip that since I'll have to go over it in class anyway."

He reached for his coffee, cueing Rey to do the same. They both took cautious sips, before Kylo set his down first. Rey followed.

Kylo scanned the second question, before saying: "Alright," breathily. Rey could smell the coffee on his breath and felt the warmth of it hit the top of her head like a gentle loving kiss. The scent danced around her nostrils, almost like a tease as to what his mouth would taste like.

He explained the problem and how she should do it, before stepping back and waiting for her to complete it. The only other thing he could do was watch her, as she began the problem before halting in the middle. She stared hard at her page, as if she was waiting for the problem to solve itself.

Kylo couldn't help but to try and hold in a laugh unsuccessfully.

Rey looked over to him, confused.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, still trying to cover his smile. "It just looked cute how you were staring at the problem."

The two of them froze at what he had just said. Kylo tried to remain cool, acting as though it wasn't a big deal. "I'm here to help you, you know."

"Yeah, I need help," she laughed anxiously.

He kneeled beside her, trying to hint at the next step of the problem so she'd understand.

"You multiply these two," he pointed. "And then you...?"

Rey stared at him blankly, before looking at the page.

"It starts with an F," he tried to help.

He watched as she was focused on trying to sort the problem. It almost pained him to see her struggling, the way her face changed expressions every now and then was so cute to him.

"I'm sorry," she sighed in disappointment. "Tell me and I'll remember next time."

He didn't reply, which made her turn to him. His face looked strange, as though he was trying to solve the problem himself.

Except he was staring directly into her eyes.

Without warning, he abruptly moved forward and kissed Rey. She melted under his touch, the coffee lingering on their breaths fueling each other.

Rey retracted, leaving Kylo leaning forward a little more, wanting her.

"W-wait. What happened to what you said?" Referring to their previous agreement.

"Fuck what I said," he growled before bringing her back into the kiss. Rey pressed against him, grasping his broad shoulders. He grabbed the desk, not kneeling anymore, to be above her.

They couldn't stop kissing. Kylo eventually found himself kissing until he reached the crevice of her neck along with her collarbones. Rey grasped gently at his dark hair, which was soft, just as she had imagined thousands of times before. Her breaths became heavy, as it was difficult to breath when Kylo kissed her over and over.

As he lingered at her neck, the kissing slowed down until it came to a complete stop. He rested his head on her chest, kneeling again. He placed his hands on her thighs, raised his head, and stared at her.

"Let's face it," he began. "It's inevitable."

"I'm glad you finally came to the realization," she began to laugh.

He placed his hand on her cheek, staring at her in admiration. She then took it from her cheek and slowly brought it to her mouth. Kylo slowly stood, watching and waiting for her to do something.

She took his thumb and let it linger over her soft lips, almost as if to tease herself. She had learned this trick while hanging out with Finn and Poe. As she stared at him directly in the eyes, she slowly put his thumb in her mouth and gently sucked, twirling her tongue around it.

Kylo was turned on, staring down at her. He brushed back her hair, smirking at her. Slowly, he retracted his thumb from her mouth. A string of spit that was connected to her tongue and his thumb broke, landing on her chin.

"It's unfortunate we can't take this any further," Kylo murmured as he wiped his thumb on his black pants, the sheen of the spit existing for only a few seconds before the fabric absorbed it.

Rey gently wiped the spit off of her chin with her sleeve. "Agreed."

He picked up her coffee and took a sip of it. "The F was for factor, by the way," he mentioned.

Rey's face lit up. "OH!"

Immediately, she returned to the problem and scribbled the answer down. Kylo looked over it and nodded.

"Perfect."

After reviewing the homework, they were left much time to just  _talk._

Kylo was at his desk, rightfully so. Rey still sat across from him, her chin rested on her palm as she gazed at him with a warm smile.

"So," Kylo began. "What do we do now?"

"Keep quiet about it, for your sake at least," she expressed some concern. "I can tell you like your job, even if some students don't try."

Kylo sighed. "You're right to an extent."

Rey tilted her head slightly, waiting for him to explain.

"Being a professor isn't exactly what I had pictured myself doing, even though I've been doing it for two years now," he expressed. "Though, I do have a job to uphold as it's the only thing paying my bills."

"Mmmmm," she acknowledged. "So I guess we shouldn't do anything in here."

"Probably not," he sighed. "If the door didn't have a window, then it would've been a maybe."

She let out a slight laugh. "I'd be too afraid to anyway. What happened earlier was pure heat of the moment."

"I see..." he looked her up and down. "We'll have dates. Don't worry."

For some reason, that turned Rey on even more. The fact that he wanted to treat her and spend quality time with her was incredibly sexy.

There was a knock at the door, making the two of them jump. Kylo looked over to see a student already at the door.

"I have something to tell you," Rey hurriedly said as Kylo stood up. He stopped and looked down at her. "My best friend, Finn, knows."

"Is he to be trusted?" Kylo asked, not liking the idea.

"I think he is. He hasn't said anything yet," she assured him.

Kylo nodded a little hesitantly. "Alright. I trust you."

That warmed Rey without her having to consume any more coffee. She got up from her seat, dragged it to the corner of the room, and passed by Kylo, who walked back to his seat. They slowed down, turning toward each other as they made eye contact, smiling slightly.

"See you later... Professor," Rey teased.

Kylo got playfully mad at her, knowing that she had that power over him to turn him on. He rushed back to his seat and sat down to calm himself.

Rey nearly skipped to Hux's classroom, where Finn was already sat down at his desk. She jogged up the steps to her seat, dropping her stuff.

"What's your deal? You were a morning monster earlier," Finn asked, noticing her change in tone.

"I'll tell you later," Rey smiled, unable to stop squirming.

After little thought, Finn gasped.

"Ren?!" He whisper-shouted.

Rey shot him a glare, a silent way of telling him to shut up.

Finn covered his mouth, freaking out in his seat. Rey slapped his shoulder.

"Shut up! I said later!" She scolded. Despite Finn being annoying, she couldn't stop being happy.

Throughout Hux's class, Finn kept asking questions. Rey ignored him, no matter what.

Class ended, and the two walked out. Finn immediately grabbed her arm and  _dragged_  her to the fountain. They sat on the edge of it, and Rey suddenly felt like she was a hostage.

"Spill!  _SPILL!_ " He pressed, taking her shoulders desperately.

Rey couldn't help but laugh out loud. "I can't tell you all of it, for both of our privacy's sake."

"Y'all fucked on his desk?!" Finn got up, jumping up and down.

"NO! SIT!" She slapped the cement edge of the fountain.

Finn immediately composed himself and sat down, listening.

"We were tutoring, and I was stuck on a problem. Then I looked at him and he just stared at me, hungry," she explained, her stomach swirling. "Then we just... kissed."

Rey turned towards Finn and grabbed his arm. "Finn. I'm telling you. It felt like my world changed! Like, all of my stress just vanished!"

"Oh my god!" Finn groaned. "That sounds so beautiful!"

"Then after we kinda talked about it, and he said he was going to take me on dates!  _DATES!"_ She exclaimed, now shaking him.

"Really doing the bare minimum out here..." Finn said, half joking.

"Look, I've never had a boyfriend. Having someone that into you is ego-boosting," Rey defended herself.

Finn's mouth was agape, as he was in complete shock. "You- I..." he tried to speak. "You've never had a boyfriend. And you think that having a professor as a first is a good idea?"

"Look, Finn. I'm happy!" Rey smiled. "I haven't felt like this in a long time! At this point, I don't care how weird it is."

Finn understood, relating internally with him and Poe.

"I got you," he patted her shoulder.

Rey squirmed in her seat, needing to unleash this burst of energy and happiness. "I can't wait to see him soon. I hope I can focus on what he teaches today."

"I mean, if you don't, he can teach it to you on your date," Finn teased, nudging her gently.

"Ha. Ha," she replied dryly. "It's already almost time for his class anyway. I'm going to go."

Finn nodded. "Okay, sis. You do you."

Rey left Finn, taking her time to get to his class since she still seemed early.

She saw him in the classroom, reading his book per usual. Unable to resist, she opened the door.

He glanced over before smiling a little.

"You're early. Class starts in ten more minutes," he told her.

"I know. It's just for today, I think," she closed the door behind her, a smile creeping on her face. "You just looked cute reading."

"Did I?" He took off his glasses, as Rey approached him. She stopped in front of him. As he held her waist, she reached over and grabbed his glasses, putting them on herself.

"Do I look cute?" She asked, bringing the glasses down to the edge of her nose.

"Ravishing," he told her. "I'd kiss them off of you if class wasn't starting so soon. Your little friend in the front row comes five minutes early."

"Rose is just like that," Rey shrugged. She pulled out her phone and checked the time, seeing it was now seven minutes before class. After tossing her phone on his desk loudly, she leaned down to kiss him again. When she nearly retracted, Kylo continued as he grabbed at her waist.

Finally, he pulled himself away and took his glasses back with him.

"I  _need_  to see you later," he said. "How about... we get ice cream after school?"

"God, I  _wish_! But I need to go grocery shopping with my grandpa," she held the side of his face. "Unless you want to risk picking me up after dinner?"

"I'm already risking a lot here, so why not?" He shrugged. "What if your grandpa sees me?"

"You look young enough to pass off as a student. You look like a fourth year at least. He'll be hesitant, but it's better than saying I'm dating my professor," Rey planned out.

"It sounds weird to even  _me_  that you're dating a professor," Kylo scoffed in disbelief.

The door burst open to Rose, holding all of her items.

"Oh hey, Rey!" She exclaimed. "For once I'm not the earliest! What a relief."

As Rose turned away from them, Rey turned back to Kylo with a smile. He took her phone from his desk and handed it to her.

"See you tonight."


	8. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little heated! A lil spicy ;) But I really love writing these two!  
> Hope yall enjoy!

Rey struggled with getting ready. She debated on wearing a flirty floral dress, or a casual outfit of a tee shirt and jeans. She also contemplated how her make up was going to turn out, a heavy fall look, or a rosy light glam.

Kenobi peeked his head in through the doorway.

"Where are you off to?" He smiled, seeing her stare at her closet helplessly.

"I'm going to go hang out with Finn, but my friend Kylo is picking me up," Rey lied through her teeth. She  _hated_  lying, especially to her grandfather as he was upfront with her about everything. Even his career, which needed to remain discreet, he told her as much as he could, legally. Though, Rey knew that if she told him that she was even dating Kylo, he'd insist on talking to Kylo, or even interrogate him, which he was freakishly good at for being in FBI.

"I see..." he nodded with a wavering smile. "Well, have fun with Kyle."

"Kylo!" Rey corrected, as Kenobi closed the door, leaving it open just a crack.

Rey knew she was running out of time, so she chose the dress. Since she had picked the dress, which was a white shade, she had to go with the light rosy makeup. She brushed a peachy blush color on her cheeks, already covered with foundation and concealer. Her eyes were covered with a light brown shade; eventually, she coated her lashes with mascara.

She slipped on a pair of black flats to complete the look.

Feeling cute, she hoped Kylo would see her the same way.

Her phone buzzed, making her jump.

 **Kylo:** I'm here.

Rey hurriedly threw on her black jacket, shoved her phone in her pocket, and rushed out of her room.

"Bye, Grandpa! Love you!"

"Love you too. Have fun!"

With that, she closed the front door behind her. She could see Kylo waiting in his car, his wrist on the steering wheel, his hand dangling. He was looking down at his phone, expecting Rey to take longer than she did.

She opened the door, causing him to look over and smile.

"Cute," he commented, putting the car into drive.

It turned out that Rey didn't need blush after all, as her cheeks flourished from his compliment.

"You know, you really shouldn't end your texts with a period," Rey commented, fastening her seat belt.

"How come? It's proper grammar," Kylo tried to defend himself.

"Yeah, but it makes you sound angry," Rey glanced over to him, awaiting a reaction.

He rolled his eyes a little. "Alright. I guess placing a period makes it sound harsher than intended."

Her eyes lurked down to his outfit, which was a dark button-up with dark pants. Rey wondered if all he owned were button-up shirts.

"I know I said we were just going for ice cream," Kylo began. "But how about a movie? At my place."

Rey's stomach turned, knowing exactly where he was headed.

"Sure," she agreed, a little anxious at the idea of having sex on the first date. Again, he would be her first. She was afraid that once he knew, it would scare him off or something weird like that.

She didn't want to tell him yet, as the night was still young and she wanted to spend time with him.

Kylo turned the steering wheel many times until they pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop. It looked the same as before, with few people inside and dingy lighting.

Once they parked, Kylo turned off his car and popped open his door, gathering his items. Rey got out of the car and hurried toward his side, as it was a chilly night and he radiated warmth.

Kylo got out of his black Mustang, smiling at Rey as she was hugging herself, dancing slightly to keep warm. He promptly wrapped his arm around her, guiding her inside to the cold, but not as cold, ice cream shop.

"Do you want to sit down?" Kylo questioned, since that's what she did last time.

Rey shook her head. "I don't have beer all over me this time," she smiled.

The two approached the counter, and Rey finally had the chance to look over the menu. Her eyes scanned the lit board as Kylo ordered his usual coffee flavored ice cream in a cup. Both the cashier and Kylo waited on Rey to order.

"I think I'll have a classic vanilla cone," she smiled at the cashier.

The cashier rang their order up and Kylo paid. Within the minute, they received their ice creams.

"This is going to sound a little weird, but hear me out," Kylo began. "Do you want to just... eat it in the car?"

"Are you sure? What if my ice cream drips?" Rey questioned.

"It's just ice cream," he assured. "I know you won't drop the entire thing."

"But what if I did?" Rey grinned, as they made their way to the front door.

"Then I'd take a walk to calm down before coming back to clean the mess," Kylo half-joked.

Rey laughed nonetheless. "Don't worry. I won't drop it."

They walked over to the car and got inside. Kylo started it, turning up the radio slightly to set the "nighttime date" mood.

"You know, I always see you reading before class starts," Rey looked over to him. "What do you even read?"

"Whatever I can get my hands on at this point," Kylo explained. "But I normally like sci-fi since it's thinking outside the box. At least the good sci-fi books. Not the ones with ridiculous plots to showcase overly complicated creatures."

"I see," Rey nodded, before quickly licking a bead of ice cream making its way to the bottom of the cone. "So explain to me how a calculus professor spends most of their time reading?"

Kylo shrugged, smiling a little. "I never really told you, but my uncle is Professor Skywalker."

Rey's eyes widened since the two of them seemed to be polar opposites. Professor Skywalker was funky and cool, whereas Kylo was more reserved, but cool when you got to know him.

"I know," he sighed. "But I grew up ahead of everyone else. I was stellar in English and actually enjoyed literature, but I was better at math. I was paraded around by my father who forced me to become a "child prodigy" while my mom didn't do much to stop my progress since it seemed like it wasn't doing much harm," Kylo explained his backstory. "Long story short, I became the "math boy" and was able to do any problem I was faced with. I breezed through college, getting my masters at twenty-four for mathematics. Since that degree is practically useless, Professor Skywalker referred me to my current job."

Rey blinked a few times, absorbing the information. "Wow. That really sucks..."

He shrugged it off, digging into his ice cream. "Don't feel too bad. I'm doing online classes to get an English minor. Also a useless degree, but at least I'm learning what I want."

"Good! That makes me happy," Rey smiled.

"And you're going for Aerospace engineering, correct?" Kylo raised a brow, glancing over to her from his ice cream.

Rey was surprised he even remembered it, as most people, even her grandpa at times, forgot. "Yeah."

"What's driving you to do that? It's unfortunately rare for women to do any type of engineering."

Rey smiled a little. "Well, I've always been interested in space and such. I know I won't be an astronaut or anything that crazy, but just the idea of progressing the technology to make space travel possible is enough to fuel me."

"Ah. So that's why you know so much about the moon cycles," Kylo laughed a little.

"Mhm!" Rey grinned, before licking more of her ice cream.

Kylo watched as her tongue glided around the sweltering vanilla ice cream.

"Do you know much about zodiacs?" Kylo questioned, trying to keep his mind elsewhere.

Rey's lips separated from the dessert. "Too much. What zodiac are you?"

"Taurus."

"I'm pretty sure you're compatible with me. I'm a Pisces. But Taurus's can be pretty stubborn," Rey grinned, looking over to him. She saw how his tongue dipped into the spoon he was given, scooping the ice cream into his mouth slowly.

He glanced at her, making brief eye contact. She knew what game he was playing now.

Rey dragged her tongue from the bottom to the top of the ice cream, before placing her lips on the top and sucking on it.

He couldn't help but laugh a little, seeing how hard she was trying to turn him on. "Enjoying your ice cream?" He quipped.

"It's good," she nodded, licking her lips. "And yours?"

"Alright," he agreed. "But it's not my favorite dessert," he glanced between her legs, knowing fully well that it was obvious Gazing back up, Rey found his stare titillating as a grin split on his face.

Rey found a spot where a drop of vanilla was escaping and licked it up. "Mine either." She gave a lascivious wink.

He put his car into reverse, looking back as he placed his hand behind her seat. "Maybe we'll find some dessert at my place."

Rey grinned, eating her ice cream a little faster.

They passed Rey's house, driving further from the school itself. Within a few minutes, they turned into a nice neighborhood with trimmed green bushes along the sidewalk and tall trees looming over the street.

They pulled up to Kylo's home, which was a chic modern two story place. On the exterior, it had many windows which showed hit low-lit living room.

"Woah," Rey leaned forward, looking at it through the windshield.

"Come on," he grinned. "I'll show you the interior."

They both exited the car, Kylo locking it. Upon entering, as Rey took a first look, Kylo shed her jacket off of her. The hairs on her body stood under his brief touch. He hung her jacket on his coat hanger.

"I love the wood flooring," she began to walk around. "It's very cozy in here."

Kylo made the light shine a little brighter so she could see more. Rey observed the interpretive art on the walls, before exploring the living room area. There was only a white couch placed in front of the front windows and a brown wooden coffee table in front of it.

"No TV?" Rey turned to him, confused.

"Oh, right. Hold on," he rushed over to the coffee table, picking up a small remote. In one click, the curtains closed and a projector screen slowly dropped down. Rey's mouth dropped open as she watched.

"I feel like I should be paying to be here," she said, half joking.

"Lord knows I do," Kylo sighed, suddenly dreading his next rent. He nodded his head toward the kitchen. "I may have some movie snacks for us."

Rey followed him into the kitchen, which was all polished with white marble and wooden cabinets and walls to compliment it. Kylo opened his pantry and looked around, quickly finding the popcorn. He also found a bag of Kisses to share with her.

"Yum," Rey said, both excited and scared. She was afraid of the popcorn mixing with the ice cream already in her stomach. She internally agreed to only eat the chocolate.

Kylo poured both of them into two separate bowls before returning to the living room, Rey following.

"Is there any particular movie you want to watch. Or maybe even want me to see?" Kylo asked.

"None," she shook her head. "I'd rather both of us experience it fresh."

He sat down on the couch with his remote in hand. "Okay then. Let me know when something catches your eye."

Rey sat down beside him, leaning forward to scan the movie titles on Netflix. Rey saw a cover with Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. "Wait."

Rey pointed at the cover. "Have you seen Silver Linings Playbook?"

Kylo read the synopsis fairly quickly. "No, but it sounds interesting." He was lying, as he was never into drama movies as they all had the same ending. The damsel in distress is either saved or murdered by her lover. Despite his strong opinion, he didn't mind watching it with Rey at least.

Upon selecting it, the movie began to play. The first ten minutes, the two of them were intrigued, but quickly lost attention. However, It wasn't the movie's fault.

Rey leaned against Kylo, looking up at him a few times to see his expression at certain points of the beginning.

Kylo did the same, except his angle was more interesting upon seeing down her dress. Rey didn't have anything close to double D's as she had a petite figure, but Kylo still wanted to explore her body nonetheless. At the same time, he didn't mind simply watching a movie with her either. It was mostly his dick controlling his thoughts, which somewhat annoyed him.

Rey was engulfed in the movie, eating the chocolate kisses at a slow pace, her eyes glued to the screen. Eventually, she snapped out of the trance and looked up to see Kylo. His face was calm as he stared straight ahead at the movie. She shifted up, took his cheek with her hand, and pulled him into a big kiss.

With no surprise, they couldn't stop themselves. Kylo leaned down to kiss her over and over.

Finally, Rey couldn't take it anymore.

She moved over and sat on his lap, facing him. He breathed in her chocolate vanilla swirl breath as she messily kissed him, unbuttoning his shirt. On the other hand, Kylo slithered his hands up her thighs, hiking up her dress. Her stomach swirled as she became anxious. Quickly, she diverted his attention by kissing down his chest to his abdomen as she undid his belt. She whipped it off of his waist, throwing it on the floor.

Kylo assisted her, taking out his dick himself, as it was ready to pop out of his underwear anyway. Rey didn't hesitate, gently taking it in her hands. It was warm to the touch. Her knowledge of porn was the only way she was going to get through the experience.

She started at the base, dragging her tongue up the spine of his cock, occasionally gliding over a vein or two. Finally, she started at the head, almost as if to tease him. It was working, hearing him let out a heavy shortened breath.

Promptly, she tested to see how much of it she could fit in her mouth, which was about a half of it. She knew that if she went any further, she'd gag, which wasn't the worst thing to happen. So she tried it. She went back, trying to take as much of it in as possible, which became 2/3rd of his dick. It hit the back of her mouth, making her gag slightly. She returned to her normal pace, not wanting to vomit on him.

She looked up to catch him throw his head back, grasping at the couch pillows. "Fuck..." he groaned slightly.

It was satisfying to her, almost like a reward, to feel him tense under her touch. She tried moving faster, making him writhe a little.

"Oh my fucking...  _fuck!_ " He spat out.

Rey prepared herself, keeping up her pace up. Kylo gently grasped at her hair, guiding her. His hips bucked as all of the air expelled from his lungs, his hand letting go of her hair. Rey felt him pulse as she let him come into her mouth, feeling the warm fluid on her tongue. Kylo let out a guttural groan, his hips flexing at each spurt of cum.

Not wanting to make a mess or make things awkward, she swallowed it. She wasn't the biggest fan of it, as if she swallowed a fruit she had to eat, like slimy cantaloupe. She sucked it up.

Kylo looked down at her, seeing her swallow, his eyes widened. "Did you just swallow?"

"Yeah," Rey said, a little surprised she had done it herself. Though, she gently wiped some off of her lower lip as though she had done this many times before; unbothered.

Kylo smiled, throwing his head back once again before gently laughing. "Holy shit, Rey."

She got up from her kneeling position, before wiping the edges of her mouth too. To rid of the lingering taste and smell, Rey popped two Kisses chocolates in her mouth, letting them melt on her tongue slightly.

"Now it's your turn," Kylo shed his shirt and pants. Rey looked over to see him in his full form, examining the various moles scattered all over him like a beautifully crafted work of art.

"Well, about that..." Rey began. "There's something I have to tell you..."

Kylo tilted his head, a little worried for what she was about to say, expecting her to say she had an STD or something of that nature. Instead, it wasn't what he expected at all.

"I'm a virgin."

Kylo looked at her up and down. "Okay," he nodded. "That's alright."

"You're not mad?" She asked, her brows raised.

Kylo then laughed. "Why would I be mad at something like that? If anything, I'm flattered."

Rey smiled before latching herself onto him, kissing his lips until she reached his neck. Without warning, he lifted her off the floor and carried her. Rey yelped at the surprise. She wrapped her legs around him, her hands latched onto his shoulders.

"You deserve more than a quick fuck on a couch while some movie plays in the background," Kylo told her, eyes defiling her, hungry.

As he carried her up the stairs, she gently combed her hair through his dark waves, placing gentle loving kisses on his neck so he could see where they were going.

He tossed her on his soft bed, playfully. Upon hitting the fluffy sheets and the memory foam mattress, she almost felt like falling asleep. Obviously, she would never, but the feeling of it was heavenly.

Kylo decided to do some foreplay, to prepare her for what was to come later. He was hovering over her, one hand planted beside her head, his lips on hers, while the other hand slowly pulled off her underwear. Rey was nervous, but trusted Kylo. Feeling her underwear being taken off of her made her wet for some reason. She assumed it was because that cotton protection, locking in that moisture, was now gone.

Letting his hands caress her body, he slowly made it down to her vagina. Kylo halted before looking up at Rey. "Are you sure about this? Because now's the time to tell me to stop."

"I'm positive," Rey nodded, smiling at him in assurance.

"Okay..." he said, going back under her dress. Rey felt his tongue linger on her lips, before pushing into her entrance. Kylo's dick twinged at the sound of her gasp, as she grasped her sheets. As she felt him lap her, she decided to copy him and grab at his hair. She had to resist not clenching it into a fist, which would've potentially hurt him.

He dragged his tongue up to her clit, gently sucking on it, twirling his tongue. Rey tensed up, whimpering only a little as she tried to conceal her moaning until later. Rey arched her back, on the edge.

"Kylo!" She cried out, desperate. "I'm so close!"

Immediately, he pulled away. Rey felt betrayed that he had left her in such a vulnerable state, especially since given a few more seconds, she would've been under his control.

"No!" She whined. "Why?"

"It's called edging. It's when-"

"I know what it is, but that doesn't mean it's nice," she complained, sad that he didn't continue. Rey reached her hand down, until Kylo roughly grabbed both of her wrists, pinning it above her head.

He came face to face with her, giving a hungry look of dominance.

"I'm  _not_  finished."

He let go of her, walking over to his bedside table. She watched as he unwrapped a condom, putting it on himself.

Rey couldn't focus too much on what he was doing as she felt the feeling of being on the edge of an orgasm slowly fade away.

He slowly made his way to the bedroom light, dimming it slightly to set the mood.

"One last time," Kylo said. "If you want to back out-"

"Stop asking me that and fuck me already!" Rey demanded, desperate to have an orgasm.

Kylo grinned, satisfied that he already had her practically begging.

Thankfully, since she was sopping wet, he didn't have to use lube. He positioned himself above her, staring into her eyes.

"If you feel any discomfort, let me know," his voice was calm and patient. Rey felt comfortable, her muscles relaxing.

He guided his member toward her entrance, slowly pressing the tip in.

Rey made a pained face. "A little slower?"

"Of course."

Kylo used the stop-and-go method first, waiting for Rey's reaction to let him know how far he should go. Then he pulled back, causing Rey to gasp.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah," she assured, laughing a little. "That just felt  _really_  good."

Kylo smiled, before slowly pressing into her again.

This happened a few more times until Rey became used to the sensation, which allowed Kylo to move faster.

Eventually, Kylo grabbed Rey by the hips and dragged her toward the end of the bed. He was standing as he spread her legs and entered again. As he thrusted at a casual pace, Rey grasped at her own hair.

"Faster!" Rey moaned. Kylo obliged, not only going faster, but rougher. It got to the point where the bed began to squeak a little from the bed frame moving slightly.

Rey's breathing became heavy as she went from her hair to the sheets.

"Kylo!" She moaned. "Oh god, I'm about to..."

Kylo bent over, now grinding into her a little slower and deeper. Rey clung onto him, scratching his back slightly as her head was by his ear. She released a loud moan into his shoulder, letting Kylo know that she had finished. He slowed down, thrusting a few more times before slowly pulling out.

"Oh god," Rey heaved, kissing the crevice of his neck. "You were right about the edging... Thank you..."

Kylo could only laugh, not expecting to be thanked.

"It's a shame you have to go home," Kylo looked down at her. "I enjoy feeling you crumble under my touch."

Rey sat up from the bed. "I can arrange something..."

She hurried down the steps back into the living room and pulled out her phone. Slowly, she climbed back up the steps as she scrolled through her contacts, before hitting the Caller ID.

It rang for a few brief seconds.

"Grandpa?" She questioned, plugging one ear. "Hey, I was wondering if I could have a sleepover at Finn's tonight."

She looked at Kylo who had an impressed grin spread across his face.

Rey nodded. "Of course! I'll come by in the morning to grab my school supplies. Mhm. Okay, thanks! Love you too! Bye."

Upon hanging up, she searched for another contact. She called.

"Hello?" Finn answered.

"Remember when you didn't take me home that night at the party?" Rey asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Finn hesitantly replied. "I'm still sorry."

"You're going to make it up for me. If my grandpa somehow finds you or calls you, asking about me, I'm sleeping over at your place. If it's ever mentioned in the future, I'm sleeping over at your place."

Kylo raised his brows, trying to not laugh at her desperate attempt to stay the night.

"Is Rey gettin' some Professor pussy tonight?" He asked, jokingly.

"Not a word, Finn," she scolded. "I gotta go."

"Woah waiT A MINUT-"

Rey hung up on him, turning back to Kylo.

"My plans suddenly cleared up and I can spend the night," she told him, giving a cocky smirk.

Kylo nodded, patting the bed. "Ready for round two?"

Rey felt spoiled, but hurried back over to his bed, latching onto him, practically begging for more.


	9. Morning Rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw the trailer for the new Star Wars movie and I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to write. Here u go :) Happy Star Wars day lmao

The rays of sunlight emitted through the windows in front of the house, hitting Rey directly in the eyes. She threw her arm over her face before rolling over to reach for Kylo. Instead, she met with empty sheets, not even warm.

Upon sitting up, she could hear some shuffling below, the coffee maker popping and guzzling as it brewed a fresh batch.

She looked around for her dress, only to find a spare bathrobe awaiting her on the edge of the bed. Grabbing it, she swung her feet onto the floor and shimmied the robe on, tying it around her waist. It was white and fluffy, which made her feel as though she was living in luxury. Her fingers traced along the fabric, smiling a little at the warmth emitting from it.

From below, she was able to hear a pot clink against another loudly.

" _Shit_!" Kylo hushed to himself, as he tried to remain quiet for her. Rey found the gesture sweet, but decided to let him know she was awake.

Moving from the edge of the bed to the stairway, her feet padded on the cold floor until she reached the bottom. Turning around the corner, she could see Kylo making eggs and bacon on the stove.

"Good morning, chef," she teased, rubbing her eye as she slowly made it over to the kitchen island. The counter was white marble with fake fruits in a wicker bowl placed in the center. She pulled out a black bar stool and sat on it.

"Morning," Kylo greeted, smiling a little anxiously. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"Not at all," she assured, watching as he moved around quickly to make breakfast. "Do you normally make your own breakfast like this or are you just trying to impress me?"

"Little bit of both," Kylo said a little quieter, focusing on flipping the bacon over. "I was hoping to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

Rey laughed gently. "Consider me impressed."

Her eyes gleamed over his black robe, contrasting her own. It was the same fabric and everything, making her wonder why he had two separate robes. Her mind wandered to a possible former lover, then onto the simple explanation of it being a guest robe. She didn't bother to ask, not wanting to change the mood.

"What time is it?" Rey asked him, resting her chin on her thumb as her fingers made an "L" shape.

"Mmm..." he glanced at his old worn watch. "Seven-fifty."

Her stomach clenched for a brief moment in fear, only to remember that she didn't have to worry. At first she thought she was going to be late for her tutoring with Kylo, only to find that he was right in front of her. She decided to make a joke out of it.

"Thanks for the tutoring last night."

Her heart buzzed hearing Kylo genuinely laugh instead of his usual cool scoffs. He turned around holding two plates of food ready to be eaten, placing one down in front of him and then Rey. He also took a cup of coffee and handed it to her along with a small jar of sugar and five different types of creamer.

"Jesus Christ, Kylo," she stared at the creamer, as they were not only a large quantity, but awfully large in size too. Even worse, they were all about half way or almost at the bottom.

"I have more flavors in the fridge if you want to have a look," he offered, giving her a coy look.

"You have an addiction."

"Maybe," he shrugged a little. "Better than being addicted to drugs."

Rey picked out the caramel flavored creamer. "Whatever you say..."

The two of them quietly ate in the kitchen, more sunlight peeking through the blinds. Rey snuck some glances at Kylo, observing his sweetly placed freckles and moles. She watched as his brown eyes glanced at his phone, how they widened slightly at a notification before moving back to his breakfast. She was amazed at how calm he was, especially since when she first met him he seemed brash and intimidating.

Maybe he still was just that, but he revealed a different side to Rey. One that probably no one else knew.

She smiled down at her breakfast, stabbing her scrambled eggs before lifting them to her mouth.

Looking around, Rey felt as though time was paused in the outside world. The house had a comfortable atmosphere to it, as it was quiet and cozy.

"What are you so happy about?" Kylo asked, more in a curious way than a rude way.

Rey inhaled and shrugged, looking around once more. "I don't know. I just feel at ease here. Not like my home life is frantic, but just the mornings here are a lot calmer."

Kylo nodded, tucking a piece of bacon in his cheek and biting it. "Sometimes, if I wake up earlier than expected, I'll read on the couch or something."

"You sound so organized." Rey laughed. "My mornings are just me rushing to put my makeup on and scarfing down breakfast."

The word "makeup" caused Kylo to pop his head up. "Speaking of which, are you going to wear any today?"

"Probably not. It's whatever. I only put it on when I'm having a rough day," she assured. "But I do need to get my school supplies from my house after we leave."

"Okay." He looked at his watch once again. "Are you going to wear your dress to school?"

"I can throw something on at home. It'll take two minutes," she promised.

"Then we should leave at about eight-fifteen since school is a longer drive and we have to stop at your house. We'll just have to pray for no traffic."

Rey nodded, not absorbing anything he had just said. She trusted him to remember everything he told her, or else they both would be in a predicament.

After having a quiet breakfast, finishing their coffee and cleaning the dishes, Rey went back upstairs to slip out of the robe and put on her dress. In the middle of the process, Kylo was at the bottom of the steps.

"Do you want to take a shower?" Kylo hollered upstairs.

Rey had almost forgotten about how dirty they were with each other last night. She remembered fondly of how Kylo's tongue dragged across her skin, amongst other things. It hit her like a brick that she couldn't go to class in her current state.

"Yeah, actually. I take quick showers since my hair is so short," she explained, loud enough for Kylo to hear downstairs.

"Is it too weird if we showered together? I kinda need one too, but I won't mind skipping today if I absolutely have to."

"I don't mind," Rey replied, a little too quick. She was desperate for a shower, but she didn't want Kylo to have to suffer because of her. She knew it wouldn't be  _that_  bad showering with him, especially since they were in a rush.

The bathroom was upstairs, so Rey waited for Kylo to climb up the steps before she went anywhere near the shower.

Eventually he did, hurrying upstairs and slipping into the bathroom. Once Rey heard the water turn on, she walked in to join him.

Peeking around the corner, she could already see him shrug off his robe. As it stopped around his waist, he glanced back to see Rey watching, wondering what she should be doing.

"Are you coming in?" He asked, a slight smile on his face.

"Yeah." She nodded, quickly untying her robe. She watched as Kylo hung his on the back of the door, so she followed suit.

His shower was fairly large, as it was a walk-in shower with a generous shower head spraying them with water.

"We'll take turns with the water," Kylo explained. "Ok?"

Rey nodded, her breathing becoming heavy from both the humidified air coming from the hot water along with the body heat coming from Kylo himself.

She watched as he ran his dark waves under the water, which matted down effortlessly. He combed his fingers through his hair, making sure it absorbed as much water as possible. Once he was wet, he took Rey by her delicate shoulders and gently guided her under the water.

He took the shampoo and squeezed it into his palms, rubbing them together before pushing around his own hair.

Rey constantly found herself mesmerized by anything Kylo did, whether he was doing something as simple as eating, or if he was showering right in front of her with no worry. Her eyes observed his muscles, how they tightened when his arms reached to the back of his head. Not to mention, the height difference  _killed_  her inside, seeing as he was so tall and she was average height, maybe even on the smaller side.

Her hair was damp, as she waited for Kylo to finish, which didn't take too long. He took her by the shoulders again and traded places, almost like a romantic ballroom dance.

Now that Kylo had the opportunity, he watched Rey squeeze the shampoo into her palms, which reminded him of last night, ironically.

As she ran her fingers through her hair, dragging her nails on her scalp, Kylo began to get a boner.

"Nice." He sighed to himself, looking down at his dick.

Rey stopped and looked at him staring down, only to find his boner.

"Kylo!" Rey whined, scrubbing her hair faster. "We don't have time!"

"I know!" He raised his voice a little, frustrated. "It just kinda... happened."

"Make it un-happen. Think of your naked grandpa or something," Rey rolled her eyes, playfully of course.

Kylo moved her under the water again, taking the conditioner and lathering it in his hair. Rey gasped with excitement.

"Yes! I've always wondered how your hair was so soft!"

Kylo let out a small laugh. "I hope no one connects that you and I are going to smell exactly the same."

"We'll just stay far away from each other like usual, is all," Rey assured, combing through her hair to try and get all of the soap out.

Once she did, she quickly nabbed the conditioner and lathered it in her hair, already feeling the effects of it. She took a smell, which smelled like typical guy shampoo. The scent was sweet on her nose, but a little bitter. She would smell it all day if she could.

Kylo then put some body wash into his palm, rubbed his hands together, and began at Rey's shoulders as she rubbed the conditioner in her hair.

"You really are pampering me today." Rey smiled, letting him rub the body wash on her back, trailing lower and lower.

"This is torturous, fondling you like this, I hope you know," he told her, as he got even more erect.

"Well, I can't be late for Hux's class or he'll crucify me," Rey simply told him. "Or else you know I'd bend over right here right now."

"Don't tell me that," he begged, pained, as he moved his hands to her breasts. They travelled down her stomach until his fingers slowly slipped in between her folds, making Rey have a sharp inhale. His other hand caressed her breast as his finger swirled on her clit. Kylo gently placed kisses upon her neck, being a little too quiet for her pleasure.

"I know what you're doing," Rey scolded him, slowly moving his hand away. "You're trying to make it even so I'm equally as turned on as you, because  _someone_  can't control their dick."

"Did it work?" He asked, innocently.

Rey rolled her eyes, now flustered from his touch. "You know what? Fine. But if I'm late because of it, you better give Hux a good reason."

"Believe me. Hux won't give a shit," he turned her around, before kissing her on her lips over and over as a reward. Rey trailed her kisses from his lips, to his cheek, down his abdomen, until she was met with his cock. At first she used her hand to speed up the process until she eventually put her mouth around it.

Hearing him moan under her touch made Rey feel incredibly powerful. The fact that she could make a man as tall and dominating as Kylo crumble boosted her ego.

She ran her hand up and down his leg, almost to have him finish quicker, which he did.

Once Rey felt the first squirt, hearing Kylo moan, she removed her mouth and spit on the ground, before using her hand to finish the process. She smiled up at him as he watched his cum drop down her chest slowly.

Kylo helped Rey up from the floor, forcing her to turn her back against him as he slipped his fingers inside her. Rey let out a moan, becoming wet under his touch, without much help from the shower itself. Kylo started by kissing her neck until he completely sucked on it. Rey couldn't care since she just wanted to orgasm. She spread her legs a little, welcoming him in.

They obviously couldn't have shower sex, as Kylo didn't have a condom on, so this was their solution. Rey assisted him, rubbing her own clit as she leaned against him. She grasped behind her, digging her nails into his skin and dragging it toward her. Her back arched as her eyes rolled back a little.

"I'm  _right_  there!" She said, almost a plead. Finally, she climaxed, and Kylo felt her wet his fingertips. He removed his hand slowly as she convulsed a little, feeling the after effects. He then got on his knees and moved both of them under the water to rinse. Rey let him eat her out since it was somewhat cleansing her. He lapped her gently, as she rinsed the conditioner out of his hair, slightly grasping at her hair.

"God, I wish most mornings could be like this," she moaned. Kylo let out an noise of approval which served almost as a vibrator, causing Rey to gasp a little. He quickly took note and began to occasionally murmur curse words or sounds of pleasure into her, making her closer to climax. Finally, she did, doubling over a little, moaning.

"Okay," she breathed. "Okay. We  _really_  have to rush now."

Kylo looked up at her, smiling a little. "I'll just tell Hux that we were tutoring. That  _is_  what we've been doing after all," Kylo threw Rey's joke back at her. She could only laugh. Kylo used her waist to help himself up, before the two of them rinsed their hair under the water for good.

After the long twenty minute shower, Rey practically ran out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her hair, and put on her dress. The time was 8:13 A.M.

Kylo hurriedly blow dried his hair, which didn't take too long thankfully. Once he was fully clothed and ready, Rey threw her towel in his laundry basket and nabbed her phone before running down stairs.

Kylo calmly followed her down, as she snatched her purse and made it to the front door. He grabbed his keys and they left the house, locking their previous affairs behind.


	10. Disorder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is my child and I love her with my entire being, and she deserves so much

Panic flowed through Rey as she and Kylo neared her house, her eyes constantly flickered back to the dashboard clock. There was roughly fifteen minutes until Hux's class started and Rey had never been late to a class before.

Kylo noticed how her eyes darted around, her hands tearing into each other. Her skin bloomed a violent red as she itched the back of her hand, a nervous tic she had.

As soon as she pulled up to her house, she ran out of the car and down the cement pathway to her front door.

Kylo couldn't help but laugh a little, seeing how frantic she was. As for him, he was calm. Though he did have a class at 8:45, no matter what, his students had to wait for him. If he wanted to, he could completely cancel the class, which they'd love him for.

Turning up the radio and reclining his seat slightly, he hummed to the music and waited for Rey, who nearly tripped getting up the steps.

Tearing into her room, she threw on a forest green sweater with grey stretchy pants, slipping on a pair of flats. Quite frankly, she didn't care about how she looked. Her goal was to get to class.

"Rey?" Grandpa Kenobi peeked into the room as she had just finished putting on her shoes.

"No time!" She exclaimed, searching around her room for her bag.  _How could she lose her bag?!_

Kenobi's eyes narrowed at her neck, seeing bruising. "Rey? What's that on your neck?"

"I... uh..." tears began to swell in her field of vision, making it harder to find her bag. "I need my bag!"

Kenobi wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what it was, but wished Rey was at least up front about it. Despite his opinion, he hated seeing her in such a panicked state.

"I think I saw it in the kitchen." He sighed, slightly disappointed.

Before he could say much else, she flew past him and ran down the stairs.

"Rey!" He hollered downstairs, as he jogged down himself. "If you have a... partner, I'd like to meet them someday."

"Thanks, Grandpa!" She ran up to him, kissing his cheek. She didn't hear a single thing he said, as she was in a complete tunnel vision mode. "I'll see you later for dinner, hopefully!"

With that, Rey slammed the door behind her and was already out of the house.

Kenobi sighed, downhearted. He knew that he couldn't control her life forever, and he also knew how college could be. Despite that knowledge, he still saw her as his little sunshine.

He let it go for the time being, hoping she'd bring it up herself one day.

On the other side of the door, Rey got into the car, flinging her bag on the floor and got in.

Once she closed the door behind her, she let out a sharp exhale.

"Are you ok?" Kylo asked, a hint of a smile on his face, amused.

"Kylo,  _please_!" She begged. "Hux is going to have me for dinner."

"Trust me, you'll be fine," he assured, laughing a little.

After passing two blocks, Kylo turned into a shopping center.

"What are you-"

Rey nearly had an anxiety attack when she saw him pull up to a long Starbucks line.

"You have  _got_  to be kidding me." She glared at him. "We just had coffee this morning!"

"It's called an addiction, and I'm not afraid to be open about it." Kylo reached into his front pant pocket, pulling out his wallet.

Kylo found everything hilarious until he looked over to see Rey hunched over, her hands covering her face. His smile quickly faded, as he reached over to touch her back.

"Hey," he spoke softly. "What's the matter? I told you that I have you covered."

Rey sat up, her face completely red as tears were smeared all over her tomato colored cheeks.

"I'm sorry!" She cried, avoiding eye contact. Not only was everything stressful enough, but the fact that she was crying in front of Kylo, of all people, made her feel even worse. She felt embarrassed.

"What are you sorry about?" Kylo turned slightly, rubbing circles on her back. "Talk to me."

"I..." she stopped to let out a breathy sob. "I hoped you didn't have to find out but I have  _really_  bad anxiety..."

Kylo looked back to see if he could back out of the line, only to have a car pull up right behind him. He felt  _awful_.

"But Hux can't discipline you," Kylo tried to console her.

"I know! You keep telling me that you can cover me but he's still going to be mad and I-" unable to finish her thought process, she could only cry.

After Kylo moved forward in the line slightly, he reached over and brought Rey into a hug.

"Rey, why are you so afraid of him? I'm pretty sure no one is  _really_  afraid of Hux," Kylo questioned.

She sniffled, grasping onto his shirt, balling her fists to release some stress. "I've had issues with authority... especially when they yell at me or if they give me a harsh tone. It's mainly childhood trauma but-" realizing she was about to give Kylo her whole life story, she got even more embarrassed, thinking she had said too much. Quickly retracting from his affection, she wiped her tears away.

"I'm sorry," she quietly said. "It doesn't matter."

"Actually, I think it matters a lot," Kylo replied, moving forward in line once again. Once he pressed on the brake, he looked back over to Rey who was staring out the window.

"Kylo." She let out a shaken sigh. "I'm just afraid that if I spill all of my issues onto you, it'll drive you away."

He couldn't help but let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "Rey. You're astonishing. Whether you're in bed or not, I like you... a lot. I think it'll be hard for you to just drive me away simply because you have some mental health issues. I know I do."

Rey shyly looked back to Kylo, who offered a friendly smile.

"Look. I'm sorry for putting you in a stressful situation. I didn't catch on and I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. Now tell me what you want so at least something good can come out of all this."

"Uh..." Rey thought to herself, her voice still broken. "I've only drunk mocha or caramel coffees."

Kylo gently took her hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. "How about I order you a mocha coffee, but it tastes much better than the bland stuff you're drinking."

Rey couldn't help but laugh a little at his attempt to make her feel better. It worked. She looked at him with a smile, nodding. He placed his hand on the side of her head and guided her towards him, pressing his lips against her forehead.

Admittedly, Rey felt much more at ease with Kylo next to her, but feared that she'd become too reliant with him. Obviously, she didn't want to annoy him whenever she had any nerves, as it would become irritating after a while.

Shaking off the feeling, she watched as Kylo pulled up to the menu and rolled down the window. Though Rey listened to what he ordered, she had no idea what any of it meant. Kylo was one of those crazy coffee fanatics that demanded two pumps of this and one shot of that.

Once the order was in place, Kylo slowly looked back at Rey, smiling once again. "So here's the plan. I'll write a note saying I held you up with a meeting about homework and things got carried away in conversation. That's all."

"Okay." Rey nodded, still stressed from it all. She glanced at the clock to see that they were already five minutes late. Her muscles relaxed, as she accepted that there was no way she would've gotten there in time, even if Kylo hadn't stopped at Starbucks.

Within the span of another five minutes, they both got their drinks and made their way to the university.

Rey took a sip of her coffee, her eyes widening as the burst of flavor touched her tongue.

"Oh my  _god!"_  She exclaimed. "It tastes like chocolate  _and_  caramel mixed together!" Another sip. "And coconut?"

Kylo nodded, seeming proud of himself. "Yep. It's the kind of drink you shouldn't have every day or else you'll end up with cavities, but it's definitely amazing."

After they pulled into the parking lot of the university, the two of them sat in the car as Kylo hurriedly wrote a sticky note for Rey.

" _Hux,_

_Apologies for keeping your student. We were reviewing homework until time got the best of us. Please excuse her from any harsh glares._

_\- Kylo._ "

Rey laughed a little at the blue note. "Thanks, by the way. Not just for the note and coffee, but for being patient with me."

"No problem. Now  _I_  have to rush since my class starts in ten minutes." He reached to the back of his car, grabbing his work case.

Quickly, he looked around the car before bringing Rey into a long kiss, knowing it would be the last one for quite a while.

"You leave the car first." Kylo nodded her off. "If we leave together then it's pretty easy to put two and two together." He raised his coffee, gesturing to hers.

She smiled and nodded, exiting his black mustang and hurrying off so he'd at least have a chance at not being late.

Rey power-walked to Hux's classroom, feeling guilty that she was being  _that student_  who walked in late with a Starbucks in hand, but at least it wasn't her fault.

Opening the door, she saw Hux on his computer at his desk, preparing some presentation he had. He glanced over, immediately spotting the Starbucks in hand. Without giving Rey a chance, he already seemed upset.

Hurriedly, she shakily held out the blue note to him. Snatching it from her hand, he looked over it. His angry expression changed into something else. She had never seen Hux so... upset?

He looked up to Rey, seeming confused. "Did he give you that?" His voice much quieter than normal, glancing at the drink and then back at her.

Before she could think of some bad lie, his eyes found their way to the hickey on her neck.

"I uh-"

"Never mind." Hux cut her off, now defensive. "Just-... go sit."

Rey promptly did as asked, jogging up the steps and sitting next to Finn as she exhaled.

"What was that?" Finn leaned close to her. "Also what happened last night?"

Rey shook her head slightly, pulling out her materials for the class. Finn examined her further, as if he turned on some robotic scanner in his mind.

"Oh my god." Finn gasped, trying his best to remain silent. " _Hegaveyouahickey?"_

Rey promptly slapped her palm on her neck, covering the bruise up. "Later," she hushed him, returning to set up for note taking.

She glanced up to find Hux looking at her, until he quickly averted his gaze back onto his computer screen.

It was odd, since Hux typically didn't focus on too many students. What about Kylo irked him so much?

-

As promised, as it was the end of class, Rey walked Finn out to the fountain—their usual gossip place—and did just that; Gossip.

"Now, Finn. I need you to not make a scene or tell anyone. Ok?" Rey pleaded, shaking his shoulder slightly.

"Have I told anyone yet?" He crossed his arms, getting tired of hearing the same thing.

Rey sighed. "No, but it just makes me feel better saying it." She sat up straight and almost said it out loud, which would've been too risky. Waving him toward her, Finn happily obliged, leaning and offering an ear.

Rey cupped her hands around his ear and whispered: "I let him take my virginity."

Finn tore away from their little bubble and hopped out of his seat, covering his mouth as he stared at her. He moved his hands to his chest. "Your v-card? He just... has it?" His hands returned to his mouth when she nodded, smiling a little.

Finn sat right back down, asking critical questions. "How was he? How big is he? Is he kinky? Did you nut?"

"Finn!" Rey hit his shoulder, disgusted. "I can't just tell you those things. He deserves privacy."

"Ok, ok. Just tell me one thing. Give me a bone here!" He pleaded, clasping his hands together.

Rey bit the inside of her cheek in thought. "He made me come. Over, and over, and over, and over."

Finn was freaking out, laughing like a madman, doubling over and stomping his feet. Once he somewhat composed himself, he took her shoulder gently.

"Rey. If a man doesn't let you come, not even once? Throw the whole man out. You, a strong woman, deserve it all," he advised her, staring into her eyes.

Rey laughed a little, looking down at her lap. "It was great. I'd do it again if it didn't mean I'd be late to my classes."

"Well, Poe and I missed our third wheel this morning. It was kinda quiet in the car without you. Mostly because Poe kept kissing me as I was driving." Finn smiled a little to himself, before snapping out of his daze. "Very dangerous by the way! Don't do that with your man."

Rey laughed, doubling over a little, holding her stomach. Finn always got a rise out of making Rey laugh, as she seemed awfully quiet and reserved. Her strong laughter felt like a reward, which boosted his ego majorly.

As he almost cracked another joke, the two of them heard a familiar voice.

"Hey." Poe strolled over, taking Finn by his shoulders. "Rey, do you mind if I steal him for a bit?"

Judging by the lustful look on Poe's face, she knew exactly what was going to happen. She swore they've had sex literally anywhere humanly possible, and being at school certainly wasn't going to stop them.

"Sure. I need to go to class anyway." She got up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "See you guys later!"

With that, Rey hurriedly walked off hearing Finn complain that he was getting "good tea" as Poe nibbled his ear.

Opening Kylo's door, she found him at his desk reading, as per usual.

He immediately looked up to find her standing there, the door slowly closing behind her.

"I thought you said you weren't going to come early like this again?" He grinned a little, bookmarking the current page he was on.

Kylo meant it in a joking fashion, as he enjoyed Rey's presence. It made him feel special to know that someone willingly wanted to spend time with him.

Rey, on the other hand, took it in another way. Her mind twisted his words, making it seem like he was saying in a passive-aggressive manner to not come into class so early.

"Oh," she quietly said, falling back into her quiet outer shell. "If you're busy then I can text you later or-"

"Rey." He took off his glasses and placing them on his collar. "I'm just teasing you. Now sit."

Kylo could've sworn he had seen the life flood through her, hearing his validation. She eagerly walked over, pulled up the corner chair to the opposite side of his desk, and sat down.

"So, how was your morning class?" He asked, lacing his hands together in a ball, resting his chin on top of it. His eyes looked over her, before returning to her gaze. "I couldn't help but think about you."

Rey let out a shy breathy laugh, her eyes straying to her lap. "It was... odd." She looked back up to see a confused and interested expression spread across Kylo's face.

"How so?"

Thinking back to the moment she walked through the door, she let the words run out of her mouth. "Well, Hux gave me a glare before I even gave him the note anyway, but that's not what threw me off. He read the note and then looked up at me, kinda in a sad way. Then he asked if you gave me the Starbucks drink-"

"And what did you say?" Kylo asked, tensing slightly.

"I didn't say anything. Before I could, he just told me to take a seat. Then he kept looking at me and... I don't know. It was just weird."

Rey expected some sort of answer from Kylo, but she was left with a simple thoughtful hum from him.

"That is pretty odd," he agreed. "It's probably nothing."

A little disappointed from the non-answer, Rey nodded, feeling as though she was missing a puzzle piece.

Kylo took the silence as a moment to deviate from the current conversation. "So, as I was thinking about you, I had an idea."

Rey moved on from the previous topic and shifted in her seat, giving Kylo her full attention.

He smiled a little, moving his book to the side. "It's okay if you don't want to, since it can be boring work, but I thought about making you my Teachers Assistant."

Rey scoffed a little. "What made you think about that?"

Kylo shrugged, pulling his laptop from his bag and placing it on his table. "Well, for one it would give us an excuse to have alone time with each other." He shot her a suggestive glance. "But also it gives you a tuition waiver, which means you'll basically be getting paid by the school for your time."

Rey's eyes widened at the opportunity. "Well, I'd be a complete idiot to turn that down, wouldn't I?"

Kylo let out a small laugh. "Don't let me influence your choice. Remember that it's probably less time to do your homework or to study. Or even to have free time."

Rey rolled her eyes, grinning. "Sometimes I forget you're my professor, until you say something like that."

Her heart buzzed seeing his crooked toothy smile as he laughed, his eyes downcast. So badly she wanted to reach over and kiss him, but refrained due to the riskiness of it.

"Look, Rey. My college days are over, but you have good friends from what I see. Don't take these experiences for granted just because of me."

Rey took his advice to heart, making sure to keep it in mind.

"So when would I be a TA?" She questioned, leaning forward in her seat slightly.

"Maybe Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, during the spare time you have between Hux's class and mine?" He suggested, pulling out his phone to open his calendar.

"Ok... and what would I be doing as your TA?" Rey questioned, crossing her legs.

As Kylo filled in the schedule on his phone, eyes glued, he said: "The usual. Grading, printing, fucking, organizing."

Rey popped up a little.

"What did you say before organizing?" She questioned, in a teasing manner.

"Printing?" Kylo glanced up from his phone.

"No, no. After that."

Rey watched as he tried to hide his grin, poorly.

"I don't recall."

Rey smiled, letting her cheeks blossom into a red tinge.

"I guess you can consider me your new TA."


	11. Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finals week is coming up rly fast, so hopefully I'll have more time to post!!

A few weeks had passed since Rey had agreed to be Kylo's TA. It was the end of September, meaning that next month was midterms. She forced herself to not stress out since it was still three weeks away, but her anxiety lingered on the back burner of her mind.

Rey had been Kylo's TA for roughly two weeks, which was honestly quite boring.

Besides the small chats they'd have as they graded, most of Rey's time was spent fetching copies and organizing some of his paperwork. Other professors gained wind and would walk in, giving Rey some of their paperwork to sort out.

She sat on the floor, one leg bent with her foot touching her inner thigh, as her other leg stuck straight out. There were documents spread all across the floor, some papers stacked neatly while other leafs of paper were messily left on the ground.

Glancing up, she saw Kylo narrowing his eyes at some paperwork, gently tapping the base of his pen on his plush lower lip. She heard him sigh in slight frustration, and wondered what could be the reason for it. That was when she finally noticed that his glasses were nowhere to be seen; not on his nose and not on the crux of his collar.

"Where are your glasses?" She asked, needing a reason to get out of organizing. Being tired meant that it was easy for her to get distracted and not think straight.

Kylo gently tossed his pen on the paper. "I left them at home," he said, almost annoyed. "It's unfortunate that I had to get the blind genes from my father."

Rey smiled a little, growing curious.

"Can you see me okay?" She asked, half joking and half serious.

Kylo looked over to her, narrowing his eyes.

"Mmm... come closer?"

Rey stood up and took a few shy steps towards him, stopping a few feet away.

He shook his head, waving her over.

She finally walked over, stopping a few inches from him.

"How about now?"

Gently, he placed his hands on her cheeks and brought her into a slow soft kiss. It had been a little while since he showed her much affection, mostly because of the overload of work both of them were put through. Kylo had an abundance of papers to grade while Rey had reports and homework to fulfill. It was especially tough when they saw each other three days in the week, their presence teasing each other.

Upon pulling away, Kylo lifted up his paper with a slight smirk. "I'm far-sighted I can't see you if you're close to me."

Rey rolled her eyes, realizing that he saw her perfectly fine before.

"You're cute." She brushed a rebellious wave back into his dark hair. "I thought you wanted to focus?"

"I do, but realizing that this is the only  _real_  time we've been having together makes me think otherwise." His hand touched her waist, slowly gliding down.

Rey felt that if she were to have sex right now, it would take forever since she felt extremely tired after pulling an all-nighter to write Phasma's report. However, she knew full well she'd be content giving Kylo what he wanted.

"This is going to seem... weird. Bare with me." She squeezed his shoulder, before getting on all fours.

Kylo watched, amused, as she crawled under his desk.

"Are you sure?" Kylo questioned, his brow raised. "I don't want you to be uncom-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Rey whipped his belt off of him, startling him a little.

"Okay..." he accepted, slowly scooting into the desk.

Rey wasn't incredibly tall or short considering she was at the convenient height of 5'7", so being cooped up under the table wasn't the worst, but it, of course, wasn't ideal. However, she did like the small amount of privacy with the desk having a closed foot space, meaning that she was encased.

Slowly unzipping him, she managed to find his dick and pulled it out. It was still a little flaccid, but was growing. It was a good thing, considering Rey's mouth couldn't exactly hold all of him.

She went to work, putting him in her mouth. Straddling his leg, she slowly sucked him off. Hearing his shaken sighs of relief made Rey feel satisfied, despite not getting much in return sexually.

To entice him, she used her hand and stroked him as she bobbed her head on him.

The two of them heard the classroom door open, and Kylo quickly sat up straight. Rey could feel her heart suddenly pound, rattling her ribcage.

"Oh, hello, Hux," Kylo greeted, sounding slightly annoyed. Rey covered her mouth, eyes wide.

"Where's your TA?" Hux immediately asked, without greeting him back.

Rey wanted to die at that exact moment, her fate lying in Kylo's hands.

"She went to the bathroom. Why?" Kylo rested his chin on his hand, his expression bored from the conversation.

"I see," Hux observed. "As you know, I gave her some of my paperwork to organize and she did it slightly incorrectly. I specifically needed-"

Hux droned on and on about what he wanted, trailing into the information he was teaching. Both Kylo and Rey became bored, her nerves winding down.

Impatiently, she took Kylo and continued to stroke him. Feeling him tense—much more than usual—under her touch made her want to laugh. She made sure to go slow, not wanting him to cum in front of Hux, as that would be embarrassing and much too risky. Kylo cleared his throat each time he wanted to let out a moan, having an even more difficult time listening to Hux.

On the other hand, Hux assumed Kylo was actually interested in his conversation points for once, considering how Kylo stared at him intensely. In reality, Kylo was trying his best to not cum.

Hux mentioned a computer joke, laughing slightly. Kylo painfully laughed along, hoping it would encourage him to finish the conversation. Unfortunately, Hux fed off from the reaction and continued to talk.

Kylo's attempt at withholding failed, horribly. He doubled over his desk, letting out a groan as he finished in Rey's mouth. Her eyes were wide, absolutely terrified, as she didn't expect him to finish so fast.

"Sorry," Kylo grunted, avoiding eye contact with Hux as he slowly lifted his head. It eventually fell back down, feeling another squirt gush out. "My stomach has been giving me trouble all morning."

"That's unfortunate," Hux stood up, giving Kylo a pitied look. "I see you have a lot of work to do anyway. I won't distract you any longer."

As Hux walked toward the door, he stopped at the paper mess left on the floor.

"And make sure you tell your TA to see me whenever convenient."

With that,  _finally_ , Hux left the room.

As soon as the door closed, the click assuring the two of them, Kylo dropped his head on the desk. "Oh my fucking god, Rey," he heaved.

Rey couldn't tell if he was mad or not, but she assumed he was.

Slowly crawling out, she tried to get a look at his expression, but she couldn't see it with his head on the desk.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't think you were going to-"

"No, no," he lifted his head, looking at her with his eyes half-lidded, filled with lust. "That's the hottest thing that's ever happened to me."

Rey's fearful state quickly turned into a relieved and confident smile.

"Really?" She blushed, taking it as a compliment.

"Please, tell me you swallowed."

Rey nodded, causing him to throw his head back and laugh a little.

"Oh, yeah. That was badass," Kylo confirmed, before fixing his dick back into his pants. He looked under the desk, only to have Rey present him with his belt. "Thanks."

Rey watched as he stood up, towering over her, as he pulled his belt through the loops of his pants.

"I guess I should go see Hux then, huh," Rey sighed, fixing her bra strap that had fallen as she crouched uncomfortably under the desk.

Kylo hooked his belt before looking at Rey. He took her cheek and swept his thumb over her lower lip.

"You had some left over," he stared at her in admiration. "How about I take you shopping later?"

"Kylo!" She rolled her eyes, laughing. "Please. I don't want you wasting your money on me."

"But I'm not wasting it," he defended, taking her shoulder. "I've been meaning to take you anyways, but after that, I  _need_  to."

Rey shook her head, placing her hand on his. "I mean, I'll go shopping  _with_  you. But I'm paying for my own stuff."

"Fine," he agreed. "I'll pick you up later then."

Rey turned to walk away, until Kylo took her by the arm and pulled her into a rough kiss, their smiles breaking their lips apart.

Kylo finally let Rey go to see Hux, who scolded her over putting a few sheets of paper in the wrong pile and demanded her to do it again tomorrow. Her tired mind only picked up some of the information, but got the gist of what he inquired. Rey slugged back to Kylo's classroom and began to pile the remaining papers she didn't get to, placing it in the corner of the class. She also planted the correct pile on Kylo's desk, as he struggled to read his book, blind.

As students began to file in, Rey sat down at her seat and rested her head down on her desk, knowing Kylo wouldn't embarrass her in front of the class, as long as she raised her head as he lectured.

Once she heard him say "Welcome, class-" Rey raised her head, trying her best to pay attention. She couldn't wait to go to sleep in her comfortable bed.

As she listened to Kylo explain a math problem, the guy that had sat next to her since the beginning of the class nudged her shoulder.

"You're name is Rey, right?" He asked, staring at her with interest.

Rey nodded, confused. She wondered why he was talking to her since he hadn't said a word the entire first month of college.

He held out his hand. "Jakob. I'm sorry I didn't say hi earlier. I thought now would be a good time."

Rey smiled at him and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you!"

With that, Rey turned right back to Kylo. He knew fully well they were talking, but refrained from saying anything, not wanting to showcase them to the class. Especially since Kylo practically worshipped her after what happened earlier.

Then Jakob nudged Rey a little more. She looked over, expecting him to ask for a pencil or something of that nature.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, giving a gentle laugh. "Uh, you just seem really nice and my friend was going to go to the movies with me, but he bailed. I was wondering if you could fill his shoes since it's boring to go alone."

Kylo lectured, but found himself stammering a little more than usual as he listened to the conversation transpiring between the two. Rey took Jakob as being friendly, but Kylo has seen many students flirt in front of his class, and this was most certainly one of those times.

He trusted Rey, wholeheartedly, but also knew that she could do better than him, as she was young and incredibly beautiful. Kylo feared that another guy would show Rey a better time.

Rey gently laughed, tucking her loose strand of hair behind her ear, trying to think of an excuse.

"Sorry, but I have so many reports to do," Rey spoke quieter, not wanting to distract Kylo. "I hope you find someone else."

"Well, when's a good time for you? My schedule is pretty flexible," Jakob persisted. Not wanting to seem too desperate, he back-pedaled. "I mean, I just feel guilty for not getting to know you better."

Kylo scoffed a little to himself as he circled some numbers on the projector, the class following his steps. It was so  _clear_  that he wanted to get in her pants. The tone of his voice to Rey gave it all away, along with his dulcet gaze. Not to mention how he leaned so close to her, waiting for a yes.

Unfortunately, Rey couldn't see that as she didn't have much experience with being flirted with, besides Kylo. The fact that she was oblivious to Jakob's advances made Kylo even more defensive, not wanting her to be surprised or hurt that he just wanted sex.

"Ok. Let's just jump into the homework. I'll do a few questions with you guys since it's a little complicated," Kylo stopped the lesson. He knew this section wasn't horribly hard, and never really went over homework questions with the class unless a misprint slid past him. But he couldn't bare the flirting anymore.

He roughly grabbed the stack of papers and slammed them on Jakob's desk, staring him down. "Pass these out. Will you?"

Jakob hurriedly took the papers and obeyed his wishes. Kylo neglected to look at Rey, not wanting other students to draw conclusions.

Rey was confused nonetheless, wondering why Kylo seemed so on-edge. Staring him down, the harshness in his tone began to scare her a little, more in a student way than a lover way. After a minute and a half, Jakob returned to his seat and passed Rey the homework paper slowly.

"So... what's a good day for Rey?" He smiled at her.

"Can we talk about this later? I need to focus—"

"Please," he finally came off as desperate, reaching over and taking her shoulder.

Kylo snapped.

"You," he turned to Jakob, arms crossed. "Would you rather take a zero on the homework or listen to my gracious guidance for two of the problems?"

Rey, by force of habit, gave Jakob an apologetic stare, who in turn, huffed and reeled his hand back, turning to face forward.

"Sorry, professor."

Kylo continued walking through the two questions before realizing that there was ten minutes left of class. By his own fault, he had to dismiss the class, not having any time to further progress into the lesson.

Jakob packed up a little faster than Rey, slinging his bag over his shoulder. As students fled the room, discussing the lesson and other topics with each other, he remained.

"So, Rey. It seems to be later," he raised his brow with a suggestive grin. "So, what day? Any day."

"I... uh..." she began to think about her homework, studying, and school schedule. Before she could reply, their conversation was cut short.

"Rey," Kylo called her. "I need you to do something for me."

"Yeah! Sure," she nodded at Kylo, leaving her bag where it was. She turned to Jakob. "I think my plans are completely full. I really need that extra time to myself. Sorry."

Before he could protest, she walked over to Kylo in a hurry. He couldn't help but glare at Jakob as he walked out.

Once the door clicked behind him, Rey turned to Kylo.

"What was all that about?" She asked, crossing her arms. "You seemed riled up."

"Yeah. I get kinda mad when another guy flirts with my girlfriend," he huffed.

Rey stiffened slightly, never having heard Kylo refer to her as his girlfriend. She didn't even know they were at that stage yet. It scared her in a way, considering that their romance isn't exactly what she had in her plans for a standard relationship. She stuffed the thoughts into the back of her mind, as she needed to focus on the  _now_.

"He was just being nice," Rey somewhat defended him. Kylo shot her a glare, shocked that she still couldn't see it. "His friend ditched him for the movies!"

"When your friend ditches you, wouldn't you just not go all together?!" Kylo argued.

Rey blinked a few times, letting the idea process in her slow-moving mind. "Okay... then how come he said he wanted to get to know me? It's a perfectly normal reason since he doesn't know me at all."

"You don't know him. Why haven't you just randomly asked to get to know him?" Kylo also crossed his arms, leaning against his desk.

Rey was about to argue, mouth open as she tried to find a reason somewhere inside her. Kylo raised his brows, waiting for her weak argument to unravel, but Rey just let out a sigh.

"Okay. You're probably right..." she looked away, embarrassed. "I guess I just got excited at the idea of a potential new friend or someone who actually wants to get to know me."

Kylo's eyes widened in astonishment. "I want to get to know you?"

Rey looked up at him, finding it hard to believe. "Do you really? Or do you just say that so I don't just seem like a fuck buddy."

He pushed himself off of his desk. "Hey!" His voice was firm, almost as if he was angry. "I care about you, Rey. I'd be completely fine having no sex for as long as possible to prove that to you."

Silence filled the air as Rey's chest weighed down, feeling a little guilty projecting her inner thoughts like that.

Kylo's frustrated gaze turned somber, letting the thought sink in. "Do you really think I just see you as some convenient sex doll?" He asked, his voice more quiet and personal. The idea hurt him, especially since he valued Rey so much.

Rey shook her head, looking away. "No. I don't think you see me like that," she sighed. It was a struggle to lift her head, especially when she was met with his soft gaze, searching her face for some sort of answer. "It's more so just a thought I have now and then. I've had old friends in the past who have used me for their own gain and it really hurt. Like they used me for homework help, but they never cared about me."

She began to laugh a little, finding it absolutely ridiculous that she was about to cry over something so trivial.

"I just got scared that the same thing was happening with you."

Before Kylo could, Rey moved in to hug him, quietly crying into his chest. She crumbled under his touch, his hand moving in circles on her back.

"Rey, I'm so curious about you," he began. "I feel like there's so much that I don't know about you that I should."

Rey sniffled before letting out a muffled: "Sorry..."

"Don't apologize," he told her. "You did nothing wrong."

Rey pulled away, her eyes glassy and her skin tinted red, notably around her nose. "I'm so tired, Kylo. I've been awake for almost thirty hours now and I feel like I'm losing my mind here."

"Then we'll go shopping this weekend," he assured her, wiping away a stray tear on her cheek. "If you want, you can stay the night at my place. No sex or anything like that. I just want to talk."

She held his hand to her cheek as she nodded weakly.

Knowing that breaking her usual routine would snap her out of her funk, she agreed. "Okay..." she sniffled. "What time do you leave school again?"

"Four," Kylo told her. "But I might be able to get out earlier."

"Don't," she assured. "I won't mind waiting."

She turned away, taking her backpack as she wiped the remaining tears in her eyes.

Turning to Kylo, she gestured to her face.

"How do I look?"

His heart buzzed a little. "Like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

He fed off of her smile and playful eye roll.

"Seriously. Does it look like I was just crying?" She asked once again.

"A little," he told her. "But hard to tell from first glance. Worse comes to worse just blame it on being tired."

She nodded, turning on her heel, marching toward the door. Stopping in her steps, she turned back to Kylo.

"I'll see you later."


	12. Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you do fellow kids? Finals week is approaching for me, so I thought I'd post before all hell breaks loose, so if I'm MIA for two weeks, yall know why :)
> 
> I hope you're all enjoying the story so far though!

The cold September air nipped at Rey's cheeks, causing them to blossom into a rosy shade. She sat at a bench next to Kylo's car, hugging herself, occasionally shivering to keep warm.

Finn had asked her to a nice dinner with him and Poe, but she felt guilty turning him down. It's not the fact that Kylo was in her plans, but she just really needed sleep. Pulling out her phone, she texted Grandpa Kenobi to let him know that she was going to spend the night at Finn's again. He replied with a simple thumbs up emoji and three heart emojis.

Having been sitting down for about ten minutes became boring. Her eyes slowly closed as she drooped forward, her breathing becoming more slow and calm.

Hearing rushed footsteps, Rey lifted her head to find Kylo pacing over to her, jogging every few seconds. She watched as his black coat whipped in the breeze, making him seem dramatic.

He pressed his thumb down on his car keys, resulting in his headlights lighting up, a strong click sounding from the car. She wasted no time, getting into the car hoping to warm up. Instead, it was even colder, but thankfully the wind wasn't slamming against her face.

Kylo got in the car right after her door slammed.

"I'm sorry," he huffed, putting the keys in the ignition. "A student stopped me after class and-"

"It's okay." Rey tiredly looked over to him with a weary smile. Hearing his voice ramble like that made her feel bad. "I just need sleep."

Kylo looked at her, observing her sunken, nearly bloodshot eyes. He gently placed his hand on her cheek, grazing his thumb over her supple red skin. "You're going to have the best sleep of your life."

With that, Rey watched as he hurriedly fastened his seatbelt, backing out of the parking spot, and sped a little. She quickly noticed how he was driving much faster than usual, making her worry about being pulled over.

"Please don't speed. It makes me feel sick," she lied. Kenobi would speed sometimes too, and if Rey didn't blame it on car sickness he'd simply tell her that there was nothing to be worried about, which wasn't true in the slightest.

Her heart rate eased as she felt the car slow down five or ten miles per hour.

"We should stop by my house really fast so I can get some clothes. Just so we don't have to rush like mad in the morning like last time," she mentioned, for once, having a sensible thought in the past couple of hours.

"Right," Kylo gave a slight nod before returning his focus to the road.

Within five minutes, they pulled up in front of Rey's house. She rushed out of the car, wanting to make the trip as short as possible. Thankfully, Kenobi wasn't there. Most likely he went out shopping or something of that nature.

Rey dug into her closet for a minute and found her duffel bag. She threw her hygienics, makeup, pajamas, and a fresh pair of clothes and undergarments into it. Zipping it up, she lugged it down the stairs and hurried out the door, locking it behind her.

Kylo leaned forward a little to pop open the trunk, allowing her to throw the bag in there, close it, and get into the car.

"Have everything?" He asked, watching as she closed the door behind her.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking out the back window. "We should go before my grandpa comes back."

Calmly, Kylo put the car into drive. Within ten or so minutes they pulled into Kylo's driveway.

"I'll get your bag," He unfastened his seatbelt.

Rey looked over in relief. "Are you sure?"

Twisting his keys out of the ignition, he handed them to Rey, letting the key ring dangle from the tip of his finger. "Here. The round key goes to the front door. My bed's a little messy since I wasn't expecting company."

Rey took the keys and leaned forward, giving him a rough lengthy kiss.

"Thank you," she looked at his face, how his smile slowly formed as he returned the admiring stare.

With that, she pulled away and exited the car, jogged up the steps, and fumbled with the lock.

Kylo calmly got out of the car, popping the trunk, and grabbed her duffel bag along with her backpack that she had forgotten in the passenger's seat.

After a few moments of trial and error, Rey finally opened the door. She turned to find Kylo approaching the steps, lugging the bags over his shoulder. She stepped aside and held the door open for him as he walked in. Closing the door behind him, Kylo dropped the bags onto the end of the cream colored couch.

"Actually, I'll change into my pajamas just in case I don't wake up for some reason," Rey said, moving beside him to rummage through her duffel bag.

"I'll make the bed then." Kylo glided his long fingers up her spine a little, feeling the vertebrae slightly poke through her skin. Every time Kylo touched Rey, whether he held her hand or brushed her shoulder, he couldn't help but be intrigued. Being able to explore some part of her body sparked his curiosity.

Not wanting to have her wait, he climbed the steps and hurriedly moved the papers that scattered the edge of his mattress onto his desk, which was a mere few feet away from the bed.

As he forced the sheet into the air, the sound of Rey's feet patter echoed as she walked into the bathroom to change. He picked up his pace, wanting the bed to be ready for her as soon as she walked out.

After placing the white blanket on the bed and fluffing the pillows, the bed was made.

Rey walked out in a light pink v-neck that clung to her skin, matched with black shorts, white stripes accenting them. Kylo couldn't help but glance at her chest, braless. It was a forcible habit of any man, as the female anatomy seemed so interesting.

His eyes found their way back to her face, watching how she focused on flipping the edge of the blanket and sheet over.

Looking up at him, she stopped. "What are you going to do while I'm asleep?" She asked out of sheer curiosity.

Kylo hummed in thought, having not planned his future. "Probably input grades. Why?"

Rey got under the covers and patted the empty space beside her. "Lay with me? Just until I fall asleep?"

She smiled a little as Kylo willingly kicked off his shoes at the end of the bed and climbed in. He laid on top of the covers, knowing that if he went under, no work would be done. Either he'd fall asleep himself or she would trap him. Rey nuzzled up to him, curling into a ball as she rested her head on her pillow.

Tenderly, he reached over and ran his fingers through her hair, occasionally petting her. Rey fell asleep almost immediately before they could chat about something to pass time.

He scoffed a little, realizing that she really was that tired.

Slowly, he shifted off of the bed, not wanting to wake her with his absence. As promised, he spent some time on his computer doing schoolwork; answering emails, class prep, and inputting grades.

Some hours flew by until it was about six at night. He realized as he stared at Rey, that she probably hadn't eaten since the morning, or even since the night before.

Kylo didn't cook that much, mostly since he lived alone and never had a reason to. However, having Rey around gave him the rare opportunity to exercise his cooking abilities, as he did enjoy it time to time.

Rey woke up to him gently shaking her awake, hearing his bass-y voice quietly saying: "Rey. Wake up."

Slowly, her eyes pried open to find him smiling at her.

"Hm...?" She groaned, sitting up. Her hair was wild, random strays of her short locks sticking out here and there. Being awoken abruptly always made her panicked due to her childhood. Whenever someone forced her awake, nothing good happened.

"I made you dinner," Kylo rubbed her arm, an attempt to wake her up a little. "I didn't want you to starve in your sleep."

Rey exhaled, relieved that all was well. "Okay. Let me just... gather my thoughts first."

Kylo kissed her forehead as she dug her knuckles into her eyes, trying her best to wake up faster.

Eventually, she managed to swing her legs off the bed, planting her feet on the wooden flooring. Walking down the stairs, guiding her hand on the black railing, she saw Kylo pouring two glasses of wine.

"Breaking the law I see," she grinned. "I'm underage."

"I seem to be breaking a lot of societal norms as of late," he set down the bottle at the center of the table. "I made chicken and rice with peas, garlic cloves, and shredded carrot. Mixed together is some classic duck sauce."

Hearing him list all of the foods so calmly was impressive. "Professor? Chef? What don't you do?" Rey joked around, approaching the table. Kylo pulled the seat out for her, letting her sit down. Feeling pampered, Rey finally felt at ease for the first time the entire week.

Kylo sat across from her, scooting in toward the table. He took his drink and raised it to her. "For good sleep."

Rey laughed and lifted her glass. "I can cheers to that!"

They both clinked their glasses and took small sips. She dived into the bowl, feeling absolutely ravenous. The burst of hunger went away after the first couple of bites, which she then slowed down. The wine made her feel warm with each sip, the bittersweetness of it lingering on her plum tinted tongue. After setting down the glass, she noticed Kylo staring at her, his eyes lingering over her stained lips. His mind was in a flurry as he recalled their conversation from earlier.

"So, I meant what I said earlier. About wanting to get to know you," he raised his brow in intrigue. The only thing he knew about Rey was that she was from Arizona and she had an unexplained anxiety issue, along with the knowledge of her college schedule.

Rey leaned back a little, the edge of her mouth turning upwards. "Right. What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

The idea of spilling out everything daunted on her. So much had happened as a child, and so much still happens. She still felt a little wary of oversharing with Kylo anyway, as that had never worked for her with past friendships. Humming a little to dispell the quiet atmosphere, she wondered what she wanted him to know.

"I guess the biggest part of me that you don't know, unfortunately, is my anxiety," she began, slowly grazing the tine of the fork over the mixed rice. "It's not special or anything since a lot of people have it, I guess. But it's still an inconvenience."

Kylo nodded, his eyes scanning her as she visibly lost her peppiness. "So is your anxiety genetic or...?"

"I don't know. There's no one else in my family who has it, but I feel like I'm the first since I didn't have the best childhood." She sighed, looking at her bowl to avoid eye contact.

"I don't hear you talk about your childhood much. Why?" Kylo sipped his wine, not breaking eye contact with Rey. It was one of the first times he's felt as though she was opening up to him, which was a rare blessing.

Rey opened her mouth, trying to find a gentle way to say what she wanted to say. However, there was no easy way, so she was blunt.

"My parents were drug addicts. I moved homes almost constantly and was yelled at more times I could count," she lightly laughed, a poor attempt at making the horrible situation seem less awful. "When you woke me up like that," she pointed up to his room, Kylo's eyes glancing up and then back at her. "It reminded me of when my mom woke me once to leave the house because my dad would get drunk and fight with whoever he could, whether it was his druggie friends or my mom. I'd wake up like that to a lot of other crazy shit," she sighed. A smile slowly formed out of the unfortunate story. "But then my grandfather took me out of there when I was about five, and basically adopted me."

Her lids fell slightly as she reminisced. "He was like the father I never had. Still is."

Kylo enjoyed how blunt she was with him, and took a few seconds to connect the dots. "Interesting," he hummed. "So is there any way for me to help? Like things I should avoid doing?"

Rey reached her hand across the table, to which he promptly held with his own. She appreciated his attempt to understand her better.

"Yelling is the worst thing you could do. I also can't handle getting in trouble for something, like earlier when you were speeding. I wasn't sick at all. I just didn't want you to get pulled over."

Kylo couldn't help but scoff with a slight smile. "No speeding. Got it."

Rey softly laughed. "Honestly, any stressful situation freaks me out. It's unavoidable but I can calm down from it."

"And what helps you calm down?" Kylo questioned, squeezing her hand a little.

"Hearing a rational explanation of how something is going to pan out. Let's say... I'm in a grocery store and I'm scared to check out my food. My brain automatically assumes that the cashier is going to be mean to me and yell at me. It would calm me down if you told me what was really going to happen, which would be me paying for my food and having no issues at all. Just saying everything will be okay never helps. I need to be brought back down to my feet," she explained. "I hope I'm not scaring you away with all of this. I know it's annoying-"

"No, no," he assured, retracting his hand to continue eating his food. "I find it enlightening. I obviously don't have as much knowledge about anxiety compared to someone who actively experiences it." They took a few more bites of their food as the idea simmered in Kylo's mind.

"So what about medication?" Kylo asked, bringing his eyes back up to her.

"Expensive. Plus, I'm afraid that if I take it I won't do as well in school," Rey admitted, then taking a sip of her wine.

Kylo shook his head. "I doubt it'll affect your performance that drastically. It's also not healthy."

Rey didn't have a good defense, knowing full well that none of it was healthy. But her grades seemed more important. Kylo also knew that he couldn't shove pills down her throat, so he let it go.

"Do you have any happy memories?" Kylo asked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Rey hesitated a little, as her mind had always been stuck in bad memories. Suddenly, Kylo watched as her face brightened. "Oh! My grandfather took me to England once. We stayed in this quaint little cottage for a few days with no technology or anything. I remember being astonished by the green for miles and miles, since Arizona is just dirt. There was a wooden fence that gated the cottage and I'd play with my little toys, giving them different stories and names. It was refreshing." She sighed feeling a little empty. "It made me feel like I had a normal childhood."

"God, I wish," Kylo smiled a little. "I've been to England also, but it was usually on my mother's behalf. She's in with politics, so I traveled quite a bit and spent a good portion of my life in hotel rooms."

"Did you at least like any of the places you were at?" Rey questioned, leaning forward a little.

"Rarely, since I never left the hotel room." He looked down at his nearly finished plate in thought. "There was one place I enjoyed, and I'd go back the second I could. It's a basic place though."

"Tell me," Rey gently kicked his leg underneath the table.

Her heart fluttered seeing his bashful smile, his eyes avoiding her. "Fine, fine," he looked back to her. "I want to go back to Greece."

"Greece is beautiful!" Rey agreed wholeheartedly, lifting the last bit of wine to drink. "But there's a lot of other beautiful places. Why there in particular?"

"It was the first time I ever spent the entire day not doing my homework. I swear, I sat outside the whole day watching the blue waves move toward the shore. All of the people who lived there seemed so raw and real. Greece seems so rich and wealthy but the townspeople seem humble." His voice was calm, his entire body relaxing as each word fell out his mouth. "That was the first day I ever really defied my parents, as I always did some sort of education on my free time. My father even belted me for it," he let out a pained laugh, which made Rey frown.

"I wish you had experienced all of those places while you were there. You had such potential to have an amazing childhood," Rey spoke, hoping her words wouldn't make him too sad. Kylo had already told himself that millions of times, so it didn't affect him. She was right, after all.

He noticed that both of their plates and glasses were finished. Pushing himself away from the table, he took both of their bowls and stacked them, before grabbing their wine glasses.

Rey had nothing else to do, so she stood up and followed him into the kitchen. She watched as he scrubbed the bowls, slightly hunched over the sink. More specifically, she observed how his arms flexed each time he abruptly moved.

Kylo glanced over his shoulder to catch her staring at him, smiling a little. "What?" He asked, a weird laugh hinted in his voice.

Rey shrugged innocently. "Nothing. It's just that you seem a lot more organized than me, washing the dishes right after a meal."

He grinned, returning to his cleaning. "Believe me. It's definitely out of character. I'm only being tidy because you're here."

"Well then leave it in the sink!" Rey exclaimed, as if it were obvious. "I don't expect you to be freakishly neat like  _American Psycho_. You're human after all."

Kylo stopped the water, leaving the dishes as told. For some reason, the fact that Rey was so comfortable with him and his life was attractive. He was never much for faking a lifestyle and liked to keep things raw, but it was proper manners to be cleanly when a guest was over.

Once she said that, suddenly she wasn't a guest anymore. She was a part-time resident.

He took a rag left on the side of the table and turned around, leaning on the counter. "Okay," he dried his hands. "What now?"

"I liked our childhood conversations. Maybe we can continue it in bed?" She suggested.

Kylo nodded, tossing the rag back on the counter, compared to him neatly folding it on the drawer handle. "Right. I'll get my pajamas on then."

Rey and Kylo climbed the stairs and he changed, as promised.

All of the lights throughout the entire home were turned off, except for the bedside light. Rey's head was on Kylo's chest, which was oddly comforting when she'd hear him talk, feeling his voice vibrating throughout his upper body. Not only that, but when Rey would speak, she could feel him laugh, or simply feel his chest rise and fall slowly as he listened.

Eventually, she took his hand and gently traced her fingers along the creases of his palm. "So you've heard an earful about me. What's your childhood tragedy?"

Kylo huffed a little with a slight smile. "I didn't have the best childhood either, but not like yours of course. I've already told you most of it, with my parents pushing me to be above everyone else. I only remember most of my childhood being filled with piano lessons, homework, extra schooling, and even more homework. I never really grew up with video games or things a normal boy would. I had to be the best of the best," he rolled his eyes. "So I never really had a childhood. It made me into an angry young man."

She looked up to him, confused.

"How so? You seem pretty calm right now," Rey gently took his face, gliding the back of her hand under his cheek.

Kylo's stomach swirled, not exactly wanting Rey to know about the "dark side" of him, but thought it was only fair since she had completely opened up for him about her anxiety.

"About two years ago I had a serious alcohol problem. I'd fight with my parents, with my uncle, my partners, driving them away. Like, I'd actually hit my partners," he shook his head. "It's embarrassing, but I've been to many AA meetings and went to two rehabs to straighten myself out," he promised her. "Though, I do get hot-headed at times, there's normally a reason behind it."

"Like a lack of coffee?" She teased.

He laughed a little, glad that they were able to make a joke out of it. "Exactly."

He remembered their first interaction, which was unfortunately, him yelling at her. Remembering that she was sensitive to that, he quickly turned to her.

"Oh, no," was all he could say, as he still put the pieces together.

"What?" She looked at him, scared that he had left the oven on or something.

"I yelled at you the first time we met. All because of my stupid fucking coffee addiction," he covered his face, annoyed with himself.

"Oh, yeah. I totally cried after that happened," she laughed at his reaction. "But you didn't know."

Kylo's chest tightened, feeling awful. "I'm sorry, anyways," he sighed, letting his hands fall back down. Rey picked it up again and held it.

There was silence engulfing the air, causing both of their ears to ring slightly. Rey couldn't help but think about Kylo's alcoholic tendencies and anger issues, reminding her of her own dad. A few rare occasions he'd shove her, and only once did he hit her. She remembered how her mom tore her away from him and they stayed the night at a shitty hotel for a whole week until he came back with three whole teddy bears and a box of chocolates. Rey tried her best to suppress those memories, but it was damn near impossible.

She was afraid of the same thing happening with Kylo.

"This is going to be a ridiculous question..." she began, staring at his large hand. "Would you ever hit me?"

Kylo's heart sank to the floor, feeling guilty that she even had to ask that.

He turned to her, sitting up slightly to stare into her eyes.

"I would never, Rey. I love you, and I wouldn't do anything that ridiculous."

Rey's eyes widened, her chest pounding. Emotions in her mind swirled like a tornado, as confusion, fear, and a million others collided with each other.

"Y-you love me?" She stammered, causing Kylo to hesitate, covering his face again.

"That was too soon, wasn't it?" He scolded himself.

Rey took his shoulder, as the last thing she wanted to do was to drive him away.

"No! No. It's just... weird is all. I mean, sometimes I forget I'm the student and your the professor. It's... I..." she struggled to find the words in herself to come off gently. "I just feel like I know how this ends, and it's not nice."

He looked over to her, confused. "How does it end, then?"

"Well, you get bored of me, ghost me, and we just never see each other or talk again."

Kylo's heart just kept breaking and breaking throughout the night, hearing Rey's internal thoughts.

"God, Rey. Do you really think so low of me?!" He completely sat up, looking over to her in disbelief.

"I don't know! I really like what we have right now but I can't seem to think of a good ending," she admitted. "I'm just constantly scared of how it'll end."

"Then don't think about it ending. It's the last thing I want to happen," he took her hand, squeezing it. "Please believe me when I say that."

He saw as her eyes began to water, blurring her field of vision. Latching onto Kylo, she pressed her face into his chest.

"I'm sorry," her voice scratched. "I'm just not used to someone caring about me like this. Someone who's not family."

Kylo hugged her back, knowing that Rey had some issues, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.

"I love you, Rey. I'm sorry, but I do. I care about you so much to the point that you're all I can think about sometimes. I love you," he confessed, feeling a weight off of his chest. He mumbled "I love you" over and over, in between kisses from her head to the curve of her neck.

Rey finally shifted and took his face, kissing it many times, forcing him to lay on the bed. Sitting on top of him, she bent down to his face, cupping his cheeks in her hands as he helplessly stared at her.

"I believe you."

She pressed her lips against his softly before slowly retracting to let it linger.

Rey wasn't quite ready to blindly confess her "I love you" to Kylo. Not yet. It wasn't a word she liked to throw around recklessly. Though, she did like Kylo much more than the average crush.

She knew that there was a good time to confess, but now wasn't the time.


	13. Desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals week ain't so bad, so here's a chapter for u all! <3
> 
> Tbh I think writing about Hux is so fun. ESP when he's around Kylo

After spending the night at Kylo's house, the two of them went about their daily lives for the rest of the week until Saturday.   
  
Rey was fully dressed with her purse in hand, which she rarely brought unless she was going out. It was a hassle carrying her wallet in her pocket out of sheer fear of someone pickpocketing her. It was a rational fear, though being pickpocketed was fairly rare compared to having one's purse stolen.   
  
Nonetheless, she clutched it tightly as she sat at the dining room table, gazing out the window in wait. Kenobi knew fully well that Rey was going shopping and trusted that she wouldn't blow all of her college money. Thankfully, he taught her to be frugal with her finances.   
  
Rey had always been humble when it came to clothing hauls. She wasn't picky, and probably didn't have a single brand name in her closet. Typically she thrifted, since that's the new "in" with style, even though she'd been rocking the worn look her entire life. In all honesty, Rey couldn't wrap her head around the fact that someone would spend a thousand dollars on a pair of tacky flip-flops.   
  
As she was in her thought bubble, it popped upon seeing the black car pull in front of her house. Rey quickly got up and headed for the door.   
  
"I'm leaving!" She hollered, not knowing where her grandfather was.   
  
His footsteps grew louder, originating from the living room and trailing down the hall. He smiled at Rey and kissed her on the cheek.   
  
"So when will I meet your friends? You certainly go out with them a lot," Kenobi asked, his brow raised as a grin spread.   
  
Rey's stomach swirled at the idea of him meeting Kylo, but she may be able to get away with it. "One day," she promised. "I'll ask them about it."   
  
Kenobi was relieved, feeling out-of-the-loop these past few months. He was thankful Rey wasn't outside of the house twenty-four/seven, or else he'd assume that he was doing some bad parenting.   
  
Rey gave him a brief hug. "Love you!"   
  
"Love you too, sunshine." He waved her goodbye.   
  
With that, Rey jogged down the cement pathway and finally made it to the car.   
  
"Sorry," she apologized, opening the door in a rush. "My grandpa was chatting me up."   
  
"That's alright," Kylo assured, his eyes glazing over her as she absentmindedly situated herself. "You look cute today."   
  
She halted and looked over, catching his gaze. He offered a cheesy little smile, confusing Rey even more.   
  
"I haven't heard the word "cute" come out of your mouth before..." she looked at him up and down. "What's up your sleeve, Professor?"   
  
Kylo just laughed a little, turning forward to put the car in drive. "Nothing. I'm just stating the obvious."   
  
Rey stared at him, eyes narrowed as she secured her seatbelt. Finally, she let it go... for now.   
  
"Well, thanks. Your hair looks extra fluffy today," she reached over to run her fingers through his dark waves. "And softer."   
  
"Genetics, I guess," he hummed, turning up the radio a little. _ Muse  _ played on the radio. Of course, it was their well-known song  _ Uprising _ . Rey's taste in music was all over the place, but Kylo seemed to like heavier music. Not exactly death-core or anything to that extreme, but a little heavy bass and low vocals made him content.   
  
"I hope you don't mind," he glanced over to her. "I haven't heard this song in forever."   
  
"It's a good song of theirs," Rey assured. "I'll listen to anything."   
  
"Country?" Kylo looked over again, a little longer as he waited for her answer.   
  
"God, no!" Rey laughed, surprised that he even suggested that. "I have some self-respect."   
  
Kylo let out a full laugh, which startled Rey a little bit. His loud laughs were rare, as he was a fairly reserved person, but his laughter was butter to her toast.   
  
He calmed down, letting out a small "ohhhh man..." Suddenly, his hand reached over to Rey's thigh. "Where do you normally shop?"   
  
"Literally, anywhere," Rey admitted. "I'm not horribly picky."   
  
"So... where? Gucci? Versace? Urban Outfitters? Forever 21?" He listed off.   
  
Rey blinked at him for a moment, taken a little aback. "I don't think I've ever been to any of those stores."   
  
Kylo halted at a stop light and then looked at Rey, a little shocked. "Well, what stores have you gone to?"   
  
"Thrift stores. Uh... Walmart?" She watched as his expression soured a little. She tried to redeem herself by saying: "Maybe Target if I'm lucky!"   
  
Target didn't redeem her at all. Kylo sighed, patting her thigh before retracting. "Okay. I don't know much about women's fashion, but I know that you need a shopping spree."   
  
"With my own money," she clarified, knowing fully well that Kylo wanted to spoil her.   
  
Kylo nodded. "Of course."   
  
The light turned green and they continued to drive until Kylo pulled into an outlet parking lot. The two got out of the car, linking arms.   
  
"So where should we go?" Rey finally asked, snaking her arm around his waist to pull him closer.   
  
Kylo wrapped his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her a little. "Whatever store catches our eye."   
  
Walking through the automatic front doors was refreshing, a wave of toasty air hitting their faces. Rey hummed in relief, pulling away from Kylo before offering her hand, which he happily took.   
  
"I'll let you guide me. I've heard of these stores but I don't know which ones are good," Rey explained.   
  
It was cute walking with Kylo, watching as he'd look around in pure curiosity. She watched as his eyes narrowed when he was window-shopping, how he'd brush the single strand of hair in his vision back into his hair, only to have it fall right back down a few moments later.   
  
"How about Urban Outfitters?" Kylo gestured, before looking at Rey for an answer.   
  
"Sure," she nodded, letting him walk them in.   
  
They were greeted by the cashier, which they politely replied. Kylo didn't have much to do since the men's section never appealed to him, unlike other stores. Urban was more female-centric, with its aesthetic display and brightness.   
  
Despite being unable to shop for himself, he enjoyed how Rey's eyes would brighten upon seeing a shirt she liked, until her gaze dimmed upon seeing the price tag. He huffed, knowing she didn't want him spending money on her, but it couldn't be helped. It hurt him in some way to see her so restricted with her fashion sense. Besides, Kylo had lots of extra money in his budget considering he never went out much.   
  
Rey picked up a shirt with some worn out flowers over it, holding it in front of her. "Look how cute this is!" She smiled, before looking at the price tag.   
  
"Get it," Kylo encouraged. "That would look good tucked with your blue denim jeans."   
  
Rey looked up at Kylo before placing her hand over her heart, her voice a little higher as she smiled. "You notice what I wear?" She swooned.   
  
Kylo smiled with a little laugh. "Most of it. But I know that your ass looks great in those jeans so they're a little more memorable."   
  
Rey hushed him, her cheeks flushing red. "Okay! Fine! I'll get them," she grinned, feeling more inclined. "But I think this is all I'll get."   
  
"Shop around a little more," Kylo gestured. "You'll never know what you find."   
  
Reluctantly, she agreed. Kylo noted what she'd pick up and smile at, before looking at the price tag and setting it back. It was a neutral beige body-con dress, an over-dyed yellow button-up flannel, and a pair of overalls.   
  
She turned back to Kylo, frustrated. "I think I'll stick with the tee."   
  
He nodded. "Okay. I'll be looking around while you're in line."   
  
Rey flashed a smile before making her way toward the line. He scanned over the racks again, quickly, and picked out the outfits he remembered in a small. Rey had already checked out since there were two cashiers and not many customers.   
  
Rey looked around, searching for Kylo until she caught him in line. She was about to chalk it up to him finding some shirt in the men's section until she spotted those damn blue overalls.   
  
He stepped forward and placed them on the counter, smiling and making idle conversation with the cashier.   
  
Rey ran up to him in alarm.   
  
"Kylo," she scolded, before digging in her purse in search for her wallet. She found it and held out her card to the cashier, only to have Kylo snatch it out of her hand and hold it over her head. "Kylo!"   
  
He pretended that Rey wasn't there, handing the cashier his card successfully with a coy: "Thank you."   
  
The cashier smiled, finding the couple cute. He looked at Rey, laughing a little. "I wish my man did this kinda stuff."   
  
Rey huffed, knowing fully well that she wasn't going to jump for her card like some sort of show dog. "I'd rather he didn't."   
  
"You need these," he received his card back, handing Rey hers. He opened his wallet and tucked his card in the inner pocket. "Besides. I can't always just buy you coffee as appreciation."   
  
"I mean, you could. I'm not that hard to please," Rey crossed her arms, watching as Kylo took the bag.   
  
The cashier wished them a farewell as they headed out to the mall. Kylo looked over to find Rey looking away from him in protest. A little too rough, he grabbed her cheeks and turned her toward him, kissing her. He felt her tenseness melt away, a sigh escaping their lips upon separating. Instead of finding anger in her stare, he only found sadness.   
  
"Talk to me," he took her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm, slowly walking forward. Rey followed.   
  
"I just don't want you buying things for me is all," she huffed.   
  
"Why not?"   
  
The reason was hidden underneath her tongue, and he watched her try to conceal it until it was unbearable. "It just makes me feel poor and I feel like you're wasting your money and I feel like I should pay you back but I can't."   
  
"Okay. Let's slow down," he breathed. "It's my money, and I'm choosing to spend it on you because you deserve it. So it's not wasting it in any way. I don't ever expect you to pay me back. And I'm not pity spending on you if you're poor or not. I want to treat you because you're my girlfriend."   
  
He could still see the emptiness in Rey, and stopped her, placing his knuckle under her chin to raise her gaze up to him.   
  
"Look. Don't think about all that background noise. The future doesn't exist. Enjoy the moment. You're getting a new wardrobe and you're finding your style! And we get to finally spend some time together," he took her hand, before kissing it a few times, gazing at her.   
  
Finally, he saw some form of a smile on her face, her gaze averted from his.   
  
"Okay, fine," she accepted. "But I still want to pay for some of my clothes."   
  
"Whatever makes you happy," he gave her a kind smile, before giving her one last kiss.   
  
Kylo felt almost like some sort of medicine to her. No matter how stressed she was, physically or mentally, his words and his gestures were guaranteed to relax her, giving her a sense of security.   
  
That security was stripped away in a single second.   
  
"REN!"   
  
Both of their stomachs dropped at the sound of the painstakingly familiar voice.   
  
Rey looked over in horror to see Professor Hux storming up to them, quite a bit of distance away still. It was almost like a horror movie, the monster running down a claustrophobic hallway.   
  
Kylo quickly turned to Rey. "Go to the nearest bathroom. I'll find you there." Seeing her eyes water so quickly crushed him inside. He really didn't want to send her away, but knew that it would grow worse if she stayed and experienced the wrath of Hux, which Kylo knew all too well.   
  
Rey turned on her heel and went into a complete tunnel vision, her eyes searching for some sort of sign for the public bathroom. It didn't take too long to find, and conveniently, there was a bench right outside of them. She nearly collapsed, her heart throbbing throughout her entire body, her head feeling squished by two giant hands, her ears thumping with each heartbeat. Her vision blurred each throb, her tears falling down her cheeks so easily.   
  
Embarrassed by the passerby's looking at her in worry, she covered her face with her hands.   
  
Meanwhile, Hux had caught up to Kylo, nearly shaking in anger.   
  
"Are you BLOODY MAD?!" He shouted in Kylo's face, his blue eyes piercing his to the core. Kylo remained composed, guiding Hux away from the small restaurant they were near.   
  
"Maybe, but so were you once before," Kylo replied, his deep firm voice suffocating Hux.   
  
The ginger gave a pained passive aggressive grin, his entire body still shaking in rage. "Oh, please, Kylo. You're the one who hurt me, remember?"   
  
Kylo knew full well, and would regret it his entire lifetime. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes, unable to look at Hux. "I've changed. I'm not like that anymore."   
  
Looking back to Hux, he could still see the pained glare, how his eyes were slightly watered. Yet, he was so full of rage and resentment, rightfully so. Though, this wasn't about Kylo, or their past experiences. This was about Rey.   
  
Kylo sighed, reaching into his pocket. Hux watched as Kylo pulled out a stack of cash, bringing his thumb to drag across his tongue before flipping through the green paper.   
  
"Look. How much do you want? I'll even do a weeks work for you," Kylo stopped after five flips, looking up in search of an answer.   
  
Hux suddenly felt some sort of pity for Kylo, knowing fully well that he'd never succumb to such a level. Kylo pleading with Hux? That had never existed until now.   
  
"I don't want your money," Hux spat at him, taking a few steps closer to him.   
  
"Please, Hux. I-..." Kylo struggled to find words. "For the girl."   
  
"That's exactly why I don't want your money. Only for that girl." Hux grew even closer, both of them feeling each other's breath. "But if you hurt that girl, Kylo, that's it. Your little affair will be over and President Snoke will hear of it."   
  
Before Kylo could thank him, Hux turned on his heel and began to walk away until he halted, making a half turn, glancing back over to Kylo. "But I will take that work week you offered..."   
  
Just like that, Hux was out of their hair. Kylo visibly relaxed as he hadn't felt that tense in a while. Immediately, his mind returned to Rey, only imagining how she felt. He walked at a quick pace, finding the bathroom almost immediately.   
  
A pound of air expelled from his lungs seeing her hunched over, quietly sobbing into her hands. He walked over to her and squatted in front of her. Before he could offer any words to help, she began to ramble.   
  
"You're gonna lose your job because of me. It's all my fault. I knew it was too risky to be public. I'll get transferred and my grandpa is going to find out and-"   
  
"Rey!" He took her shoulder tightly, his tone friendly and relieving. "Nothing bad happened. Hux and I talked it out and I just have to grade his papers for a week so he'll keep quiet."   
  
Rey lifted her face from her hands with a rough sniffle, revealing her entirely red skin covered with tears. "Really?"   
  
Kylo remembered Rey's advice a few nights before on how to help out her anxiety, so he gave her the honest truth.   
  
"Yes, really. But even if I did lose my job, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. They'd find another professor, and I would simply find another job. My resume is pretty impressive," he boasted, hoping to lighten the mood.   
  
"But you shouldn't have to lose your job," Rey spoke, her emotions nearly strangling her words.   
  
"We're in the present today, remember? I still have my job. Nothing changed. It's still our shopping day," he gently took her cheek, wiping the tears away.   
  
A wave of emotion suddenly left Rey, as though Kylo had exorcized all of her inner demons. Letting out a shuttered breath of relief, she leaned forward and held him tightly, closing her eyes.   
  
"Okay," she heaved. "I trust you."   
  
Kylo turned a little and kissed the side of her head, holding her close. They stayed there for about a minute longer until Rey had finally let go, her face a little more cleared up.   
  
"Let me clean up in the bathroom a little before we keep going, okay?"   
  
Kylo nodded, taking her spot on the bench to watch her bags.   
  
Once she came back, she noticeably looked much better. It was a little scary actually, how she was able to conceal her emotional breakdown so well.   
  
"Ready?" Kylo asked, standing up with her bags. She nodded, reaching to take them from his grip, until he reeled them back. "I don't mind."   
  
"Even my purse?" Rey questioned, amused.   
  
"Sure," Kylo shrugged. "I'm comfortable with myself."   
  
Rey just smiled and nodded, glad that Kylo wasn't so fragile with his masculinity.   
  
They went through many stores, some to simply look at and some to actually buy. Kylo teased Rey in the Versace store, taking a hideous expensive coat worth a thousand-something dollars up toward the cashier until she grabbed onto him and pulled him away, causing him to let out that wholesome hearty laugh.   
  
The most exciting store they went to was Victoria's Secret. Kylo watched with amusement as Rey would dangle some lingerie in front of his face, like bating a dog with a treat.   
  
It was a tight pink corset bodysuit, hanging on the edge of her finger.   
  
"What do ya think?" She asked, watching his gaze closely. It was entertaining watching him smirk a little, his hungry eyes bouncing back and forth from her to the bodysuit.   
  
"I can see it..." he hummed. "Anything you wear, I'd be happy with."   
  
Just then, an idea popped into Rey's mind.   
  
"I'll surprise you," she grinned playfully. "It's more fun to see it in action compared to some lifeless fabric amongst all the others."   
  
Kylo smiled a little. "Alright. I'll look at the fragrances while you pick so I don't seem like a creep."   
  
Rey laughed a little, watching as he walked around the corner. After spending a good five minutes, she found  _ the one _ . Quickly, she tucked it under the two bras in her bag and approached Kylo who was smelling some vanilla scent. Upon feeling her presence, he turned to Rey and held out the perfume.   
  
"Smell this."   
  
Rey took the bottle and gently put it up to her nose.   
  
"Be honest. Would you wear it?" Kylo asked.   
  
"Yeah," Rey nodded, her heart buzzing from the scent. "It reminds me of happy times."   
  
Kylo grabbed three bottles and a body cream since there was a generous sale. Rey didn't mind too much since it was a good bargain, and she would've gotten it anyway.   
  
The two bounced around stores for a few more hours before it became tiresome. They were starved.   
  
Rey walked out with more bags she could count, and even more on Kylo's end. He did end up buying a few clothes, some heavily suggested by Rey. Some key outfits Rey had picked consisted of dark colors, except a nice fitting white button-up, which would be interesting to see him wear as the lightest item in his closet was a light grey shirt.   
  
The two dropped the bags in the trunk of his car and got inside, both of them letting out a sharp exhale simultaneously before looking at each other, a smile slowly coming out of hiding.   
  
"So what now?" Rey asked him, catching her breath a little. She insisted on holding most of the bags, resulting in her being a little fatigued.   
  
"Unfortunately, my uncle has planned a lunch for me. If I could cancel I-"   
  
"No, no," Rey took his arm in assurance. "It's fine. Your life shouldn't revolve around me anyway."   
  
"Sometimes I wish it could," he sighed, slamming his back against the spine of his seat. "Rey, you have no idea how relaxing it is for me to hang out with you and go on these little impromptu dates. Whenever you aren't around, it's all just work, work, work."   
  
Rey watched as he zoned out for a moment, his stare becoming blank as he reflected. Feeling a little bad for him, she leaned over and pulled him into a kiss. He snapped out of his daze and looked into her eyes.   
  
"I'm ravenous. Let's get out of here."   
  
\- possible end to chapter?? We'll see where the smut takes us -   
  
Kylo brought Rey home, watching as she struggled with all of her bags. He'd help, but she didn't want her grandpa to find out about them. Reluctantly he agreed, as one person finding out about their affair was enough for one day.   
  
Once Rey successfully made it to the door, Kylo let out a small honk before driving away. Rey tried her best to wave, but her arms were weighed down.   
  
Not even able to open the door, she slammed her head into the wood a few times. After waiting for a short minute, the door opened to Kenobi. She watched as his eyes widened, seeing all of the bags she was holding.   
  
"Rey-"   
  
"I know," she laughed. "It looks like a lot, but there was a really good sale throughout the mall. It's not as much as you think."   
  
It was as much as Kenobi thought, but again, Rey didn't want him to know she had a part-time sugar daddy. Thinking of Kylo as such made her laugh a little to herself.   
  
Rey spent a good hour unpacking her new wardrobe, trying them all on once again, and hanging them up in her closet. She was incredibly grateful, as she never had many options for clothing in her closet.   
  
Abruptly placing her hand on her tight stomach, she heard it nearly groan for food.   
  
Casually, she went downstairs to whip something up.   
  
In another part of town, Kylo walked through the double doors of a fancy restaurant that served soups, salads, and sandwiches.   
  
The waiter quickly stepped forward to the tall dark haired man.   
  
"Is it just you, sir?"   
  
"No. I'm here under the reservation Skywalker."   
  
They noticeably brightened, as Skywalker was a repeating customer. "Ah! Right this way, sir!"   
  
Kylo followed the overly friendly waiter into the depths of the restaurant. Luke quickly noticed him and waved him over with a smile on his face. Sighing, Kylo continued.   
  
His and Luke's relationship was... complicated. As Luke had a hand with giving Kylo an unfortunately dull childhood, he felt guilty, after some self-reflection.   
  
It happened after he and Kylo had some fight when he was about Rey's age. Kylo screamed in blinded rage how he hated Luke and his parents, and how he wished they'd perish like his childhood and so on. Luke, upon hearing Kylo's inner turmoil, felt responsible.   
  
Now, years down the line, Luke has been neutral, even friendly to Kylo. On the other hand, Kylo was slightly unconvinced, as Luke seemed too accommodating and fake at times. However, he noticed that he was at least trying, unlike Han and Leia.   
  
Kylo took his seat, clearing his throat a little to prepare himself for the rather long conversation they were most likely going to have.   
  
"How's my nephew doing on this fine day?" Luke smiled, half joking.   
  
"Fine," was all Kylo could reply with. It was true to some extent. He knew that he was much better before he came, in Rey's presence. Now, his mood was much lower, though he was content after their little date. However, he was irritable due to the fact that he had to be here, with his desperate uncle. "How about you?"   
  
"I'm hungry," Luke stretched his arms outward, before reaching behind his back. "Let's order our food first, hm?"   
  
Kylo could finally agree with something he said, as he was starving from walking around so much.   
  
The two men stared at the menu for a few minutes until Luke finally laid down his menu, pointing at some words Kylo couldn't read, as he still couldn't read upside down.   
  
"I'm going to have the chicken dumpling soup. It's pretty damn good," Luke laughed a little, trying to lessen Kylo's tension that he bared each time they met.   
  
"Mmmm..." Kylo's eyes darted from end to end of the menu. "I'll have the spinach and cheddar soup with mushrooms."   
  
"Good choice," Luke affirmed, before giving the waiter a slight wave. They ordered their soups with a soft baguette to pair. Once the waiter took the menu, Luke stared at Kylo, that facade of a smile still on his face.   
  
"So what's new? Anything going on from school?" Luke questioned.   
  
Kylo absolutely hated when he'd ask about school, as he was much more than his job. However, last year the only thing he ever did was work, even at home. He still did to an extent, but cut back on it due to Rey.   
  
"Not much school related is going on, but I'm seeing someone," Kylo mentioned, out of sheer spite. So badly, for once, he wanted to talk about anything but his expectations.   
  
Luke's eyes widened in interest. "Wow! That's great!" His smile grew wider, even laughing a bit. Kylo tensed as Luke leaned in, eagerly. "So tell me! What's her name? What's she like?"   
  
At that moment, Kylo wished he hadn't lured him so soon. In his head, he thought Luke would acknowledge it and drone on and on about old flings, which is something he'd do. The last thing he expected was Luke to be so invested.   
  
"Her name is Rey," Kylo said, clearing his throat again out of nerves. "She's... she's great. I'm absolutely wild about her. It's been like some sort of awakening for me. My life was so... bland without her."   
  
Luke's toothy smile dimmed into a somewhat proud one, glad that Kylo was finally breaking out of the tightly locked box his life was placed in.   
  
"That's really great Kylo. I'm happy for ya. What does she look like?" He pushed further. "And where did you guys even meet? The only places you ever go to is school and home."   
  
Kylo took a hard gulp. "She has... uh... short brown hair. Short girl, but has such a kind smile. When she speaks she shows a hint of an English accent."   
  
Kylo stopped talking once he saw his Uncle’s once proud smile divulged into disappointment. He bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And you met her at school... didn't ya?"   
  
The waiter came at the most inconvenient time. Kylo and Luke could only stare each other down as their bowls were hurried onto the table, the warm baguette placed in between the glares before the waiter rushed off.   
  
"Are you out of your damn mind?!" Luke gritted, clenching his fists in frustration. "This could blow up into a whole big thing where she claims rape and-"   
  
"It's not like that!" Kylo spoke out of turn, his voice startling the rest of the room. He looked around, now slightly embarrassed, but his anger overshadowed it. He leaned forward into their little bubble. "It's completely consensual. It's been like this for two months."   
  
"TWO!" Luke blurted out, before turning away for a moment to control himself. He took a deep breath in and returned to Kylo. "I say this only to help you, but you need to break it off before Snoke finds out, or her parents find out."   
  
"I'm sorry," Kylo leaned back in disgust. "That's not happening."   
  
"You'll lose your job!"   
  
"Then so be it!"   
  
Luke was suddenly in disbelief, laughing a little. "Kylo. You know your parents won't allow that."   
  
"I'm twenty-seven. They can't control me forever. I'll find a new job." Kylo shrugged it off.   
  
"You're willing to lose your job over some girl you hooked up with for two months?" Luke questioned, trying to show how ridiculous Kylo seemed.   
  
Kylo clenched his fist, gritting his teeth. "She's not some fling, Uncle. We care about each other. She's the only thing that's keeping me stable."   
  
Luke's gaze softened, seeing how completely and utterly lost Kylo was when it came to this girl. Having talked to Rey a few times, he knew that she was a sweet girl, and didn't want her to get hurt.   
  
Kylo was cautious, watching his uncle’s stare. "Are you going to tell President Snoke?"   
  
Luke sighed, leaning back in his chair.   
  
"No... even though it's wrong what you're doing, but you're my nephew. It's obvious you're nuts over her," Luke assured. "Besides, I can't stand Snoke. As long as you don't rope me in with this, your affair is under wraps."   
  
Kylo's tension slowly dissipated, his fist unclenching. Luke decided to keep quiet so they both could eat some soup before the next debate he had up his sleeve. Once their bowls were half full, Luke couldn't help himself.   
  
"So... what do you see your future being like with this girl?"   
  
"We already talked about it," Kylo sighed. "We don't know, and we're fine with that."   
  
"What if it ends horribly?" Luke proposed. "She hates you and tells."   
  
Kylo shrugged. "It's a what-if statement. It hasn't happened, and most likely won't happen."   
  
"How about marriage? You see yourself having kids with this girl?"   
  
Kylo dropped his spoon in his bowl.   
  
"It's a waste of time planning an unpredictable future. Now let it go. It is what it is," Kylo's voice grew firm, beginning to get annoyed once again.   
  
"What about when your parents find out, hm? What'll they think?" Luke pressed even further. "You know I can't keep this from them."   
  
With that single sentence, Kylo hit his breaking point. Nearly shaking with rage, he threw his spoon back into his soup, some of it splashing on the table. He took out his wallet and dug for money.   
  
"Kylo. I'm just trying to help you think realistically," Luke pleaded, not wanting him to leave.   
  
Kylo threw a ten dollar bill on the table.   
  
"No. You're trying to help me think like how my parents want me to think," he seethed, his eyes staring into Luke's core. "I don't have to take this. Especially from you."   
  
With that, Kylo stormed off, exiting the diner.   
  
Getting in the car, he sped out of the parking lot and merged onto the road. He gripped the wheel, his knuckles turning white as his mind went haywire over everything. What could happen between him and Rey, his parents, his job?   
  
Suddenly, he remembered Rey telling him to not speed, as it made her nervous. He sighed, letting the speedometer drop down a few miles.   
  
He felt like straight up going to a bar and getting drunk, but knew he couldn't. However, he didn't trust himself one bit.   
  
He had that bottle of Chardonnay at home, a treat for him and Rey someday, and knew he'd guzzle that sucker down.   
  
Rey. Rey. Rey.   
  
That's all that came to mind. Rey this. Rey that.   
  
Unable to take it anymore, he pulled up to a screeching halt at her house.   
  
Getting out of his car, boldly, he walked up the paved way and loudly climbed the steps.   
  
This was absolutely ridiculous, he thought, with his heart pounding in his head. He could turn around and forget any of this happened, protecting their taboo relationship. Thoughts of her rushed through his head, along with thoughts of how all of this could go wrong.   
  
Roughly, he knocked the door, not knowing what he'd find behind it. With trembling hands, he waited for something to come of this impromptu visit. It was quite obvious he was desperate, due to how he stared at the door, amber eyes wide like he had winded up a jack-in-the-box. Kylo didn't know what to expect, but knew he needed Rey.   
  
Relief swept over him when she opened the door, her face turning from a friendly welcoming smile to a concerned startled stare, her eyes going over his tall broad body in search of an injury or a sign of distress.   
  
The only thing she could catch was his mussed hair, no doubt from the countless times he'd combed his fingers through it in some sort of distress. It wasn't in tidy dark waves anymore. They were spiraled everywhere, besides one wave rested against his forehead. She knew that strand all too well, as she'd watch in amusement as he would constantly brush it back into its natural order while he'd lecture the class.   
  
"Is everything alright?" She looked at him, standing at attention. All of this was strange, as Kylo would never dare step foot on her porch unless it was necessary.   
  
She watched as his eyes left her stare, looking behind her, searching the small view he had of her home. "Is your grandfather home?" Kylo immediately asked, his hand on the threshold.   
  
"He just left to get us dinner, but-"   
  
Without letting her say much more, he pressed his lips against hers, pushing both of them inside the home, slamming the door behind them. In a fit of heated passion, they grabbed at each other desperately.   
  
It was unexpected, to say the least, but Rey didn't mind, as her nails dug into his broad shoulders before her palms ghosted their way to the sides of his head, dipping into his dark waves, making more of a mess than before.   
  
Rey retracted, panting as she stared at him in confusion and slight admiration. Her warm breath hit Kylo's neck, causing him to get goosebumps. It was gutsy of him to be here, but why now?   
  
"Did lunch go wrong?" Rey asked, trying to make sense of his out-of-character behavior.   
  
Not wanting to talk about it, or even think about it, he made it a point to keep it as short as possible.   
  
"Horrible," his eyes loomed over in a hazy lust. "I just want to fuck you. I want to fuck you until you're screaming, begging, calling my name."   
  
Each time Kylo said fuck, it was in a bone-rattling growl, the "ck" brutally forced out of his mouth. Rey's eyes were wide, watching as these words shot out of his mouth like bullets from a gun. Despite it being vulgar and far from his usual sweet self, she heard the desperation in his voice, and that turned her on.   
  
He stops, becoming afraid that he had asked too much. That he pushed it too far. That he ruined everything. Rey was a novice at all of this, but Kylo had more experience under his belt, literally. Just once, he wanted to push past the simple vanilla sex of just missionary. He wanted to be the one to open her eyes, showing her what she deserved.   
  
Searching her face for some sort of positive reaction, he got something even better.   
  
She roughly grabbed his shoulder, her nails digging into the black fabric, deciding to go along with his kink. Gazing into his dark lustrous eyes, she said the two words she knew would get a reaction out of him.   
  
"Take me."   
  
Suddenly, her breath hitched as he lifted her up and made it towards the steps before laying her on them, impatient. The edges of the stairs bit into Rey's back but she enjoyed Kylo slotting his lips into hers too much, coaxing her mouth open, slipping his tongue in. All while he aggressively held her waist to remain stable on the stairway. Rey enjoyed the feeling of the pads of his fingers pressing into her skin, and was sure to leave some sort of bruise. A signature of his existence. A reminder of him.   
  
Though feeling his touch was nice, they were going nowhere on those old creaky steps.   
  
"Upstairs," Rey managed to breathe out, looking at Kylo, who stared back in attention. He didn't hesitate to let Rey go, his hair swooped in front of his face.   
  
In a low growl, Rey heard him mutter: "Run."   
  
Scrambling to her feet, she screamed and laughed up the steps, Kylo's heavy stomps following closely behind her. Once she ran to her bedroom door, she stopped and turned, watching as he ran towards her.   
  
Laughing, he wrapped his arms around her waist before dropping her onto the bed. They continued what they had on the stairs, pressing against each other in a heat of kisses. Kylo could feel Rey fumble with the buttons, as he roughly yanked down her pants, letting her kick them off herself. As she did that, Ren pulled off his top, a button popping off due to Rey not unhinging all of them.   
  
Rey watched as the button fell to the floor, bouncing on the wood with a loud clatter.   
  
"Kylo-" Rey tried to say, until she looked forward to see him in his glory. Struggling to shrug off the sleeves, he puffed his chest out a little to give himself more reach behind him. She watched as he threw the shirt onto the floor, as if it was absolutely nothing to him.   
  
"It doesn't matter," he assured in a heavy breath of air, looking down at her. He had one knee on the bed and his leg off of it, allowing her to have room to undress. Rey continued to take off her shirt as Kylo unbuckled his belt, the metal clinking loudly until there was a loud snap! Whipping it off of his waist, he also tossed that onto the floor, right next to his soon to be wrinkled shirt. His pants dropped easily, and he kicked them to the side. He leaned down, pulling a condom packet out of his pocket. Having a box of them in his car, he knew damn well he needed one here. Calmly, he rolled it onto his dick, catching a glance at Rey, who was watching in interest. Maybe hunger.   
  
Looking at her, he saw that she was ready. It was obvious that she wasn't expecting any of this, with her sports bra not matching her boy cut underwear in the slightest, but it didn't matter. If anything, it was easy for him to tear off.   
  
Rey braced herself as she felt his fingers slip behind the waistband, tugging them off, exposing her. Once again, he threw her underwear across the room, planting into the wall before falling to the floor. Without warning, Rey gasps slightly as she feels him place his fingers on her cunt, hot and wet.   
  
"Mmmm..." she hears him hum in thought, before looking at her. "I'm going to be rough, so don't be afraid to tell me to stop if anything hurts." Almost as a tease, he dipped his middle finger into her entrance, causing her to arch slightly as she clutched her blanket. She nodded willfully, curious as to how this was going to go.   
  
Kylo was incredibly tall, next to her. Not only was he that, but he was broad and muscular too, which made her nearly convinced that he was about to break her.   
  
Caught off guard once again, Kylo pulled her up from the bed and lifted her up. By instinct, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms on his shoulders. Slamming her against the wall, her breath was forced out of her mouth, her eyes wide, until he pressed his lips to the nape of her neck. The warmth of his plush kisses were comforting, as he was slow, but persistent.   
  
"Whatever happened to missionary?" She teased, her voice close to his ear.   
  
For a moment, his lips separated from her supple red-tinted skin. "We're past that, at this point."   
  
Kylo used all of his strength to hold her up as he blindly found himself, guiding his cock into her. It was risky, considering that he had no lube, but thankfully Rey was just the right amount of wet to get by. It was uncomfortable at first, as she gripped him to move past it. After a few small thrusts, she was quickly over it.   
  
Hearing his deep grunts as he struggled to hold her up and thrust inside her turned her on. The idea of being full of him nearly made her orgasm, but she wanted to hold out for a little while longer. The kisses he once cautiously placed on her neck became messy and rough. Rey was also sloppy, kissing his cheek before dragging her lips to his shoulder, a few moans escaping here and there.   
  
Feeling slightly unsatisfied with the position, Kylo moved Rey back to the bed. It wasn't her fault at all. The idea went much better in his head, as he had thought about it on the car ride there. He daydreamed her back slamming against the wall, her moaning in distress, as he pumped her on his dick until she came. It was too much work, holding her and making sure he didn't accidentally slip out.   
  
Once Rey collapsed onto the springy bed, Kylo was quick to grab her hips and yank her toward him, pulling the blanket slightly with her. He took her legs and rested them on his shoulders, before bulking her even closer to him.   
  
It was gratifying, each time he'd slip into her slowly, seeing her turn away in embarrassment as her face twisted a little. Not in pain. No, no. It was absolute satisfaction, as he filled her.   
  
Without wasting time, he picked up the pace, thrusting into her repeatedly as the headboard slammed into the wall, the mattress itself squeaking.   
  
"Oh...! My god!" Rey gasped, sprawling her arms above her head. Kylo licked his lips watching her in such a vulnerable state, feeling his dick twitch each time a moan escaped from her supple lips. To him, she was a queen that needed to be served. Treating her, making her moan and be on the verge of screaming was his way of worship.   
  
Fucking her made him realize that God was a woman, and that woman was Rey.   
  
"I'm..." her voice hitched in her throat as she gripped the blanket, before gripping her breast. "Please!"   
  
He slowed down, preventing her from releasing.   
  
"Say my name," he demanded, his voice heavy and strained as he himself tried to hold out. He held her legs tightly, as she squirmed in anticipation.   
  
"Kylo..." she moaned, closing her eyes before turning away again.   
  
He grinded into her, going deeper and slower. Leaning toward her, as much as he could, he stared her down. "Like you want it."   
  
"I do!" Rey cried out, arching her back. "I want it, and I only want you!"   
  
It wasn't exactly what he asked for, but it definitely was the assurance he needed.   
  
As a reward, he fucked her real good. Within a second, he went from slow, passionate grinding to thrusting into her, the headboard loudly breaking the wall again.   
  
"Fuck!" Rey screamed, as he rammed her. She felt him go all the way in, hitting her walls, pleasuring her.   
  
"Kylo!"   
  
With the simple moan from her mouth, she practically melted under his touch.   
  
Rey is at his will, and feels the mattress dip significantly. Upon opening her eyes, she finds him right over her, staring into her eyes. She lets herself be caged in by him, as he continues to pump in and out of her. Reaching a hand for his shoulder, he takes her wrist and pins it above her head before grabbing the other one. He did this another time before, when it was her first time, and it still worked.   
  
She wondered if domination was his kink, since he seems to be so controlling over sex. Not in a negative way, but he had always made it a point to pleasure her, besides the one time under his desk. That was a treat alright. Rey didn't mind being overpowered by him at all. It dawned on her that maybe submission was her kink, as being roughly dicked down by her professor turned her on in more ways that he or she could ever imagine.   
  
"Deeper," she breathed, looking down at him entering her. Her wish was quickly obeyed, as he had hit some sort of sweet spot, resulting her in bucking her hips. It did something to him also, as he moved slower. She could feel it in the way he pinned her wrists down on the bed, the pressure much more intense.   
  
"How does it feel?" He groaned, his eyes finding hers again. His hand moved from one of her wrists to her breast, squeezing it and pressing his thumb against her nipple. "Getting fucked by your professor?"   
  
"I don't know," Rey replied in a pant. "But I do know that getting deeply fucked by Kylo Ren feels fucking amazing."   
  
She smiled, watching him struggle to hold on a little while longer, so she continued.   
  
"I love feeling your dick press into me over and over again, pushing against my walls. How you pin me down so rough and make me feel trapped. How you hover over me, our heat bouncing off of each other—" Rey stopped, a small gasp escaping her lips as she felt a spike of pleasure, before continuing. "I love hearing your moans, how it vibrates inside this bubble we have. But most of all..."   
  
Kylo looked at her, waiting for the grand finale, on the edge of pleasure. Rey broke from his grip and took his face, pressing foreheads with each other. Their breaths were warm, hitting their faces with each desperate heave.   
  
"I love your big hot cock throbbing inside me when you come."   
  
Hearing her say that in such a determined voice did it in for him. He let out a few slow, lingering thrusts, coming inside of her, biting at her shoulder, moaning at the same time. She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling him still inside of her.   
  
"God..." He breathed, bracing his hand beside Rey's head. "I love you so much."   
  
Rey's heart sank just like the last time he had said it. It was strange having him say it so casually. Not only was it an odd feeling, but it was so dangerous. Feeling so strongly for each other was dangerous. Hell, the entire relationship was dangerous.   
  
Hearing the silence come from Rey scared Kylo a little, worrying he nearly scared her off again. He sat up and looked at her. "Don't worry about returning the gesture. I just can't hide it."   
  
Rey could only smile at him, thankful that he was understanding of her not being ready yet. For once, she took his shoulder and slowly rolled him onto his back. Feeling him slip out of her was just as pleasurable as him thrusting into her.   
  
Gently, she took him in his hand, heavy and a little limper than before, and fixated herself on top, guiding his cock into her. Slowly, she grinds on top of him, placing her hands on his chest. To complement the mark he had left on her waist, she took her nails and dragged them down his sternum to his abdomen. She saw him wince a little, but knew he enjoyed it. It was interesting watching how the red marks showed up so quickly. He took his hands and placed them on her waist, guiding her to a nice pace.   
  
In the middle of it, both of them heard a door slam open and shut.   
  
"Rey?" They heard Kenobi holler.   
  
At the speed of light, Rey got off of Kylo and ran to her door, slamming it shut behind her.   
  
"Getting dressed!" She shouted, locking the door behind her. Kylo was already sat up on the bed, looking at her for some sort of direction. Rey grabbed his shirt and handed it to him before whispering: "Get dressed! And don't make heavy footsteps!"   
  
Hurriedly, Kylo put on his pants and shrugged on his shirt, taking his belt in hand.   
  
"Why are you getting dressed? Are you going somewhere?" His voice was right outside the door, and there was no doubt he had his ear against the wood to listen.   
  
Rey got dressed herself, but in her pajamas. "I was trying on some of my clothes again!" She lied, jumping to put her pants on.   
  
She took his arm and guided him to the window, popping it open wide for him.   
  
"There's a pipe next to the window for the leaf gutter. You can grab that and reach over to the tree to get down," Rey directed, her voice shaken and soft, staring at the door just in case he barged in.   
  
Turning her chin toward him, he pressed his lips against hers ever so softly. It was a reminder to calm down, and also a thank you for everything.   
  
"I'll talk to you later, sweetheart."   
  
Sweetheart?   
  
Rey didn't know a pet name could hold such a heavy effect on her. She had never been one for them, as babe and darling were a little cringy. Yet, sweetheart was so endearing and personal.   
  
Her heart suddenly became too big for her chest, causing her to place her hand over it with a smile. She watched as he cautiously climbed down. Once he was on foot, she closed the window.   
  
After hurriedly fixing her bed, she opened the door to her Grandfather, who immediately walked into her room. It was odd, since he was usually so calm. He was searching for something. Someone.   
  
Rey nearly broke into a sweat as she watched his eyes scan the room for anything out of place.   
  
"What's up?" She asked, trying her best to make it seem like she didn't just get plowed by her professor.   
  
"There's a car outside," Kenobi said, glancing at Rey for some sort of slip up. She was always bad at lying and confessed each time, and he knew that for a fact.   
  
"Oh," Rey rolled her eyes. "Is it the black car? Because some Jehovah's witness came out of there and knocked on the door."   
  
He gave her a doubtful look, but knew that he shouldn't press it any further. Trusting Rey to come forward was hard, as he was so curious as to who was in her life. Who needed to be hidden from him? Why?   
  
"Okay," He nodded with a slight huff. “I brought some McDonald's home, so come down whenever.”   
  
Rey nodded a little too quickly, giving a kind smile to him. He did one last scan of the room, looking at the open closet and the space underneath the bed.   
  
Letting out a doubtful exhale, Kenobi looked at Rey, giving her a slightly disappointed stare. It was soft, and Rey didn't know how to register it. Did he know? Was he aware she was hiding something? What did he want from her?   
  
She couldn't ask any of those questions, as she didn't want to hear the answer to any of them. Without much else to say, he left the room and went downstairs.   
  
Rey listened to the wooden steps creak as she pulled out her phone and went to Kylo's contact, letting him know that all was well.   
  
Sore, Rey walked over to the other side of the room to pick up the underwear Kylo had recklessly flung at the wall. Her thighs hurt from him leaning against them as he drilled into her. At the time, it felt too good to stop.   
  
Now she felt the repercussions.   
  
With an odd walk, she made it back to her bed and collapsed with a heavy exhale and closed her eyes.   
  
Grandpa Kenobi, on the other hand, wandered downstairs in thought. He just knew something was amiss, and so badly wanted to know.   
  
A part of his curiosity was confirmed upon looking outside in search of the nice sleek black mustang. It was a little too nice for a door-to-door worker to be driving. Looking out the window, it vanished, almost too conveniently.   
  
He pushed himself away from the window pane, wondering if he was just being paranoid. Wondering turned into begging. So badly he wanted to push it all aside and blame himself for being overprotective.   
  
Confrontation was hidden underneath his tongue, wanting to ask Rey about her "friends" or her love life. It was ridiculous though, and an invasion of her privacy. She was 19 for maker's sake! Rey's life is hers and hers alone, and she was not obligated to tell him every little detail.   
  
He walked over to the kitchen counter where the McDonalds bag was awaiting him, wanting to stop thinking about it. All too many times he'd had this argument in his head, and each one ends the same way. He bites his tongue.   
  
Kenobi can only bite it for so long, as it's starting to bleed.   
  
  



	14. Stress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M DONE WITH FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!!   
> Yall have NO idea how happy I am! I'll probably finish posting these chapters by the end of summer :) also, thank you all for the kudos and support! It means sososo much to me!  
> Enjoy!

One of the worst experiences in college is midterms, finals, and exams in general. Rey full well knew this applying for college many months ago, but she never knew so much stress could be put on one person.

The past few days had been absolute hell with assignment after assignment being thrown at her. Not to mention, she felt somewhat bad that she hadn't been hanging out with Kylo or her friends in quite a few days. Even during her TA sessions, Kylo almost  _had_  to let her study. He didn't like seeing her organize her papers with shaken hands and a panicked stare as she continuously messed up—doing the math wrong, marking wrong answers, etc.

He tried to offer some sort of support, starting up few conversations in search of some response regarding her mental state. All of them were to no avail, as Rey would offer a smile and assure him, before never mentioning it again. What else could he do?

Sighing, unable to focus on his own work with Rey nearly causing an earthquake with her shaking, he placed his chin in his braced hand, index finger and middle finger making an L. His eyes looked at her, how the papers were scattered all over the floor and her hands fumbled to stack them. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun—not the quirky cute kind—and her eyes were red and puffy, most likely from the lack of sleep she refused to talk about.

"Want to come by my place later?" He offered catching her gaze.

_Jesus. Her eyes really were bloodshot._

Rey looked back down, shaking her head. "I have to work on a few assignments and re-read a few chapters from my textbook." The papers in her hand slipped through and splayed on the floor. He could see how she was on the verge of crying just from that small inconvenience, but she swallowed it and pressed on, slowly picking up the pages into the stack.

"Then study at my place. I won't mind."

Letting out a shaken distressed sigh, she looked back up at Kylo, a little agitated from the pages, the midterms, the essays, and the anxiety boiling in the back burner of her mind.

"You'll distract me," she said, a bit more annoyed than she meant it to. Thankfully, Kylo gave her a half smile, looking back down at the pages on his desk.

"I won't. If you want, I'll even help you."

Rey glanced up at the offer, knowing fully well that Kylo was some sort of weird prodigy child that was intelligent. She needed intelligent to pass.

"Fine."

Kylo smiled a little more and continued to grade his papers. "After school. You know the spot."

"I do," she nodded, pressing her palms against her eyes, which alleviated some of the dry soreness. She did pull an all nighter, again, but had no time for any naps at Kylo's like last time.

-

Hours had past and Rey waited near Kylo's car yet again, shivering from the autumn breeze cutting into her jacket.

She watched him make his way over, dramatic as usual, black coat whipping in the wind. She moved past him, and his hand grazed her backside. He'd do this in class; give a small touch. Whether it was when he handed her papers to pass out and his thumb would brush against hers, or as he'd lecture he'd look at her and offer a subtle nod. A quiet affectionate gesture. It let Rey know that if they weren't in the eye of the public, he'd kiss her on the cheek or something of that nature.

Simplicity was key.

Once they got into the car, Kylo quickly turned the key in the ignition, the vehicle humming to life, and pulled out the parking lot.

Looking around, Rey could see how the trees were slowly dying, fading into warm toned hues and lacking leaves. The season was decaying before her eyes, but it was so beautiful. It was very unlike Arizona, where fall lasted a week and the trees skipped the colors and went straight to its bare exposed state.

Kylo reached over and turned on the heater upon seeing Rey hold herself in the corner of his eye.

"Close your eyes," he told her, his voice a low soothing hum. "You won't pass your exams when you give yourself no breaks."

Reluctantly, her eyelids closed, the soreness dissipated. She wanted to refuse, but he knew better. The heat of the car tried to pull her into a nap. Knowing fully well that falling asleep could be dastardly, she tried her best to stay awake.

Kylo made sure to take his time making his way to his house, taking any extra ways or trying his best to hit a red light. Of course the one time he wanted to hit a red light, he hit mostly green.

As soon as they pulled into the driveway, Rey's eyes flicked open and looked over to Kylo, who ejected his keys from the ignition. The two quietly got out of the car and made it toward the steps.

"So what exactly do you have to get done?" Kylo questioned, fumbling with the front door keys, his voice dulcet and curious.

"I'm halfway done with Phasma's essay. Skywalker also has an essay but not as bad. You have the three assignments and the review packet, and Hux has one assignment. Then I have to study for everyone's exam," Rey rattled off, nearly losing her breath toward the end. It was all unfair, how one person had to get so much done in a matter of time, but Kylo was the last person she wanted to tell that to. He'd rationalize it somehow, and she would have to agree, not wanting to push it any further.

The door clicked, and Kylo turned the handle. "That's a lot," he admitted, pushing his way in. The house was chilly due to him not having the heater on. What was the point if he's at work all day?

Rey made a beeline to the couch, pulling out her laptop and placing it on the glass top of the wooden coffee table. Kylo watched as she splayed her pages and assignments across the table, making a bit of a mess.

Cautiously, he sat beside her, not wanting to disrupt her process. It became unbearable seeing the frown on her face, nearly permanent.

Gently, he leaned over and kissed her cheek before trailing down to her neck and shoulder, feeling her physically relax. Rey tilted her head to the side, giving him more room to work with. "Kylo-"

"Just spare me one minute," he muttered into the fabric of her shirt, his eyes moving up to her face, almost begging. "That's all I ask."

Nodding, she let him place his hand on her chest and gently pushed her back to the couch, sinking into the cushions. He shifted closer, turning her chin and giving her a long meaningful kiss. Once they parted, Rey didn't want it to end. She didn't want to study, but she didn't want to fail.

Tears quickly formed in her eyes as she thought of it all, and lunged for Kylo. It took him by surprise, how her arms wrapped around him tightly and her face buried into his chest.

"Hey," his voice softened, unlike how he talked to other students. "It's alright. You'll pass."

Rey shook her head, pulling him closer. "I'm so stressed out." Her voice was heartbreaking to hear, as it was gravelly and weak, almost if she was on the verge of giving up all together.

The feeling of his hand circling her backside made everything negative in her life go away, just for a moment. Being embraced by his warmth provided comfort in such a cold lonely week.

"What if you acted like you did my exam and I just passed you?" Kylo abruptly offered, the circles on Rey's back coming to a halt. "And I give you the answers to the assignments. You're smart. You'll remember them no matter what."

"Kylo, no," she shook her head, pulling away. She didn't move too far, as they were mere inches apart. Looking up at him, she found his solemn stare. He noted how her nose flushed red and her eyes became even more puffy. It was a sad sight, and he hated how he was partially the reason for it.

"No one will know," he placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear. "Please."

Her hand made its way to his, covering the back of it as it rested on the side of her face. All she could do was give a tired smile. "I need to pass your class like everyone else. I don't want special treatment."

"Are you sure? I can give you an A. Just say the word," he offered, seeing her face soften. "It's the least I can do."

Rey couldn't help but bow her head and laugh. Looking back up, she pressed her hands on his cheeks before she used her nails to comb his hair back. "You act like being with you is a chore. I'm not being forced to be with you, Kylo," she assured him. To further prove her point, she pulled him in for yet another kiss, biting his lower lip just a little at the end, causing him to smile a bit. "Don't feel obligated to give me good grades or anything. I just want to go through college like every other student, minus dating the professor."

The way he looked down at her was... different. His half-lidded hazy eyes conveyed a different emotion that she had seen before. She was so used to his lustful gaze or his stern glare in class. This stare was something else.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly, before giving a supportive pat on the shoulder as he stood up.

"I won't keep you from your studies, then. Holler if you need me."

She watched as he walked away in awe.

He really was in love with her.

Rey tried her best to not linger on the thought, as she had too much to do. If anything, she wanted to have at least a little free time to spend time with him.

Working from the couch, she'd occasionally glance up at the black railing of his bedroom and see the top of his head as he worked on his computer. Each time it brought a slight smile to her face, almost in relief. She wasn't alone.

One or two hours had passed, and Rey roughly pressed "submit" on her assignment for Phasma, nearly crying. It was all finally finished, and now she had leisure time to either relax for finish her other assignments.

Quietly she stood up and crept up the steps to find Kylo where he had always been; hunched over on the computer, most likely doing some sort of grading.

Gently, she placed her hands on his broad shoulders, which tensed for a second before relaxing with his deep exhale.

"How's your studies?" He leaned all the way back to see her. Rey bent over and gave him an awkward upside down kiss.

"I'm all done for now. I finished Phasma's fifteen page essay and the rest of my assignments are nothing compared to that," she hummed, her hands gliding down to his chest. "How about you?"

Kylo scoffed a little and sat up straight, looking at his computer. "Probably nothing compared to a fifteen page essay. Just grading last minute assignments and prepping the next few weeks."

Rey could only nod, because he was right. It was nothing compared to a fifteen page hell essay about cells. Mitosis in all its glory.

Kylo turned in his chair to be faced with Rey, who's hands fell to her side. He reached and brought her closer to him, which he gently lifted her shirt and kissed her waistline. She liked how his plush lips sucked on her sensitive skin, no doubt resulting in some sort of hickey later on. Most of all, she enjoyed how he'd hum in approval when she would comb her fingers through his soft hair.

Suddenly, both of them heard her stomach let out a painful low growl, interrupting the romantic moment. Rey couldn't help but laugh a little, placing her hand on her abdomen.

Kylo pulled away, but still held onto her waist a bit possessively. "Hungry?"

"Starving."

Immediately, he stood up, and Rey had nearly forgotten how easily he towered over her. He sucked in air through his teeth in thought, pressing up against her a little. "Do you want me to make some pasta, or do you want to order-in?"

Rey dragged her hand up his chest before placing it on the nape of his neck. "What kind of pasta?"

"I can make it with wine. Garlic and lemon. Shrimp?" He listed off, trying to remember what was in his pantry and fridge. Rey smiled at how his eyes wandered above in thought, his head tilting side to side, before his gaze returned to her.

"That garlic and lemon sounds tempting."

Kylo tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear before kissing her forehead again. "It'll only be twenty minutes. Why don't we just lay back tonight and watch TV?"

"Sounds like an absolute dream," she exhaled in relief, still tired from being awake over forty hours.

The two of them walked down the stairs, Rey moving to the couch and Kylo setting the kitchen up.

Before Rey could fiddle with the remote, her phone rang to her grandfather. She answered.

"Hello?"

"Rey! Thank god! I was getting worried," his tone both anxious and upset. "Where are you?"

She gasped, her eyes widening as she covered her O shaped mouth. "I'm so sorry!" She immediately apologized. "I forgot to call you. I'm so tired it must've slipped my mind. I'm at Kylo's-"

Her voice caught in her esophagus, as she meant to say Finn's, but her brain was so racked up that it slipped.

"-with Finn and Poe! We just ordered some pizza, so don't wait up for me."

"Is Kylo a new friend of yours?" She could practically hear his brow raising in intrigue.

"No, no. He hangs out every now and then but he's not permanently in our group all the time. Uh, Rose just got here. I'll see you later?"

Kenobi could tell something was wary just by her panicked voice, but let it go for the millionth time. "Alright. Just please stay safe?"

"Always," she smiled, nearly forgetting that he can't see her. "Talk soon."

"Bye, Sunshine."

Rey hung up, dropping her phone on the coffee table before covering her face with her hands, letting out an exaggerated whine.

"Everything okay?" Kylo asked from the kitchen, looking over to her.

Rey raised her face from her palms and sighed. "I just told my grandfather that I was here instead of Finn's. I passed you off as a friend at least, but now he's aware that I know you."

"As far as he knows, I'm just your friend. Correct?"

"Yeah."

He just smiled a little, an attempt to ease her nerves. "Then there's nothing to be afraid of. As long as he doesn't know I'm your professor, then what's the harm in it? You were bound to slip sooner or later."

Rey looked down at her lap in thought, scenarios running amok in her mind. "Yeah, I guess."

After dropping the spaghetti sticks into the boiling water, he walked over to Rey and took the remote, the projector screen slowly falling down.

"If it makes you feel any better, I let it slip to my uncle."

Rey's eyes shot open wide, looking at him as if he had just confessed to a murder. "Your uncle? You told Skywalker?!"

Kylo remained nonchalant about the scenario. "It was an accident. I hate it when he takes me to dinners to ask me about work, work, work. For once I just wanted to talk about something else, and you came to mind."

"And when did this happen?" Rey asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.

"About a week or so ago."

"And you didn't tell me?"

Kylo immediately stopped trying to set up Hulu and looked over to find Rey, who was obviously upset on the whole matter.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that much of an issue, but you're right. I should've told you immediately. To be fair, we didn't exactly have much time to talk about it," he said, a little hesitant.

"Why? When wa-"

Her eyes widened much more realizing what day this all happened on. The day he went to lunch with him. The day Kylo fucked her mercilessly and nearly got caught by her grandfather.

"We didn't have time because you were fucking me," Rey gritted, closing her eyes in anger. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself before looking at him. "You better have a good reason for telling him."

At the most inopportune time, they heard the boiling water splash over the edges of the pot.

"Come to the kitchen," Kylo ordered, hurriedly walking away with long strides. She followed, not having much else to do. It wasn't like she could storm out and drive away. The walk from her house to here was at least thirty or forty minutes.

Roughly, she sat on the barstool and watched as Kylo cleaned up the mess and stabilized the situation. He then took some garlic cloves and began to peel them, now facing Rey.

"It was just going to be a simple conversation about me meeting someone new. The old man got excited and asked a million questions, like he normally does. I couldn't just  _not_  describe you, or else it would come off as weird and he'd ask more questions," he rattled off, trying his best to make it not sound as bad as it did. He ended up setting down the garlic clove and looked at Rey. "I was doomed from the start, and it was selfish of me to go off about you. And it was especially selfish of me to not flat out tell you. I'm sorry. Really, I am."

She stared him down, but seeing his amber eyes soften, almost a plead for forgiveness, she couldn't stay mad.

Crossing her arms, she continued to stare at him, but eased her glare. "I forgive you." His muscles eased as he finally breathed, awaiting her reply. "But, that doesn't mean it was okay."

"I'm not saying it was," he replied, picking up the garlic once again, scraping it against a grater. "If it means anything, I'm in your debt. Tell me to do something and I'll do it, sexual or not."

Rey couldn't help but to reveal a hint of a smile, finding his proposition silly. But she did think about it.

What could Kylo do for her? Obviously he couldn't do her homework. Well, he could, but it would be unfair. He was already making her a delicious dinner without being asked to. Not only that, but she hated when Kylo would spend money on her.

"Eat me out?"

The words surprised him just as much as it did her. He stopped grating and looked up to her, almost confused.

"That's all? No kinks you want to fulfill? I'm at your disposal," he tried to suggest. "I never wear outfits, so now's your chance to tell me about some police kink you have."

Rey laughed a little too hard upon hearing him say that, which relieved him. That meant that she wasn't quite as mad anymore compared to before.

"Does this coupon—or whatever this is—expire anytime soon?" Her chin rested on her braced palm, a grin spread on her face.

"Nope. It's indefinite," he assured her, pulling a knife out of its holder and bunching the chops of garlic together in a neat pile.

"Okay..." she pondered, trying to think of something extravagant. Extravagant could mean many things, like a trip to the carnival, skydiving, giving her a copious amount of money, literally anything her heart desired. She knew fully well that he would do it, because he was that whipped.

But Rey didn't want any of that. But she had to punish him somehow. She went with her first option.

"Yeah, I think eating me out will do. Or even anything that'll satisfy me and not you." He glanced up at her in confusion. "It has to be punishment, right?"

"Perhaps," he hummed, now cutting a fresh cold lemon in half on the cutting board. Suddenly, he halted. "Wait. Do you want it right now?"

"No, no," her hand waved off the idea. "I'm too tired, and you have lemon all over your fingers."

She watched as he glanced down at his fingers before placing the pad of his thumb on his tongue, closing his mouth, sucking off the excess lemon juice, and pulling it out with a "pop" sound. "Okay. Then when?"

"You're on call. When I say the word, you'll do it. Either that, or surprise me. I'm ready any time of the day, unless I'm, y'know, crying or having a mental breakdown."

Kylo let out a laugh, revealing his smile, and nodded. "Understood. I'm at your beck and call."

He turned away and took the pot full of spaghetti, poured it into the strainer he had placed in the sink earlier, gripped the white handles, and threw the noodles around a bit to rid of the excess water.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Why don't you pick a show to watch?" He suggested, noticing how Rey seemed to look bored awaiting dinner.

Not having much else to say, she wandered back over to the couch, her mind in a flurry.

This whole time, Professor Skywalker knew. Yet, if Kylo had never told her, she wouldn't have noticed. They still had casual idle chats, and nothing was hinted in their conversations. Rey was thankful that she at least found out from Kylo and not from Skywalker.

Sitting down on the couch, she flicked through some shows before settling on  _The Office_. It was a classic, and she never knew a single person who hated it.

Once Kylo walked over with both bowls, he looked up at the screen. "Already binge watched it."

Rey let out an annoyed sigh.

"Okay. How about  _Brooklyn 99_?"

"Seen it too."

She huffed, skimming through TV shows aimlessly, as Kylo fetched them some wine.

Then, she came across one show that she had always been curious about but never got around to watching it.

"Have you seen  _Hannibal_?" Rey leaned over slightly to look at Kylo, who was making his way back over with a glass in each hand, being cautious to not spill.

"I've heard of it," he murmured in his deep voice, watching the glasses as he set them down on the two already placed coasters. He glanced up to the screen, letting the picture spark his memory. "Actually, I saw the first episode and it was really beautiful."

"Beautiful?" Rey questioned, almost in a laugh, her eyes following him as he sat beside her.

He handed her a bowl, watching her reaction to the savory looking meal. The spaghetti was glistening with rich butter, chops of garlic scattered throughout the noodles, with a lemon and basil garnish placed on top for show.

"Let's watch it. As long as you don't mind gore."

He watched, expecting her to retract at the idea of blood and guts. She surprised him, remaining composed, even smiling at him a little.

"Okay."

The two watched the slow paced show, lazily twirling their forks in the spaghetti before taking a mouthful. One episode turned into two, and their wine glasses became empty. Kylo sat up as Rey laid down, her head placed on his thigh. Occasionally he'd glance down, expecting her to be asleep, but she persisted despite her eyes staying closed for a little too long at times. She'd bounce back, snapping her lids open. Having Kylo run his fingers through her medium length hair certainly didn't help, but it felt nice.

As soon as the second episode came to an end, her phone buzzed in her pocket, causing her to flinch. Kylo watched as she pulled out her phone and unlocked it with her fingerprint, spying on her. It was unintentional at first, but then realized if she didn't want him to see, she would've held her phone closer or locked it completely.

"It's my grandpa," Rey sighed, sitting up slowly. "He asked when I'm coming home."

Kylo flicked his wrist to reveal the time on his watch, which showed it was ten. "I guess it is getting a bit late," he admitted. Before Rey, this would've been his bed time, but he slowly found himself sleeping at twelve or one in the morning.

Just as they came to the realization, the episode came to a dramatic end, credits rolling. Rey lazily collected the papers she had left on the coffee table along with her laptop, stuffing them in her backpack. As soon as she zipped it up, she threw her head back with a loud groan.

"What?" Kylo asked, thinking she had forgotten something.

Looking over to him, she gave one of the softest smiles he had ever seen, her eyes a little drained from the lack of sleep. It was astonishing how she could flourish in such a dire moment.

"I wish that I could stay in this moment with you for as long as possible."

It was a simple sentence, but it made Kylo's heart buzz with agreement. In a slow motion, he moved over and wrapped her in his arms. She leaned into him, almost wishing he could absorb her in complete warmth. The hairs on her neck stood on end as she felt him take a deep heavy breath, his nose buried in her wild hair, nearly inhaling her soul.

Slowly, he pulled away before reeling her back in again, this time pressing his lips against hers. He felt the way she nearly melted in his arms, slowly gracing herself into his embrace. The way the scent of warm wine masked the garlic was memorable. Rey knew now that whenever she would be blessed with the presence of wine, Kylo would haunt her mind.

Which wasn't so bad.

Though their lips parted, they were still barely an inch apart, noses grazing against each other and soft breaths suffocating the silent air. Kylo saw a somewhat pained expression on her face, and feared what was about to come out of her mouth.

"I can't stay." Her voice was quiet, almost apologetic.

"I know."

Feeling Kylo reel back was almost like being slapped in the face, throwing her back into the thick of reality. They had to leave.

Rey lifted her backpack, which suddenly felt as though it weighed fifty pounds more than usual, and threw it over her shoulder. Kylo left the lights on, knowing that the ride was fairly short and he'd return in no time.

Both of them got in the car silently, neither of them wanting to admit the night was over. Rey let out a dreary sigh upon seeing her grandpa sitting on the porch.

Rey almost opened the car door until she felt Kylo take her hand, brushing his thumb on her knuckles. Again, he couldn't kiss her. Not with her grandfather on the porch staring them down. Rey looked at him, her eyes wide and attentive.

"Get some sleep, okay?" He asked, his voice soft and concerned. "If I see your bloodshot eyes in my class tomorrow, I won't be happy."

Rey let out a laugh, looking down at his hand firmly placed on hers. It wouldn't have been surprising if he never let go.

"I will." Her eyes cast back up to his, the word "goodnight" on the edge of her tongue, until she noticed his eyes look behind her.

Rey turned to find Kenobi making his way down the sidewalk, nearing the car at a calm pace.

"Fuck," she breathed in a panic, before turning back to Kylo. "You're my friend from Computer Science class and my best friends names are Finn, Poe, and Rose. Got it?"

He nodded, surprisingly not afraid. Rey turned again to find her grandpa a few feet away from the car door. Hurriedly, she opened it, trying her best to have Kylo not even need to talk to him.

"Hey, grandpa," she forced a smile, taking her backpack. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. Rey's stomach swirled when his eyes never met hers, and lingered on Kylo and his dark car. "I thought I'd meet one of your friends."

Rey wished she could just slam the door shut and shout "Go! Go!" And have Kylo dramatically speed off. But no. The car door was wide open and there was no escaping.

"This is Kylo. He's about two grades above me, and he's in my Computer Science class with Finn. We just dropped him and Poe off, so you missed them," Rey lied, as Kenobi leant down to get a glimpse of Kylo's face.

Their eyes locked, and both of them tensed. Kenobi had a gut feeling that something was off about Kylo. How this same car was in front of the house before vanishing a mere few days ago. How Rey never seemed to mention him, even though they had dinner, and most likely have had many other dinners. How he seemed a bit more mature for his age, such as his face structure and his general appearance.

Kenobi smiled, secreting all of his suspicions behind the curtains of his mind. "Hello, Kylo. Nice to meet you!"

Kylo flashed a smile with a slight nod, letting out a quiet: "Likewise." He tried so hard to not reveal his voice, knowing that it would give it all away. No college student had such a deep bass-y voice that shook the earth like Kylo's.

"I'm literally going to pass out in the grass. Sorry to cut this short," Rey diverted the attention back to her. She wasn't sorry at all. In fact, she was thinking about faking being passed out. Maybe even run away. Just something to drag her Grandpa away from her taboo lover.

She leaned down into the car, catching Kylo's gaze, finding that he actually was a little scared. Admittedly, he was, to an extent. The thought of how easily all of their affairs could end was terrifying. Whether it was from a simple slip up or a confession, what they had could come to a complete stop.

But it didn't. Not quite yet. Kylo managed to pass this unspoken test he was put under, and they were safe, for now.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Rey told him. "In class."

Kylo could only give a slight smile and nod, not wanting to say anything more in fear of raising suspicion.

It sucked that neither of them could kiss each other goodbye, or even give a simple touch. Not even lingering eye contact.

It was torturous.

As the moment felt like it lasted forever, before either of them knew it, Rey and her grandfather were walking back to the house and Kylo took off down the road.

Kenobi and her made it to the porch, lit by a simple dingy outdoor light next to the front door frame. The wood that creaked under their feet came to a halt as he took her shoulder.

She expected to be interrogated, or even flat out told that he knew exactly what was going on. It wouldn't have been surprising since he had a knack for these kind of things; being able to tell when someone was lying or something was amiss. Bracing herself for some sort of backlash, she was surprised when it didn't happen.

Though, Kenobi did have the idea of a confrontation under his tongue, he kept it under wraps, knowing he'd get nothing solid out of Rey. He didn't have enough evidence, and if he were to be wrong, he'd seem like an absolute loon.

"Listen, Rey," he breathed, his English accent softening. "I know you're an adult and all, but I still want to be in the loop of what's happening with you. Maybe you can invite your friends over this weekend? Some after midterm celebration? I can make anything you guys want," he offered, searching her deer-in-headlights stare.

Rey nodded, a little too roughly. "Y-yeah! That would be great. Let me just ask when a good day for them is."

Kenobi smiled at her, but it wasn't bright and beaming as usual. It was almost as if he was defeated, but kept up appearances. Feeling his harsh pat on her shoulder before sulking in tore Rey apart.

She really did hate lying to him, for two reasons. One, it wasn't fair of her to close herself off from him, as he had done nothing wrong. Two, the stakes were incredibly high. She was a terrible liar and always has been, whereas Kenobi could get anything out of her, like he was a key and she was a poorly made lock.

Left on the porch, she watched as the fireflies bounced around, fading in and out of existence with a short glimmer of light. Slowly blinking at them, she let herself inside to catch some shut eye, knowing that her midterms weren't going to do themselves.


	15. Midterm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back home from my freshman year of college :') I can't believe this has so many hits! I hope you're all enjoying it as much as I did writing it!

Pencil scribbles and pen clicks echoed in Rey's mind as she stared down her exam, eyes wide, as she gripped her writing utensil.

Obviously, she couldn't glance over, but she could see that Finn was just as tense as her. She could only picture the amount of sweat dripping down his brow, licking his lips in determination.

It was Hux's class, so it wasn't painfully difficult, but it was more-so the fact that if Rey didn't do well, her grade would be significantly lower than it currently was.

After what happened in the mall, she was almost positive she was on Hux's bad side, just by the way he'd focus his attention on her in negative ways. If she and Finn were quietly talking about the notes, he'd shoot them a bone-chilling glare, causing them to stop. She'd understand if it was rude to talk in class, but literally, everyone else did the same thing.

Rey was sure that if she did bad on this exam, he wouldn't curve her, or offer her any cushioning.

Despite all of that weighing on her shoulders, she finished a little early than she anticipated, even after checking and rechecking her answers.

Cautiously, she took her exam and walked down the short flight of steps. Thankfully, Hux was too busy grading his own papers to pay attention to her. Once reaching his workspace, she set her exam on top of the small pile forming at the corner of his desk.

She turned on her heel, ready to speed off, until she heard a low: "Rey?"

Freezing, she turned back to find Hux glancing up at her, his reading glasses clinging to the bridge of his nose. "Do you have any other studying to do?"

His voice was a little softer and more forgiving, which was an odd change of pace for her. She did have to study for Kylo's exam, but she could study during her TA hour.

"Not that much. Why do you ask?"

He let out a distressed sigh, propping his chin on his braced palm. "Well, I'm drowning in grading. I was hoping you could help, at least until your TA period."

She nodded, overlooking the neatly stacked papers across his desk, which made it seem a lot less than it was. "Sure. What do I have to do?"

Hux explained everything to her in a calm fashion, making sure to be thorough with what he wanted from her.

Rey ended up needing to pull up a chair to his desk in order to help him grade, as she would do a thorough check, circle any possible incorrect answer, and then pass it off to Hux who would examine said incorrect problem even further.

Maybe Rey was completely over exaggerating Hux's mannerisms toward her. Maybe Hux was just being Hux this whole time. Or maybe he was just being kind for the sheer fact that he direly needed her assistance.

Either way, Rey was grateful that she had the chance to coexist with him. Though, she was cautious, making sure to not upset him in any way.

She made herself small, only shifting papers when needed, making sure to not sprawl herself out.

"So..." he spoke so quietly, even Rey nearly didn't hear him. "How have you and Ren been doing?"

There it was. She knew it would be brought back up sooner or later.

"Um..." she thought, wondering what to even say to a question like that.

It was a different scenario. If it were under different circumstances, she'd go on about how great their relationship was, and how he treated her so well. Maybe even rave about how well he cooked.

"Fine."

Such a broad word to cover what she and Kylo had. Fine didn't justify the millions of words and sentences Rey had in mind.

She caught him glance over to her, his crystal blue eyes seeming kinder and sympathetic than usual.

"I know it's unusual," he began, his accent subdued. "But if you need any advice or help, don't be afraid to shoot me an email. Surprisingly, I'm not your enemy, Rey."

This entire conversation was "unusual" as Hux had so perfectly put it. It was confusing. Why would she ever go to Hux for advice? Why did he give a shit? So many questions and they'd most likely never be answered.

All she could do was nod, giving a slightly weirded out stare. It was unintentional, but it happened. Quietly, Hux returned to his grading and never said another word.

Eventually, most of the class filed out and Hux dismissed her after thanking her. She strode to Kylo's room and opened it, catching his stare. He seemed relieved.

"I see you've finally gotten some sleep," he commented, setting his book down and turning his chair toward her.

"So I did," she approached with a smile on her face. "I think I did well on Hux's exam."

"Good," Kylo nodded, overlooking his own grading on his desk, before looking back at her. "If you want, you can study instead of grading. I think I have it covered."

"Perfect," Rey let out a relieved huff of air. "I need to study for both your exam and Skywalkers."

"Remember the offer I made."

The sentence was so vague, but Rey knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I remember," she hummed, setting her bag down onto the floor. Kneeling down, she rummaged for her notes. "And it's still a no. And don't pull anything behind my back because I'll be upset."

Admittedly, the thought  _did_  come across his mind to blindly pass her anyway, as it would be less work and she'd be happy. But Rey would definitely be upset, and he didn't want that.

"I won't," he promised. "Unless you say something, I won't."

As she searched her bag, she looked up at him for a brief moment and gave a genuine smile. He absolutely adored how her cheeks were much rosier today, how her eyes were bright and attentive. It let him know that she was okay, despite how she was most likely worried over her exams in the background. But for the moment, she was okay.

Time went by a little too fast for Rey's liking, with her and Kylo chatting here and there about their thoughts on the education system. They've had a handful of thought-provoking conversations during this period, and most, if not, every time, they were on the same page. It assured both of them that they were literally made for each other in some unconventional way. But their chats resulted in Rey lacking in her studies.

It wasn't the worst thing that could happen, as Rey had studied all morning and the night beforehand. It was obsessive, but that's how Rey rolled. If she wasn't constantly studying, she was sure that she would fail. It wasn't healthy at all, but to her it was unstoppable.

The time finally came around when Rey was sat in the front of the class next to Rose, watching as Kylo talked about the exam and what he was expecting of the class. Once he finished his spiel, he took a step toward Rey, handing her the stack of papers. She took them, but Kylo's grip lingered a second too long, his finger brushing against hers. A bit of simple good luck to her. It was confirmed when she looked up at him to catch his gaze, unfaltering. Obviously, neither of them could smile, as the entire class would know something was up, but it was especially hard for Rey not to.

As Kylo returned to his desk, he glanced up to find her at the far back handing out pages, smiling a little to herself. In turn, it caused him to look down and reveal a hint of a grin, as if it was contagious.

Nobody noticed.

Despite having plenty of grading to do, he constantly found himself glancing up and looking at Rey. He'd cover it up by scanning the class for any possible cheaters, but no one ever dared to.

She was struggling, constantly writing down something before aggressively erasing it. As time went on, she found herself nearly crying, upset that all of the hours spent on tutoring went to waste. To be fair, it wasn't a  _complete_  waste, but she really did want to understand.

She disappointed herself.

Thoughts of being a failure crossed her mind, how if she couldn't pass this core math class, how could she pass any of the other future math classes?

Her hands began to shake, her face flushing red.

Even more obscene thoughts flooded her mind. How it felt as though everyone was staring at her on the verge of crying, when in reality, everyone was looking at their test. The walls closed in on her, nearly suffocating her. Her breathing was too much, or too little. It was her only focus as she tried to stabilize herself.

Kylo glanced up to find that Rey looked awful, in the sense that she was freaking out. He looked around the class, an attempt to find someone else who may be struggling, but it was only her. The rest of the class had poker faces, tapping numbers into their calculators.

"Rey?"

Her head shot up, eyes wide and panicked. Everyone glanced up to watch the professor.

"Can you assist me with something?"

She scrambled to get up and made her way over to his desk.

He pulled out a blue notepad and started scribbling on it in pen.

_What's wrong?_

Rey took in a deep breath, and saw that he was offering her a pen.

"Does this seem correct to you?"

She looked out to see some classmates were staring at their interaction, so she had to keep up appearances.

"N-no. It's like this," she took the pen, hunching over his desk.

_I'm not getting it and I'm on the verge of a panic attack._

Passing the note to Kylo, she saw him clench his jaw, nearly hearing his harsh swallow, Adam's apple bobbing.

Fuck appearances.

"Outside," he murmured, standing up from his seat.

Rey was alarmed, but didn't argue. He turned to Rose and pointed at her.

"You. Watch the class. I'll be back in a minute."

She nodded, a little too excitedly.

Once Rey and Kylo made it to the door, he gently placed his hand on the dip of her spine, guiding her out into the fresh air. He could hear how her breathing was jagged, her entire body shaking with it.

She pressed her back against the wall, bowing her head and closing her eyes, pressing her clenched fist on her forehead. "I'm sorry," were the first words out of her mouth. "I'm stuck on too many questions and if I don't understand this then I won't understand anything in my career, and-"

"Stop, stop," he cooed, placing his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them gently. "You'll pass. If you want, I'll give you a hint on the ones you're stuck on. It's not cheating, I swear."

Suddenly, Rey noticed how close her and Kylo were, and was a little surprised at how she didn't feel claustrophobic. As if it were completely natural.

She looked around them to see that there were no students anywhere to be seen.

Kylo placed his hand on her cheek, bringing her attention back to him, awaiting an answer.

"N-no," Rey shook her head, beginning to cry. "It's not fair."

"I disagree," Kylo spoke quietly, but loud enough for their intimate bubble. "I find it unfair that you're obviously struggling because of a mental illness while everyone else isn't, to my knowledge at least."

Rey looked up at him, her eyes glassy, listening to him as if it were God himself speaking.

"Please. Let me at  _least_ give you some sort of extra credit. You're the only student of mine that ever came to me for help, and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest."

After a soft sniffle, Rey nodded, looking away in embarrassment. His hand trailed down to where her neck and shoulder attached, squeezing slightly.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again.

"Don't be."

Her mouth opened, as she was about to apologize again, but caught herself, letting out the huff of air she was about to use.

Once she wiped the tears from her cheeks, Kylo placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. It was exactly what she needed at that moment. Something to bring her back down on her feet.

"Feel free to use the bathroom before you come back. If you don't finish, you can always finish later on," he told her in a low hum, giving an assuring smile.

With that, he shifted away to return to the class, as he couldn't be outside with her for too long or else it would be suspicious. Rey did end up going to the bathroom, not wanting to walk in with a puffy red face. After splashing her face with cold water and drying herself off, she strode back to class and returned to her seat.

After most of the class finished, she ended up turning hers in. Kylo looked up at her.

"Do you need the time?" He whispered, making sure to not have everyone hear.

Rey shook her head. "I think I'm good. Let me know how I did."

He nodded, immediately taking her paper to grade it. She sat back down, pulling out her phone to scroll on her socials. Class was coming to a close, and her phone buzzed in her hand with a text from Kylo.

_73%_

It wasn't the worst grade she could've gotten, but it was too close to not passing. Then, her phone buzzed again.

_With "extra credit" it would go up to 78% then I can curve it to an 80%. What do you think?_

She pondered to herself, as her current grade was a B, and this grade was worth fifteen percent of her grade. It would be helpful to have a higher grade just in case she were to do poorly on another test.

Suddenly, Rey obtained a different attitude. She deserved it, after everything that's happened in her life. Not just her potential scandal, but how she's lived her entire life with fear of failure.

She looked at Kylo, who was awaiting some sort of response from her. After giving him a nod, he smiled, relieved that she at least accepted that.

Class ended, and Rey packed her bag and looked at Kylo, who just so happened to glance up at her. She offered a sheepish smile, a silent "thank you" for everything. For focusing his attention on calming her. For giving her a cushion for her grade. For being such a fucking amazing boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

The term still felt weird to Rey, but at this point, he rightfully deserved the title.

Kylo flashed a quick smirk before returning to his work, bowing his head down, that damn wave of hair falling in front of his view.

She walked to Skywalker's, her stomach swirling. On the bright side, half of her midterms were finished.

Upon entering the class, Rey found Rose at her seat, eyes rapidly scanning over her notes, almost as if she was some sort of machine. It scared Rey a little, but couldn't judge. She had been studying for quite a while at this point and knew that she needed a break.

Suddenly, Kenobi's words projected into Rey's mind.

_"Maybe you can invite your friends over this weekend? Some after midterm celebration? I can make anything you guys want."_

The idea was too tempting to resist. Rey took her seat beside Rose and gently tapped her shoulder, causing Rose to flinch and shoot Rey a stare before realizing it was her.

"Sorry," she sighed, looking at her notes, nearly the whole page highlighted. "I get a little  _too_  into studying. What's up?"

Rey smiled. "I'm going to ask Finn and Poe when I get the chance, but my grandpa wants to meet you guys. He was going to make some food this weekend and-"

"Say no more," Rose held her hand up. "I'm in. Text me the details."

A little shocked by her blind acceptance, Rey then realized it could've purely been because Rose wanted to study more. It was fine, though. As long as she was coming, Rose could study to her heart's desire.

Skywalker walked into class, whipping his scarf over his shoulder in his classic fashion. He always had to make a statement, or be memorable in some way.

"Okay everyone. You know what day it is! Get ready," he hollered, setting down his things on his desk.

Everyone in the class pulled out what they needed and got straight to it.

The test was a breeze, as it was everything they had gone over a million times and was purely based on whether the students understood the content or not, as it should be.

Class finished, and Rey rushed to get out so she could catch Finn and ask him if he was willing to go meet her grandfather, which he'd most likely say yes to.

Before she could even put her laptop in her bag, she was stopped.

"Rey. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Skywalker asked. "It's about your grade."

Her heart sank, terrified that she was somehow doing badly. She wouldn't be surprised if it looked like all of the color seeped out of her in the span of a few seconds. Her grade falling was her number one fear, especially this week.

Once all of the students filed out, Skywalker moved to the front of his desk and leaned against it, sighing, crossing his arms.

"Is it bad?" Rey asked, even her voice shaking.

"Oh. That was a front," Luke shrugged off. Just as Rey was about to let out a relieved breathy laugh, it was stopped by: "It's about Kylo. I know."

She stiffened. It wasn't new information, as she and Kylo already had a tiff about that a mere day or so ago. But why did he want to talk about it now?

Nonetheless, she didn't have anything to say.

Luke raised his hands. "I'm not going to drill you about it. But I just wanted to check in on you, since you're a good student of mine-"

"I am?" Rey blurted out haphazardly, eyes wide. It was completely unexpected since she would talk to Skywalker a bit after class or before class, but never thought anything of it.

Luke raised a brow, glaring at her. "Yes, and don't take that lightly."

Rey nodded, listening to him intently.

"But that aside, how are you doing? Is he... treating you okay?"

Rey was confused, as it was the second time that day someone seemed concerned for her wellbeing with Kylo.

"Yeah..." Rey nodded, her eyes looking at the floor before meeting his. "Should I be worried about something?"

"No! No," Luke shook his head. "He's just had a troubling past, but many of us have had one. I'm sure he's told you-"

"About the alcohol? Yeah."

Luke nodded, not wanting to light a fire in their seemingly okay relationship.

"He hasn't gotten angry or anything like that?" Luke further questioned.

"No. He's really great, Professor. I could gush about him for hours, but he really is kind to me. I assure you, I'm alright."

It felt like a burden was lifted off of Luke's shoulders, to an extent.

He walked over to Rey with a smile on his face. "Well, if you're ever in any trouble, shoot me an email or a call. Alright?" He pat her shoulder a little too roughly, but it was friendly.

"Will do," Rey let out a light laugh, before taking her bag. "See you next class, Professor!"

"At this point, sweetheart, just call me Luke outside of class."

It was bold of him to say, but Rey accepted it. After giving a sharp nod, she walked out of the class to catch Finn, Poe, and Rose talking on a bench a few feet away, most likely waiting for her.

The sentiment was heartwarming. The fact they didn't just ditch her meant a lot, considering Rey didn't have many friends growing up. It assured her that the friends she had now were long-lasting.

"Hey guys," she beamed, catching their attention. "I'm guessing Rose told you about this weekend?"

"Yep," Poe clasped his hands together before rubbing them like a scheming raccoon. "I'm in."

"Same, obviously," Finn scoffed at his boyfriend. "Tell your pops we said thanks."

"I will," she assured, sitting next to Rose on the bench.

They ended up not moving for quite a while, laughing at old memes and joking around. It was strange, as Rey had nearly forgotten the college experience she was  _supposed_  to have. The one where she was constantly out with friends, out partying, or studying in her room. Instead, she was having a rogue experience with her professor, spending more time with him, not going out much, and lacking time with friends.

It wasn't like Rey was being forced to spend time with Kylo. He'd suggest, and she'd happily agree. Her friends didn't mind either, as Finn and Poe made her constantly third wheel, and Rose wasn't obsessive.

But Rey did feel like she was missing out.

This midterm celebration dinner was going to be her redemption.


	16. Open Wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know, I feel like Finn is severely underappreciated in this story, so I wanted to give him some attention :) Hope you all enjoy!

It was a late Saturday evening, and Rey sat at her dining room table, chin in hand, waiting for Finn, Poe, and Rose to arrive.

Midterm week was over, and as far as she could tell, she passed Kylo's, Hux's, and Skywalker's exams, but cut it close with Phasma's. Nonetheless, she passed, and the weight of failing was off her shoulders.

Now, her main priority was to have fun with friends and be a normal college student.

Grandpa Kenobi was cutting up some chicken he had cooked, preparing for his special home-made chicken carbonara. It was normally cooked during the holidays, or when Rey would have a bad day as a child. Hands down, it was her favorite meal, and loved by anyone else who had the pleasure of eating it. It contained sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, Alfredo sauce, Parmesan, and of course, chicken and pasta.

He looked over his shoulder to find Rey, jaded, looking out the kitchen window. "So who's coming over again?"

Rey sighed, having already told him the day before and earlier today. "Finn, Poe, and Rose."

"What about the other one? Kyle?" Kenobi questioned, paying more attention to slicing the chicken off the bone.

He could almost hear her eye roll. "Kylo," Rey corrected, her voice stern with annoyance. "And no, he's not coming. He's anti-social and doesn't hang out with us a lot. Only when he feels like it."

It was a poorly crafted lie, and Rey knew it. If anything, she was astonished that she's gotten this far with lying to him.

Despite Rey believing she was in the clear, Kenobi knew something was off. It was a gut feeling that seemed to simmer every now and then.

Before he could ask anymore about Kylo, they both heard a few car doors slam outside. Rey perked up, like a dog hearing the mail man outside, and rushed to the door.

Upon opening it, Finn, Poe, and Rose loudly said: "Hey!!!" seeing Rey. Smiles spread across all of their faces, along with excited laughter.

"Come in!" Rey stepped aside as they all stepped through the doorway, looking around at everything: the faded yellow wallpaper, the pictures of a young Rey on the wall next to the door, the stairway leading up to darkness, and the wood accents of the cooky old home.

"Hello there!" Kenobi turned around, a soft calm smile on his face. "I'm Rey's grandfather."

"Part-time dad," Rey joked, her hands behind her back as she leaned against her heel, looking at him.

Kenobi shrugged, trying to stay humble about the matter. "Well..."

It was the truth though. He was basically her father, but missed a generation. Her friends didn't question any of it, and went to shake his hand, Poe being the first.

The two exchanged a rough handshake. "I'm Poe, and this is Finn," he handed him off.

Finn shook his hand, much weaker than Poe had. "Nice to finally put a face to the name," Finn joked around. "And of course, this is Rose."

Rose just kept her distance with a shy smile and a small nod. "What are you making?"

"Chicken Carbonara. You'll love it. I promise," he gave a cheeky wink to everyone, before continuing his meal prep.

"How about I show you guys my room in the meantime? I've seen your guy's a million times already and you haven't even seen mine," Rey said, in reference to the countless times she went to Finn and Poe's abodes.

They aimlessly followed her up the creaky wooden steps that could be heard from a mile away.

"Rey. You're house is fucking huge!" Poe exclaimed, now that they were away from her kind grandfather.

Rey laughed a little, before Rose interjected. "It's really cute too! The decoration and everything!"

Their mouths dropped open once they saw how spacious Rey's room was, as she had the master bedroom.

"And  _why_  have we never came here to hang out?" Finn asked, almost offended.

"Because, I'd rather not have you and your boyfriend here making out on my bed," Rey jabbed her thumb at Poe, who broke into a hearty laugh as Finn silently blushed in embarrassment.

Rose giggled. "She's not wrong. We went to my house  _once_  and you two couldn't help yourselves."

"Okay! Fine. We get it," Finn whined, wanting them to stop bullying their intimate relationship. Poe was still laughing, more dulcet, but still existing. It earned him a sharp elbowing on his side from Finn, causing him to stop.

They hung out in Rey's room, poking through her things and joking around until they heard Kenobi holler from below.

Ravenous, they all jogged down the thunderous steps and sat at the dining room table, already prepped thanks to Rey.

Kenobi proudly presented his large bowl of carbonara in the center of the table, their eyes following it. Rey nearly salivated, waiting ever so patiently for everyone to get a scoop before she did. It was hard being polite when she wanted to snatch the fork and dive in.

Finn was the first to take a bite. Letting out a groan, he slammed his fist on the table before nodding in approval. "This is amazing," he pointed at the noodles.

Kenobi finally sat down and gave a lighthearted laugh. "Thank you. It's one of my well received dishes."

"It's no surprise," Poe replied in approval, nodding, food-in-mouth.

Right as Rey was about to dig in, she felt her phone vibrate. Hurriedly, she pulled it out of her pocket to find it was Kylo  _calling_  her. It was a rarity, which worried her. It must've been important to separate her from her divine meal placed in front of her.

"Sorry. I keep getting a call from this spam number and I'm gonna tell them off," Rey quickly excused herself. Before a word could be said, she was already up the steps, leaving her friends alone with Kenobi.

"So..." Poe began, stabbing his fork into a piece of chicken before shoving it into his cheek. "What did you work as?"

"I did some FBI training back in the day. I was fresh from England and they wanted to know techniques. It was a good job for twenty or so years, but it was taxing. I can't really go in depth due to contracts I've signed and such."

"Did you kill anyone?" Finn asked, which Rose kicked his leg for. "Hey! It's just a question."

Kenobi laughed. "No, no. Nothing like that."

He eyeballed the top of the stairs, curious about Rey. Unable to help himself, he asked her newly acquainted friends.

"So this... Kylo. What's he like?"

Finn nearly choked on his food, letting out a few loud coughs.

_How the hell was he going to get out of this one?_

"Oh, he hangs with us sometimes," he vaguely answered, not knowing how much Kenobi knows.

Nonetheless, the determined grandpa pressed on. "How exactly does he know Rey though?"

There was a pressure all of them felt, almost as though they were in an interrogation room. It was something Kenobi had learned in all of his years with the FBI and whatnot. He had many tricks up his sleeve that not many knew.

"Kylo's and us are just friends," Finn lied, glaring at Poe for support. Poe didn't understand what was happening, but quickly picked up on it, eyes wide.

"Yeah, Kylo's cool but he doesn't hang out with us often. Only once in a while," Poe tried to say, unsure if what he was saying was okay.

Kenobi's eyes looked to Rose, who hadn't said much. She swallowed her food and sat up a little.

"Ren? He's smart. Very helpful. I enjoy his class-"

"Like, when he's  _in_  class," Finn corrected.

Rose gave him a weird glare before continuing. "Yeah... sure. He's a really great teacher-"

Finn slammed his knee into hers, causing Rose to flinch and stare at him. His eyes were wide, jaw clenched, as he tried to not seem obvious.

Finally, Rose's eyes widened, her mouth forming into an O shape.

"I-I mean-" she tried to redeem herself. "He's smart! Just an awesome tutor. He's smart like a teacher is what I meant to say."

"Really?" Kenobi sat back, crossing his arms. "Good grades?" The idea made him not so upset anymore, but that feeling of something being "off" was still lingering.

Upstairs, Rey held the phone to her ear, eyes wide.

"What's wrong?"

She heard a soft laugh from the other line.

"Nothing. I just missed you."

Relief swept over her, every muscle releasing its death grip.

" _God!_ You scared me!" She said in a breathy laugh, before processing what he had just said. "You miss me?"

"I know it's only been three days but... I don't know. What are you doing?" He asked. Rey could hear him stretch, and imagined him reaching one arm behind his back, probably in his computer chair.

"I'm having dinner with some friends right now, so I can't really talk. Sorry," she sighed.

It was a little obvious he was upset, but more in the sense that he was even more deprived of her. It wasn't a matter of her being tired or something trivial like that. She was unavailable. This call was a tease to him.

"I see," he hummed. "I won't keep you from your folks then."

Rey couldn't just end the call like that. "Maybe I'll call later? When I'm in bed?"

Her tone was suggestive, but he liked the idea.

"Okay," he agreed. "Sure. Just a warning, I'll probably be in bed by twelve."

Looking over to her bedside clock, she could see it was about six, so she had time.

"Alright. Don't fall asleep on me," she grinned.

"I'll try my best," he hummed. "Have fun."

With that, they hung up. Kylo would've shot her an "I love you" but it would've been awkward to hear nothing back, so he tucked the word back into his throat.

Rey put the phone back in her pocket and jogged back down stairs to hear Finn shout loudly and in relief: "REY!! YOU'RE BACK! SIT!"

It wasn't surprising that she was weirded out by Finn's sudden enthusiasm for her presence.

Kenobi gave her a smile, almost a cocky one. His eyes narrowed a little, almost as if to say "I got you, and I know you're up to no good."

"We were just talking about Kylo." Kenobi's voice was chipper and innocent, but bitterness was swirled into the mix.

Rey's stomach dropped, her skin almost turning pale as she overlooked her friends. Finn was sweating it out, much like she. Poe and Rose however, stared her down in slight anger.

It hurt. Guilt was in the pit of her stomach as she slowly sat, her strong appetite suddenly vanishing. So badly she wanted to explain herself, repent, and beg for forgiveness, but that was impossible.

The table was oddly silent as everyone ate, the mood was brought down significantly. The air was weighted on everyone, the absent chatter allowing them time to think about what had just happened.

"So, Rey." Kenobi tried to spark the conversation again. "Did you tell off the number?"

She nodded, her eyes casted away from everyone. "Yeah," she assured, her voice reserved and quiet.

"Good."

The conversation died again. Clinks of forks scraping the bowls and obnoxious chewing filled the air, seeming louder than it actually was. It was almost murderous, to all of them, how tense it was. How there was an elephant in the room that none of them could talk about quite yet.

At some point, everyone was done with their meals. Rey left the dish cleaning to Kenobi before rushing her friends up the stairs.

Once the door clicked behind her, all hell broke loose, as expected.

"What the fuck, Rey?!" Rose blurted out, a little too loudly. It wasn't exactly rare for her to curse, but it definitely threw everyone off.

"Please, be quiet," Rey pleaded, clasping her hands together as she stepped closer to them. "I can explain-"

"Please! I'd love to hear it," Poe fumed, before turning to Finn. "And  _you!_  Why didn't you tell us?"

Finn was at a loss for words, not expecting to be thrown under the bus with Rey. She saw the distraught look on is face, to have his own boyfriend angry at him, and decided to step in for him.

"I made him," Rey interjected. "I blackmailed him. I-"

"No, Rey. Don't," Finn placed a hand on her shoulder, standing beside her. He looked at both Rose and Poe. "I didn't tell either of you because it was Rey's business. I mean, yeah, I knew. But I'd rather me only know than have my best friend go through this alone."

Rey stiffened, hearing him actually call her his best friend. The term wasn't exactly brought up, but the fact that Finn considered her good enough to be a  _best_  friend both warmed her heart and broke it at the same time.

"We still didn't clarify. Go through  _what_  alone? I'm still lost," Rose looked at Rey, searching for an answer.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her hands trembled, as she had never been good with confrontation. But she knew that if she didn't spill now, she'd lose friends. Yeah, Kylo was amazing to her, but she couldn't bear having no one at her side.

"I'm dating Professor Ren."

It came out of her mouth harshly, as if she used all of her energy to force it out.

Her eyes opened to find the same angry upset faces.

"Help me out here." Poe stepped forward, holding his hand up to her. "Do you mean cutesy dating, or... fucking him?"

"Look-"

"All those times you were in class before me!" Rose gasped, everything finally connecting in her mind.

"Guys!" Finn raised his voice, wrapping his arm around Rey's shoulder and pulling her in. "As someone from the outside, I've heard every detail,  _I think_ ,from Rey's relationship. It's not like Kylo's using her or holding anything over her head. It's completely normal. I mean, yeah, he's a few years older-"

"Six years older," Poe bitterly murmured.

"And you're five years older than me! What does it matter?" Finn bit back at his boyfriend, who's eyes widened at the sudden retort.

"Finn! You gotta be some sort of twisted to think that an older man, a professor,  _fucking_ his student, is okay!" Poe raised his voice, causing Rey to shrink up, afraid her grandpa would hear.

Finn could feel Rey retract under his touch. "Keep it down!" He hissed. "Her pops will hear!"

"Good. I hope he does. I should go down there right now and-"

"Please! No!" Rey left Finn's side to grab his shoulder. " _Please_. Not yet."

Their eyes were glued to each other's, his filled with resentment and hers with desperation. It was impossible for him to intentionally upset Rey, as she was already trembling and on the verge of tears.

Her and Poe weren't the closest, but they still had fun together. Of course, Finn and Rey were much closer, as proven due to her confiding this dark secret with Finn and Finn only, but her and Poe were a tier lower in friendship. He cared for her, but not enough to blindly accept the taboo relationship.

It was like watching a car accident; it's hard to look away. In this case, Poe had to, for everyone's sakes. He knew he had a temper, and he knew that if Professor Ren hurt her in any way, he'd go to his house and personally kick his ass.

Everything spelled trouble, but Poe couldn't purposely hurt Rey. Finn was right to an extent. It was Rey's business, and if she wanted to ruin her life with a creep of a professor, it should stay her business.

"I won't," Poe assured, watching as the relief came over Rey like a wave of electricity surging through her. "But I'm telling you now. What you're doing is fucking stupid, and I'm not going to be there for you. I can't."

Poe then turned to Finn. "And you! I can't believe you were really going to let her do this shit and not at least tell me! What if she got hurt or something?"

"Then I'd be by her side, because that's what friends do." Finn crossed his arms triumphantly, turning his nose up to Poe a little.

Poe could only shake his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I-" A distressed laugh came from his mouth. "You two are out of your minds. I can't do this!" Everyone watched as he backed up to the door. "Talk to me when both of you sorted your shit."

"Wait, wait, wait," Finn left Rey's side, taking a few steps toward Poe. "Are you  _breaking up with me?_ "

Poe let out a sigh, looking at Finn up and down, almost in judgement. "More like a break than a break up. I love you man, but I can't support..." His hand waved around him and Rey. "This."

Rose slowly moved toward the door with Poe.

"Rose, not you too," Rey pleaded, the tears clinging to her waterline finally racing down her hot cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but you have to understand!"

Unable to bring herself to make eye contact with Rey, she continued to make her steady way to the door. "I hope you figure this out, Rey."

Both Finn and Rey helplessly watched as the two left the room, leaving the door wide open. They could hear Poe from downstairs say: "Thanks for the meal sir. It was really great, but we have to go." Following a few extra muffles and a door slam.

Rey immediately turned to Finn, whose face was stone. Usually he'd have some sort of smile on his face, or a dramatic expression, but he was just... flat.

"I-" Rey's chest tightened, making it difficult to even speak. "I'm sorry, I-" Her breathing became short, and the walls closed in. "I didn't mean for you and Poe to-"

Getting dizzy as she hyperventilated, she grasped onto Finn for support, which he promptly held her up by her arms.

"Woah," Finn slowly set her down on the floor, seeing Rey distraught. "It's not a big deal, really. It's not your fault, Rey. You did nothing wrong."

The room was spinning now, her heart throbbing against the walls of her mind, loudly. It scared Finn, seeing Rey so out of her element. He reached over and closed her bedroom door, knowing that if her grandfather ever knew about this, he'd find out, and that would trigger Rey even more.

"Just breathe," Finn coached his crying friend, as she buried her face into his chest.

Her hands were nearly vibrating at the rate she was trembling, her hands grasping onto his shirt. The words "I'm sorry" caught on her throat, to the point where she was almost choking on them.

"Breathe with me, peanut," Finn inhaled loudly, holding it, and then exhaling. "Come on."

Rey absentmindedly followed, taking shallow mimicking breaths, before exhaling. Slowly, her voice came back, and so did her thoughts. She was finally grounded, though, still shaken up from the event.

"Oh my god," Rey buried her face in her hands. "I haven't had an anxiety attack in years."

"It's okay," Finn rubbed circles on her back, leaning forward, trying to make eye contact with her. "You've had a lot of your plate this week."

Rey nodded in agreement, trying to not think too much of what exactly was on her plate. Her midterm results, Kylo, their entire relationship, Kenobi potentially finding out, her friends leaving her in the thick of it all.

"I really am sorry about Poe. You didn't need to protect me like that," Rey looked up at his concerned gaze. "You wouldn't have had to fight with Poe like that."

He let out a lighthearted scoff. "Hey. Screw Poe, okay? I mean, I really love him-"

"I know you do."

"-but I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night knowing that you were alone in all this. It would've been more wrong to ignore you than support you."

Rey took a deep breath, still feeling on edge. Sat up on the wooden floor now, she watched as Finn got up and sat on her bed. "Be honest. Is it really that fucked up? That I'm with my professor?"

Finn just smiled at her. "It would be if he was doing some creepy shit, like holding your grade over your head or whatever. But he isn't, right?"

Rey was quick to shake her head. "No! No, no. He's great. He's gotten me clothes without me asking. We spend time together, no sex involved. Kylo just really..." Rey's heart squeezed, but not in a suffocating way. It was more of a hugging way. "...loves me."

He could only smile at the thought, seeing Rey so infatuated with someone. "And that's why I'm behind you, one hundred percent. You'd tell me if he pulled some shit though, right?"

"At this point, I'm an open book with you. Ask me anything and I'll tell you. Seriously, Finn. You're an amazing friend and I don't know how to repay you-"

"Don't even," he shook his head, finally letting out a hearty laugh. "We're tight, Rey. You don't owe me shit."

Rey wiped her tears off of her cheeks before staring at the ground for a moment, silence filling the air. Suddenly, a gasp came from her mouth.

"You came here with Poe, right?!"

Finn's mouth opened, his tongue pressed against his cheek as he took a sharp inhale. "I did..." his tone was bitter. "It's fine, I guess. I live just a few blocks away, so I'll just walk home." After a beat, he looked at Rey, eyes wide and eager. "Wanna have a sleepover?"

It was impossible to say no. For one, Finn had went through hoops for Rey. Two, he had no ride home. And three, Rey needed to not be alone with her own thoughts, or else another anxiety attack was prone to happen.

"Yeah, sure. I just need to pack my things first."

Thankfully, it was Saturday, which meant that she had no school the next day. It was a bit relieving as she'd find herself rushing at Kylo's at times in the early hours of the morning before school began.

Finn laid on her bed, on his phone, as Rey stuffed her pajamas and other various items into her baggage. She thought about Kylo the whole time, trying to justify their relationship in her head.

She  _had_  to talk to him tonight.


	17. Salt

Walking around this part of Boston was noisy, but not necessarily a busy sort of noisy. It was more of a strong ambiance. Cars would occasionally pass by, the whirring growing louder before it ebbed away. The sounds of crickets chirping were loud in the bushes, along with the occasional rustling of creatures lurking around. The most calming part of the walk was the occasional greeting and soft goodbye from fireflies, flickering in and out of existence.

Finn was all too used to it, as he had always lived in Boston. Rey, however, was infatuated with a different environment. It sure beat the completely silent nights in Arizona, being a little too afraid of unnatural scufflings in the night due to the likelihood of running into a snake or a poisonous lizard.

Despite how alive it seemed to be outside, the coldness made it all feel isolating and lonely. The nippy winds made Rey more aware of how sore her eyes were from crying. Blinking it away was impossible. The goosebumps on her skin and her gentle shivers made her miss Kylo's supportive touch.

But she had to learn to survive without it.

Finn on the other hand, was a little  _too_  silent. No matter what, he'd have something to talk about. It was almost impossible to shut him up sometimes, but Rey never minded since the way he talked made whatever he was saying so much more interesting. He could literally talk about taxes and Rey would find it interesting, and maybe even funny depending on how he delivered it.

But that Finn wasn't here. No. This was someone else that Rey had never met before.

"You're very quiet, and I don't know if I like it," Rey finally spoke, after ten minutes of them walking. Looking at him, she was expecting to find some sort of façade of a smile, but she couldn't even get  _that_  out of him. His gaze was dead, aimlessly looking forward as if he was too focused on where his next footstep was going to land. And his frown seemed almost as if it was going to be permanent, which scared Rey.

"Are you okay?"

Finn finally snapped out of his gaze and looked over to her, tiredly. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"It's not all about me, Finn," Rey gave a light laugh, hoping he'd smile. "I care about you, too."

Something struck a chord in Finn, causing him to cast his gaze away from her, completely looking the other way. It made Rey afraid she somehow said the wrong thing. She knew she was onto something though, so she pressed just a  _little_  more.

"I've spilled most of my traumas onto you. It's only fair that you tell me yours."

Finn came to a complete stop, causing Rey to do the same. There was a sniff as he covered his eyes, a poor attempt at shielding himself from Rey's gaze.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out, trying to stuff his feelings back in. "It's just... hard."

"What's hard, Finn?" Rey placed her hand on his shoulder, her brows raised as she tried to catch his gaze.

She felt him almost shutter under his touch before hearing another sob.

" _Everything!_ "

He took in a loud breath, almost like a raspy croak, trying to inhale as much oxygen as the world could offer.

"It's so hard having this front where I'm always happy, when I'm not! I know I'm always so happy around you, and Rose, and Poe, but it gets to a point where I just get home, drop the act, and melt away. And Poe-" he nearly choked on his words, but forced them out. "He made it go away for just a little while. He'd hug me when I'd stay over at his house. I finally felt loved, and just like nothing he  _leaves_  me!"

Rey's eyes began to water, feeling like all of this was her fault, which Finn quickly noticed.

"It's not your fault Rey. It's not. I'm just... I've been fucked up like this for as long as I remember. If Poe didn't leave now, he would've left somewhere down the line."

"That's not true!" Rey cried out. "You can't think like that Finn! Poe loves you, I know it. He just left because of me. He'll come back when you..."

 _Leave me_  was on the edge of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. To leave her and have nobody to help her. Nobody to talk to about how complicated everything was. To confide so many secrets to.

"If Poe can't bare me to be friends with you, then fuck him. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, you know?" Finn finally looked at Rey, his eyes filled with tears which streamed down his cheeks, a purple-tinted sheen radiating off of them from the moonlight.

Rey nodded, wiping her tears. "Yeah..." she quietly spoke, her voice a little more raspy than earlier.

The two of them were quiet, besides the occasional sniffle.

"It's hard to get out of bed, sometimes. The first day of school? I didn't get lost. I know the school like the back of my hand. I just didn't want to come. I go to so many parties hoping I just blackout, just so I don't have to force myself to have fun." The words fell out of his mouth like it was some secret he'd been holding all of his life. "I just- I don't tell anyone this shit because it makes me feel like a burden. Lord knows how many times I've annoyed Poe with this-"

"Finn," Rey said, so quiet almost to the point where Finn couldn't hear. "You're depressed."

"I know."

"You need help."

"And so do you."

Rey should've been shocked, but she wasn't. He wasn't wrong, and she's been told to be put on medication for almost years now.

"That's fair." She nodded, looking down at her feet, stepping on a crack in the sidewalk, twisting the ball of her foot in it. "I guess we can help each other, then."

Finn's head bobbed up and down a little too quickly, his hand shakily gliding underneath his nose with a heavy sniff. "C'mon. Let's get home before it gets too cold."

Finn walked a little faster than normal, and Rey fought to catch up, nearly tripping at times with how fast he was striding.

It was late, but not unbearably late. It was about ten at night, which was a healthy bedtime that was nonexistent to most college students.

Upon walking in, the apartment was dark, but thankfully the two knew their way around. Rey had been to Finn's abode many times before, so it wasn't anything new. She lurked over to the couch and set her bag down, expecting to sleep there.

"Hey, Rey?" Finn asked, switching the lights on, his voice still sore and sad.

Rey glanced up from her freshly unzipped bag to find his disheveled state. Watching as he shrugged off his jacket, revealing his simple white top, Finn looked away again.

"Would it be weird to ask if you'd..." suddenly, he cut himself off and took a few steps toward his bedroom. "Never mind."

Rey stepped in front of his bedroom door, which was next to his brown couch. "What? Tell me."

It was demanding, which wasn't usually Rey's nature. Finn was a little shocked, so it didn't take much for him to break. "I was going to ask if you'd sleep in my bed tonight, with me."

Rey opened her mouth about to respond, but Finn cut her off.

"Nothing weird or sexual. Like, I don't expect you to cuddle me or any of that shit. I just..." he took in a deep breath. "I just want a warm presence to be next to me, if that makes sense."

He wanted someone to fill the void Poe left in his life. Rey knew that it was impossible to be Poe, as he was broad, muscular, and most importantly, a man. Nonetheless, if it made Finn happy, she didn't mind doing it.

"Yeah, sure," she smiled, grabbing her bag from the coffee table. Finn followed her into his room, which lit up. His bed looked undeniably comfortable, with a cool blue and grey fluffy blanket and a thick comforter.

"When do you normally sleep?" Rey asked.

"I have trouble sleeping, so I sit on my computer," he gestured to the right, where his desk and computer were propped up under a window. "But feel free to go to sleep whenever. Don't let me stop you, peanut."

Rey opened her bag and pulled out a change of pajamas, which was a simple black and white pair of shorts along with a Death Star band tee that Kylo gave her the last time she stayed at his house. It was old, tattered, and it smelled just like him; like wine and the fresh scent of a new book. It was a little weird that he smelled like that, but with how many times Kylo had probably dropped his book on his chest and fell asleep, it wasn't all too surprising.

Rey smiled at it lifelessly dangling from her palm, before realizing that she still needed to call Kylo.

"So, remember when I got a call in the middle of dinner?" Rey asked, looking over to Finn. He raised his brow questioningly. "It was Kylo, and I need to call him back. I'll be in the living room, if you don't mind."

"Go for it, sis. Cherish your relationship. You'll miss it when it's gone."

The words had some weight to them, and Rey didn't quite know what he meant by it. Was he insinuating that their relationship has been doomed from the start, or was it just his lack of faith in his own relationships? Either way, Rey knew fully well that she shouldn't think about it or else it would drive her anxiety up the wall.

After changing into her pajamas in the bathroom and getting ready for bed, she sank into the uncomfortable brown couch and called Kylo.

"Hey," Kylo answered, a little too quick to answer.

Rey smiled a little with a scoff. "Were you waiting for me?"

"...Maybe."

A sigh came from her mouth as she fiddled with the tied string on her shorts. "Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not in a great mood."

"Why?" He asked, his voice quickly changing from flirty to concerned. "Is everything alright?"

Rey looked over to Finn's room, seeing that he had his headphones on as he was hunched over his desk. The ball in her throat came back.

"No, not really."

Her voice was so frail, like saying anything wrong could shatter her completely.

Suddenly, she heard his keys jingle in the background. "I'm coming over."

"I'm not home," Rey was quick to say, not wanting him to drive there for nothing. "I'm at Finn's."

"Why?"

Tears blurred Rey's vision, before sliding down her cheeks. She tried so hard to not sob, but it could only come out in soft whimpers. "I had a fight with my friends tonight, and Finn wanted me to stay over. They found out."

There was silence over the line as if Kylo was trying to think of what to say. Hearing each time Rey let out a quiet sob or a sniffle hurt him in more ways than she could know.

"I really don't know what to say here," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's not your fault. It's just got me thinking..." her heart weighed down, throat tightening. "It's getting dangerous, Kylo. Maybe we should take a break for a while?"

More silence filled the air. It hurt both of them, but Kylo was having a difficult time trying to find a way to go about all of this.

His voice was somber, almost as frail as hers. "...How long?"

Rey shrugged, but quickly realized he couldn't see her. "I don't know. Until things die down a little?"

"Okay," he agreed, trying to hide how much he hated the idea. "Will it make you feel better?"

That was a good question. Will it? Is she doing this for her own well-being, or for others?

"I-I don't know," she cried, covering her face with one hand, lips trembling, fighting to say every word. "I had an anxiety attack tonight."

"Rey-"

"I know, I know. If being apart doesn't work, then I'll figure something else out. But right now it seems like something I just need to at least try."

The air felt tense, awkward, and taxing. Breathing was hard, not just for Rey, but for Kylo.

"If it's what you want, then okay," he agreed. Rey closed her eyes tightly, another set of tears falling, her hands clasped over her mouth. "I'll miss you, Rey."

She took in a hitched breath, sniffling. Her voice was pathetic at this point. "I'll miss you too." Without thinking about it, she found herself clutching the chest area of the Death Star tee. "I'll be wearing your shirt every night."

She could hear him smile over the line with his light scoff. "And I'll be thinking about you, always. Get some sleep and take it easy, my love."

Kylo had never called her that.

After a slight sniffle, Rey spoke softly. "Goodnight."

"Love you. Goodnight."

With that, Rey hung up. Hunched over, she let out a few sobs that shook her entire body, before she felt a warm embrace. Finn was by her side, pulling her into a sympathetic hug.

"It's okay, Rey. It's for the best."

He must've heard most of the conversation through his headphones, and put the pieces together himself.

"It's so hard," she cried into his shoulder. "I miss him so much."

"You'll see him on Monday," Finn gave a lighthearted laugh, only to stop when Rey roughly shook her head.

"No. That's Professor Ren. He's nothing like Kylo," Rey tried to explain. "Trust me. It's not the same."

"I believe you," he patted her back. "Let's get you to bed, hm? You've had a long day."

"And so have you," Rey looked up to him. "At least  _try_  to fall asleep without the computer."

Finn hummed a little. "Fine..."

Caving in, the two of them got in bed, after Finn turned off his computer of course. The two were turned away from each other under the covers, both simmering in their own turmoil. It was much better to at least have each other instead of being loveless and lonely.

Miraculously, Finn was the one to fall asleep first, as Rey struggled to. It wasn't the fact that Finn kept accidentally kicking her, or the strangeness of being in a different room other than her own, or the occasional siren outside. Rey couldn't wrap her head around anything in her life. All of it felt like some sort of puzzle, the pieces scattered and not connecting.

Her lack of sleep got annoying, as she just wanted to dip out of life for just a few hours. A few hours of not feeling any of the pain that was throbbing in her chest. A few hours of not having to process that she couldn't be with Kylo for a while. A few hours of not wallowing over her absent friends.

Rey closed her eyes, and kept them closed, wishing that she could sleep her way to some sort of solution for everything.

 


	18. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to Canada for two weeks to see some internet friends! :) hopefully I'll be able to update next week but if not, yall know whats up

It was Monday.

Rey's feet felt like there was a ball and chain attached to them, making it so tempting to not move at all.

Even in her first class, Hux could see her low energy. How her eyes were nearly lifeless, her usual glow diminished. As she trudged out of class, he rushed up from behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

After flinching, she turned to find an oddly sympathetic stare from him. She half expected him to lecture her on how she could've gotten a better grade on her midterm or something of that nature.

"Rey-" he huffed, having some difficulty. It wasn't exactly in his nature to go out on a limb like this for someone, let alone a student. "Are you alright?"

She flashed a smile and nodded. It must've been a little too obvious that it was fake, because his tenseness didn't taper.

"Please, don't forget that my email is always open."

His grip was released, and Rey quietly nodded before leaving his class.

Walking toward Kylo's class, there were several students roaming around on campus, which wasn't quite unusual. Every muscle in her body tensed when Poe happened to be walking toward her. Nearly stopping her steps once his gaze caught hers, he faltered and made a sharp left, making sure to keep out of her way.

It really did hurt. So bad, in fact, that she had to stop walking all together and lean against the wall to take a few deep breaths. She found her hands trembling again, which wasn't that surprising anymore at this point. Looking at her phone, she knew that Kylo would worry if she came late or something of that nature.

Learning from Finn, in the worst way possible, she stuffed her feelings back down and kept walking.

Approaching Kylo's door, she took a deep breath, and opened it.

His head raised from his book, not expecting her to seem so lackadaisical. Her heels dragged on the ground as she walked over, faking a smile. He could see straight through her, and wished he could just bring her into a hug. But he couldn't. As far as he knew, she didn't want him to.

"Um, what work do you have today?" Rey asked. Both of them had already accepted that none of this was going to come off as normal.

Kylo, unfortunately, didn't have any grading to do. He had done all of it on Sunday when he was trying to fill his mind with work instead of Rey. It was productive at the time, since he'd been falling back on his work due to spending time with her and taking more time for himself.

He looked around, lost, and Rey found it absolutely adorable. She was somewhat thankful that Kylo wasn't in full Professor mode quite yet. Though, he should be. But she had at least these last few moments to experience  _Kylo_  and not Professor Ren.

He grabbed his laptop case filled with all of his messy papers, and set it on his desk.

"Organize this, will you? At least make it look more presentable. Other than that, I don't have anything."

Rey's lips rolled into her mouth as she nodded, walking over to his desk. Thoughts raced through her mind each inch she was closer to him. She thought about him unexpectedly grabbing her and forcing his lips onto hers, and how she would crumble under his touch and give in. Or even a simple unexpected hug, his warmth and scent transferring to her.

There was nothing, as expected.

She took his bag, sat on the floor a few feet away from his desk, and began to sort through his items.

"So, how was your day?"

It was a simple question from Kylo, as he really tried his best to not step over the line from Professor to Lover.

Rey sighed, raising her brows as she gazed at his belongings. "Uhh... lackluster."

"How so?" Kylo replied, on his laptop, listening intently.

"The weight of this weekend carried over. Hux's class was pretty boring, and he even asked me if I was alright."

"Really?" Kylo raised a brow. "That's shocking."

Rey let out a quiet laugh, which relieved Kylo in some ways. "It was, but I told him I'm alright, even though I'm not."

Just as she was flipping through papers, there was a loud slit noise, followed by Rey hissing in pain and looking at her finger.

"What happened?" Kylo asked, stopping what he was doing to look over.

Rey watched as the blood blossomed from her skin. "Paper cut. I'm alright."

"Do you need a band-aid?" He asked, beginning to get up.

"I said I'm alright,  _Professor_." Rey looked at him, as he was half standing.

Right. Kylo had almost forgotten that he was her professor. Slowly, he sat back down but continued to look at her.

"Okay."

He went back to work eventually as Rey sucked on her finger, not wanting to bloody his papers. Within ten minutes, she had completely organized his bag and set it on his desk, staring down at him.

"Done."

Kylo looked at his bag, and then at her.

"Good job," he nodded in approval. "Go get a band-aid and help another teacher. Maybe Hux?"

"Would you mind if I stayed here?" Rey brought her gaze up to his, catching the hopeful gleam in his eye.

"Of course. I'll just be reading, as usual."

Rey sat down her things and settled in her desk, pulling out her laptop to sort through her social medias. The next twenty minutes were filled with neither of them doing what they were supposed to, but instead stealing glances at each other and trying to not get caught.

Rey longed for Kylo's touch, but it was too dangerous now, for both of them. And Kylo simply wanted to help, even though Rey made it nearly impossible. If he stepped over this invisible wall she created, she'd be upset, and that was the last thing she wanted.

He picked his head up and looked at her. Class was a mere few minutes away, and this was the last chance he would be able to talk to her for a whole day.

"If you need anything-"

"E-mail you. I heard the same thing from Hux," Rey huffed, cracking a grin. She heard it from Skywalker too. Phasma was too busy to even care.

"I was about to say call me. Even text me," Kylo encouraged, seemingly desperate.

Before Rey could reply, the door opened to Rose, who was five minutes early as per usual. They made brief eye contact, Rose slightly taken aback from Rey's tired and exhausted appearance, before avoiding eye contact and silently sitting beside her.

Kylo could cut the tension in the air with a knife. It even made  _him_  feel uncomfortable, which was rare, as these sort of things didn't bother him. Petty school drama never got to him, or fights with friends or family. But this had a different feeling to it than all those other times. Maybe it was because it had to do with Rey.

Despite feeling personally involved, he couldn't defend Rey or even speak out on the subject, as it was Rey's business.

Rose pulled her laptop out silently, and the only noise in the weighted air was the tapping of her and Kylo's keyboard. Five minutes felt like an eternity, as the class slowly piled into the room. Even with most of the class present, the feeling didn't go away.

Unable to take it anymore, Rey grabbed a scrap piece of paper from her bag and scribbled on it. Rose glanced over quietly, curious, but tried to remain poised.

_Rose_

_I'm really sorry. Can we talk after Skywalker's class and grab a cup of coffee or something?_

Rey fixed her stare, watching Rose scan over the words. Once finished, Rose glanced at Rey, showing some uncertainty, before writing down.

_Coffee Bean at 3?_

Rey nodded, a smile casting over her previously anxious expression.

Kylo cleared his throat, making his presence known to the entire class. He leaned on his desk, as usual, and shot a quick glance at Rey before looking over the whole class.

The way that he talked was a little quieter than his usual booming voice. He seemed to sigh more, and even sat down at his desk at one point, which wasn't like him at all. Teaching, he wasn't necessarily animated, as no one was when they talked about math. But he at least stayed on his toes, probably to not fall asleep.

At one point, he had a stack of papers to hand out, and ended up giving it to some random girl in the front who was a little  _too_  excited to hand them out. Rose noticed this, and wondered what it meant, as even  _she_  knew that Rey always passed out the papers.

As the class came to an end, the two separately went to Skywalker's class. Kylo didn't stop her after class, which meant he was learning how to not make things out of the ordinary.

Walking into his class, surprisingly, Skywalker was there, at his desk, watching as the students piled in and greeted them all.

"Woah! Rey! Did you not get much sleep last night?" Luke laughed a little.

Rey let out a small laugh too, shrinking under Rose's stare from across the way. "Something like that..."

She saw a slight twitch in Luke's blue eye, his appearance faltering. "Maybe we can talk about it after class?"

"Can't." Rey rested her items at her seat. "But I promise, it's not what you think."

Luke seemed to relax, relieved that his wild nephew wasn't stirring up any problems.

His class went by fast, as usual, and both Rey and Rose split apart for about thirty minutes.

Instead, she caught up with Finn, who was waiting at the fountain as usual.

"Hey, I convinced Rose to talk to me. I'm meeting her at the Coffee Bean in a half hour."

Finn's eyes widened as a smile crept on his face. "That's great! Should I come with?"

Rey hesitated a little, physically shrinking at the thought. "Um... I think it would be best if we talked one-on-one so she doesn't feel cornered."

Finn strongly nodded in agreement. "You're right. I'll see what I can do about Poe."

"He's still really mad. I saw him, and he completely curved me! If I were you I'd give him a day or two to cool off," Rey suggested.

He sighed, running his hand through his short dark curls. "You're right."

Finn had hoped it would give him an excuse to at least see Poe again, as their parting hurt so much, especially when he'd find himself alone with his own thoughts. Despite the front he had, Finn was scarily dependent on others, and Poe was the one solid wall he thought he could lean on. Now that the wall is gone, he feels like he's falling, no ground in sight.

Checking her phone, she saw that it was almost time to meet Rose.

"Do you have anywhere to be? I need a ride, but I can call an Uber."

Finn snapped out of his small daze. "No. I can drive you."

-

 _The Coffee Bean_  was awfully busy, but to be fair, it was three in the afternoon. If someone was there, it would be because they're either a coffee addict, someone who had work to get done, or in Rey's case, spending time with someone. She wasn't quite sure if "spending time" was the right way to put it, as it was more of an intervention than anything.

Rey sat at a small table, staring at her phone, then surveying her surroundings, before looking at her phone again. She had wondered if Rose ditched her completely, as it was one minute past three thirty. It wasn't her style, but Rey wouldn't be surprised.

At one point, she gave up her rotation of looking at her phone and atmosphere, strictly sticking to just her phone.

She was bored, so she began to think about Kylo, realizing she didn't have a  _single_  picture of him. Not one.

A frown came across her face.

Normal couples had millions of pictures together, or even of each other. It led Rey to daydream, wondering what Kylo would look like in a Snapchat filter. The frown went away, nearly hearing him argue against it, leaning away from the camera. Did he have a Facebook? A Twitter? Even better, a Snapchat of his own?

The train of thought crashed against a wall when Rey heard a soft bell, Rose coming through the glass double doors timidly. They made eye contact; Rey gave a smile and a small wave, and Rose reluctantly walked over, glancing over her shoulders to make sure no one she knew was around.

Once they were both seated, it was strangely quiet. The only thing filling the air was some indie music above their head, the gurgling of coffee from behind the counter, and the quiet chatter of three teen girls at another table.

"I'm sorry."

The words shot out of Rey's mouth. She had about twenty introduction speeches planned in her head, but those two words threw them all away.

"I should have told you, and Poe, and I was wrong."

Rose's eyes couldn't bear to meet hers, and her voice had suddenly vanished from existence. Confrontation was neither of their strong-suits, but it was especially hard for Rose, as she was typically a follower when it came to strongly opinionated conversations. That night, Poe's stance was so strong, and he was the loudest, which meant he was correct. Right?

Rey knew that Rose needed a nudge in her direction, by her, so she needed to earn her trust back.

Another string of a sentence burst from her mouth, much like a gun.

"Kylo and I are taking a break."

Finally, Rose's eyes raised up to meet hers, wide and in shock. The reaction encouraged Rey to continue.

"Not a break-up, exactly. If we were even dating before... but we're stopping... whatever we were doing. Until I know what I want, and what's best for me."

Rey's voice sounded somber, as the thought of her and Kylo parting still weighed on her.

"I forgive you," Rose finally spoke. "That night— ah..." she shook her head and buried it in her palms.

"I know." Rey couldn't help but laugh, nodding sympathetically. "Let's get some coffee or something and sort this all out, huh?"

"Yeah. That sounds good."

The two went up to the counter. Rey ordered an iced mocha with two pumps of almond milk, one pump of hazelnut, and three packets of sugar, while Rose ordered a simple caramel frap with a chocolate muffin. Rey would typically order the same as Rose, but Kylo's addiction turned out to be a disease. It was fun to explore different coffee recipes, testing which one was the tastiest. Each fresh sip was a new surprise for her tastebuds.

Sitting down after receiving their orders, Rey took a sip and made a face.

"Too much sugar. It's my fault though." She gagged over-dramatically. It wasn't as bad as she made it out to be, as she took a few more sips.

Rose tenderly broke apart her muffin. "So, what is your relationship even  _like_?"

Rey was a little surprised by the question, as she assumed that Rose wouldn't want to hear a single thing about their taboo relationship. Despite the original thought, Rey was glad, as she loved to spill about it.

"He's really sweet, despite what everyone thinks or says," she smiled to herself, swirling her sugary coffee with her straw. "He's smart. He loves books, but he loves coffee more. His cooking is delicious, and he has the finest wines in his house. Despite the amount of times I beg him not to, he spoils me. It's not bribing or anything. He actually just  _likes_  to treat me, whether it's a simple coffee or something I've had my eyes on for a while."

Rey glanced up to see Rose mesmerized at how she described him. Even hinting at some sort of hopeful smile, encouraging her to continue.

"If you really think about it, if he weren't my professor, all of this would suddenly be socially acceptable. He doesn't blackmail me. He has never done anything malicious to me. It's really not  _that_  bad."

"That sounds... nice," Rose positively hummed in thought. "But what about the future? Marriage? Kids?"

"Woah." Rey held her hands in front of her, laughing. "We both agreed that whatever happens, happens. We're just enjoying everything 'in the moment' or else we won't enjoy it at all."

That blew Rose's mind and really helped Rey's case. Rose had always been raised to date a man that you'll see yourself marrying and having a life together, but having someone without any intentions? It broke all expectations she had.

She sipped her caramel frap, distraught.

Rey fell back in her seat, looking back down at her lap. "But it doesn't matter now, because we're on a break. I promise."

"I feel bad," Rose admitted. "Like, you really seem in love."

Did she? Her stomach did the cha-cha-slide at the idea of calling what they had 'Love.' Why was it so hard for her to admit that she was in love?

Rey could only shrug at Rose, not admitting anything.

"Like, you guys shouldn't take a break."

"I have no choice! I'd rather be on a shitty break than have Poe hate me and Finn," she slouched in her seat.

"He doesn't  _hate_  you guys. He just cares a little too much. But he misses Finn like crazy," Rose justified. Rey had almost forgotten that Rose went home with Poe that night, and probably knew his psyche behind all of this.

"Finn misses him too. So why doesn't he just go back to him?" Rey questioned, sitting up abruptly.

"He just wants to prove a point, I guess. You know how Poe is. He's stubborn."

Rose was right, which was unfortunate.

Throwing her head back, Rey let out a groan that was a little too loud. "What are we going to do about him then?"

After a period of silence, a small gasp came from Rose.

"Halloween is coming soon," she waggled her brows.

Rey sat up, looking back at Rose. "And?"

"There's going to be a couple of parties. Both of them will get drunk, make up, and that'll be that!" Rose beamed, her eyes cheery and hopeful.

Rey nodded, the gears turning in her head as she rubbed her cheek gently. "Okay... yeah. And maybe you can persuade Poe to go, and I'll tell Finn to go. Right?"

Rose covered her mouth, shimmying in her seat with pure excitement. "Yes! This is going to be great!"

The two marveled over their plans for the next two weeks, but Rey dreaded them, as it would be two weeks away from Kylo.

 


	19. Brewing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! It's been a while!  
> I'm starting college again in two weeks, so I'm just going to post every 2-3 days now if yall are fine with that. Doing weekly, I constantly procrastinate and I'm annoying myself.  
> Hope yall enjoy the amount of content the next few weeks! :)

A week had passed by, and surprisingly, not much had changed.

Finn reached out to Poe, only to have it blow up in another argument and radio silence.

Rose kept it low-key that she was on Rey's side, for the sake of bringing the torn lovers back together.

As for Rey and Kylo, each day was a challenge. She couldn't tell which was worse: the days when she had his classes, or the days when she didn't.

It was especially brutal when Rey had to be his teachers assistant. How they'd barely talk, knowing fully well that both of them couldn't hold a normal conversation.

Kylo was the worst out of the two. Whenever they  _would_  have a lengthy conversation, it would end with Kylo complimenting Rey in some way, or even downright flirting with her. Rey would cut it off, hushing: "Kylo..." through her gritted teeth.

They were nearly touch starved, and it was prominent when Kylo would hand her something, and he'd purposefully make their fingers graze on each other. Rey never protested, as it was just a mere second of human contact. No one would ever know, besides the two of them.

Every class was difficult, as Kylo would hold a gaze a little  _too_  long with Rey, and she'd have to force herself to look away.

Then, the second week passed, and things seemed to get worse.

Surprisingly, not in the sense that Kylo was being persistent. It was the exact opposite. Kylo was falling back.

The gracious touches went away, he focused on teaching the class, and neither of them talked to each other. If anything, he was stern, yet again. To Rey, it felt like her first day of classes when he was strictly Professor Ren and nothing more.

It was hard to sleep at night, as she'd toss and turn dreaming of him. Even when she'd have a bad night sleep, and it showed, Kylo didn't seem to show any remorse. He'd offer a few extra glances, but nothing more.

Finn and Poe didn't speak at all, lest even talk about each other. Slowly, talks of them missing each other diminished. It also took a toll on Rey.

It felt like love was dying.

Halloween was just the next day, and Rey tailed Finn into a Halloween store.

"You'd think they'd have stormtrooper helmets in here," Finn huffed in annoyance.

Rey smiled a little. "I still can't believe you're into Galaxy Wars. It's mind-blowing, really."

Finn looked over his shoulder at her, shooting a glance that pierced her soul, causing her to roll her lips inward to keep quiet.

"I'll try and find my costume, then," Rey sulked away, half joking.

Finn was still himself, but more of his dark-side was prominent. He would take things too seriously, even snap sometimes. But he was still able to joke around and be friendly. No matter what, Rey couldn't afford to leave him, for both of their sakes.

Her fingers tapped on the edges of the hangers, searching for  _something_  to wear. She didn't know what exactly she was going as, debating between looking like a college slut or a freshman virgin.

She settled on a witches outfit. It was dark and alluring, while at the same time being mostly covered. Plus, having the hat meant that she didn't have to fuss over her hair that much, which was always a bonus.

Approaching Finn, she raised her black and purple dress and hat.

"Thoughts?"

"An icon. Sabrina the Teenage Who?" He encouraged, clasping his hands together. "Stevie Nicks would be proud."

A hearty laugh came out of Rey, allowing Finn to crack a smile, encouraging him.

"C'mon, Peanut. Help me out here, will you?"

-

Rey stood in front of her mirror, staring at her witchy self. She had a vicious cat eye with a lightly smoked look, her cheeks heavily contoured to add a dark effect. Despite how well the outfit looked, she didn't feel like going out. She didn't quite have a choice, as Finn needed a reason to go.

He had been in this funk for two weeks, where he wouldn't even go out on a Friday night like he always did. He'd stay in bed for one too many hours, lock himself in his room on his computer, and then go right to bed. It was unhealthy.

Her phone buzzed, and she panicked, expecting it to be Finn telling her that he was outside. Instead, it was something she hadn't expected.

Kylo: Put on your lingerie tonight

Rey's eyes widened in shock, typing a reply, telling him no, until he replied first.

Kylo: Just one night. Please?

Her thumb hovered over the send button, hand trembling slightly as she balanced her phone in her palm. Air expelled from her lips as her thumb pressed down on the backspace button, erasing her message of denial. She wrote a brief new one instead.

Rey: ... okay

Two weeks was a long time. It felt like an eternity inside the bubble of two fresh lovers.

Suddenly, a spark of excitement came over Rey. One that she hadn't felt in far too long. Stripping out of her dress, she slipped on the corset, and put the dress on over. It was a secret, only she and Kylo would know about.

Finally, Rey got a text. It was Finn that time, saying he was in front of the house.

She hopped down the steps, the doorbell ringing. Grandpa Kenobi was ready at the door with a bowl of candy, greeting the small children with a kind smile, passing out candy, complimenting their costumes. He himself wasn't dressed as anything, unfortunately.

"I'm off," Rey pressed a kiss on his cheek. "If I'm not home later, I'm staying at Finn's."

"Alright, sunshine," he nodded, as the little kids skipped away. "Text me, will you?"

Kenobi dropped his suspicions once Rey had a significantly less amount of sleepovers, and he didn't doubt that she really was staying at Finn's, as she had done once or twice in the past two weeks.

Rey ran out the door and got into Finn's car.

"You seem happy," he commented, observing her outfit. "Also, you look fine as hell. Your boobs look great in that."

Rey laughed a little as she looked down at her chest. She didn't have much to show, but the dress paired with the push-up lingerie definitely helped bring attention to whatever was there. "Thanks. Things just seem like they're finally getting better."

She debated on telling Finn, but was afraid of spoiling the night for him and Poe, so she kept silent for a little while until she beat around the bush.

"So Kylo's been texting me," Rey subtly brought up, glancing at Finn for a reaction.

He let out a sigh. "Look. Seriously. Fuck Poe. It's not right that you have to put your love life on hold because of him. You're torturing yourself."

"You wouldn't mind?" her brows raised in intrigue.

He looked at her in confusion before looking back at the road. "Fuck no! I'm the one that's been telling you to go back to him! Plus, it'd be nice to hear you not complain about it for once."

She playfully hit his shoulder, laughing. "Okay, fine. If you say so."

The car ride was a little longer than usual, but the party was at some poor girl's beach house on the coast. It was freezing out, so no one was going to be swimming unless they had a heated pool somehow.

Walking inside, the interior was modern. The living room area was massive, almost as if it was made to be a dance floor. There was a long hallway that led to even more rooms, no doubt were filled by horny drunk students. There were wooden spiral stairs leading up to a glass balcony, also with a hall filled with more doors to more rooms.

The house was massive, and Rey would be lying if she said it wasn't overwhelming. The number of people, space, and drinks were crazy.

Scanning the room, Rey spotted Rose. Then her eyes shifted to find Poe right beside her, chatting her up. Rose and Rey made brief eye contact before getting to the point.

"C'mon, Finn. Show me the drinks," Rey patted his shoulder.

Gently, he put his arm around her shoulder and brought her to the kitchen where all of the booze were laid out. He'd mix and match some things, and end up drinking all of it. Rey made him, acting like she didn't like whatever drink he'd pour. For the sake of not wanting to waste it, he'd chug it and make another for her.

It got to a point where he was on the verge of being pretty drunk, so she dragged him out onto the dance floor so Rose could get Poe drunk and ready.

Dancing in amidst a ton of strangers had always been uncomfortable for Rey. It was hot, sweaty, and even worse with her costume on. Other people's costumes would hit her, causing her to shrink away a little and think she was an inconvenience to others, when it was the complete opposite.

"Come on, Rey!" Finn took her hands and threw her around. "Cut loose!"

It was fun dancing with him, as it finally allowed her to let go of whatever insecurity she had. Dancing wildly, the sound of the music drowning out her thoughts, was euphoric. Her heart vibrated with the heavy bass of the music, the floor thumping with everyone jumping up and down.

Her enjoyment was cut short when someone tapped Finn on the shoulder. Turning around, they found Poe, jaw clenched and upset. Him and Finn made strong eye contact, some tears coming through Finn's eyes in desperation and pain.

Without skipping a beat, the two of them hugged each other tightly, moving away to a secluded location. Rey and Rose high fived, laughing in sheer excitement.

"It worked!" Rose shouted over the music. "Let's get some drinks, huh?"

"We have to celebrate," Rey nodded, following Rose away from the heart of the dance floor.

This party was already a million times better than her first college party. The stars felt as though they were aligning, and all was going smoothly. Almost as smooth as the cranberry vodka shooting down her throat.

She and Rose drank quite a bit, not to the point where they were plastered, thankfully. Though, they were both uncontrollably giggly, as any little things could set them off into a laughing fit.

Finally, Rey dragged Rose back into the dance floor to release all of their high energy. Losing herself in the crowd, Rey drifted from Rose and ended up being completely alone in a sea of strangers.

It was fun, having this freedom without feeling scared about anything.

All of those feelings came crashing down when she felt a large hand grab her ass, a gasp hitching in her throat.

 _Not again_.

Not another loser frat boy wanting to fuck her over like last time. She wasn't having it this time.

Rey was confident now, and was ready to kick some ass.

She turned around, her fists clenched to find that the person who groped her was much taller than she anticipated.

He was looking over her, board, and muscular. Her loud voice in her throat shrank a million times, knowing that he could easily knock her out with one swing. He also wore a Darth Vader mask, which added to the scariness of it.

Before she had a chance to speak, the man lifted his mask.

" _Kylo?!"_

He was laughing, as if he had found everything that just happened  _so_  amusing. Without hesitation, she lowered his mask and took him by the arm, dragging him down the hall to the bathroom. Shoving him inside, she slammed the door behind them, isolating the music away from their conversation.

Rey watched as he took off the mask, dropping it on the floor, haphazardly.

"How-"

"I overheard some students talk about this party in one of my classes. It was a blind shot, but I couldn't wait," Kylo quickly explained himself, moving toward her.

Their lips crashed against each other's, taking Rey by surprise, as her eyes were wide open. Fearfully, she pulled away, catching Kylo off guard.

"Have you been drinking?" She asked, knowing full well he had an alcohol problem. It wasn't the sweet taste of wine on his tongue anymore. The oaky scent of liquor burned her nostrils.

"A little bit," he admitted, now closer to her. "It's not like I'm drunk."

"Did you drive here?" She interrogated, slowly letting him pepper kisses on her neck.

"No," he mumbled in between. It was so easy for her to throw her neck back, feeling his hands throttle her. "I owe you."

"Owe me?"

Kylo pulled away and looked at her, a brow raised. "For telling my uncle."

After a moment of thought, Rey scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I almost forgot about that. You could've gotten away with it."

Slowly, his hands snaked their way to her back, unzipping her dress. "Mmmm... I'm glad I didn't forget, then."

Rey watched as he undressed her, how his eyes violated her body, how he gnawed at his lower lip. It was almost as if he was unwrapping a present, revealing her lingerie.

All in one sudden movement, he vaulted Rey onto the bathroom counter, making her gasp in surprise.

She felt his lips on her skin, how they trailed down, lingering at her pushed up breasts before pressing his plush lips on the fabric at her abdomen. The fabric was surprisingly soft, as most of them were usually a rough mesh. Victoria's Secret seemed promising.

With one finger, he moved over the fabric that kept him and her cunt apart.

"Kylo-" Rey tried to reach over to the bathroom door. "The lock."

He stood up slowly, leaning against her as he pressed his index and middle finger inside of her, curling to hit her spot, causing her to hiss through her teeth and look away. Taking her chin, he turned her back to him, his alcoholic breath suddenly becoming anesthetic to her. It was warm as he softly panted against her hot skin.

"Why are you so fast to lock the door?" His voice was strange, as it was a low curious hum, as if he wasn't fingering her, as if doing any of this was completely natural.

Rey's eyes met his, her voice shaken and frail as she was crumbling under his touch. "We'll get caught..."

He moved his fingers faster, enjoying how she reacted. How her breath caught in her throat, her back arching.

"It's risky," Kylo admitted, leaning into the crevice of her neck to plant some soft slow kisses, then brushing his lips against her ear. "But it's fun, isn't it?"

He slipped his fingers out of her, causing her to tense up slightly before exhaling.

Getting back on his knees, he took her thighs and pulled her closer to the edge. Rey propped herself up with her arms, watching as Kylo moved the fabric over and let his tongue lick her lips before completely pressing into her. A quiet moan came from her mouth, her toes curling as he ate her out.

Hearing her whimper and muss his hair out of desperation made his dick twinge.

" _Kylo_!"

A moan, a little too loud, came from her mouth, her entire body shuddering as she released, her hand gripping his soft lustrous waves. Kylo looks up from between her legs, and she held his gaze as he made his way back up to her.

"How was that?" He asked, almost smug with himself.

Rey widened her legs even more, not breaking her gaze.

"Fuck me, Professor," She cupped her breast, moving it in circles in hopes to entice him. Little did she know, he was enticed the moment he saw her on that dance floor.

It was rare for Rey to bring the title of him being her "professor" to bed, but both of them would be lying if their scenario didn't turn either of them on. How he had authority over her, and how she was under his control.

He pulled a condom out of his pocket, knowing that coming to the party would probably escalate to that point of no return.

After slipping it on, he slowly pressed inside her, messily kissing her lips. She leaned forward as much as she could to kiss him, wrapping her legs around him. He rolled his hips into her effortlessly, a bone-achingly deep growl or a heavy pant coming out of his mouth every now and then. To please him, she'd grind her hips against him, kissing him all over his face. She tended to avoid his lips, as hearing him grunt and groan turned her on.

The door opened, just a crack, but enough for Rey to look over in a panic and see Finn's alarmed face.

"Holy shit!" He gasped, slamming the door shut behind him. Kylo stopped his thrusts, but stayed inside her, also looking at the door in shock.

"Finn?!" Rey called out, embarrassed. She'd hoped that she didn't anger him in some way. Once she heard his stammering voice, relief overcame her.

"I didn't mean to walk in there like that! I-"

Rey bowed her forehead on Kylo's shoulder with a relieved huff.

"It's fine. It's not your fault."

"Well don't let me stop you! I'll guard the door," Finn promised. "It's the least I can do."

Rey raised her head abruptly, meeting Kylo's also surprised gaze.

"Are you sure?" Rey hollered through the door.

"Yeah. You've caught me and Poe twice already."

"Don't remind me," Rey pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Do you want to keep going?" Kylo asked, slowly slipping out of her.

Rey didn't say anything. All she had to do was press her lips against his, gently biting his red and swollen lower lip, and he began to grind into her once again. Her orgasm died down in that interval, but slowly it built back up. As they kissed, both of them moaned into each other's mouths.

Neither of them couldn't help but listen to the conversation outside.

"What's going on?" Poe asked, approaching Finn who held a firm stance in front of the door, arms crossed in defense.

"Oh, uh..." Finn glanced at the door anxiously. "Rey isn't feeling too good. Too much to drink."

"That sucks," Poe frowned, before slamming his fist on the door, scaring Finn.

Rey and Kylo jumped, but both of them were on the height of orgasms, too close to stop.

"Rey! Are you okay?" Poe hollered.

"No," Rey moaned out, trying to make it sound like she was sick.

"You sound like you're getting properly fucked," Kylo scoffed, his hands tightly squeezing her waist as he was on the edge.

Rey suddenly let out a moan into his shoulder, gasping, and moaning again. She had been so deprived of his dick, it felt as though she edged three times and had an orgasm. Despite it feeling transcendent, Rey couldn't help but softly laugh at Kylo's comment.

Not many moments after, Kylo let out a guttural growl as he released, his hips stilling. Rey grinded against him, helping him along. He was left hunched over her, his breath labored.

" _God,_ I missed you."

Rey smiled and laughed quietly.

"I missed you too."

Slowly, he slipped out of her. Both of them cleaned themselves up rather quickly and looked at the door.

"Finn?" Rey called out, praying he was still there.

"Yeah?"

Rey smiled. "Is Poe there?"

"No. You're good."

Rey picked up his mask on the floor and pushed it on his chest. "Put this on. You'll go out first, and I'll follow after a minute."

"Do you want to keep partying?" Kylo asked, brows slightly raised in intrigue. "I don't mind keeping the mask on all night."

She laughed a little at the thought. "You? Partying?"

Kylo rolled his eyes. "I'm not one to be at a party, but if you're there, things might be different."

Rey pondered, actually considering his proposition. It was rare for either of them to actually go out in public together, let alone around other students. So badly, she wanted to feel like a normal couple.

"Okay, yeah," she grinned at him.

Just as he was about to put his mask over his head, he heard Rey quickly say: "Wait."

Taking one step closer to him, she reeled him in for another kiss, this one longer than the rest.

"For the next hour or so."

Once Kylo put on his mask, he walked out of the bathroom, catching Finn's alarmed gaze.

"Sir," he nodded, his eyes averted.

Kylo felt odd about just leaving Rey's friend to suffer in silence outside, so he halted in his steps and turned to him.

"Thank you."

It was a simple two words, but it earned Finn's surprised expression. Despite it being difficult to say, Kylo felt as though he  _had_  to. Immediately, he walked away, not wanting Finn to catch him in an unwanted conversation.

After a few extra seconds, Rey opened the door and Finn pushed her right back inside, slamming the door behind them and locking it.

"You! Him! The sink!" He gestured to the counter, the floor, and her. "What the fuck!"

Finn wasn't upset at all. If anything, he was in absolute shock and curiosity.

Rey's cheeks grew red, her hands covering them, squishing her face so that she made some sort of fish lip.

"Finn..." Rey groaned. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."

Finn waved it off. "Please. We've all seen porn."

Rey rolled her eyes with a hint of a smile across her face.

"Plus, oh my god! He's really cute!"

Once he saw Rey shoot a glance at him, he backtracked. "Obviously, I'm not going to take your man. Both of you look hot though."

"Finn. You're making it weird now."

Finn quickly changed the subject.

"Oh yeah. Poe doesn't know anything. And we also made up, so we're back together and all that."

"Rose and I kinda planned for you two to meet here and makeup," Rey admitted, rubbing the back of her neck.

Finn's mouth was left agape until he began to laugh, surprised.

"Wow. Thanks, Rey. Seriously."

"I should be thanking  _you_  for covering us. But I should really go out there before he gets worried. You should go spend time with Poe."

Finn nodded, exhaling with a bright toothy smile spread on his face. He shimmied a little, readying himself for the party, and opened the door.

Both he and Rey separated. Finn found Poe on the couch with two crisp drinks, and Rey searched for Kylo. It led her to the dance floor, assuming he was in there.

Abruptly, she was turned around to come face to face with him. More like face to mask.

The night droned on and on, and the two danced wildly. It was funny seeing Kylo cut loose for once and let himself go. To be fair, no one would ever know it was him, besides Finn and Rey of course.

Across the way, Finn and Poe lounged on the couch, drinking at their leisure. Poe's eyes narrowed at Rey, and the tall not-so stranger.

"Is that Professor Ren?" Poe pointed at the man twirling Rey around, watching as she laughed wholeheartedly.

Finn sat up and turned to Poe, who was still glaring at him. "I know how you feel about it, and that's okay. They've been apart for two weeks, just like us. Just let them have this one night together, please?"

He would've went up to Kylo and confronted him, but seeing his boyfriend desperate, he sank into his seat.

"Only for you."

Finn smiled, kissing the stubble on his cheek. He'd missed how it scratched his face, almost like a cat's tongue.

As the party died down, Rey and Kylo left after briefly saying goodbye to Finn. Poe kept his eyes away from the couple, still against the entire idea. He was still on non-speaking terms with Rey, but she was glad that at least Finn didn't have to suffer anymore.

They walked far from the home, as many people were starting to leave and hail cabs and Uber's.

Ten minutes away from the party, they came across a bus station and sat on the bench. He took his helmet off, and handed it to Rey.

"That was fun," Kylo couldn't help but grin, remembering everything that happened just moments ago.

"It was." Rey looked down at his helmet, as Kylo looked down at his phone, contacting an Uber.

He tensed for a moment, feeling Rey suddenly lean against him, her head rested on his shoulder. Once he got ahold of an Uber who was on their way, he kissed the top of her head, resting his chin on her. The two of them blankly stared in front of them, watching as the fireflies danced around, slowly flashing at them.

"So what now?" Kylo finally asked.

It was on his mind all night. What about after the party. After tonight? Were they back to a strict student/professor relationship?

Rey had wondered the same, but after seeing the lengths he was willing to go—showing up at a party, not even knowing if she was there or not—warmed her heart.

"You make it hard for me to stand being without you," she confessed, her smile fading slightly.

"Well, I can't stand being without you."

His words held a weight to their relationship because it was so true. He didn't know what he would do without Rey. The idea came across his mind few times, as he had hated even thinking about it. Either everything would go back to as it was—him working constantly both at home and the university— or he'd be in complete ruins, unable to function, much like two years ago.

No matter what, he knew damn well that Rey was the one in control here. It was almost embarrassing how low he'd be willing to go for her.

"Well, we can't have that. Can we?" Rey gently took his hand into hers.

Her skin was so soft against his coarse rough hands, fingers perfectly placed in between his, much like a lock and key.

Softly, he lifted their hands up, kissing the back of hers, before resting it in between their legs.

"So what did Finn have to say?" Kylo asked, changing the topic for the sake of his pride.

He heard a slight laugh from Rey. "He was shocked, alright. But Finn seems so infatuated with us. Our relationship. He didn't seem to mind all too much."

"And the other one? Poe?"

Rey sighed, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

"You can't please everyone."

-

The Uber picked up the two, promptly dropping them off at Kylo's house. It wasn't a secret that neither of them could walk a complete straight line, despite having their marbles together.

The room was dimly lit, the dining room table prepared with two plates, silverware, and two empty wine glasses.

"Right." Kylo sighed, turning to Rey a little embarrassed. "I made dinner, but I impulsively went to that party instead. I won't blame you if you're not hungry."

"I can eat," Rey assured, finding the sentiment sweet. Leaning in the ball of her foot, she pulled Kylo into a long kiss before pulling away. "You're sweet."

He looked down at her, making the rest of the world feel nonexistent. "Only for you."

He wasn't wrong. It really was only for Rey. Many times she's heard him snipe toward his uncle, scold students, and don't even get her started on how he talks to Hux.

It wasn't completely hard to understand why so many were worried for her.

Rey believed wholeheartedly that they were all worried over nothing.

Kylo pulled the food out from the fridge and threw it in his microwave. It wasn't exactly classy, but Rey didn't seem to mind. Pleasing a college student was incredibly easy, he found.

As the timer dwindled, Rey went on Snapchat to look at the party from other viewpoints. No one suspected anything of them, which calmed some worries that were lingering in the back of her mind.

Once the microwave beeped, Kylo brought the dish to the table and set it in the middle.

"In the spirit of Halloween, I made some simple spaghetti. Pretend the noodles are guys and the sauce is blood," he told her, flatly.

"Frightening," Rey looked at the innocent spaghetti, before grinning at Kylo. "Do you like Halloween?"

"I hate it. Expensive costumes," he tugged at his outfit. "Ungrateful kids robbing your home of candy. Mothers who bank off of their infants who don't even understand the concept of Halloween to get chocolate for themselves. It's useless."

"And you went out and got a costume because...?"

"Because I love you."

Instead of recoiling, Rey let out a soft laugh, smiling to herself. Seeing her come around gave Kylo some confidence in saying it.

He turned on his heel and went into the kitchen as Rey grabbed a serving for herself. The spaghetti seemed to have more flavor after being in the microwave, the sauce almost marinating with the pasta.

Kylo returned with not only a fresh bottle of wine, but also a bag of mixed chocolates.

"I also got candy for you."

"None for the kids?" Rey teased, twirling her fork in the spaghetti.

Kylo roughly tossed the bag of chocolates across the room, hitting the couch cushions. He popped open the wine and poured both of them a half glass before closing it off again, setting it down on the table.

The two quietly ate spaghetti, sipping the wine cautiously.

"So what have you done... without me?" Kylo couldn't help but be curious. There was a slight fear inside of him where Rey would realize she was better off without him and leave. But so far, she was staying.

A smile splayed across her face, a laugh following. "You make it sound like I can't live without you."

His eyes downcast, the edge of his mouth turning up. "It's more like me being unable to live without you."

It was a dangerous statement, and it was apparent when silence filled the air.

Rey stuffed some spaghetti into her mouth, chewing it, and digesting it. "I'll admit, it was boring. Not only that, but it all just really weighed me down."

"And your anxiety?" He asked, suddenly remembering the night where she admitted having a panic attack.

"Worse, in all honesty. I missed having you there to smack some sense into me," she half-joked.

Kylo smiled a little, looking down at his meal. He was a little relieved that he wasn't suffering alone, but he wasn't glad that she was the one to suffer with him.

Some wine glasses and empty bowls later, they found themselves on the couch, as usual. Rey's head rested on his thigh as she laid down, fetal position, as Kylo absentmindedly pet her head. He was gentle, running his fingers through her short waves. Once she felt his strokes come to a stop, she glanced up to find him completely asleep.

There had never been a moment for her to  _watch_  him sleep before, she realized. Either he was awake before her, or she was the first to sleep.

Slowly sitting up, she observed him. How softly he breathed through his parted lips. How his chest rose, paused, and then fell back down. How such an intimidating man could look like an innocent child.

Rey looked at their surroundings, candy wrappers in a pile on the coffee table and the empty wine bottle on the wooden floor. Making sure to be cautious to not wake him, she was slow in every movement she made—when she grabbed the bottle and threw it away with the crinkly loud wrappers. Scoping the area, she turned off all the unnecessary lights that were on, in the kitchen, dining area, and the living room.

She moved upstairs to check and see if his bed was made, which surprisingly, it wasn't. It looked as though a tornado of paperwork and books hurdled through his room, papers scattered on the bed, floor, and desk. Kylo's method of repressing his emotions was to work so hard he was too busy to focus on them.

Rey knew this, and almost felt bad. She'd seen his room a little messy with papers, but nothing this terrible.

Picking up the pages, she made sure to organize them into neat piles on his desk. It almost felt like she was in her TA period, which cracked a smile on her face. Once she had finally cleared the floor and his desk, she moved to his bed where there were fewer papers and more books along with his laptop. He had a desktop computer in his room, but for some reason, Kylo needed a laptop to work with too.

It made Rey wonder if he'd spend his spare times in bed, too depressed to even bring himself to move a few feet over to his desk. The idea made her chest tighten, pained, as though someone had just speared her. She waved off the idea, convincing herself that she's thinking too highly of her existence in his life. The memories of him teaching with a distressed tired voice, outfit thrown together without a care, hair mussed from constantly running his fingers through it, were forced to the back corner of Rey's mind.

Clearing some books, all of them worn and dog-eared on some pages, Rey found a relatively thick book with some writing in it.

Opening it, she found messy but elegant handwriting in it. It looked aggressive, as the pen strokes ended sharply. No doubt it was Kylo's journal, but what was in it?

After languidly looking over her shoulder, she turned a few pages in, seeking near-by dates. Finding that the book was started the summer before school began, it wasn't too hard to find the first day of school.

-

I had almost forgotten how much I loathe this job. My first class was the worst out of all of them, as nearly half of the class was falling asleep. The time in between my first and second class, I ran into Armitage as I went to copy some homework. Things are still awkward, almost painful, and he still hasn't let our past die. There's an edge in his voice when he talks to me, or even about me, as I've heard from my Uncle. Thoughts of that night between us burn me like my father's cigarettes as a young boy.

During my second class, it was boring. Rehashing the same information from the first was always lackluster. The same goes for my third and fourth class. But, as I was running between my third and fourth, this girl from my second period stopped me. It was obvious she was freshman, as President Snoke made sure to give me two freshman classes and two sophomore classes to torment me. Though, she wasn't all that terrible looking. She was eager and desperate, asking help on homework I had assigned.

Me, being the asshole that I am, yelled at her in front of everyone. Why? Because I was low on caffeine. It was embarrassing, so I had to walk away from her. Definitely not one of my proudest moments seeing the horror on the poor girl's face, but hopefully I'll be able to make it up to her.

-

Classes were fairly regular today, as everyone was settling in, but I had the opportunity to have a meeting with that girl I yelled at yesterday. Her name is Rey and she's from Arizona. I brought her a cookie I had bought from my Starbucks run, and I was almost convinced that no one had ever given her anything nice in her life. Her eyes were wide, her mouth agape in shock. It was cute.

I don't need to be told that it's against policy to date students, as I'm painfully aware of as it's drilled into our heads almost every meeting. Though, I couldn't resist offering to tutor her. I felt in debt to her for yelling at her that way, as she was awfully kind and one of the only students of mine to actually  _ask me_  for help. I know that I come off as strong, but I feel like I have to. I don't want to be walked all over like Hux.

-

Rey had skimmed a few pages to their first tutoring session, a smile coming across her face as she read. It was enjoying to see inside the mind of Kylo, as it was complex and hidden.

-

I'm sick. I'm absolutely sick.

I tutored Rey today and everything went smoothly. Nothing crazy happened at all. I gave her a cup of Starbucks, tutored her, and that was it for the most part.

Maybe it's all in my mind. I truly hope it is.

She's so alluring and I can't help but feel as though I have to look my best in front of her judging gaze. I noticed how she'd stare at my arm as I leaned on the desk for support. How she'd keep her eyes on my finger dragging over the problem instead of the problem itself.

Maybe she's bored of math? Maybe it's hard for her to pay attention?

Either way, I ended up giving her my number. Now that I'm grounded from having my head in the clouds with her, I realize that it's a stupid idea. I don't need a college freshman to think I'm at her beck and call, but then again, there's a sliver of hope in me that she could simply call and talk to me.

It's ridiculous. I'm being pathetic. I need to learn to not be so quick to find a home in someone else.

-

Fluttering a few pages over, Rey's finger caught onto the night of her first college party. She began to skim, her heart racing.

-

I'm in too deep.

It was late at night, and Rey called. I was sleeping, but I answered, assuming it was some sort of emergency, which it somewhat was.

She went to some frat party and this asshole guy groped her and threw a drink on her. It sounds petty, but her voice over the phone physically hurt me. I'd be an absolute monster to scold her and go to bed. I may be an ass sometimes, but I have a sliver of good in me at least.

I threw on some random pair of clothes and went to go pick her up. She was a mess, like a lost pup kicked to the curb in the pouring rain. Mascara lines were down her cheeks mixed with her tears. I gave her my jacket, and felt her shiver under my touch.

When she told me what happened in the car, I damn near stormed into that party to beat the shit out of the "man" who did this to her, but she held me back. A strong part of me wishes that I did, but there was nothing I could do.

I ended up taking her for ice cream, and I had to order for her since she looked like a mess. The beer stain was obvious on her white blouse.

It was quiet. No doubt awkward as it's not common for your professor to take you to get ice cream. It was even more awkward that she was tipsy.

I mention that because on the car ride to her home, I stopped the car, and it was silent. It was almost as if neither of us wanted to leave. We looked at each other, trying to find something to say. There was something unspoken, and I felt it.

So strongly in fact, that I kissed her.

It was wrong for more reasons than one, and I'd be beating myself up for it if she didn't kiss me back. She leaned into me, and I was the first one to retract.

All I could do was apologize, but was I truly sorry? Perhaps the question is if I regret kissing her or not.

Time will tell, but it's no doubt going to eat me up forever.

-

Rey knew the rest of the story, so she fluttered through the middle portion of the journal. Moving over to the bed, sitting upright, she bit her thumbnail in thought as she read the excerpts from the past two weeks.

She noticed that his handwriting was more erratic and messy, as if he was writing in some sort of distress.

-

Rey wants to take a break, and it's all my fault.

I can't seem to wrack it around my head that I'm the biggest problem in her life, but I seem to feed off of her like a parasite. She's losing her friends, distancing herself from her grandfather (at least by what she tells me), and most importantly, she's been lacking sleep.

I keep trying to tempt her—staring at her longer, brushing fingertips like we normally would, but all to no avail. The thing I like about Rey is that she's stubborn, and when she says she'll do something, she'll do it. But it becomes a disadvantage when she's adamant on staying away from you.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I feel like a baby, not hearing her sly compliments and affectionate words. Most importantly, I just missed being close to her. Not just sex, but just how I'd hold her hips. How we'd hug and I would tower over her, maybe even going as far to kiss her head.

I miss all of it, but I'm useless.

If I try to step in and help, she'd get mad at me. If I don't do anything, I feel like I should do something.

It's especially difficult when I see her tired eyes, knowing she's suffering with me.

It's all so cruel

-

Today was probably the hardest days thus far. It's been one day away from two weeks, and I can't take it anymore.

I've found myself finding my solutions at the end of bottles, the only comfort in my life at the moment. Though, I have been doing stellar when it came to not making Rey uncomfortable. I've stopped the gestures, realizing that it was only making things worse for the two of us. No doubt it was taunting her in some way.

I nearly reached for a bottle of scotch tonight instead of sticking to one glass as I normally would, but I realized that I shouldn't let myself go down that dark path again.

I can't do that to Rey, especially after Hux.

I texted her. It was simple, but blunt. I couldn't stop thinking, wondering what that lingerie looked like that she had bought nearly a month ago. I had also remembered that I owed her a favor after selfishly confessing to my uncle, which I still deeply regret as it's all I hear about from him now.

She said yes, and-

-

"Enjoying it?"

Rey yelped, dropping the book as his deep groggy voice startled her. It shocked her out off the bed, now standing to look at him in horror.

He was only a few feet from her, more near the stairs. Bleary eyes and obviously tired by how he slouched, but he didn't seem angry. Though, having temperamental parents like Rey's, she couldn't take a risk.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, looking at her empty hands and then back at him like a deer in headlights. "I should've asked I-"

"It's fine," Kylo waved it off with his hand. "I don't have that much to hide from you, even though my thoughts are embarrassing."

He had lurked over to her, took her shoulders, and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you for cleaning up my room for me. I know it was messy," he murmured, pulling her into a lazy hug.

"Messy is an understatement," Rey finally cracked a smile, relieved to not be in any trouble.

Once he let her go, Rey bent over and picked up his journal, handing it to him.

"You write so well. My journals have the worst vocabulary because it's so casual but you-" her words caught in her throat for a moment as she was in disbelief. "Your handwriting is so nice. The way you write is fairly fluent. It's really good."

Kylo took the book with a slight laugh. "Would it be weird if I told you I write poetry occasionally?"

Rey's eyes widened, her smile too.

"I know it doesn't seem like... me. But it's to be expected when you're interest is English, right? Besides, many poets were male, like Oscar Wilde or Shakespeare-"

"You don't have to defend yourself to me," Rey assured, taking his shoulder and caressing it. The notion made Kylo's heart let out fat throbs, banging against his rib cage.

"I even happen to have one about you," he quickly moved to his desk. Rey watched as he hurriedly sat down his journal and searched for his book. It was moved by Rey, but it didn't take too long to find it.

It was amusing seeing how he roughly flipped through the pages of another journal he had, so determined to seek his poem.

Once he found it, he quietly handed it over to her, watching carefully as she read.

-

My limbs are weightless,

Carried by the stars of the night sky.

The darkness caressing me, planting kisses all over my damaged and weathered skin.

Who can love me so effortlessly?

I find quickly that the Galaxy is a woman,

Eternally youthful and carelessly loving.

Opening my eyes, I find her beside me in bed.

Staring into the core of her eye, I can still see the stars and nebulas shining brightly and violently.

I can only hope that she doesn't envelop me into the black hole of her heart.

-

Rey looked up at him slowly, trying to figure out what to say first.

Right off the bat, he had thought she hated it. "It's freestyle," he quickly defended himself, hoping it would cushion the blow.

"No! No, I love it!" Rey quickly clarified, before looking back down at the page. "I'm just confused. What do the last two lines mean, about my chest being a black hole?"

Kylo was quick to move to her side, clashing shoulders with her to look at the page.

"Oh. I meant it as more of me hoping you don't let me in. It's self-deprecating, I admit. Poetry is raw like that though."

Rey reflected on it, along with the other diary entries of his. "I see..."

She came to the realization that Kylo honestly thinks he isn't  _good enough_  for her. It was odd, considering that he was never truly upfront with his insecurities. Rey was nearly convinced he didn't have any, but he kept it so under wraps that he came off as unbothered. Feeling her heart crumble with each passing thought, she let out a deep breath.

"Kylo?"

He was quick to look at her, as the silence between them was nearly unbearable.

Cautiously, she stepped up to him and took his head in her hands, palms rested on his jawline as her thumbs grazed over his cheeks, over each mole or freckle.

"I need you."

His chest tightened, causing him to take her palms from his face and turn away back to his desk.

"You don't, though."

His voice was somber and low. It frustrated her that he even turned his back to her, shutting her out.

"I do," she sniped at him, clenching her fists. "I haven't been able to function without you. My nights are rough just  _thinking_  about you! I can't sleep. I find myself missing meals. Not that I had you to eat every meal with me, but I just... stopped caring."

She noticed that he had stopped organizing his desk, listening to her, hunched over. She continued.

"And I realized I needed you once things got quiet. Once it seemed like you were easily living without me. I found myself missing how you'd purposely have our fingers touch when I had to hand out papers. I missed how you'd look at me like I was the only person in the room. I-"

Her voice caught in her throat, closing shut as tears welled in her eyes. She watched through her blurry eyes how his head turned slightly, barely looking over to her.

"I realized that I need you to function. I took having a boyfriend for granted, and it scared me that all of this could've ended just because I was being selfish."

Finally, Kylo turned around, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried to fight back whatever emotion he was feeling.

"Boyfriend?"

Rey let out a short sob/laugh, smiling and nodding as she wiped her tear away from her eye.

"You don't give yourself the credit you deserve, Kylo. We long for each other the same way."

He was quick to move up to her and place his hand behind her cranium, fingers sinking into her hair, before pulling her into a long and deserving kiss. Rey accidentally broke it with a sob, wrapping her arms around him instead. It caught him off guard, as his hands lingered outward for a moment before wrapping around her.

Kissing him like that made her grateful. She didn't know if any of this was going to actually last, as in go as far as having a life with each other. If one thing was for certain, neither of them would let go so easily.

-

After getting over her spurt of tears, she and Kylo got ready for bed. It was easy for him to simply get changed and slip into bed, but Rey was a little more complicated. Not only did she have to change out of her costume, but she also had to figure out a way to remove her makeup. As she dug around his bathroom, he eventually walked in and opened a small drawer.

Rey watched, shocked, as she found that the drawer was filled with miscellaneous bathroom essentials like a toothbrush, razor, mini shampoo and conditioner, and most importantly, makeup wipes.

"While you were gone, I got ready for you to come back."

Kylo thought of it as a simple gesture, but Rey saw it as the whole world.

"You're going to make me cry again," she laughed, taking the makeup wipes.

He just let out a gentle laugh before bending down to kiss her cheek. "No more tears tonight, please."

The practice that seemed like it could've taken forever ended up being a mere minute or two. She was barefaced, which was a nice change compared to sleeping with her makeup on and ruining his pillowcases. If her face could talk, it would say thanks.

Crawling into bed with him felt satisfying, as it had been quite a while since either of them slept with someone. Yeah, Rey had Finn very rarely, but that was different. It was more awkward, as neither of them wanted to touch each other, even with feet.

With Kylo, she melted when he'd put his arm around her and quietly read. Typically she'd find him reading books that were very "out there" such as  _Persephone and Hades_  or  _The Age of Reason_ , but tonight he was reading the classic  _Fahrenheit 451_.

"You haven't read this before?" Rey asked, looking over the pages.

"Never got around to it," he admitted, eyes trailing the words. For some reason, Rey found it cute when he'd speak to her and read at the same time. It showed how invested he was into whatever book he was reading.

Sometimes, unable to sleep, she'd peek at the pages and read with him. As Kylo read more often than not, he was able to read pretty fast compared to her. Once he'd catch her reading with him, he'd slow down, waiting a few seconds to turn the page. Rey never knew he did this.

After him reading for quite a while, Rey was left plenty of time to think about his journal entries, wondering about the consistent upbringing of Professor Hux. It was gnawing at her, knowing that  _something_  unspoken happened between the two.

"Sorry," Rey shook her head, trying to wrack her head around it. "I don't like to distract you from reading, but I have a question that's itching to be answered."

Without hesitation or protest, he dog eared his page, closed it, and set it aside, taking off his glasses.

"It's fine."

Rey took a deep breath, turning more toward him. She couldn't find herself to look him in the eyes asking the question, knowing it was a breach of privacy in the first place.

"What happened between you and Hux? You kept referencing him in your journal."

She saw the exhaustion already on his face, and quickly backpedaled.

"You don't have to tell me, since I shouldn't have read it in the first place-"

"No, no. It all just sucks. But you'll find out eventually, and I'd rather you find out from me. To an extent at least."

Rey found that she was finally able to look him in the eye, which was relieving. He too turned toward her, almost as if he was preparing himself for backlash.

"Hux and I were romantically involved two years ago."

Rey's brow raised, confused.

"Wait, wait," she held her hands up, trying to put the pieces together. "So you're not straight. You're..."

"Bisexual," he admitted, almost if he was humiliated over it. "I didn't tell you because I was afraid it would scare you off. A lot of people think it means that you're into every one of both sex's when it's not the case." His eyes were brought to hers, a little frightened, admittedly. " _Does_  it scare you?"

"No. Not at all," Rey smiled, thinking it was silly of him to assume that from her. "That's not what bothers me. It's just... yucky thinking about you and Hux."

"I know," he slouched in bed. "To be fair, at the time, he was  _my_  professor. That's why being with you has been filled with me being cautious."

She assumed he was referencing when he apologized several times over kissing her for the first time, and the countless other times he asked if he was allowed to touch her, sexually. It all came together.

"Did Hux not do that with you?"

The question was heavy, as Kylo fought to spit words out of his mouth, searching the blanket, as if it would spell it out for him.

"No."

The answer was simple, but it didn't tell much. Rey didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything at all. It didn't matter, because Kylo clarified himself nonetheless.

"It's different between two men. There is no gentleness or sensibility. Only recklessness and hunger. Though, I was a senior at the time, but I was still his student. He'd purposefully fail me so I'd come to him after class. In reality, I was doing stellar, and I knew this because I would get straight A's in most of what I did."

He took in a deep breath, trying to recollect his thoughts. Rey leaned against him, showing that she supported him and loved him. Feeling his muscles relax under her touch, he continued.

"Despite his way of luring me in, I succumbed. I'll spare you the intimate details-"

"Thank you."

"But our relationship was rocky. We'd fight a lot. I'd drink a lot. He would threaten to tell my parents, and I would threaten to tell the school. It was chaotic."

Rey nonchalantly wrapped her arms around his waist. "What made you guys split?"

After she asked, it felt as though Kylo shrank away from her.

"I'd rather not say. It's not who I am anymore, and I don't want you to be-"

_Afraid? Worried?_

Kylo shook his head, stopping himself. "It's just irrelevant."

Not wanting to push him into a corner, more than she already had, she let it go. It was a topic for another time, and one they'd hopefully find funny over a few glasses of wine.

"Okay."

"After the breakup, I ended up getting treated for my alcoholism. I was forced to, as Hux finally told my parents. I can't blame him for that though, as I was reckless and spiraling."

Out of nowhere, he let out a bitter scoff, shaking his head.

"I think my parents were more upset that I was with a gay man than my alcoholism."

Reflecting on his parents, he took a slight pause.

"I'd like to blame my father, as he was a drunkard, but I'm the one who downs the bottle."

"But you've been doing well," Rey gave him a hopeful smile, running her hand up to his chest.

"I do get low points at times, but nothing as bad as then," he quickly assured. "I still have yet to cope with my traumas, but I've learned to deal with them. Poetry is a simple outlet, but working and reading are the best for me."

Rey knew this, as his bedroom was as messy as the old stock exchange rooms in the eighties. Though, none of what he said assured her, as it seemed as though he was bottling up his resentment, which would explode one day.

"And you have me," Rey sat up a little. "I know you're a bit reclusive, like me, but I hope you confide in me."

Kylo gave a slight smile before leaning over, giving her a gentle kiss on her cheek, before leading down to her neck.

Rey couldn't help but think and reflect, her hand placed at the back of his head, intertwined in his dark waves.

"Is our relationship anything like your's and Hux's?"

It caused Kylo to quickly move away and stare her down, more softly than expected.

"Absolutely nothing like it. I would never put you through that."

He gave her a final kiss on the forehead before reaching over for his book and glasses again, continued his reading.

Closing her eyes, she nearly fell asleep to the feeling of his chest slowly rising and falling. So much was on her mind, about Kylo, Poe, and even herself.

Maybe Rey should pick up reading as a hobby.

 


	20. Thankful

November quietly rolled into existence, with gentle temperatures during the day and nearly freezing cold air during the nighttime. It hadn't rained in quite a while, which made everyone in Boston doubtful of there being an abundance of snow this year.

The past month sucked for Rey, but only when it came to slight inconveniences. Since her and Poe were not on speaking terms, still, Finn couldn't pick her up in the mornings. It's not that he gave her up for Poe. If anything, he asked Rey several times if she wanted to be picked up, as Poe could drive. But Rey declined each time, not wanting to be the reason he and him split apart again.

This all meant that Rey had to take the bus to school on most days unless she was with Kylo.

Sometimes after school, he'd pick her up, and the two would spend time with each other lounging around, talking, until it was time for Rey to go home. Either that, or she'd spend the night and let Kylo take her to school in the mornings. It was a treat each time, as he'd buy her a coffee on the way. Though, it was always taxing since both of them had to wake early. Without fail, Kylo would wake up first and whip up a simple breakfast for Rey.

Their relationship finally went past the "odd" phase and morphed into something more meaningful. More addictive.

It felt normal.

Rey nearly forgot at times that she couldn't bring their relationship up to anyone besides Rose, Finn, or a complete utter stranger with small talk—not mentioning her boyfriend was her professor, of course.

Despite everything happening between her and Poe, Rey's days seemed average.

She lounged on the floor of Kylo's classroom, circling incorrect answers for him in red pen.

"Why do you use red pen anyway?" Rey thought out loud. "It seems scary receiving your papers, especially if it's a bad grade."

"That's the point..." Kylo murmured, focused on inputting grades into the college software on his laptop.

Rey glanced up to find him in his natural state. Glasses on the bridge of his nose, eyes narrowed at the blaring screen filled with letters and percentages, both of his large hands gently draped over the keyboard. Rey watched as his palm moved over to the mousepad, clicked something, and moved back to continue typing. Occasionally, he'd get frustrated or bored and run his fingers through his hair, pushing that wild curl that drooped in front of vision back where it belonged. In the process, it made his hair become more messy and disorganized, similar to the nights they'd spend together when Rey would purposefully give him a wild bed-head.

Rey was violently snapped out of the daydream when the door forcefully opened. Turning halfway, she found Hux in the doorway, completely ignoring her existence to stare down Ren.

"There's a Thanksgiving meeting later today at four. I felt the need to remind you, as Snoke was very displeased that you missed the last one." He gave a petty grin at Kylo, his creases becoming more prominent. Smugly, he looked at Rey, who ended up looking at Kylo, brows raised in intrigue.

"I'm not missing much, as it's always about diversity and campus clubs," Kylo brushed it off, rolling his eyes.

Rey turned back to Hux, who went from looking at Kylo, back to her. "And you... I need you to make a few copies for me in about ten minutes or so."

Kylo was quick to stop his work and turn to Hux. "She's  _my_  T.A. and she's doing my work right now."

"You call circling answers wrong  _work_?" Hux scoffed at him. He walked, his footsteps harsh and dramatic as he stopped beside Rey. He lifted up one of the papers she had finished, flipping it back and forth. "It's child's work. You can go through a stack of these, circled, corrected,  _and_ graded in the span of twenty to thirty minutes. She's been in here for what? Twenty-five minutes? Only a half a stack is done, and she's just  _circling_."

Rey didn't know whether to feel offended, embarrassed, or to just laugh at the fact that Kylo gave her such little work. She could do more, but Kylo always only gave her that and some little organizing. Some days, he'd even let her not grade at all, leaving her almost an hour to study or to do homework.

Turning to Kylo, she saw his cheeks flush with slight embarrassment.

"In ten minutes," Kylo muttered, turning back to his laptop. "Let her finish up at least."

"Finish up, or flirt?"

" _Hux!_ "

His voice was booming and honestly, a little scary. Rey couldn't help but crack a grin, trying her best to hide it behind her hand, shyly glancing up at Hux who cooly walked out of the classroom, satisfied that he had given Kylo a rise.

Once the door clicked shut, Rey let out a small laugh seeing Kylo riled up.

"It's not funny," Kylo tried to defend himself, straight-faced.

"It's not?" Rey laughed a little more, seeing him loosen up a bit.

"No!"

A slight annoyed laugh escaped his lips, which curved into a grin.

Rey, smiley, returned to her grading, now rushing to circle wrong answers. Despite them making the conversation lighthearted, it still made Rey insecure of her abilities. It was a challenge for her to work harder.

"So... thanksgiving break, huh..." Rey mentioned, now nearly as focused as Kylo. "What are your plans?"

"My parents are coming from New York. I'm going to be making dinner this year, which will no doubt be heavily critiqued," he sighed in dread. His typing became more aggressive as the conversation continued. "So this year, not only will my life be analyzed, but so will my cooking abilities."

"But you're a great cook. I don't see why they wouldn't like what you make." Rey stopped her work to look over to him.

Kylo could only shake his head. "Thankfully, you don't know my parents like I do. And I hope that you never have to meet them, as they'll dissect you like a pig."

Rey's eyes widened, a little scared at the statement. "Yikes... that sounds... fun."

Kylo scoffed. "That's a word for it. Anyways, what about you? Are you having dinner with your grandfather?"

Hearing Rey groan made him think otherwise.

"This year  _my_  parents are actually coming to have dinner with us. I don't even want to think about it, honestly. They want to see me since I'm in college now, but they normally have different intentions."

"Such as?"

"Stealing from us. Begging my grandfather for money to spend on drinks. It sounds ugly, sorry."

Kylo raised a brow, inquisitively. "Sorry for what?"

Rey shrugged. "I don't know. Whenever I talk about my parents or my old home life I feel like it brings down the mood and no one wants to hear it."

"Don't apologize for that. It's silly. I actually enjoy hearing about that raw side of you."

He did, as Rey's life was seemingly perfect, besides the one thing weighing her down being her anxiety, but other than that she had a nice home to live in, a loving grandfather to take care of her, and most likely her tuition paid off almost in full from scholarships and her grandfathers funds.

His healing words brought a soft smile to Rey's lips, as she continued to focus on grading.

"Thanks. Let me get this done before Hux belittles us anymore."

-

Most of Rey's classes didn't have much work for her to do during the small break. If anything, the only class Rey had work for was Phasma's, which was no surprise.

The day before Thanksgiving was the first day of break, so she buckled down and did her homework in full before lounging around her room before going downstairs to watch some movie with Grandpa Kenobi.

Curled up on the couch with a soft blanket, Rey's eyes were completely glued to the TV as Kenobi glanced over to her now and again.

"You're reminding me of your younger years," he randomly mentioned. "I'd put on some toons and you'd be absorbed into what I put on. It was like you were in a trance."

Rey shot him a quick look with a little laugh, before looking back. The random reminiscing memory was an ice breaker for the bigger question he wanted to ask her.

"So how do you feel about your parents visiting tomorrow?"

Rey let out a weary sigh.

"In all honesty, really shitty."

Kenobi let out a hearty laugh, as Rey would normally keep her obscenities down to a minimum around him. Perhaps now that she was older, things were changing in that aspect.

"I feel the same, sunshine. But remember, it's only for dinner and then they're gone. I made that very clear."

Rey ignored the TV for once and looked at her grandpa, visibly upset.

"Why do they even have to be here? They never spend Thanksgiving with us. Why now?"

Kenobi took in a deep breath, forcing a smile for Rey. "They're still my child Rey. But also, apart of me wants to gloat about how well I've raised you out of sheer spite. Your parents sounded so eager to see you though, and I can't deny a parent to their child. Though, I do try to keep it minimal for your sake."

All she could do was give a small nod and roll up into a tighter ball, looking at the TV. Rey couldn't argue with his mentality, even though it made things harder for her.

-

Rey spent most, if not all of Thanksgiving in her room. Occasionally, Kenobi would peek in and check on her, talk her up with a friendly lighthearted conversation before vanishing for another hour or two. Each time he'd leave, he would leave her door open just a little bit. Rey would sigh, get out of bed, and would close it behind him. She had wondered if it was his old forgetful mind, or if he intentionally did it. Either way, it got on her nerves.

After most of the day had passed, she heard a commotion downstairs. It sounded positive, as her mother and fathers voice muffled together with Grandpa Kenobi's voice.

The scent of fresh turkey and mashed potatoes danced around Rey's nose, luring her toward her door. She was starving, as she hadn't eaten all day due to simply forgetting.

Upon opening the door, the muffled tone shifted from positive to negative. Instead of hearing loud and kind welcomes, she heard hushed aggressive voices.

"Obi-Wan. We're struggling here. All we need is two hundred dollars for rent," her father gritted.

Kenobi guffawed at the statement. "And here I thought you really wanted to see your daughter."

"Rey is one of our priorities," her mom spoke up.

"But not your first?"

The silence pierced through Rey's heart. Not hearing her parents bite back in defense caused her eyes to water. The sentences following made her stomach swirl.

"Right," Kenobi hummed, annoyed. "I didn't expect as much as you tried to sell her for some cheap alcohol when she was a youngling."

"What has she done for us, huh? All she did was cry and bitch. She didn't realize how good her life was. Ungrateful. But now that she's in college, maybe she'll prove worthwhile. Make some money for us or something useful."

Rey didn't bother going downstairs, as she had already heard enough. Quietly walking back to her room, she hurriedly threw on a pair of clothes, some shoes, and a heavy dark jacket to keep her warm for wherever she was going to go.

Anywhere but here.

Upon reaching the steps again, she heard glass shatter and loud yelling. She couldn't make out the words as they were slightly muffled and spat out with too much malevolence for her to handle.

In one swift sprint, Rey stormed down the steps, hot tears pooling down her cheeks as she tried her best to keep her mouth shut, as she always had.

Some nights, Rey would imagine the number of times she could've fought against her parents, often toying with the conversations that could result from it.

All of the opportunities came to life when she struggled with the door, and her family caught her trying to leave. As she fumbled with the lock, a hand gripped her bicep.

"Rey-" her father tried, only to have her whip his hand off of her arm.

" _No!_ " Rey shouted at him. "Don't you  _dare_  try to talk to me like you care! All you do is want things from people! But you know what? You're not getting  _shit_  from me! When I'm in a successful job living my life, you'll be an afterthought. You hear me?! Not a penn-"

Like some harsh truth, there was a loud clap that nearly echoed throughout the room. Her father's hand slapped her so roughly, it pushed her against the door.

"What the hell?!" Rey's mother gasped, as Kenobi dragged her father away while she was frozen against the cold wood, nursing her cheek with her own hand.

Her face burned as if a million suns were focused on her cheek. The slap hurt much more than her face, but also her chest. It was tight, her heartbeat throbbing throughout her entire body in adrenaline.

Without wasting a second, Rey unlocked the door and ran outside into the freezing cold, leaving the door wide open.

She ran for about two blocks until she gave up, heaving and crying loudly into her palms at the same time. Aimlessly, she walked along the sidewalk.

-

Kylo was unamused as he opened his door, seeing his parents. The pair had a similar reaction, but kept it hidden.

As his mother was a politician, it was almost in her nature to keep up appearances. His dad, however, could give two shits.

"Hello, my son," she brought him into a stiff hug. "Happy Thanksgiving."

He could see right through the fake plastered smile on her face. Almost by instinct from his younger years, he gave a small fake smile, before turning to his father, who walked past him and into his home.

"I see you haven't fixed the furniture as I suggested," he huffed, his eyes scanning the room to look back at Kylo. "It'll do, I guess."

_It'll do? What would happen if it wasn't good enough? Would they have left? Would he have to throw the whole house away for its lack of style?_

Kylo had almost forgotten how hard it was to bite his tongue, as his snide remarks were buried in the depths of his mind.

His father glanced over at the dining table to find that it was completely empty. "Where's the food, Ben? Are we celebrating Thanksgiving or what?"

"Kylo," he corrected, for almost the millionth time in his life.

"That name was always unflattering, hm?" His mother chimed in. "I think Ben always suited you."

"That's because you named him, Leia," his father rolled his eyes, pulling out the metal dining chair and sitting down. "This is uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Kylo snidely told his father. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get the food."

Upon entering the kitchen, Kylo planted both of his hands on the counter and let out a heavy sigh. It had only been exactly two minutes, and he was ready to kill someone. His father was slowly making his way on to his hit-list.

Cautiously, he took out the turkey from the oven to find it was cooked to perfection. At least to him. Then, he moved the cooked potatoes out of the oven and onto the stove to cool off. Everything was cooked, but it was more of a priority for him to present it as warm and ready.

Leia stepped into the kitchen, and once she entered, it was impossible for him to kick her out.

"Mom. I have everything handled. Please sit down," he nearly begged. It was of no use.

"Obviously, you don't, as those potatoes are barely crispy. And where's the seasoning on them?" She walked over to them, taking the salt and throwing it onto them.

"They're baked in, if you actually look at the top of them," Kylo argued, clenching his fists in frustration to the point that his nails made crescent indentations on his palms.

"It could use more salt, Ben," Leia advised.

She had a manipulative way of making a demand come off as a suggestion. She suggested it could have salt, only after she coated it with the salt.

Kylo gave up, as he knew full well that she'd complain about them later no matter what.

After a mere ten minutes, with Han complaining three times of it not being ready, the table was properly plated with a variety of choices. It was almost like a traditional Thanksgiving.

Cranberry sauce, stuffing, turkey, mashed potatoes, and broccoli casserole was on their plates.

"I prefer green bean casserole," Leia shook her head, upset. "It's more... rich looking."

"Sorry I'm not one of your billionaire buddies," Kylo huffed, stabbing a slice of turkey.

After a small moment of silence, the topic changed to work. It always went back to work, with Kylo.

"So what's it like being a math professor?" Han smiled, for once, excited to hear.

"Lackluster. It's the same everyday, so there isn't much to discuss. But I am taking classes to minor in English."

Leia let out a somewhat hidden laugh. "What a useless degree. You'll never get a job with that."

"I don't want to get a job with it. I just want to learn more about it," Kylo replied, a little too harshly.

Without leaving a space in the conversation or giving a comfortable transition, Han spoke up, changing the topic immediately.

"Luke told us."

Kylo's eyes shot over to him. "Of what?"

"Your young girlfriend," Leia chimed in.

Kylo groaned, dropping his fork loudly on the plate to pinch the bridge of his nose. He closed his eyes, hoping they would just disappear when they'd open.

"She's not  _that_  much younger than me."

"But she's your student, Ben. I mean, you're going nowhere with her!" Han scoffed in disbelief and anger. "You won't get married or have kids. You won't have the life you're supposed to live."

"You're not worried about the life I'm supposed to live! You're worried about the life you  _want_  me to live so it makes you guys look better!" Kylo raised his voice in anger. "Besides, you and Mom are ten years apart in age!"

"That was different," Leia spoke with great vitriol. "It's a new age, and again, she's your student. Have you ever heard of a professor-student relationship that actually lasted?"

He loathed the way she stared at him, as if she cared. The only thing he hated more was the fact that she was right. It was uncommon. Damn near nonexistent.

"I-it's different," Kylo stammered, his argument falls apart. His parents judging stares burned into him, and it felt as though the walls were closing in on him.

"Don't tell us you actually  _love_  her," Han let out a laugh of disbelief. It sounded as if it was a petty taunt, to Kylo.

Finally, he stood up, his chair falling backward and slamming against the floor.

"I don't have to tell either of you  _shit_!" Kylo snapped. "I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted, but I never will be."

With that, Kylo threw the napkin that was on his lap to the floor and stormed out, taking his phone, keys, and jacket by the door as his parents desperately called his name, begging him to come back and profusely apologizing.

Slamming the door behind him, he found his way from the driveway to the sidewalk. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Nearly, he was convinced that one day his parents would give him high blood pressure.

Walking down the street was calming, as he had planned to only walk around the block and go back inside to finish eating with his pestering parents. His plan was thrown away when he saw a smaller figure approach him, head bowed, sniveling and sobbing.

"Rey?"

She raised her head, a little surprised that she had made her way to Kylo's house already. Knowing fully well he was in this direction, she didn't expect to actually find his home.

Nonetheless, she ran up to him and dove into his arms, sobbing into his jacket. She was shivering so hard that he could feel her nearly vibrate under his touch. It could've also been how she shuddered each time she let out a loud aching sob. Everything about the sight was so painful, and it was only going to get worse.

"Rey, what happened to your cheek?" Kylo asked, pulling her away slightly to get a look. Her face was red, but one side was far more red than the other.

"My- My-" she let in a deep gasp, clutching her chest as she tried to spit it out through her tears. "I-it's hard to... breathe." Her throat was so tight with emotion that she couldn't even get a simple few words out.

Kylo's eyes widened with concern as he looked around his surroundings. He  _could_  bring her home, but that would mean Rey would have to endure his parents. He'd rather let them sit out in the cold than do that.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything yet. Just  _breathe_. You're right here with me," he said under his breath, just so she can hear. His voice was a soft coo, the heaviness if it luring her back into a hug.

Latching herself back onto him in a tight needy hug, she started to take deep breaths, eventually mimicking his, as Finn had once done with her. Feeling his chest rise and fall as he wrapped his arms around her, running circles on her back with his large hand, was the only sanctuary she had.

"I don't want to go home."

The vagueness of it all mixed with her fragile voice was disconcerting to Kylo. He pulled her away and gently took her hand, filled with determination.

"Me neither. Let's go."

Rey was caught off guard as Kylo tugged her away from the spot she was standing in, causing her to catch up with him and quickly walk by his side. She was quiet. A little  _too_  quiet for Kylo's liking. It made her seem as if she was a few feet shorter than her height, small in every aspect.

His steps slowed down so Rey didn't have to struggle to keep up. After about ten or so minutes they found themselves at a children's park, abandoned and dark. The only illuminating area was a simple streetlight casting over a wooden bench.

"Let's go over there, hm?" Kylo suggested, looking down at Rey. She could just nod, tears still falling down her face. The cold air bit the streams running down her cheeks, even drying out her eyes just a little. Occasionally she'd find herself tiredly rubbing them, before quietly crying even more.

After walking a few extra feet, they sat down on the bench. Almost immediately, Rey's laid her head against his shoulder, tired from everything.

"What happened?" Kylo finally asked. It was the elephant in the room, and it needed to be addressed.

Rey dug her knuckle into her eye, trying to think of how to approach the situation.

"My parents came," she shuddered out a sigh, before roughly covering her entire face with her hands. " _God_! It's all so embarrassing."

"Just tell me," he placed his hand on her back, hoping to coax her to spill. "Let me in."

Rey violently sucked in a harsh breath before letting out a sob, turning toward Kylo. She took his hand, avoiding eye contact. It gave Kylo a proper chance to see the red mark on her cheek. It was a blurry handmark, but the rest of her cheek was mostly red from the cold.

"I was on the stairs and I overheard them and my grandpa." Rey's breath started to level out as she focused on storytelling. "All they wanted was his money. They didn't give a fuck about me. They're just using me, hoping I get some well-paying job to give them more money."

She looked up at Kylo, her eyes pooling with pained tears. He stared at her, glowering, listening intently. Her face was cast in yellow from the streetlight, harsh in every way, but Kylo saw her as a heartbreaking work of art.

"I went downstairs to leave and they caught me. Dad grabbed me and I shook him off. Like an idiot, I yelled at him. I made it clear he wasn't going to get anything from me." She took a deep breath, squeezing hand tighter.

"That's when he slapped me."

She felt Kylo's hand tighten around hers in anger. Seeing his jaw clench, she continued, speaking a little faster.

"It hurt. It wasn't the fact that he hit me. It was the fact that all this time he never cared. That I wasn't his top priority. That I was just an inconvenience. A mistake. That I'm nothing. That I'm-"

Before she could continue with the thousands of other degrading thoughts, Kylo's hand wrapped around the back of her neck and violently pressed his lips against hers, slightly parted. He crushed his eyes, feeling so passionately about her. Rey gave in, her body almost going limp as his kiss controlled her much like a puppet and it's master.

Once they parted, Kylo snaked his hand from her neck to her beaten cheek, making sure to be as gentle as possible. His thumb brushed away a fresh tear on her cheekbone.

"You're not nothing to me."

A few specks of snowflakes landed in his dark hair, obvious and contrasting. It was the first snowfall, and neither of them cared as they stared at each other full of love. Everything in the world oddly felt right, despite their circumstances.

"I love you."

The words didn't come from Kylo's mouth. No. It slipped from Rey's, as if she'd told him a million times before. It was natural and earnest.

Kylo tensed up slightly, almost as if he had placed an invisible wall in front of him.

"Don't tell me you love me unless you mean it."

"I do," Rey reached forward, through the wall, and grabbed his hand tightly.

Kylo stared at her, his amber eyes piercing. "Look me in the eyes and say it."

Rey stared him down, leaning close, their faces a mere inch or two away from each other.

"I love you. And I have never loved you as much as I do right now."

Without a moments notice, Kylo leaned forward and kissed Rey again, much softer and gentle. She kissed back, their lips slotting together like a lock and a key. Kylo found himself leaning over Rey with fervor, her grabbing his broad shoulders to bring him down with her. Her back pressed against the wooden seat, cold and hard. The snow grew heavy, gently licking their exposed skin from their jackets. All the cold, once so prominent, relinquished from the heat radiating from the couple.

The fit of kisses stopped upon hearing Rey's stomach release an obscene growl, Kylo's smirk breaking their kiss.

"Hungry?"

Rey let out a laugh. "Maybe."

Kylo grabbed the back of the bench and pushed himself up before helping Rey sit back up.

Before either of them could have a word, Kylo's phone buzzed.

Mom: We finished eating and took the leftovers, as you won't be eating them being home alone. Thanks for dinner. I'm also sorry that we upset you, and I hope we can talk about it more one day xx

Kylo pinched his nose and exhaled in frustration.

"Good news, my parents left. Bad news, they took all of the food." Kylo tried to rein his anger. Rey could tell it made him tense, so she took his shoulder.

"Maybe we can order some pizza?"

That earned a good laugh from Kylo, who looked over from his phone.

"A Thanksgiving pizza?"

Hearing it come from his mouth made it sound absurd, but Rey shrugged. "Why not?"

Kylo opened his mouth, trying to find a solid reason for them not to order, but he couldn't.

"Okay," he gave in, standing up. Extending his hand, Rey gladly took it and let him bring her into a half hug. His coat draped over her, shielding her from the fast-falling snow despite her already wearing a coat.

Rey had wished the mere ten-minute walk lasted for an hour, but the temperature was dropping nonetheless.

-

Reaching Kylo's front door, Rey watched as he briefly fumbled with the keys before opening the door. The lights were left on, and the smell of Thanksgiving lingered.

Taking in a deep breath, Rey sighed, longingly.

"I wish I could've had your fine Thanksgiving cuisine," Rey half teased. The other half was genuine, as not only was she starving, but Kylo was a good cook.

She heard him scoff near the dining table. His parents had left the plates there, completely finished with some leftover scraps. The fried potatoes were left on his mother's plate.

He turned and held up her plate. "Apparently the potatoes weren't good enough. And even when she coated them with salt, she still hated them."

"Wait!" Rey jogged over to him. "Would it be weird if I tried one?"

He held it out to her, allowing her to take the chopped potato with her fingers, tucking it in her mouth. Her face contorted, but not for the reason he thought.

"They really are that bad?" Kylo smiled a little at her expression. He found it cute, even though it discouraged him.

Rey shook her head, holding up her finger for him to wait. After digesting it, she was finally able to talk. "Too salty. But other than that it was good. I would've liked it better if it was warmer though."

"But it wasn't bad?" Kylo asked, assuming it was the absolute worst, by what his mother said.

Rey placed her hand on his bicep, running it up and down. "It wasn't the worst, if that's what you're asking. Don't be too hard on yourself because of your parents, okay?"

Rey didn't know it, but that was the exact sentence he needed his entire life.

"Okay," he exhaled, a soft smile splaying across his face. "Let me clean up and then I'll order the pizza."

"I'll do it. What do you want?"

Kylo halted in his steps, briefly thinking.

"Plain pepperoni."

Rey gave a harsh nod, reaching for her phone. That was when she had realized, her phone was at home,

"Shit," she murmured, frantically searching her pockets. "He's going to be so worried-"

"What's wrong?" Kylo looked at her from the kitchen, his arms in the sink.

After checking every pocket, Rey dropped her hands to her sides in defeat. "I didn't bring my phone. Can I use yours?"

"Sure. It's on the counter. My password is Star Killer," he told her.

"Like the punk rock band?" Rey halted in her steps, looking over to him in a sardonic manner.

"I'm still a moody teen at heart," he half-joked, slightly embarrassed that she even knew the band. It was pretty underground, but it did have a moment of bad publicity when the band sang about genocide. Despite that, Kylo found their music superb.

Rey walked over to the counter, typed in the password with a grin, and unlocked his iPhone. Thankfully, she felt comfortable enough to not be suspicious of Kylo, especially after he nonchalantly gave her his embarrassing password.

Looking up local and open pizza places, she found a relatively good one. She called, placed her order as she watched Kylo walk around and clean up, and then hung up. Rey stared at the phone for a moment, debating on whether or not she should call her grandfather.

_No. It'd be too risky. He could see Kylo's number and get both of them caught somehow._

Rey set the phone back down and sat on the couch, waiting for Kylo to join her.

-

About twenty minutes passed by, and the doorbell rang. As Rey focused on what they were watching, Kylo planted a kiss on her cheek and went to answer the door. He walked back after mingling with the pizza boy, paying him a fine tip, with the piping hot pizza in hand.

Once he set it down on the table, Rey's eyes diverted from the screen to look at it in all its glory.

"It smells so good," she sighed in relief, as he opened the cardboard box. It nearly felt like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning. Kylo was hungry too, as he didn't eat much from his plate at the time, so he felt the same effect.

Quickly, he grabbed some paper plates and brought over some toppings for the pizza.

The two of them sat beside each other on the couch, lifting the warm pizza from the box, the gooey cheese holding on for dear life on the other slices, and placed it on their plate after taking big bites of it. The sauce coated their tongues, the pepperoni adding the needed zing. It was absolute heaven.

"This definitely beats whatever I made," Kylo murmured, eyes set on the screen.

Mouth full, Rey glanced over to him. "I doubt it."

She could see a hint of an almost smile from him.

After spending hours watching some show they dedicated themselves to, with Kylo slouched in the couch and Rey nuzzled into him, she lazily looked over to the kitchen clock. It was one in the morning, and started to feel guilty for not coming home.

"Kylo?" Rey looked up to him, which he flinched at, as he was nearly asleep.

"Hm?" He quickly looked down at her, bleary-eyed.

She let out a soft laugh, running her hand up to his chest, latching onto his shoulder. "I think I should go home now, before my grandpa calls the police or something."

Sadly, it wasn't a joke, because Rey knew fully well Grandpa Kenobi would call them in a heartbeat. She could already imagine them in front of the house, him anxiously rattling off her details as he'd hug himself in the cold. The idea saddened her, which was why she had to go.

"Okay," Kylo stretched his arms forward before yawning. "Let me just wake up a little."

Languidly, he leaned over and placed a sloppy kiss on her forehead. Getting off of the couch, he took the leftover pizza and brought it to the kitchen. Rey turned off the projector and walked over to the door, taking her jacket off the coat hanger and shrugged it on her shoulders, shoving her fists through the heavy sleeves.

After waiting a short period of time, Kylo turned off every light but one—the living room light. It was dim, so it didn't reveal the entire room through the large windows in the front.

Once the front door was open, the cold rushed in, invading the warm home. The snowfall tapered, now a few soft specks floating down from the sky. Despite the gentleness of it, the ground was slippery and coated with snow.

"Watch your-"

Before Kylo even had a chance to warn her, Rey slipped on the step—almost cartoonish, like a character slipping on a banana peel—and fell down the remaining three steps, her bum slamming against everyone.

" _Fuck_!" Rey reeled in pain, only to have Kylo cautiously join her side.

"Are you okay?" He asked, crouched on the stable ground.

Rey took his shoulder and pushed herself up from the ground, sore. "Yeah. I'm just not used to the snow. In fact, this is the first snowfall I've ever witnessed firsthand," she winced, placing her hand on her lower spine.

Kylo stood up straight. "Ah. I was wondering how my girlfriend could be such an idiot."

It earned him a rough backhand slap on the shoulder, causing him to laugh a little as he tensed up. It also resulted in Rey trying to hide a smile, poorly at that.

They continued to his car, hurriedly getting in to turn on the heater. Once he started it, they were both met with a blast of frigid cold air. Kylo was quick to turn the dial toward the red, as Rey hugged herself, bracing the cold.

As soon as the car heated up, Kylo pulled out of the driveway and drove down the road, slowly. With the fresh snowfall, that meant the roads were slicker.

Rey enjoyed looking out the window at the small piles of snow accumulating on people's lawns and roofs.

"Hey, Rey?"

She broke away from her trance and looked over to Kylo, as he was focused on driving.

"If you're ever in any dangerous situation, don't hesitate to call me. I don't care if I'm at work, or home, or it's some silly holiday. Okay?" He glanced over at her, making sure to let her know that he meant it.

"Okay," Rey nodded. "Thank you by the way."

"For?"

"For putting me first. Obviously, my parents could never," Rey rolled her eyes. "And for listening to my tragedies. And for the tasty pizza."

Kylo grinned at the last sentence.

"Don't forget that you can text me. If you need to vent or something, I have my phone by my side, always."

That was a lie. Often, he'd leave it in his bag at work or even sometimes leave it at home. Knowing that there was a chance Rey could text him or call him, he'd make sure to keep it close.

Rey nodded once more, not knowing what else to say. As the silence filled the air, Rey found his free-hand on the manual and intertwined it with hers, bringing it up to her lips before languidly resting it between their seats.

Once Rey recognized her street, she spoke up.

"Drop me off a few houses down. I don't want to get caught tonight."

"Are you sure? I'd prefer if I saw that you safely made it inside," Kylo protested slightly. It was out of good spirit, so Rey sighed and gave in.

"Then park your car a few houses down and drop me off. That way you can see me walk all the way home," she gave a cheesy smile, a little taunt to him.

Kylo did as told, parking only three or four houses down, turning off his headlights to avoid suspicion.

Rey wearily looked at the dark sidewalk leading to her house, not wanting to go back. But there was no turning back.

She looked over to Kylo, who stared at her almost in longing. It was obvious he wanted her to stay, by the way his hand absentmindedly clutched hers slightly tighter than before.

She gazed at him, offering a silent smile. It was apologetic.

 _Sorry for leaving you on a heavy-hearted night such as this_.

"I love you," she told him, her heart buzzing as she said it.

The two leaned in for a long yearning kiss.

"I love you too. See you... Monday?"

"Hopefully sooner than that," she popped the door open. "I'll be thinking of you tonight."

The statement was out of the blue, but it tugged one of Kylo's heartstrings. The fact that he belonged in someone else's mind fed his ego. A mere few months ago, nobody gave a shit about him or who he was. Now thoughts of him simmered in the mind of the woman he loved, and often thought about himself.

The car door slammed behind Rey as she walked down the sidewalk that felt like forever. Once she made it to the lawn, she heard a loud creak, followed with Kenobi rushing down the stairs.

"Rey-" He forced out, before forcing her into a hug before her foot even touched the pavement to her home.

Almost immediately, tears pooled the rim of her waterline as she hugged him back, her face dug into the junction between his shoulder and neck.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, as he placed his hand on the back of her head, nursing her as he did when she was a child, when she used to have night terrors.

"Don't be," He hushed her, swaying her back and forth now. "I'm just glad you're home."

She pulled away, looking past him at the house, and then back at him. "Are they-"

"Gone. They aren't coming back either. I made that quite clear with your father," he assured her, before taking a look at her cheek. He was almost as gentle as Kylo, but had more of a motherly force to his touch.

The hand-mark was gone, for the most part, hints of red still burned into her skin, but Kenobi could still see it.

"Bastard," he muttered to himself, becoming riled up all over again. "Let's get you inside and in bed, hm? We'll have our own leftover Thanksgiving tomorrow. I didn't even give them a chance to eat."

Rey was content that her parents didn't have the Thanksgiving they desired and hoped they starved for the night.

-

Kylo watched as Rey made it down the sidewalk and was caught in the arms of her Grandfather. The sight was special, warming his cold soul.

Seeing how Rey easily fell into his arms made Kylo jealous in some form. He so longed for a moment such as that to happen with his parents. Each hug was for normalcy and show, and nothing else. Even with Hux, the only hugs were after being fucked.

There was a softness to Rey. One that he still hadn't gotten used to. It was clear when each time he would say something self-deprecating or admit to never being appreciated, she'd fill that void he craved for so many years. For the longest time, he assumed he'd die bitter and hateful, but Rey changed him, and she didn't even know it.

Thoughts of having a tradition of Thanksgiving pizza  _every_  year danced around his mind, but failed to bring it up due to the fear of them not lasting for a year. Not only that, but the fear of scaring her with the thought.

Yes, she called him her boyfriend and yes, she confessed her undying love to him, but the thought of losing her was terrifying.

He didn't know what shell of a human being she was going to pick apart and leave behind.

 


	21. Torn

The spines of books felt dirty under Rey's touch, her eyes scanning over the leather, hoping to find a good read. Her eyes narrowed, her nose scrunching slightly at an obscure title, before she continued down the shelves.

A large hand was placed on her shoulder, causing her to sharply inhale. Turning, she found Kylo looking down at her with a hint of a smirk.

"Find anything?" He asked in a low hum, making sure to keep silent.

"Not much. This library doesn't have  _that_  much I'm interested in," Rey told him, looking around. There were several bookshelves, no doubt as they towered over her, the mazes of bookcases making it easy to get lost in. However, most of the books were information based, not particularly fictional.

"You're not looking in the right section," Kylo told her matter-of-factly, which made Rey huff.

"I know how a library works, Kylo."

There was a rough throat clearing from some thirty-five-year-old women with thick glasses and a cooky colorful outfit. She shot them a glare before putting her nose back in her book about anime.

Kylo tsked at the bitter woman, before putting his arm around Rey and guiding her to another section. The library was mostly empty, besides around ten or so people. Not many bothered to go out into the heavy snow, as the wind chill made the temperatures much worse. It was also a little past lunchtime, as everyone was still working.

The only reason why Kylo and Rey weren't in the university was because it was winter break, meaning they had a whole two weeks to themselves, to an extent. Kylo had to do class prep for his next semesters class, and Rey had all the time in the world.

It was a little sad, knowing that neither of them would have a class together again, but Kylo made sure to make her his TA the next semester, which was fine with Rey. Admittedly, having him as her professor was not only risky, but it was boring hearing him drone on and on about calculus.

"You know, I really don't know what to expect from this library date. I mean, it's romantic for ten minutes, until you realize you can't speak to each other," Rey said, much quieter than before.

Kylo moved around her, his palm gently dragging from her hip to her spine. "Trust me. You'll like it." His eyes fixated on some books along the top shelf. Rey couldn't help but stare at how his brows furrowed as he tried to read some text. She had almost forgotten he needed reading glasses.

" _The Art of Travel_ " Rey read aloud to him with a small smile.

He let out a sigh, closing his strained eyes for a moment. "Thank you. I didn't feel like taking them out," he referred to his glasses.

Rey moved away a little to search for a book,  _any_ book at this point, to read. One that she could at least bare for an hour or so.

Kylo could see the frustration on her face and decided that Rey was right. It was boring.

So he decided to spice it up a bit.

Lurking over to her, he went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, leaning down to kiss her cheek and neck. Rey let him, swaying side to side as she continued her search. Suddenly, she felt his hand—slightly cold from the general freezing temperature of the library—tuck beneath her waistband.

Rey gasped and grabbed his hand.

" _What are you doing?!_ " She hissed, terrified.

"Don't worry. This is the Travel genre section. No one ever comes over here," he playfully whispered in her ear, his lips slightly grazing the tip of it. The hairs on Rey's neck stood on end, feeling his warm breath against her skin.

He moved further down anyway, his two fingers tucking around her folds before he brought them back up to her clit, moving his hand in circular motions. His hand quickly warmed up against her touch.

Rey tried her best to come off as normal, in case anyone  _did_  come by, but she couldn't help but pant slightly. Her hips were sent backward onto Kylo's crotch by pure instinct. She didn't intend to arouse him, but she did, as he pressed against her.

Moving from her clit to her dampened entrance, he pressed his fingers into her. Her breath hitched in her throat, completely giving up on acting like she was searching for a book. Her eyes went up to the ceiling, searching for any cameras. It was an old library, so there were none. Besides. Who would steal a travel book?

Kylo hit a heavenly spot, and as a result, Rey let out a moan a little too loud, throwing her head back against his shoulder. Clamping his hand tightly around her mouth, he lowered to her ear again.

" _Rey. Don't forget we're in a library. It's indecent to be so loud,"_  he teased her, feeling her smile against his palm. Then he continued to pepper kisses on her neck, tilting her head to the side.

Quickening his pace, Rey shuddered throughout her entire body, letting out moans and whimpers into his palm, her eyes closed tightly from the intense feelings bursting inside her.

His hands slowly pulled out of her pants, slightly pruned from her natural wetness. Letting go of her mouth, she continued to breathe heavily.

"You're absolutely  _mad_ ," Rey said, on the verge of laughing in disbelief.

"Am I?" He raised his brow. "I think I would be mad if I did something like this."

Rey covered her mouth in shock as Kylo placed his fingers in his mouth, one at a time, ending the last one with a pop against his lips.

"Color me impressed, concerned, and turned on," Rey looked at him, before turning her back to him, walking over to another section with a little more pep in her step. Kylo looked down at himself, making sure he was decent looking, and followed her like a lost puppy.

-

After spending too long searching, Rey had found a book, as Kylo found his in two seconds flat.

The two of them found a nice table, conveniently away from that thirty-something-year-old woman, and read. Their chairs were side-by-side, making it easier for them to lean against each other.

The idea of a library date confused Rey. She didn't expect much to happen from sitting down together and reading. It sounded boring and uninteresting.

She was met with the opposite. It was easy to enjoy the simplicity of being able to lean against his shoulder, his warmth surging through her between their fabrics.

"Kylo," Rey snorted, turning her book to him, trying to conceal her laughter. "Look."

He looked at her for a brief second first, before his eyes looked down at her book, where her finger pointed out the word  _dick_.

Kylo responded by giving her a completely unimpressed stare, returning to his book, causing Rey to laugh a little more. Once her laughter died down, quickly for the sake of staying quiet, she returned to her reading.

Only a mere five minutes after, Kylo tapped her wrist, catching her attention. She looked at his book, his index finger pointing out the word  _booty._

Rey cackled into her hand, not expecting it from Kylo. He let out low laughter in response, unable to remain poised and stern as he normally would be.

The two would do this each time they found a silly word or sentence in their book, which not only encouraged them to read, but gave them a good laugh.

After some time had passed, they decided the library was getting a little old, and that they could read there all day. Not to mention, the weather outside was only getting worse as the skies grew darker, snow falling heavier.

The drive home was a little longer than normal, as they went to a library far from the university to remain undetected. It was doubtful that any student was studying in the library, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Kylo opened his house door, which engulfed the two in the heat like a big warm hug. Rey rushed in, shivering, rubbing her arms in hopes of heating up quicker. She kicked off her boots almost immediately.

Kylo closed the door behind him, looking at his cold girlfriend, who was shrugging off her heavy black jacket.

"Did you eat lunch today?"

Rey shook her head, hanging it on the coat rack.

"Breakfast?"

"I slept in and spent too long getting ready," she tried to defend herself.

He tsked at her, almost in a scolding way. "No wonder why you're so cold. I'll make us some sandwiches."

"Thanks. Do you mind if I lay in your bed for a little while? Reading always makes me sleepy," Rey asked. Also, the cold stole whatever energy she once had away.

"Sure," he moved over to her. His curved finger rested under her chin, tilting it up so he could give a kiss. "I'll bring it up to you, okay?"

"Mmmm. Sounds good."

The two parted after Rey stole an extra kiss and hiked up the steps. Before she flopped on the bed, she glanced over to his desk to find it nice and neat, besides the two books in the center, nearly identical. Rey identified them as Kylo's journals, but was confused as to why there were two instead of one.

She picked one up and skimmed through it, finding that it was the most recent one she had read. Setting it aside, she grabbed the other journal, flipping to the first page. Right off the bat, the journal was much thicker than his current one, meaning that it was either older or for something else entirely.

To her surprise, it was marked as being from two years ago. So much had happened in that part of Kylo's life that Rey hadn't had a clue about, as she was constantly left in the dark each time she asked.

All she knew was that he had an alcohol problem and he dated Hux and had a rough breakup, but not much else. Her curiosity got the better of her, much like the last time. She bit her tongue, wanting to ask Kylo if she had his consent to read it. What stopped her was the idea of never knowing that part of him.

Never being able to understand him.

Rey flipped the page to the first entry, taking in a deep breath to brace herself.

-

Today embarks my first-last day of school altogether. That is unless I pursue more classes after I get my masters in mathematics. I'm still toying with the idea, but of course, Han and Leia don't like the sound of it.

I hate them. All these years of doing what was asked of me, demanded of me, never gave me any satisfaction. Ever since I was a child I had hoped they would at least acknowledge my efforts, but I've only received bitter criticism and scoldings.

I'm getting distracted, writing this, as that's in my mind on a constant loop. Today was the same as all of my other first days of class. There was a syllabus, a layout of the semester, and so on and so forth.

I'll write more later on if I don't drink tonight.

-

Rey frowned, seeing that he didn't write more. It was then she realized that this book probably held his deepest traumas and struggles with his alcoholism, and she couldn't help but keep reading as her father was an ugly alcoholic. She wanted to grasp how bad Kylo truly was.

-

I'm actually deserving of love. Despite it being... unconventional, I've found it. I found love in the man that teaches me basic mathematics, a class that I had skipped my first year due to it being boring.

His name is Armitage Hux, or better known as Professor Hux during the day. I ended up spending more time with him than intended, as my grades were somehow depleting in his class. Still, as I'm writing this, I don't quite understand how they came to be so low, as I'm almost always correct when it comes to math. Despite that, he promised to raise my grades only at the cost of a cheap coffee date.

I couldn't resist, so I went. That was when we chatted and found that he was insufferable. His ego was overbearing, his smugness suffocating me. But he was alluring, no doubt.

Despite his flaws, he seems to be the only person who listens to my problems, offering some advice.  _Genuine_  advice.

It made me wonder if there was an actual functioning human being in there.

After two more dates of trying to seek his core, he invited me to his home. I agreed, as I thought there was no harm in doing so. Besides, I knew what we both craved from the start. All these filler words were keeping us apart.

He was the most skilled sexual partner I have ever had. Though, I shouldn't give him too much credit as he no doubt had many more partners than I. He was experienced, as shown by the memorable positions and tricks he used with me. My dick throbs at the thought of going back on his velvet couch, getting mercilessly fucked by my professor who constantly tells me to shut up and do what he asks.

And I'll obey, over and over again.

-

Rey couldn't help but be at least a  _little_  upset reading about how her boyfriend fucked someone else. Especially how he described his feelings toward it.

_It's the past_

Rey tried hard to remind herself that as she continued to read.

-

Hux and I were at some gay club in downtown Boston and the night turned out worse than intended. It was supposed to be a fun exploration, as we were trying to find a willing participant for a threesome. We toyed with the idea for a few days until Hux finally dragged us out.

I lost interest completely when alcohol was presented to me by some drunken man. Bored, I took the drink, and drank more and more. I was lucky I wasn't drugged, but even if I was, Hux would've noticed my absence. Would he?

Anyway, I got plastered and saw Hux getting a little too touchy with another man. It lit a fire beneath me. It felt as though he was moving on from me to some other willing young man.

Recklessly, I walked up to him and poured my drink over his head. No one around us cared, as they were drunkenly dancing to the music, but Hux was insulted.

I stormed out of the bar, tears flooding my eyes until I felt his bony hand take my shoulder. I slapped him off and told him to just leave.

That was when he talked me down, relinquishing the fire of anger that burned inside me. It was the softest I had ever heard his voice, and he broke me down into tears.

I told him how I was so used to being unloved, and he listened, holding me in his arms.

I wondered if he actually meant what he said as he fucked me not ten minutes later in the back of his car. I will always wonder if he really does love me, like I love him.

-

Rey flickered past some pages, as it was more sex details she didn't want to beat herself up over. She knew she should stop while she was ahead, but felt all of the answers to the questions she'd constantly asked were embedded into these pages.

Staring at one particular page, she saw his handwriting look almost like chicken scratch. It looked like this one time before, which was when she had been away from him a month ago. As she read his words carefully, having some difficulties making them out, her eyes widened as she covered her mouth in shock.

-

I'm writhing.

In a way, I'm scaring myself.

I'm angry, seething, unable to stop seeing the red that floods my vision even after so many hours.

I also made a mistake.

Earlier tonight I had too much to drink, which I rarely admit to anymore. If I admit to being too drunk, the feeling will be stolen from me. Alcohol is my only constant, and it shields my eyes away from my current life. If anything, it places rose-colored glasses over them. I forget who I am and how shitty my life is and how terrible my parents are.

It's not rare, me drinking. However, no one sees it.

Hux has, tonight being the second time. The first being in that bar, which was only the tip of the iceberg. He has seen the deep ocean, the roots of the said iceberg.

We were having an argument over absolutely nothing. It's March, which means that I no longer have his class. This also meant that he was driving me absolutely insane. He also didn't particularly like not having the title of being my professor under his belt, as that turned him on. He loved having authority over me, and maybe I did too. But now that was gone, and we went from Professor Hux and Kylo Ren, to just Armitage and Kylo.

The entire day we were in a pissy mood, like most other days. Apparently, Hux had a tough time with a rowdy student, and I had gotten a mediocre grade on a test. Everyone else had the same grade, but I was raised to think that if a grade wasn't perfect, it was a failure. That's beside the point.

It was an argument over whose turn it was to take out the trash. Then it somehow spun into Hux inching toward me in seduction. Apparently, he gets horny when steam is coming out of my ears, but I wasn't returning the favor.

A small note to add. Being borderline black-out drunk, all that I'm saying is lacking too much detail, so I'm sorry for that. Anyways, I shoved him off of me and asked how many lovers he's had before.

He refused to answer of course, but that said enough. I knew he had so many, as he was too skilled in bed. I asked, as the question had been boiling within me for months. It was pure jealousy, of course, but also curiosity. It made me wonder if I was anything different to him. Was I just another one of his sex dolls, who'd eventually be popped and shoved into a closet? Or did I actually mean something to him?

Was I actually loved by someone?

The argument got heated, ending up with me crying and screaming at him. He'd yell back, telling me to calm down and get over it. I couldn't, and threw a tantrum like the child I am. I threw plates at him, about three. I missed him each time, as my aim wasn't impeccable. The sound of them shattering against the wall and falling to the floor made tensions rise.

Finally, he rushed me into the wall, pinning me against the brick. Staring at him, I could see how angry he was, until it turned into something else. Something close to fear, but not quite. Concern?

That was when he told me, his voice shaken, that if I didn't get ahold of myself with drinking, he'd tell my parents.

It was the ultimate betrayal. The fact that he would tell my  _parents_  of all people, made it feel like he didn't love me at all. He wanted to see me suffer, as he knew exactly what repercussions I'd face with them.

I snapped.

Recklessly, I threw my fist, slamming into his face three times. Once near the eye, another in the cheek, and lastly, on his cheekbone.

I watched as he stumbled over, catching himself on the counter, cowered away as I neared him.

I would've battered him more, if he hadn't let out a sob.

The sorry sound escaping his mouth was like a pair of hands shoving my chest, right where my heart was. I had never seen Hux cry. Let alone see any other emotion from him besides lust and bitterness.

I had torn down his walls, after he had already torn mine down over and over the past few months.

All I could do was leave, knowing that no words could fix the situation. Walking home, sobering up, was possibly the worst part out of all of it.

I wish I could forget it all with a bottle of liquor, but he did end up telling them, and I'm set to appear in an AA meeting tomorrow.

I hate the bastard and everything he's done to me, but no one should have their walls torn down as I have.

-

Hearing footsteps near the steps below, Rey frantically set the book down, praying it was as she had left it.

Her hands trembled, as she had suddenly felt as though she was in a monsters den.

Repeatedly within the span of a few seconds, she visualized poor Hux doubled over, sobbing, hurt. Then the next burst of seconds allowed her to remember the few times Hux had approached her with concern.

Even from the beginning when he'd look at her in class, more than others. How he reached out and asked if all was well.

_"I know it's unusual," Hux began, his accent subdued. "But if you need any advice or help, don't be afraid to shoot me an email. Surprisingly, I'm not your enemy, Rey."_

The room nearly spun around her, as if the world had changed its rotation. She felt like an absolute fool, not seeing the subtle hints before. That's when she thought about Luke, and the occasional question of whether Kylo was treating her well.

_"He's just had a troubling past, but many of us have had one. I'm sure he's told you-"_

About the beating. About his alcoholic rampages.

"Rey?"

She turned quickly, and stared at him as if he had just threatened to kill her.

Concern swept over his face as he neared her, only to stop when she took a step back.

"What's wrong?" His voice careful and sturdy. He had never seen her so out of her element before. She was as pale as a ghost, her eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

"I-I..."

_I read your first journal. I know everything. I know one day you'll hurt me like you hurt Hux. I know you'll hurt me like my father hurt me._

"I feel sick." The sentence was forced out of her caving esophagus. "I want to go home."

"Are you sure? I can make some-"

" _Please_ ," she begged, her voice straining.

Kylo let out a sigh, looking her over. Her being sick made sense as she was too pale in the face to be healthy. Not to mention the tremble in her hands, making it seem like she was cold.

In reality, it was her anxiety skyrocketing, forcing her into a panic mode. It almost felt like her body was shutting down on her, but she had to save face. He couldn't know.

Rey slowly moved down the steps, making sure to not haste. Kylo would become confused and ask why she was in such a hurry, which would lead to more complications. Her only goal at this point was to go home.

"What about your sandwich?" Kylo asked, his foot touching the last step.

"I really feel ill," Rey declined, shimmying into her jacket.

Kylo made his way toward the kitchen nonetheless. "Well, let me at least wrap it for you since I won't be eating it."

There was slight irritation in his voice, which pushed Rey closer to the edge. She had no idea what would happen if she went over that edge, and didn't want to know.

Her eyes followed him as he calmly wrapped her sandwich in plastic, a deep frown set into his face. It was silent and uncomfortable for those two minutes.

He stepped out of the kitchen and handed her the sandwich, which she gingerly took, averting his gaze.

Knowing that he wouldn't get much out of her, he proceeded to open the door and let them outside. Snow was whipping around in the wind, making it feel almost like a blizzard. The cold felt like it was cutting Rey's face, her cheeks bleeding red as a result. She rushed to the car, making sure to watch her step and not slip.

Once Kylo turned around after locking the door, he saw Rey already by the side of the car. Their eyes met momentarily until she gazed away.

He unlocked the car with his key, which she quietly got inside. Kylo followed, starting the car and pulling out the driveway.

"The weather is getting pretty nasty, hm?" Kylo tried to make small talk.

Rey silently nodded, looking out the window. Kylo made a double take at her, wanting her to interact with him.

"Did I do something wrong? Was it the library? Because we don't have to do that ever-"

"No."

There was an edge in her tone, which made his stomach churn like a child in trouble.

"Then tell me, because the Rey I know wouldn't go home over a stomach ache."

"And the Kylo I know is someone who I don't know at all," she bit back.

"And what the fuck does that mean?" Kylo looked over to her, a bitter laugh springing from his voice.

Rey could only shake her head, biting her cheek and looking away. Her arms were tightly crossed on her chest, her hands digging into the back of her biceps.

Kylo couldn't look away from the road too much since it was slick with black ice, so all he could do was silently grip the wheel, his jaw clenched and brows set in thought.

"It's not fair to be mad at me when I don't even know what I did wrong."

No response.

It only made him more frustrated, and he ended up speeding slightly out of habit.

They hurdled toward an intersection too quick, and Rey began to brace herself.

"Kylo, slow down," Rey finally spoke, looking over to him frantically.

He hit the break gently, but the car ended up gliding down the road, no break in sight.

"C'mon..." Kylo gritted as he laid his foot down on the break. The car refused to stop as fast as it normally would. A car slowly moved through the intersection, crossing their path.

" _Kylo!"_

The car swerved slightly, passing the intersection line a little too far, coming to a complete halt a mere inch away from the car who honked at him before driving off.

Kylo punched the horn, which blared loudly in Rey's ears.

"FUCK!" Kylo screamed, hitting his forehead on the steering wheel.

Rey's hand was hovering over the door handle, ready to leap out and run if needed. Tears filled her eyes as she was absolutely  _terrified_.

He had almost killed her over sheer frustration. She could've only imagined how he could've reacted if he was fuming with anger.

Taking a deep breath, he raised his head and murmured: "I'm sorry. I just got scared."

"You're angry. If anything, you're scaring  _me_ ," Rey told him, letting her hand drift from the door handle.

He looked over to see how worked up she truly was, so he tried to bring his hand to her cheek. As soon as she saw him near her, with catlike reflexes, she grabbed his hand, moving away from him a little.

"Rey-"

"I'm a few more houses down," she let him know.

She heard his defeated sigh and watched as his hand dropped. Quietly, he continued to drive down the street, taking the hint.

Once they halted in front of her house, Rey opened the door almost immediately.

"Rey, wait-"

The door was slammed in his face, and she hurried down her pathway. Kylo got out of his car, the cold biting his skin.

"Rey!" He hollered, one last desperate reach.

He was ignored, as Rey rushed up the steps and slammed the door behind her. The warm made her skin tingle, as she was defrosting from the freezing temperatures.

"Rey? You're home early," Grandpa Kenobi approached her. "Is something wrong?"

Rey firmly shook her head, her nails digging into her palms. "I'm fine. Finn and I almost got into a car crash and I got a little shaken up from it. The car skid and we almost hit another car."

"Oh my. That sounds quite scary," he promptly gave her a tight hug. "I'm glad you're okay."

Rey leaned into his hug and held him tightly, closing her eyes to try and avoid any tears. Kenobi has a feeling that something else was going on with Rey, the same feeling he had been for the past few months.

"You'd tell me if there was anything else wrong, right?" Kenobi asked, careful to not have her push him away for some odd reason.

He could feel Rey slowly nod, gripping his shirt tightly.

"I have to run some errands," Rey told him, her voice heavy. Unwrapping her grandfather, she left him to stand and watch her run up the steps.

He frowned a little, as he never enjoyed seeing her so distraught.

Rey was more than distraught. She was tormented, as she got no enjoyment seeing Kylo so desperate to understand her. It wasn't fun hearing him yell, or having them bicker. They never acted so immature before; Rey giving him the silent treatment and Kylo throwing a mini-tantrum.

Rey climbed the steps and immediately went onto her computer, her mind in a flurry.

Realizing that she never truly knew Kylo was both terrifying and painful. At the same time, after reading his journal entry, she felt she knew him almost  _too_  well.

It sent her flying back to the past, when her father would chuck bottles at the wall. Little Rey wailing in fear and her mother shielding her from her father's curses and shouts, before he'd vanish into the night and not return until the morning, profusely apologizing.

Rey had always hated how easily her mother would forgive him. Even if she didn't, she'd fall in love with another man who would do the same thing but worse. That would be when her father would swoop in and remind them that he could be worse, even though her father was pretty damn bad.

All her life, Rey was afraid of being like her mother, falling into the hands of the wrong man.

Like a broken record, various thoughts of Kylo throwing those plates at  _Rey_  played over and over, her heart rate accelerating.

Her fingers splayed across the keyboard firmly.

" _Professor Hux,_

_I know about everything that had happened between you and Professor Ren._

_I desperately wish to talk, preferably today._

_\- Rey Kenobi"_

 


	22. Tea

_Rey,_

_Here's my address. We'll chat then._

_\- Professor Hux_

Rey had looked at the email for the third time, her hands trembling from standing and walking in the bare cold. Looking up, across the street, she found that it was the right complex.

Hux lived in the heart of Boston, where the noise was constant and the people were persistent. His building was ginormous and was no doubt expensive.

Her footsteps were harsh and determined as they sunk into the thick layer of snow, a loud crunch sounding from each step. She shoved her hands in her pockets, sniffling a little as she neared his building.

Relieved to know that she wasn't lost and the bus ticket wasn't a  _complete_  waste, she let out a warm sigh, a cloud escaping from her dry lips.

Hux lived in a lavish apartment complex, the building with beautifully aged brick, grand windows, and a pretty nice security system. As she walked toward it, she noticed the trees lining the sidewalk, dead. She could only imagine them in the springtime in full blossom, how beautiful the complex would look then.

Rey tried to not spend too much time looking around as it was freezing out—at least to her. Everyone around her acted as though it was a typical day in Boston.

Making it to the small lobby, she laid her finger on the buzzer of his apartment.

" _Hello_?"

His voice came out crystal clear through the small speaker.

"It's Rey."

Without a moment of hesitation, the door unlocked and the buzzer rang for a solid five seconds. Upon walking in, she found that there was more of the lobby to look at. The tiles were white, the walls to match with a dark mahogany accent. It all led to an indoor pool and a gym, along with another help desk and a flight of stairs.

Rey wanted to run to the indoor jacuzzi and cannon ball into it, but she was here for more pressing matters.

As she hiked up the stairs, she felt herself thaw out a little. There  _was_  an elevator on the floor, but it was broken.

After finally reaching his floor, she lightly knocked on his door, her heart racing. She was anxious, but what's new? The fact that she's at  _another_  professors home made her feel uncomfortable in a weird way. It also could've been the fact that Hux did weird sex stuff with Kylo.

The door opened to the legend himself, draped in a luxurious velvet red robe which complimented his pale skin. His hair was damp and flat, as he had probably taken a shower before Rey arrived.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He stepped aside, allowing her to cautiously walk in. She couldn't tell if his crooked smile was bitter or sincere. Either way, it looked painfully forced.

Looking around, she found that his entire apartment was painted velvet red with dark wood accents. It would seem tacky if his apartment wasn't so chic. All of his appliances and furniture were sleek and modern, all of them matching with a simple black shade. It seemed like everything Hux owned had to be a "statement" piece, even when it came to himself.

"I made tea," he moved over to the kitchen. Somehow, it sounded like a demand. That he was telling her to drink tea. Thankfully, Rey loved the beverage and appreciated the sentiment, as Hux seemed to be awfully self-centered. Yes, he had his concerns for Rey, but normally he'd be more focused on his own needs first and rarely think of others.

Rey took a seat on the barstool where the kitchen island was and watched as Hux passed the tea toward her. His mug was also black and sleek, like everything else in this damn place.

"Thank you."

Her eyes moved over to the edge of the counter, where he was allegedly thrown at, sobbing. Looking up, she found the wall where Hux had shoved him against. It physically hurt imaging all of the events that conspired on that night.

Promptly, she held up the mug, gently blew air into it, and took a sip. It was pretty good for tea. It almost made her laugh at how Kylo loved coffee and Hux seemed to like tea. The two of them really were oil and water, which made her wonder why and how they dated in the first place.

"So, did he tell you on his own?" Hux questioned. Before Rey could reply, he could see it in the way disappointment swept across her face. He guffawed. "Course he didn't. The bastard loves to pretend it never happened." It was followed by a bitter head shake as he sipped his tea.

"I read his journal. To be fair, it wasn't my place to be reading it. But once I did, I made him take me home right away. He still doesn't know that I know," Rey sighed, nursing her cup.

Hux set down his mug and leaned on the marble counter, chin in palm. "So what  _do_  you know?"

He was so bold to Rey that she felt weird describing an event that only he and Kylo knew about. Hux could see her struggle and scoffed.

"I'm not sensitive to the subject anymore. I'm still bitter, yes. But you won't see me cry over it," he assured, hoping it would coax her into talking.

A surge of assurance swept through Rey, and she rattled off all of the information she knew up until the very end. Hux listened to all of it, nodding and even grinning at some points. Once her words ran out, he stood up straight.

"Okay, you have one-third of that correct," he told her, lifting his cup. Just as he was about to take a sip, he halted and pointed at Rey. "By the way, if Ren argues about his story being correct, remember that I was the sober one throughout the entire relationship."

Rey could only nod, eyes wide. After watching Hux take a few gulps, he finally set down his drink and began to, as Finn would say it, spill the tea. After his sigh, he looked down at his cup with a bitter and pained grin.

"Ah... where do I begin with Ren?"

"The start of the relationship?" Rey offered to jog his memory.

"Do you  _really_  want to know how I wooed your boyfriend?" He asked in a rather dull way. Even the word 'boyfriend' sounded strange in that sentence.

"After reading his journal, I feel like I already know too much about your... affairs... but indulge me." Rey leaned forward slightly, intertwining her fingers together and resting her chin on top.

Hux was a little taken aback at first, but ended up talking.

"He was smart, and I knew that by his last name. The Solo's are well known to the university, as they've donated numerous times and Skywalker is a brilliant professor. I've heard rumors here and there, about how he was a mathematical prodigy and would never be stopped. I guess you can say I wanted to slow him down." Hux gave a smile, looking at the wall as he reminisced. "So I gave him a C on his homework, a few times. I was surprised he didn't come to me the first or second C, but finally, he came to my office hours. I played it off, of course, as giving bad grades is against policy and President Snoke would have my head for that. Ren was so mad, and I should've seen it then as a warning sign. Instead, I saw it as a cute quirk, and found it sexy the way he stared at me with absolute hate in his heart. I imagined... no no. That's too much."

"Tell me," Rey demanded, applying some force to each T. "I want to hear all of it."

Hux gave her a strange stare, but shrugged and continued.

"I imagined him hate-fucking me. So I gave him a proposal. If he wants good grades, he can either go through my lame tutoring, or go out on one date with me. I wasn't forcing him to do anything, as I saw the way he looked at me in class a few times. He agreed and then we went on a date. It was some shitty little ice cream shop near the university," Hux waved off the idea.

Rey's heart violently dropped to the pit of her stomach. She didn't want Hux to see that, so she stood up straight and continued to listen, squeezing her own hands tighter.

"Anyways, he started off as a booty call. Then after we did... everything... we'd talk. I'd give him something to drink to warm him up, and lying in bed with him made me realized how fucked up he was. I mean, I've only heard good things about his parents of course, but he told me otherwise. I could tell he had problems, but I was only his fuck buddy, so why should I have to babysit him?"

"That sounds a bit cold," Rey murmured. "I mean, why couldn't you put your pride aside and help him?"

"I didn't know the extent of it. Not to mention, he didn't want me to have any part of it," Hux defended himself, staring Rey down, before moving on in the story. "Later on, about two or three months in, he and I had done a lot together, in bed. It was getting boring, however. So, of course, I proposed that we added a third person. That was the goal-"

"And you went to a gay bar and Kylo got jealous and dumped a drink on you?"

She watched his eyes widen, surprised that she had actually got that bit right.

"Yes, actually. I was just talking up this guy to have a threesome and Ren got defensive. I apologized, even though I had no reason to, and offered to make things up with sex in the back of my car, and that was it."

"Interesting," Rey hummed, trying to force the image of her boyfriend and Professor Hux having sex out of her mind. "Now what about that night when he hit you?"

"Hit is a light term for it," Hux scoffed. "He beat me bloody and mercilessly! I wanted to finally help him with his alcohol addiction, and he didn't take it well. As soon as I mentioned his parents, he wailed on me. My nose was bloody, my lip was cut, and the bastard even gave me a mild concussion. I was on the floor, blubbering and pathetic, and he had the nerve to tell me that fucking will never make me the whole man I lead onto be. The days afterward I was nauseated and had the worst headaches in the world, from the concussion of course. In amidst all of that, I contacted his parents and told them. Call me a snitch, but Kylo was troubled."

Rey covered her beet red face, trembling at the thought. "Oh my god..." she violently shook her head.

Hux watched and felt sympathy for her, as he also once cared for Kylo. Somewhere deep down, he possibly does, still.

"I say he  _was_  troubled. I don't believe he is now," Hux admitted. "Once I found out about you two, he went through lengths to try and save your relationship. He even  _bribed_  me with actual money." A hint of a laugh came from his voice.

Rey slowly raised her face from her palms and looked at Hux, listening desperately.

"But he hurt you. Aren't you mad?"

Hux shrugged nonchalantly, taking his empty cup and setting it down in the sink. "I was for a while, but he got help. Then he matured and became my colleague. Despite our squabbles and whatnot, I don't  _hate_  Ren. Though, he is a pain in the ass, as I am to him. I was worried for you at first, thinking that you'd end up like me. Yet here you are, pristine."

Rey suddenly felt guilty and let her eyes become downcast. She felt almost ashamed for judging his past so easily. Almost. She was still hung up on the near car crash they had almost been through.

Kylo still had anger boiling inside him, and it scared her.

Returning to the counter, Hux leaned over it slightly and stared her down until she inevitably met his eyes.

"Reevaluate your relationship, Rey. You're better for him than I ever was."

Rey took his words with a grain of salt.

Taking a stand, she took a deep breath.

"Thank you so much, Professor Hux. I have some things I should probably do, then."

"Please," he scoffed. "At this point, just call me Hux. It sounds weird now when you call me Professor after that conversation."

Rey flashed a smile, despite her heavy mind weighing her down. As she reached the door, Hux halted her with his loud voice.

"Rey?"

She turned on her heel.

"Would you like a ride home?"

"Thank you, but I think I'll take the bus home to gather my thoughts."

Hux only nodded and returned to cleaning his dishes. With that, Rey left his fancy apartment and exited the building.

It felt as though Kylo himself was grabbing her heart, squeezing so tightly that it may burst. Her throat was tight at her own thoughts, her footsteps sinking into the ground as she inevitably stopped, letting out a shuddered sob amidst the swarming crowd of people flooding the sidewalk. They all moved around her, as she was just another obstacle in their busy day.

Rey walked to the bus stop and waited, shivering from both crying and the general cold of winter. Civilians waiting for the bus would give her a shy glance, out of curiosity, before inevitably ignoring her.

Once the bus pulled up, Rey was the first to get on. Immediately she pushed herself to the back corner where no one sat, except a kind old man with glasses reading the newspaper.

Tugging her sleeves up to her palms, she roughly wiped the tears away from her cheeks as she let out labored breaths. She knew what she was going to do, and the idea hurt more than anyone could imagine, but it felt necessary.

She had thought of a million different ways to say it, and all of them ended horribly. Her stomach flip-flopped, her chest tightening, and her hands shook even more so than before.

Upon reaching her home, she rushed up the steps and locked herself in her room. She stared at her phone for a good five minutes, her thumb hovering over his name. It only took her accidentally tapping the contact to force her to talk to him.

It only rang once, and she could hear his heavy voice over the phone.

"Rey-"

"Listen to me," she cut him off, her throat so tight, she nearly choked.

He was silent and allowed her to say her piece.

"I know it was wrong of me, but I read your journal... your old one. I know everything. About you and Hux," she introduced.

There was radio silence over the line, and all Rey could hear was Kylo struggling to find the right words and her heartbeat throbbing in her ears.

"That was then, Rey. I've changed," he promised, almost in a pleading manner. "I would never hurt you like that. He isn't you. What happened today... I don't know how to defend that."

"Exactly, because you're not okay yet. You have some problems you need to work out, and I can't help you with that." Rey said it more as an attempt to help him, but it came off hurtful to Kylo.

"That's priceless coming from you," he muttered. "You keep on about your anxiety, but when will you fix your own problem and medicate yourself? God, go to a fucking therapist, Rey! I can't be that for you either!"

Kylo had also meant that in a helpful way, but much like Rey, it didn't.

Tears were streaming down her face as she let out a shaken laugh in disbelief.

"Wow," she said, almost breathless. "By the way, thanks for taking me to the same ice cream place you took your ex to. That really makes me feel special."

"I didn't put that in my journal."

"You didn't put a lot in your journal, as Hux told me," Rey gritted her teeth. She hadn't meant to throw Hux under the bus, but it was all she had. "You gave him a concussion! In the journal you made it seem like you slapped him around a bit!"

"I didn't want to remember it like that, and I've apologized a million times for it. But let's focus on the journal for a minute. Why the fuck would you read that when you knew exactly how private it is to me?"

His voice was harsh, causing Rey to cry more.

"I just-" she cleared her throat. "I wanted to see how you were since you never really tell me your actual thoughts."

"That's why you ask instead of rifling through my personal journals," Kylo blatantly told her.

"I know," she pressed her palm against her forehead as she paced around the room. "I'm sorry—"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I think we should end this. I regret all of it. Me, you, what we did. It was just all temporary. I mean, how far would this—whatever  _this_  is—go?."

"Rey, wait. Please." She could nearly hear his heartbeat over the line, his breath trembling. "I won't be able to function without you," he pleaded, his deep-set voice becoming shaken and concerned. She was chipping away at his core.

"You're not making this any easier, Kylo. I'm hanging up."

"Rey wait-"

Immediately, at the press of the button, it was over. Rey let out a sob and crouched down, dropping her phone onto the floor as she wept on her knees. Her phone buzzed a few times as she cried, and almost twice she nearly picked it up.

There was a gentle knock on the door and a slight knob jiggle.

"Rey? Is everything alright?" Grandpa Kenobi asked in a soft voice.

Weakly, Rey stood up and opened the door, revealing her tear stained cheeks and her hot red face. Kenobi's face quickly turned into fear as she latched onto him, a sobbing mess.

"I've been lying to you!" She let out in a jumbled mess. "I'm so sorry! I should've told you sooner!"

"About what, Rey? You can tell me anything. I won't be mad," he coaxed her, rubbing circles on her back. "Let's sit on your bed, hm?"

Gently, he guided her to the edge of her mattress and placed his arm around her in a supportive hug.

"You'll be mad," Rey sniffled, trying desperately to wipe away her tears, only for another one to follow.

He smiled at her, an attempt to calm her. "I won't, I promise."

Rey stared at her buzzing phone on the floor, trembling.

"I've been dating my professor."

Kenobi's eyes widened a little in shock, and could only imagine the absolute worst. Thoughts of Rey being blackmailed and abused crossed his mind, but she immediately stopped that.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, I think. He's really nice and was always patient with me and always made sure that everything was mutually agreed on. He never pressured me and he never manipulated me. And he's not old either. He's twenty-five, which is kinda bad but if you really think about it-"

"So  _that's_ Kylo," Kenobi finally connected the pieces.

Rey bit her lower lip, a weak attempt at holding back a sob. She nodded painfully. "I'm so sorry... I didn't know how to approach you with it and I've only had Finn to talk to, and then all of this stuff happened with Poe and-"

Her breath hitched in her throat.

_Poe._

He was right about everything, and Rey felt incredibly stupid for not listening to him.

"Take a deep breath, Sunshine. The last thing you want right now is an anxiety attack," he tried to soothe her, rubbing her back slower. "I'm just glad you're safe."

"It's just... complicated right now. I mean, I think I ended it."

Kenobi let out a heavy breath, feeling both stumped and relieved. He didn't know how exactly to approach this, but he tried his best.

"For right now, just do what you feel what you need to do for yourself. Don't think about Kylo or your friends. Focus on you. All of this stress won't allow you to make conscious decisions."

Rey nodded, taking mental notes of his advice. He was usually right with just about any advice he gave her.

"Okay," she breathed. "But I need to see Poe."

"Do it tomorrow when you've had some time to heal," Kenobi advised.

Rey nodded and leaned on his shoulder. "Thank you for not hating me."

Kenobi let out a hearty laugh and used both arms to hug her.

"I could never hate you, Sunshine."

 


	23. Wallow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank you guys for the sweet comments :) Next chapter is gonna be tomorrow since it's a bit of a cliff hanger ;) Hope y'all enjoy!

_This blizzard isn't letting up one bit! As you can see from the future forecast, the winds from the coast are causing a nasty wind chill which is making it seem colder than it is! Bundle up and get ready to shovel your driveways for the next two weeks, because this isn't going away any time soon!_

Rey switched off the TV and closed her eyes with a sigh. It had been three days and she hadn't stopped crying.

Pathetic.

That's what she continuously thought of herself, not only for crying so much, but for even getting into the mess named Kylo in the first place, knowing fully well how it would end up.

Shifting from her bundle of blankets, she reached for her mug of hot chocolate and began to sip. Cabin fever was creeping up on her, despite having the company of her accommodating grandfather.

Kenobi constantly asked how she was, and Rey would reply with a dry 'fine' before sulking away. He went out into the freezing cold to buy her some Ben and Jerry's ice cream along with some of her favorite candies and cookies. It made her feel better, but it certainly didn't fill the void in her heart.

As she laid on the couch and in bed, thoughts of Poe began to harass her. It almost felt like she couldn't get a second of peace and quiet without thinking about either Poe or Kylo.

She knew she had to do something.

Rey forced herself out of the nest of pillows and thick blankets and went upstairs to change into a fresh pair of winter clothes. She didn't care much for her appearance, as she knew she would cry her makeup off anyway, and that all of her cute clothes were too thin for the blizzard.

As she walked down the steps, Kenobi happened to pass by.

"Rey!" He said, almost in a scold. "You're not going out in this weather. It's dangerous."

"I need to see Finn and Poe. I can't rest with them on my mind," Rey pleaded.

Kenobi exhaled, knowing that she was going through a hard time. Knowing that seeing her friends could heal her in some way, he allowed it.

"Okay, but I'm driving you. The last thing we need is for you to catch a cold!"

Rey smiled, relieved that she didn't have to experience frostbite or other ailments from the cold. She patiently watched as he wrapped himself up with scarves and jackets, taking his keys before forcing the door open. The snow was barricading them inside the home, forming a thick layer in front of the door.

Hurriedly, they carefully rushed to the car, both wanting to not only get out of the cold as soon as possible but also to not slip and fall on their asses.

Upon getting into his car, he turned on the ignition and immediately turned up the heat. It took a while for any hot air to come through, but after a solid five minutes, it did. All either of them could do was sit quietly, hug themselves, and listen to the Christmas music faintly on the radio as they looked around the car's surroundings. They couldn't see much as frost covered the windows until the defroster solved that issue.

Kenobi began to drive slowly, cautious to drive into ruts created by droves of cars plowing through the snowbanks. After more time than anticipated, they were finally in front of Poe's apartment.

"Call me when you want to leave, and I'll drive back here. Don't try to walk home," Kenobi demanded, giving her the caring but stern fatherly stare.

"I will," Rey smiled, before happily moving out of the car and saying her small goodbyes. Kenobi did the same until Rey shut her car door.

Rey entered the complex, freely walked up the steps, and knocked on his door.

Her hands trembled, but she couldn't tell if it was from the cold or anxiety creeping up on her. Without warning, tears began to flood her eyes.

The door cracked open to find Poe, hair mussed with old and beaten pajamas on. It looked as though he hadn't been out in a few days, which wouldn't be surprising given the weather.

"Rey? The hell are you doing here?! There's a damn blizzard outside!"

Rey raised her sleeve to her cheek, an attempt to catch her falling tears. "I-I'm sorry, Poe. I should've listened to you about Kylo and now I look like an idiot."

Poe's confusion quickly turned into a concern, as he realized how distressed Rey was, how her hair was sporadic, her face bright red, eyes puffy and darker, and her entire image shattered. He wasn't seeing Rey standing in front of him, but an empty husk of a human being. It made him tense, as it felt like he left a puppy stranded in the cold snow.

" _Who is it?_ "

Rey glanced past Poe for a split second in search for Finn, before meeting Poe's gaze again.

"I shouldn't have come," Rey turned on her heel and hurried off. It was rude of her to come so unannounced, intruding on Finn and Poe's time together. It probably only made Poe hate her more, if that was even possible. Rey's mind raced with new regrets.

"No—Rey, wait!"

Poe grabbed Rey's upper arm and pulled her back toward him. Her eyes were doe-like, as she didn't expect him to desperately pull her back.

He stared at her and let out a shivered huff, a breathy cloud whisked away with the wind.

"I'm glad you came, actually. Please, stay. You'd be crazy to walk home in this weather."

Rey knew in the back of her mind that her grandfather was going to pick her up, but she nodded and followed him inside. Once the door closed behind her, warmth engulfed her. As she took off her boots, she heard footsteps approach them.

"Rey!" Finn was about to break into a sprint and hug her, until he caught a glance at her worn face. He looked at Poe fearfully. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Poe took Finn's shoulder and leaned into his ear, speaking quietly, but loud enough for Rey to hear.

"Give her a minute to cool off, yeah? Do you mind making some hot chocolate or something?"

Finn nodded, looked at Rey with a pitiful stare, and then retreated to Poe's kitchen.

Rey shrugged off her jacket, snow falling onto the floor. She was about to profusely apologize and insist on cleaning it up, but Poe caught her as soon as her lips parted.

"Don't worry about it. It's just water."

Rey let out a distressed sigh and pressed the pads of her fingers into her tightly closed eyes.

He gently took her under his arm and guided her toward his white couch. Being in Poe's apartment was a change compared to being in Hux's for Rey. Poe's aesthetic was for everything to be white. The walls, objects, bookshelves, the remote, you name it. Usually, people think that a white room means the person is clean and freakishly organized, but in Poe's case, he was too lazy to mix and match colors so everything goes together, so he sticks with white since it's basic and bland. Poe is a simple man. Additionally, his bedroom is a complete mess; borderline hoarder.

Poe gazed at her and took her hand tightly, reminding her that she could still feel.

"What did he do to you?"

Rey's lips parted and her breath slowly hitched as she tried to string the right words together. "He..."

"Cheated? Hurt you? I swear to god if he laid a  _finger_  on you-"

"He lied."

Poe shut his trap and listened, knowing it was probably what she needed most at the moment. He was right.

"I-I mean, he could've hurt me. I guess he emotionally hurt me, but nothing physically, yet."

Yet? Would he truly physically hurt her? The thought of him reeling his fist back, aiming for her cheek replayed over and over in her mind, but would he actually do it? The question was asked repeatedly, and no matter how many times she ran in circles trying to answer it, it would never be resolved.

"Rey," Poe snapped her back into reality. Rey blinked quickly and met his eyes. "Talk to me. It's alright. You're safe."

She exhaled and watched as Finn brought in three mugs of hot chocolate on a tray: one shaped as a Stormtrooper helmet, one with little planes flying around clouds with lines trailing it, and one with a basic white marble design. Rey's hot chocolate, in particular, had jumbo marshmallows, whipped cream, chocolate syrup drizzle, and a candy cane sticking out of it. Finn and Poe's mugs are as basic as they get, with small marshmallows only.

Rey finally cracked a smile as she cupped the mug in her hands. "Thank you."

She then proceeded to explain everything to both of them, from reading the notebook all the way until the breakup call. They listened throughout the entirety of the wild tale without making a single comment.

In the same breath, Rey looked at Poe and said: "I feel like a complete idiot for not listening to you. You were right, and I'm sorry for letting an unrealistic romance come between us."

Poe took a quick sip and set down his mug with a heavy sigh.

"Now see, that's where you're wrong."

Rey's brow raised in confusion.

"I should be the one that's sorry. My head was stuck up my ass and I couldn't put my own pride aside to be there for you when you needed me most, and Finn here made me realize that." Poe placed his arm roughly around Finn who cracked a smile. "But I felt like it was too late to talk to you about it, so I just left it."

"And I told him that you'd be open to forgiving him, but  _somebody_  was too scared," Finn teased Poe, which earned him a playful slap on his shoulder.

"I need your guy's advice, as a successful couple," Rey pleaded. "What should I do?"

Finn lovingly grinned at Poe, gazing into his eyes. "Hear that? We're a successful couple..."

Poe rolled his eyes at Finn, but took him by the hand and squeezed it. "Well, I think it's healthy that you're both taking a break. It's good to have some time away from each other, especially since it sounds like he's been with you nearly every day. Not to mention the stress of him being not only older than you but also being your professor."

"I agree," Finn nodded. "But it also sounds like he really does love you, Rey. No offense, but I think he loves you more than your father ever will."

"Too far," Poe shook his head at Finn.

"No, no. He's right. My father is a piece of shit," Rey defended Finn. "Continue."

Finn shrugged. "I feel like he's proven to you time and time again that you're not just a cheap fuck. He not only put his job on the line, but he also spends so much time with you. This doesn't mean you're in debt to go back to him, of course. At the same time, it  _is_  risky to have a relationship with someone older than you since both of your maturity levels and experiences are different. But it all chalks up to one question. Does he make you happy?"

Rey nodded violently. "He made me very happy! He's done so much just to put a smile on my face, even if it meant sacrificing everything. But..."

Silence filled the air as Rey dug deep down into his faults.

"But he lied, and he betrayed my trust."

"And  _why_  did he lie?" Finn hinted at.

Rey's eyes widened a little in realization. "To make me happy?"

"Let's slow down there," Poe held up his hands. "Lying to make someone happy his shitty, period. They need to know how to handle you when your not happy, and accept it."

Finn sat up and took Poe's shoulder. "Oh! For sure! I'm not excusing him lying to you. If you do go back to him, he needs to be held accountable, Rey."

Rey nodded, absorbing everything they had just said. "So should I go back to him, or should I live my life as a normal college student?"

"That's entirely up to you," Finn blatantly told her.

Poe nodded in agreement. "This is the point in your life where you have to make the best decision for yourself. The answer won't happen overnight, so don't feel pressured to run back into his arms."

Rey had so direly wished they would have told her to stay away from Kylo, but they didn't. She was afraid to go back to him, as he had the capacity to hurt her, much like her father drunkenly hurt her mother.

"Okay," Rey blinked a few times in thought. "Thank you guys, really."

Suddenly, Rey's phone had buzzed for the third time that day, and she knew exactly who it was.

"In lighter news, Poe and I were about to watch Shape of Water. It's supposed to be really good. You wanna watch?" Finn took a stand and began to try and find the remote.

"Are you sure I'm not intruding your guy's private time?" Rey felt bad that she had come uninvited and sudden.

"No! Really, if you weren't here, we'd be bored out of our minds with cabin fever. Plus, we need to make up for lost time with each other," Poe gave a cheery wink.

The buzzing in Rey's pocket stopped, and she began to feel like a normal eighteen-year-old again.

_____

Kylo tensed when he heard the robotic voicemail woman tell him to "leave a message after the tone" and hitched his breath as he hadn't planned the message he was about to send.

_Beep_

"Rey, phone me back, please. I just want to talk. I'm sorry I hurt you." He closed his eyes tightly. "I love you so much, I can hardly bear it sometimes. I'll tell you everything I have ever done, as long as that means that I can have you back in my life."

He hung up before he could say anything else cheesy and stupid.

It felt as though his life was in shambles. His hair was roughed up by the amount of times he had run his fingers through it in frustration and thought, his eyes were sullen and darker, more bloodshot than anything from lack of sleep, and he felt physically fatigued by the three day fast he was unintentionally on, and the constant flow of alcohol in and out of his system. Alcohol felt like the only constant in his life at the moment.

Stepping over the papers scattered on his floor, he made his way to the kitchen to finally make a sandwich. His home was a mess no matter where you looked, not to mention dull and lifeless for the Christmas season. The holiday was a mere three days away, and Kylo didn't have a tree up. He had no reason to.

In place of the area where the tree would normally go, were boxes of ordainments, tinsel, and a step stool. He had planned on asking Rey to help him put it up, but now, staring at it, it only weighed him down.

In all honesty, it didn't quite matter if the tree was up or not since one ever cared to see him. Not even his uncle Luke, who wanted nothing to do with him after discovering his relationship with Rey. It was the loneliest he had ever been, probably, in his entire life. All he had was himself, his writings, and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich presented in front of him. He nearly didn't eat that since he still had no appetite. It wouldn't be a surprise to him if someone found him, days from now, dead on the floor due to loneliness and a broken heart.

He stood in his cold kitchen and looked across the way to the living room, where the giant glass windows revealed the nasty storm outside. He wondered what Rey could be doing. Was she wallowing too? He hoped not.

To cheer himself up, he imagined Rey smiling and looking over to her grandfather, who replied with a hug—one that Kylo cannot give. He could see them watching Christmas classics. Maybe  _they_  put up their tree this year, and Rey got to put the star on the top.

Imagining Rey happy without him only wrought more sadness. No matter how he thought of Rey, he felt depressed. The fact that he couldn't stop thinking about her frustrated him to the point of nearly punching the table, but he withheld. All he could do was clench his fists and try to forget a girl that is unforgettable.

He reached behind him without looking, knowing exactly where his bourbon was. He felt himself spiraling yet again, but this time it felt unstoppable.

 _How pathetic._ He thought.  _For breakfast, my first meal in a whole day, I'm having peanut butter and jelly with bourbon..._

After taking three bites of his sandwich, and a few swigs of his drink, he finally gained the courage to pick up his phone.

He shuffled over to the stairs and climbed them as the phone rang nearly a million times. By the time he reached his closet, placing his hand on his blazer, the phone was picked up.

" _Hello...?"_

The voice sent shivers up his spine and dropped bricks into his stomach.

"President Snoke... we need to have a discussion, concerning my future at this job."

 


	24. Free Will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going on a road trip for a few days, so hopefully, I'll be able to post the last few chapters by the end of this week! Thank you all for the support this far! <3

Pulling up to the university, via Uber, Kylo wanted to bury himself in the snow and hide forever.

That wasn't an option anymore.

He proceeded to exit the car and rush to the president's office, treading through the thick snowstorm. It almost seemed as though even Mother Nature wanted him to turn away. The wind cut through him, biting his cheeks and freezing the tears building up in his eyes. Upon bursting through the doors, heat engulfed him. Though, it added no comfort whatsoever.

After adjusting his coat, snow trickling onto the floor, he pulled himself together and proceeded down the hall. It was the very last door, which was daunting. With each step closer, it felt as though the walls were closing in on him. The alcohol in his system didn't help much, as it only made the room spin too.

Once he came face to face with the door, he took in a deep breath to try and gather himself, collect his thoughts and figure out-

"Come in."

The gravelly voice shot through Kylo's head, ruining whatever plan he had prepared. All he could do was open the door and see him.

"Good evening, President Snoke. I hope I didn't throw off your afternoon plans," Kylo closed the door behind him hesitantly, avoiding eye contact.

Snoke could tell by the phone call and his sheepish mannerisms what Kylo was about to do, and he was about to do everything in his power to change his mind. Kylo was a good asset to the university, and not to mention, his parents were wealthy donators. Losing Kylo meant losing money, which was utmost importance to Snoke, right next to sports.

"Nonsense." Snoke forced a smile, his yellow slanted teeth bared. He knitted his bony fingers together and rested them on his mahogany desk, as he leaned forward. "Sit down. Warm-up a little. It's freezing outside, isn't it?"

"Quite the snowstorm," Kylo nodded, taking his seat. Nervously, he glanced around the room, as he hadn't visited often. There were no photos hung, and in place were tall metal filing cabinets. It added a sense of misery to the atmosphere. The only thing nice about the office was the three large windows behind Snoke, which presented the parking lot and the blizzard.

Snoke turned his chair to look outside. "I enjoy the weather, actually. It gives me an excuse to seclude myself and work. Don't you enjoy it?"

_"I enjoy it when I'm stuck indoors with Rey, holding her shivering body in my arms protectively as we watch some show she likes, and I tolerate. I enjoy it when I get to make hot chocolate for her with jumbo marshmallows to make her day better. I enjoy it when-"_

"No, not really."

Snoke let out a humph and turned back to Kylo, his icy eyes stabbing into his. "Enough small talk. What did you want to discuss, Kylo?"

"I, uh..." Kylo promptly cleared his throat.

Did he really want to do this? He was about to get nothing out of quitting his job. He'd lose his salary, have to look for a new job with his dull math degree, and on top of it all, he still wouldn't have Rey. Especially due to the fact that she wouldn't answer or return his calls.

He stared at Snoke and reflected on what he had said about the weather.

_"It gives me an excuse to seclude myself and work."_

_Seclude myself and work._

That's what Kylo had done his entire life. He'd follow his parent's demands—staying inside hotels to do his homework when he could've been out exploring the world, getting a job straight out of college instead of finding himself, being shunned for loving things they didn't love. They absolutely hated the idea of Kylo loving a man, which is exactly why he loved being Hux's cheap fuck. He loved the idea of his parent's disapproval. It was also why he loved loving Rey, except, it was more than that. Much more than defying his parent's wishes.

Rey had pulled him out of the slump of working nearly twenty-four seven. Kylo had barely touched his Netflix before Rey had come into his life, let alone go out to college parties and risk losing his entire livelihood.

All this time, he wasn't living in fear, because he's never lived. And he will never live so long as he's working at this job.

"I'm quitting."

A surge of boldness and confidence flowed through him. His chest puffed, ready to bear the backlash, and his eyes actually met Snokes.

"Nonsense," Snoke wavered off the idea. "I'll give you a raise. Is that what you wish?"

"No." Kylo shook his head. "I'm done."

Snoke visibly became concerned, now. If money didn't talk to Kylo, he was in serious trouble.

"I'll raise your Christmas bonus, then." Snoke leaned forward. He caught himself and leaned back into his seat. It wasn't his fashion to be desperate. If anything, Kylo  _needed_  this job. Where else would he go?

"You can keep it," Kylo declined, again.

"What is it that you want then, boy?"

Kylo raged internally. He wasn't a boy. He was a grown man able to make his own damn decisions! The back and forth made him feel trapped, so he used his last resort.

"Fine. If you won't let me quit, then fire me. I'm in relations with a student at the school."

"That's of no concern of mine," Snoke shrugged with a cackle. "My utmost concern is having you remain at this job as long as possible."

Kylo had suddenly become disgusted. The money-hungry bastard probably would let assaults be swept under the rug for all he cared. Kylo himself knew that being with Rey was frowned upon and unacceptable, but the fact that Snoke overlooked that made him want to leave the institution even more so.

Kylo went to take a stand, and Snoke abruptly stood with him, his chair smashing into the window, nearly breaking it.

"Kylo Ren, you will regret leaving this university, and you will be back."

Kylo sneered and shook his head. "That's unlikely."

As he neared the door, Snoke snuck in one last sentence. One that was sure to stab Kylo in the back.

"We'll see what your parents have to say about this."

Kylo came to a halt, which allowed a devilish grin to spread across Snoke's face.

_He got him._

Kylo turned around and slowly walked back to his desk. Snoke calmly sat back down and awaited Kylo's apology.

Instead of sitting, Kylo leaned against the desk and stared down at Snoke full of rage.

His voice was tense and low to drive the message through Snoke's thick skull.

"Tell them. Go ahead. Tell them I'm a disappointment to the institution and how I'm in puppy love with a student. See if I give a shit."

Kylo turned on his heel and walked out the double doors, leaving Snoke simmering with rage.

Once he exited the building, he felt a rush of adrenaline from his freedom.

He had free will.

Instead of going to the parking lot to order another Uber, he fell backward into a pile of snow that engulfed him. He let out labored breaths and insane laughter.

Was he finally losing his mind?

If so, why did it feel so amazing?

______

*ring ring*

*click*

"Hello?"

"Good evening President Snoke. I hope you're having an enchanted evening. The weather-"

"Get to the point, Professor Hux."

Hux paced his kitchen, trailing his finger on the countertop where he and Rey had their discussion. He  _did_  warn Kylo that if he ever hurt Rey in any way, he'd alert President Snoke. After talking it over, he could see Kylo spiraling and leaving her like how Kylo had once left him. Most likely not as bad of shape, but he'd feel some sort of guilt if Hux saw Rey show off a black eye.

"There is something you should be aware of about Professor Ren-"

"I know," Snoke replied, watching as Kylo, backside covered in snow, entered some car and drove off. "He just resigned."

"He  _what_?!" Hux guffawed. "Why? Did he say?"

"It doesn't matter. It's confidential anyways." Snoke shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly with a heavy sigh of defeat.

That defeat was short-lived when his head sprung up with a devilish idea.

"However, I have a job for you. I'll raise your Christmas bonus if you're successful."

Hux cocked his head slightly in confusion until he realized exactly what Snoke was about to propose.

"You want me to convince Kylo to return?"

"Will you do it?"

Hux looked down the countertop where his head was bashed in, and jabbed his finger against the marble as he fought himself. He wanted nothing to do with Kylo, yet, a hefty Christmas bonus would be nice.

"Yes."

_____

"Rey!" Finn roughly shook her awake.

Rey flinched and sat up on the couch to find Kenobi standing at the doorway.

"What's wrong?" Rey tiredly asked in a panic. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times to get rid of the tired blur so she could see her grandfather.

"Nothing. I just wanted to pick you up for dinner." Kenobi smiled at her, before turning to Poe, who was beside him. "Again, thank you for giving her good company. She's been having a... rough time."

"Oh my god! Grandpa! Stop!!" Rey hurriedly got up and rushed to the door. She leaned against the wall to pull her boots on.

Poe just smiled at her grandfather. "Ah, it's no problem. We like having her here."

"Yeah! Rey, if you ever wanna hang just call us. We got nothing better to do," Finn reminded.

Rey rolled her eyes, knowing that they had plenty to do with each other. "Will do."

Once she yanked her last boot on, she immediately opened the door.

"Well, it was nice hanging out with you guys but we should go before it gets any worse out," Rey rushed her grandfather out with a slight laugh. Once Kenobi was out of the apartment, she peeked back in to see Finn and Poe. "I'll text you guys later."

"Enjoy your dinner," Poe teased with a wave.

Rey closed the door behind her and followed Grandpa Kenobi back to the car. Once she closed the car door, she rubbed her face to try and wake up a little more. Surprisingly, it was still warm from napping. She had wondered how long she was out, so she looked at her phone. It was nearly six, which explained why it was pitch black already.

Kenobi entered on the other side and imitated a shiver. "Cold compared to Arizona, huh?"

"I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"You don't."

Rey cracked a smile, which calmed Kenobi. It seemed as though she was coming around. The car was already on, as he didn't want to have to heat the car up again.

As Kenobi drove, Rey stared at her phone a little longer.

Five missed calls and ten texts from Kylo. Rey knew that if she read it, it would either upset her or result in her actively talking to him again, which she didn't quite want to do yet. So instead, she set down her phone and turned up the radio to Christmas music. Kenobi simply nodded and smiled in approval, proceeding to tap and hum along to  _Jingle Bell Rock_.

The only nice thing about driving in such a horrid storm was the fact that there were nearly no cars on the roads, which lessened the traffic dramatically. They arrived at the Chinese Restaurant much sooner than anticipated.

Upon walking in the dingy lit restaurant, there was a cheap menu above the cashier—horrible pictures of photoshopped food and ugly text—and little children running around the store. They were most likely the owner's children since there seemed to be no other parent in sight.

Grandpa Kenobi ordered for himself and Rey, as he knew her like the back of his hand. They went to sit, and Rey felt her phone buzz yet again, this time Grandpa Kenobi took notice.

Judging by the grim look on Rey's face, he knew it was that Kylo on the phone.

"Is he bothering you?" Kenobi leaned forward, looking into Rey's bloodshot hazel eyes.

Rey quickly shook her head, as the last thing she wanted was to watch her grandpa yell at her... boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Lover? Professor?

"No, no. It's alright."

"Did he hurt you? Physically? Emotionally? Did he manipulate you?"

Rey shyly looked down, conveniently where her phone was placed. "Grandpa... I-"

"Rey, please," he begged. "I want to understand... this. These past few months I feel like I've lost you in some way. I still feel that, now more than ever. I used to know everything about you! Where you were, who your friends were, how you felt, what you loved. But now—" both of them heard the tightness in his voice. "— now there's a wall between us that only you can knock down."

Promptly, he held out his hand and pleadingly looked at Rey.

"Please, Sunshine. Let me back in."

Rey could feel her entire body tremble with emotion. She felt so much all at once. Anger at herself for putting her grandfather in such a vulnerable state. Empathy for how he felt. Sadness at the entire situation. And most prominently, fear, of telling him everything.

But she was ready to try.

Gingerly, she placed her hands in his and squeezed tightly.

"I'll tell you everything, but please don't judge me or hold anything against me."

"Of course."

The two of them got their food and decided to stay at the restaurant and eat and talk since it would feel weird if they talked about everything later.

Rey fixated her chopsticks to pick up some sesame chicken—a cool trick Grandpa taught her at a young age—and began to talk.

"Kylo has always cared about me, and he has never dared to hurt me. Even when we first had the opportunity to really talk, he picked me up from this crazy frat party where some guy sexually harassed me, and I could tell that he wanted to tear him a new one." Rey managed to smile a little. "He's been so gentle with me, no matter what problem I was faced with. He took great care of me and made sure to let me know over and over again how much I was loved."

"And what changed?" Kenobi dug his spoon into his rice.

Rey sighed, remembering how it all went downhill. "Well, he had a previous lover. They are like oil and water, but they had a falling out and Kylo beat him terribly, and I'm just afraid that he'll do that to me. I..." Rey closed her eyes and took a shaken breath. "I don't want to end up like mom."

"That's fair, and I completely agree with you. But you sound hesitant about shutting him out of your life."

"I feel like I wasn't fair. I mean, he didn't lay a hand on me and he's never been angry with me. I haven't heard him out at all since that night when I found out everything. Though, he did say some hurtful things during our break-up call..."

"Maybe out of self-defense? Desperation?"

"Definitely! He didn't apologize though."

Kenobi let out a light-hearted laugh. "Did you give him a chance to?"

Rey couldn't help but scoff and grin. "I guess not..."

Kenobi fixated in his seat and stared down Rey.

"You might already know my stance on all of this, but I'd be a hypocrite if I told you to ignore him and cut him out of your life. If I were you, I'd hear him out. If you really like him, and he likes you, then maybe it'll work out."

"I love him," Rey blurted out.

She expected a shocked and disgusted reaction from Kenobi, but instead, he gave her a smile.

"But I'm going to think about it all before I leap into his arms. I'm still on the edge of everything-"

"Take your time. But know that whatever you do, I'll support you. Even if the idea of you dating an older man is a little off-putting."

Rey let out a light laugh as she prodded her food in thought.

She slowly digested every bit of advice from everyone: Poe, Finn, Hux, and now her grandpa.

She thought about life without Kylo, and it still seemed dull and lonely. Her ideal life would be going out and enjoying parties, hooking up and dating guys, and being a normal stereotypical college student with not a care in the world besides homework and exams.

But that would be living a lie. Rey knew, unfortunately from experience, that she'd tensely sit on the couch away from any trashy drunk man and gently sip her drink.

If anything, she was even more conflicted than beforehand but hoped to figure it all out by Christmas.

 


	25. Stagnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: alcoholism and mention of suicide
> 
> It's a bit of a heavy chapter, but don't worry too much! There's still another chapter!
> 
> I'm finally back in college so I should post the last chapter by the end of the week :) thank you all so much for your supportive comments and kudos! It means the galaxy to me!

After a rough night of sleeping, constantly being awoken by phone calls early in the morning by his parents, Kylo finally awoke to a stern knock on the door. Drowsy, he checked the time to find that it was nearly two in the afternoon.

Was this what it's like to be jobless?

He couldn't tell if his sudden freedom was good or bad for him. So far, it seemed like it fed into his temporary depression over Rey. It also gave him more time to drink, another reason why he refused to wake up. His brain throbbed against his skull, and he could feel the sickness swish around his stomach with every turn.

The knock sounded again, more persistent until the doorbell rang several times.

"I'm coming!" He yelled, now annoyed. The insistent knocking worked him up to yell at whichever religious door-to-door person it was. He may even yell at a Girl Scout if they kept going.

He quickly threw on his plaid pajama pants, a grey tee, and walked downstairs as the doorbell hammered his head.

He roughly opened it to find the one person he was least expecting the day before Christmas Eve. Seeing his pale face reminded Kylo of how he had spilled everything to Rey, and a wave of disgust came over him.

"I have nothing to say to you," Kylo harshly gritted before shutting the door on him.

The door caught on Hux's shoe, which prompted him to wince.

"Ren, wait."

Kylo huffed in annoyance as he let the door open. What else could he do? Slam the door on his foot until he scurried away?

... maybe. After all, he deserved it.

"I'm here to  _help_  you," Hux insisted, holding up a box of shortbread cookies. The look on his face was desperate, his ginger brows raised with suggestion.

"Why would you want to help me? I'm a monster, apparently, to everyone on this planet."

"You may be a monster to me, but you aren't to Rey. Not yet at least."

It was the most backhanded compliment Kylo had ever received. Yet, it piqued his interest. He stood there, debating on whether or not to let Hux in. Why does he want to help him when he betrayed him in the first place? How can he help him?

"Will you let me in already? It's bloody freezing out here!" Hux scolded as he forced the door open himself.

Kylo physically cringed and placed his palm over his temple. "And will  _you_  keep it down? I have a headache."

"No doubt from alcohol?" Hux hummed, looking around the room to see various bottles everywhere. Kylo could hear the disappointment in his tone, which again, he deserved. If anything, he might be more disappointed in himself than Hux is.

"Nobody's perfect," Kylo retorted. He moved to clean up the bottles and random take-out boxes.

Hux set down the shortbread cookies on his kitchen island and watched Kylo clean up. It was a pathetic sight, seeing the man in shambles as he tried so hard to clean up after himself. It's a simple human task that he couldn't even do.

In a way, it broke Hux's heart, seeing Kylo. He was normally so clean and pristine, no doubt a trait forced upon him by his perfectionist parents. Now? His hair was a dark wispy mess, his pajamas aren't even matching, and his under eyes are so dark it could form a black hole.

"So, Rey came to my apartment the other day-"

"I know. She told me when she broke up with me."

Hux bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if all of this was really worth a Christmas bonus. He put his pride aside and sat down on the island chair.

"Have you seen her since?" Hux questioned.

"No. Why would I? She wants nothing to do with me."

Hux scoffed, crossed his legs and placed his hand on his knee. "That's not true."

"Oh really? Then why hasn't she replied for my calls or read my texts?" Kylo bit back. He carried all of his junk over to the kitchen and began to wash whatever dishes he had lying around. For some odd reason, Kylo's back turned to him annoyed the hell out of Hux. He clenched his fists and opened the cookie box.

"Because she's deciding. Remember, I talked to her. You didn't. So listen to me and listen to me well."

Kylo stopped his vigorous scrubbing and turned off the faucet. Hux watched as he turned, that cursed wild lock of hair in his face.

"I'm listening," Kylo huffed, staring Hux dead in his eyes until he lingered down to see him taking a cookie. "You're eating my gift?"

"Who said it was a gift? Besides, I haven't eaten today," Hux proceeded to snap the cookie in half. "But anyway, when I talked to Rey she wouldn't stop about how conflicted she was and how she had no idea what she was doing. I don't need a Ph.D. to know that she's enamored with you still."

Kylo's ears burned at the thought of having a chance still, but he'd be an ass to blindly believe Hux. But the thought made his headache dissipate temporarily.

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, just the look on her face. She seemed guilty but also confused. She came to me looking for validation and got anything but. I could've trashed your name completely, but I didn't." Hux took a bite of the shortbread cookie and pointed the rest of it at Kylo. "Remember that when I ask you for a future favor."

Kylo watched as Hux grimaced and forced down the cookie. "God, that was the worst cookie I've ever had." It had tasted like cardboard with fake sugar-coated on top and left a dry taste in his mouth.

"Noted. I'll pass them on to my parents," Kylo managed to grin as he crossed his arms and leaned back on the counter. "But thank you, Hux."

Hux simply rolled his eyes and tossed the remaining shortbread cookie onto the counter for him to clean up. "But onto more pressing matters, I heard you quit."

"I'll figure it out. It shouldn't be too hard to find another job around-"

"I don't care if you figure it out! You have to get your job back. Are you mad?!" Hux raged.

Kylo was taken aback by the change in mood but expected nonetheless from Hux.

"I can't take it there anymore, Hux. I'm tired of wasting my life away at that job when I could be living."

"Then take a fucking vacation! For gods sakes, you have the whole bloody summer!"

"Well, now I have even more of a reason to quit since I have a chance with Rey! I'm done hiding behind closed doors."

Hux took a deep breath and closed his eyes, before palming his hands together and pointing the tips of his fingers toward Kylo. "Snoke. Doesn't. Care. Nobody cares anymore! If everyone accepts it, then there's no need to hide. There are no more consequences to your-"

"Wait. How do  _you_  know Snoke doesn't care?" Kylo raised a brow inquisitively.

Hux didn't falter with his lie, as he prepared it in the car on the way to Kylo's home. "Snoke called me and told me about you quitting. I came out of my own good consciousness to convince you to return. Besides, it would be difficult for me to work without you."

Kylo's gaze hardened as he tensed up.

"That's the worst lie I have ever heard."

Hux's confident posture fell along with his posh grin.

"Now tell me the truth, because I know you could give two shits if I worked there."

"Fine, fine," Hux stood up from his seat with a heavy sigh. "Snoke wanted me to convince you to come back, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you too."

"There's more," Kylo scoffed. "There has to be a reason for you to jackass all the way here with shitty shortbread cookies."

Hux rolled his eyes so hard that Kylo could almost hear them. "Fine! He'll give me a bigger Christmas bonus. Are you pleased?"

Kylo could only shake his head and turn to clean his dishes once again.

"Hey! You would do the same thing if you were me!" Hux tried to defend himself. Kylo carelessly looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, the door is over there by the way," he nodded toward the front door before returning to his cleaning.

Hux's cheeks burned with rage as he clenched his fists–until he thought for a moment and exhaled his hate.

"It's a ridiculous task for him to give me anyways; convincing the most stubborn man in the world to return to his shitty well paying job. But just remember what I did for you. I only hope that you can help me too."

Hux's mini-rant didn't catch Kylo's attention, as he was still ignored. Though, Hux was content with saying his two cents and headed for the door. He opened it, stopped, and turned back to Kylo.

"Remember, Ren. One hand washes the other."

With that, he left, and the cold draft made its way over to Kylo and made him shiver.

He stopped cleaning and looked around him. His apartment, once glowing with the autumnal sunlight, now dull and grey from winter and loneliness. Hux had only been gone for a few seconds, but he already couldn't bear it. It amazed him how Rey left him in such a silly vulnerable state, much like a young child left without their mother.

The silence buzzed in his ears, and he couldn't take it anymore. Almost like the flick of a switch, he grabbed a bottle of vodka. He hated vodka straight. But it got him drunk the fastest.

He screwed off the cap and stared down the bottle, as if it was the only thing he ever loved.

But it wasn't.

He could've sworn he heard Rey say "stop", echoing in his mind. It grew louder and louder until he couldn't bear it anymore, trembling and tensing.

Belting out a loud heartbreaking scream, he chucked the bottle at the front door, which shattered into pieces. He wiped the tears away from his eyes as he let out labored breaths, and the haunting sound of silence returned. He crouched down in his kitchen and griped at his hair as he silently cried.

After two minutes or so went by, his phone rang upstairs. He picked himself up and rushed up the steps, each footstep a loud eager thump.

With no surprise and much annoyance, it was his mother, again.

Defeated, Kylo collapsed into bed and curled up—a giant who felt so small.

After lying there for a couple more minutes, he felt absolutely pathetic. Oh, if Rey would see him now, she'd probably stay away forever. Kylo sat up at the thought.

How can he expect her to come back when all he's doing is wallowing in self-pity? In the same thought, he realized that having a messy home and a messy mind won't change anything.

His loneliness will be stagnant.

Swiftly, he kicked himself out of bed and turned on every light in his home and got to it.

He cleaned the glass and vodka off of the floor, turned on his Spotify in the living room, and cleaned his entire house top to bottom. He pulled out the step stool and dusted the fan, whipped out the Swiffer and cleaned his hardwood floor, and even got the rug cleaner vacuum to deep clean his sinful couch.

After cleaning everything down, he rearranged his furniture in both the living room and bedroom. He pushed his couch so that it would be cornered, and moved the single chair closer toward the window. In his room, he moved his computer desk from the wall to the railing so he could see out the giant living room windows as he worked, and moved his bed farther from the bathroom and more toward the bookcase.

He may change it all back one day, but for now, he needed to be anything but stagnant.

On top of cleaning his home, he did his laundry, washed his dishes, cleaned out the spoiled food in his fridge, and sorted through his clothes that no longer fit him. He put them all in a pile, but awaited to donate them just in case Rey wanted some.

After spending so much of his time reorganizing his life, he finally got to throwing out every drop of alcohol in his home. It wasn't easy since he still craved it, but there wasn't a choice anymore. It was either alcohol or Rey. Alcohol or life.

Though, he did keep the wine since it was impossible to part with it. Besides, there were some aged ones that he wanted to crack open with Rey over a warm winter dinner.

Upon walking back inside after taking out the trash, his phone went off yet again. He picked it up, and saw that it was his uncle for once. His thumb hovered over the decline option, but he hesitated.

_I can't stay stagnant._

He swiped to answer and put him on speakerphone.

"Hello?"

"Jesus Christ, Ben!" Luke exclaimed. "You couldn't answer your phone all damn day?"

"Look, I know that I fucked up in any way possible but-"

"Who gives a shit about that? Your parents were about to fly down here to see if you were alright. Y-you weren't answering their calls for  _hours_!"

Kylo was dumbfounded at what he was hearing.

"Well, what did you guys think? That I was dead?"

There was a little too long of a pause over the line.

"Maybe..." Luke admitted. "I'm just glad you're okay. I'll tell your parents to cancel the flight-"

"Wait, they actually  _booked_  it?!" Kylo's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"Well, yeah! Snoke told them you quit your job, and at first they called to scold you, but then they realized after a few calls that maybe it was a parting. As though you were getting ready to... uh..."

"Kill myself?"

"Yeah."

Kylo couldn't help but laugh, but he'd be lying if there wasn't concern deep within him.

"And  _why_  would I kill myself?"

Another pause, as though Luke didn't want to say anything. But Luke could never keep his trap shut.

"Well, Snoke also told them about your girlfriend and how she broke up with you-"

_How the fuck could Snoke tell?_

"-and they thought you went off the deep end. I mean, before her, you were lonely and your whole life was work, work, work. The fact that she was out of the picture, and all the sudden you quit your job didn't add up. I guess it is kinda silly to think about you committing suicide."

But that was exactly it for Kylo. It wasn't that silly to think of him killing himself. Easily, he could've just taken a bottle of pills and downed a bottle of vodka, and bam. The creeps slowly crawled up his spine at the thought of how easily he could've done it. Though, there was comfort in knowing that he wouldn't be dead in his home for  _too_  long until somebody noticed.

"Well, I'm alive and surprisingly well. And I quit because the job wasn't promising enough for me. I feel like I'm... destined for greater?" The words sprung out of Kylo's mouth by surprise, as he never opened up to his uncle like this. Maybe it was the fact that he could be dead, and he was grateful for the opportunity to talk to his uncle about his inner turmoil. It also may not last for long, so his uncle should take advantage of the situation.

That's exactly what Luke did.

"Well, even though your parents have always been hard on you—don't tell them I said that—I support you in whatever you do."

Kylo exhaled with relief, and smiled a little.

" _However_! I do have to at least say that you should stay at your job for a little longer, at least until you figure out what you want to do. If you want, you can stick it out until summer, and then figure it out then while you're still getting paid." Luke advised. "At least that's what I would do."

Luke heard a scoff over the line.

 _And there it is_ , Kylo thought to himself. Instead of arguing with Luke about it, he bit his tongue.

"Thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration. I have to go now, though. I'm going to eat."

During the entire conversation, Kylo's stomach was shrinking and gurgling, and it was beginning to annoy him. To be fair, the last thing he ate was the sandwich and alcohol from yesterday. Also the other half of Hux's shitty shortbread cookie.

"Wait! Wait a second. Do you, um, want to get dinner together? Anywhere you'd like? Maybe talk some more?" Luke asked, his voice desperate.

"No thanks, but I'll gladly have dinner with you tomorrow night," Kylo replied to make the old man happy.

"Sounds like a plan, Kylo."

After saying their goodbyes and hanging up, Kylo was left to his own devices. Looking around his brightly lit home, a sense of hope-filled his chest.

Maybe his world wouldn't end after all.

 


	26. The Sun, Moon, and Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINISHED ALREADY!!!! I had such a blast writing this! I hope you all enjoyed the ride, and thank you all so much for your support, kudos, and comments! Hopefully one day I'll write another story, but for now, I gotta grind in college!

Out of all of the days of the year, Christmas Eve was probably Rey's favorite.

Fondly, she remembers how she and her grandpa would make cookies. They kept it simple, making a batch of chocolate chip cookies for Santa, and a batch of shaped sugar cookies for her grandfather's job. The shapes consisted of candy canes, Santa heads, and presents. Instead, they would come out as sticks, blobs, and squares. But every year Kenobi would chuckle and pat Rey's back and say "My, your quite the cook!"

When Rey got older, she would huff and say discouraging things about her cookies. Kenobi would simply reply with: "I bet they'll taste delicious! Besides, there's always next year."

Following their cookie making, they would lay around and watch Christmas movies until it got dark. Eagerly, Rey would approach her grandpa as soon as the sunset, and then Kenobi would take them to see Christmas lights. In Arizona, it seemed as though every year more and more people wouldn't put them up. She had high hopes for this year.

Though their habits were strong, this Christmas Eve felt glum. Rey sat on the couch, bundled up, and watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas as Kenobi went out to get one final ingredient to make the cookies. Despite having friends and Kenobi there to support her, she still felt empty. She felt like she lost something. Missing Kylo was the worst pain she had ever felt, at least since her father backhanded her on Thanksgiving. She could easily call him, blubber in his arms, and then have everything back to the way it was. It was anything but normal, but she felt a weird sense of stability when she was with him.

Her anxiety was erratic beforehand, but having someone who loves you and is willing to handle some of your emotional problems is the best kind of love there is.

Though, she didn't want to bother him anymore with her problems. Speaking of which, it dawned on her that he hadn't called her today. Not once.

She picked up the phone, about to dial so she could see if he was okay. It was awfully late in the day, about four to be exact.

Before she could, Grandpa Kenobi came through the door with two bags of groceries.

"I got them all," he hollered to Rey.

"Awesome! I'll be right there once a commercial comes on."

A minute or two went by until the doorbell rang.

"Can you get that, Sunshine? My hands are full in here."

Rey sighed and threw her blanket around her shoulders and shuffled toward the door. She had expected the delivery man or carolers, but it was anything but.

Rose stood before her, box in hand with a cheery smile.

"Hey, Rey! Merry Christmas!" She held out the present to her.

Rey's jaw dropped. "Rose! You shouldn't have! I didn't get you anything!"

"I didn't think you would, considering everything going on. I don't want anything in return anyway," Rose assured.

"Are you sure? I want to give you a present eventually and-"

"Ah! Ah!" Rose held up her finger. "Tis the season for giving and not receiving! Please, Rey. Your smile is the best present I could ask for."

Rey couldn't stop smiling now, and threw herself around Rose.

"You're too kind, Rose. I can't thank you enough."

"By the way, you're allowed to open it today. But I gotta run and give out some more gifts. Make sure to call me tomorrow!"

"Of course!"

"Merry Christmas!"

"And a happy new year!"

With that, Rey closed the door behind her, and she was left with a rather small box.

"Who was it?" Grandpa Kenobi asked from the kitchen, to which Rey walked into with the present.

"Rose. She gave me a present!"

Kenobi gave a sweet smile. "Well? Open it!"

Like a child, Rey tore apart the wrapping paper and cut open the box to find AirPods. Rey cupped her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide.

Kenobi leaned over quizzically. "What are those?"

"Expensive."

Rey took them out of the packaging and swooned. "She didn't have to get me these! She's absolutely  _mad_!"

"You deserve them, especially after all of the good grades you brought home," Kenobi validated her.

Rey blushed a little, as she enjoyed being pat on the back for her efforts. It was the only reason why she had good grades in the first place.

Before they could go on about the AirPods, there was a knock at the door once again.

"I'll get it this time," Kenobi assured Rey. "I just need you to follow the instructions for the chocolate chip cookies."

"Got it!" Rey gave a firm nod, before getting her hands dirty with flour and such.

Kenobi approached the door, a little giddy himself. He had ordered a last-minute present for Rey that was cutting a little too close to Christmas. He knew Rey would absolutely  _love_  the books he got her about space and astronomy.

Once he opened the door, his smile fell flat, and so did Kylo's stomach.

"Um, good evening-"

Kenobi cut him off by stepping outside with him, closing the door gently behind him.

Kylo fully expected for this fifty-something-year-old man to beat the shit out of him, which he was in his complete right to.

"So, you're Kylo?" Kenobi crossed his arms from the cold.

"Kylo Ren. Though, my real name is Ben Solo," Kylo briefly explained. "I know you may be upset with me, but if you have any questions I am more than willing to answer them."

Kenobi was slightly taken aback at how calm and poised Kylo was, and also how young he was, at least compared to Kenobi himself.

"I feel like Rey told me most of what I need to know, how you're her professor and so on..."

Kylo's ears burned bright red again, but thankfully his hair covered it up.

"But she also told me about that party you took her from, and her panic attack's that you helped her with, and the calm nights you gave her. I'm not going to lie to you, Ben, but I don't like how your past sounds, and I don't like how you're dating someone much younger than you."

"That's understandable," Kylo nodded, being cautious with his eye contact. He felt as though if he made too much eye contact, it meant that he wanted to display dominance over her grandfather, which was not the case. Though, too little contact would give the impression of weakness. There was no winning.

Kenobi straightened his posture with a sigh. "However, I trust that you will do right by her. If she takes you back, of course. I've done some learning myself, and I need to accept that Rey is an adult now. I can only hold onto her for so long, but that doesn't mean I won't protect her until my very last breath." Kenobi took a step closer to Kylo, looking up at the lean man. "So I'm only going to say this once. I'm assuming you came here to make amends, and I'll allow it. But if she walks back in crying or hurt in any other way, it's over for you in my book."

Kylo took a harsh gulp and nodded. "Believe me, sir. I don't wish for her to cry either."

Kenobi nodded and held out his hand, for Kylo to take it. They shared a firm handshake, mostly so Kenobi could get a sense of what kind of man he was. Professional and respectful.

Kenobi turned on his heel and opened the door, closing it behind him. Kylo awkwardly stood near it, waiting for what seemed like forever for it to open.

Rey looked over to see Kenobi step in, but not his usual jolly Christmas self.

"Rey, Kylo is here, and he wants to talk to you."

Rey's heart both fluttered and pounded against her ribcage at the same time. "Like, outside?!"

"If you don't want to talk to him, I'll let him know. But he must be awfully desperate if he's risking seeing your old man," Kenobi joked around a little to ease the tension.

"Yeah," Rey nodded as she looked down at her messy hands. Her mind went into a spiral with a million questions and few answers. "Take over for me. I'll be back inside in a bit."

Immediately, she washed and dried her hands before making it to the front door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before opening the door to find him.

He looked kinda worse off. His eyes were darker than usual, he looked more slender, paler, and yet his hair was wild and attractive. Waves of cozy nights where she ran her fingers through his soft hair came flooding back to her.

"Kylo."

The name involuntarily escaped her lips as she stared at him up and down. He wasn't just some wild dream. He was real, and in the flesh!

Kylo thought the same of her when he saw her walk out. Her hair was a frizzy mess, she was also paler, and yet she looked so beautiful to him. It reminded him of the lazy days they had together, where they didn't get out of their pajamas for a moment too long. When he would make breakfast for her, and she'd nearly salivate at the sight.

"Before you say anything, I want to apologize for everything. I'm sorry I didn't open up more to you about my past, and I'm especially sorry for lashing out at you. I just never had someone in my life get so close to me." He looked down, kicked the snow gently, and looked back at her. "I guess it scared me."

"Kylo, I-"

"I'm also sorry for how everything ended, what I said about your problems. I'm always here for you,  _always_. Even if you hate me, but-"

"I don't," Rey interjected, shaking her head slightly with a faint loving smile. "I never hated you. I was just confused, upset, and scared. Just like you."

Their eyes met for a fleeting moment, before Rey looked down at her hand. "My father damaged me in more ways than one. But that shouldn't affect us. I should be the one apologizing, for rummaging through your personal items. I should've asked-"

"It's not something you can just ask. There's no convenient time to ask, hey, what happened when you abused your ex-boyfriend? It was only natural."

"I perhaps... but I still shouldn't have. I should've waited-"

"Until you found out from Hux eventually? I'm going to be honest, Rey, but I would've never told you had you not found that book. Of course, if I had any other secrets, I would tell you. Thankfully that was my only shameful dark secret," Kylo gave a slight smirk, which set off fireworks in her chest. "What I'm trying to say, is that you were completely in your right and I don't hold you against it. I accept your apology."

A slight weight was lifted off of Rey's shoulders, but there was more that needed to be said.

"And I'm also sorry for making you feel like your alone with your own problems. I can't cure you, and you can't cure me, but like you said, I'm always here. Good times and bad."

Kylo also felt the same weight lifted off of his shoulders.

"I'm working on fixing myself, Rey. I know I was a monster, but I'm trying to better myself. I threw out every drop of alcohol in my house, I cleaned everything, I even rearranged the furniture. Even though it's physical, it is helping mentally. I really am trying, Rey-"

Before he could go on and on, Rey placed her hand on his cheek and grazed her thumb on his cheekbone, to which he closed his eyes and inhaled with relief.

"I believe you, and I'm proud of you."

The urge to kiss each other was profound, but it was too soon, both of them felt.

"I feel like we need time to get back into the relationship. It would feel more natural," Kylo said, shocking himself. More than anything, he wanted to place his lips all over Rey and give her every drop of blood that existed within himself. But he knew he was right in saying it.

"Unfortunately, I agree," Rey huffed, a cloud of cold air floating into Kylo's face. "But..."

Kylo raised a brow, noticing that Rey was thinking hard about something. "What is it?" Gently, he placed his fingers through her hair on the side of her head, which she smiled and leaned into.

"I just don't know what could ever happen to us. What our future entails after today. I don't want to be your one night stand, and I don't want to never see you again. Though, it's hard to imagine us having a life together in these conditions."

"Well, we don't have to worry about your Grandfather. Hux and Luke already know. Your friends know. My parents know. And even Snoke knows."

Rey's eyes nearly bulged out of her face. " _Snoke_?! How? Did he fire you?!"

"Surprisingly, no. In fact, he was begging me to keep my job. He threw as much money as he could at me, but I quit."

He thought Rey would be more marveled at the idea, but she seemed upset.

"Please don't tell me you quit so you could be with me," she sighed, taking his hand away from her face.

"That was my reason at first, I'll admit. But when I sat in Snoke's office, I could see that being my future. Some old man in charge of the university, or even worse, teaching my whole life. It would be a waste of potential, so I quit. I think I'll go mad if I go over another math lesson."

Rey stood there and thought about it, not knowing how to react. So Kylo continued.

"Though, Luke did tell me that I should stay for one more semester, get paid, and go job searching in summertime."

"That sounds smart, actually. As long as you're stable, I'm okay with it."

Both of them just smiled at each other.

"I missed you," Rey admitted. "I was with my grandpa the whole time, but I felt so alone."

"I too, felt lonely. I'd wake up and look to my bedside to find you not there. Everywhere I looked reminded me of you." He took in a deep breath, making longing eye contact with her. "It felt like you were a ghost, but now you've resurrected."

"A ghost haunting the corners of my mind," Rey added, drawing closer to him.

"I'll be sure to put that in a future poem," Kylo gently took Rey's chin.

They defied their agreement of taking it slow, and gave each other a slow passionate kiss. He gently took her waist and pulled her closer to him. Feeling each other's warmth made their chests beat against each other.

Rey finally regained the ability to run her fingers through his hair, and it was just as soft as she remembered. Maybe even softer.

Eventually, they both stopped kissing and hugged. Kylo's face was buried in the crevice of her neck, which she wholly accepted.

"I love you," Rey shivered from the cold.

Kylo immediately released his grip from her to stare into her eyes yet again, as he couldn't get enough of her attention.

"I love you too."

After staring at each other for a prolonged amount of time, a light bulb turned on in Kylo's head.

"Oh! I almost forgot," he dug into his pocket to pull out a long box, which Rey gasped at.

"Kylo-"

"I bought it a month ago, don't worry. It was for Christmas anyway."

He handed her the blue velvet box for her to open, which she did and covered her mouth. It was elegant.

A beautiful gold chain with a moon pendant was presented to her, and her heart grew three sizes.

"I know you like astronomy, and I kinda meant it as an I love you to the moon and back message. I hope you like it since I don't know about your jewelry taste," Kylo tried to explain the best he could.

Rey couldn't stop looking at it with admiration until she brought herself to look at Kylo with the same gaze.

"I love it so much," she spoke, almost breathless, before she ran into him for a hug. Kylo let out a relieved laugh and ran his hands roughly up and down her arms.

"Here. Let me put it on you and then you can go inside. You're freezing!" He exclaimed, before he took the box.

Rey turned her back to him and moved her hair out of the way as he took a while to put it on. She wondered if he was purposefully taking his time.

Finally, it clicked, and she turned back toward him. Gently, she touched the pendant with the tips of her fingers.

"I also have your present. It's inside though in my room. I'll get it for you-"

Rey went to turn, but Kylo took her by the arm gently.

"How about I pick you up tomorrow and we'll swing by my place and do a gift exchange. I have some old shirts I was about to donate that you can go through."

Rey's mouth opened with shock. "I can't believe you saved them for me!"

"And I got you a little something else. Not as big as a necklace, but you'll like it." Kylo hummed. It was a bottle of his conditioner he left at home since Rey loved to use it whenever she could.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for a little while?" Rey asked, frowning a little.

"I would if I could, but I'm afraid I have dinner plans with my uncle. But we'll see each other tomorrow, okay?"

Rey nodded, excited to give him the Rolex she had gotten from him. She could never afford it, but one of Grandpa Kenobi's old colleagues had one and didn't like the design too much, and also didn't realize how expensive they were since he received it as a gift. It was iced with silver and looked sleek, which was Kylo's business casual style.

"Okay," Rey nodded in agreement.

They both failed to move, as they didn't want the conversation to end.

"I'm glad you came." Rey finally spoke up.

"And I'm glad you don't hate me as much as I thought you did."

She smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Okay, I'm going inside now. But I'll see you tomorrow."

They couldn't help but have one more kiss, a small peck, before parting.

"Tomorrow," Kylo nodded. "Merry Christmas Eve."

Rey rolled her eyes and laughed. "You too, my love."

Kylo's heart replied by vibrating, similar to hummingbirds wings. He watched as she went inside and closed the door behind her. Once the lock sounded, he turned around and left.

Rey watched him from the window as he got in his car and drove off, as she let out a heavenly sigh.

Once she entered the kitchen, Kenobi turned to her with curiosity. "How did it go?"

"Much better than expected. We both apologized and agreed to take it all slow."

Kenobi just smiled and nodded, eyeing the bling on her neck. "And the necklace?"

Rey touched it once again. "A Christmas gift he had for a month, now. Cute, isn't it?"

"Very," he smiled. Kenobi was overwhelmingly glad that Rey was back to her usual cheery self, and felt as though everything is as it should be. The forces of the earth were calm.

Rey joined Grandpa Kenobi by his side and helped him ball up the cookie dough and place it on the cookie tray, as she internally pondered her and Kylo's future.

It was uncertain, that's for sure. They're two people in a massive never-ending fog. It may be scary, but they have each other's hand to hold.

Who knows how far their love can take them? They could end in fire, or thrive and blossom into something beautiful.

So much was in the air, like how her friends would react to her going back to him, how school life would be once everyone knew, whether or not Kylo would go back to working at the university.

They can only hope that the stars align for them and that their love burns as bright as the sun.

 


End file.
